Ch.9287 – Inexplicable by Probability

In the end, I couldn’t save Niobe.

I was the only one who had to watch the death of a child everyone loved.

I don’t even remember how many days I spent begging in front of Hiasen.

Each time, Hiasen comforted me saying it wasn’t my fault, but that was because he didn’t know the truth.

I had once “envied” Niobe, and the venomous snake that killed her was none other than me.

Terrified that she would vanish from this world due to a moment’s mistake, I made a foolish choice.

When I returned carrying Niobe’s body, having robbed her of even the time to say goodbye to everyone, not a single person in the imperial family looked at me kindly.

[The 4th Princess killed the 3rd Princess.]

I couldn’t bear how much I loathed myself.

At that time, while contemplating which magic to use, my reasoning was merely based on expected value.

I judged that since Niobe had so many days left to live, even the smallest chance of saving her was worth more than just one month.

Mathematically, that might be correct.

But what about reality?

Success equals 1, failure equals 0.

I hate myself for choosing 0.

I despised myself for reducing a person’s life to mere numbers.

I hated myself for using all the happiness, comfort, and encouragement Niobe deserved to justify my actions.

Perhaps that’s why I became even more obsessed with knowledge.

Ignorance is sin, and envy was my original sin to ruminate on.

Holding onto my shattered self like broken glass, all I had left was my obsession with magic.

I didn’t want to feel envy again, or rather, I was born with a destiny to never feel envy.

I imprisoned, isolated, bound, and mercilessly beat myself with the only thing I could claim as my own.

For brilliantly shining beings, reverence precedes jealousy.

In retrospect, it’s natural that envy disappears when you lower yourself endlessly until you’re crawling on your belly like an ant.

So I gave up swordsmanship, gave up social life, and even gave up taking care of my appearance.

And around this time, a new rumor began to circulate.

[There’s a demon lord behind the 4th Princess.]

Not knowing the right way to atone, I foolishly chose to cover my ears.

“Have you decided…?”

“Yes, I think I’ve pretty much made my choice.”

I couldn’t open my eyes.

What choice would they have made in the same situation?

Would they defend my judgment?

As my eyelids gently rose, the hazy world gradually cleared as the fog lifted.

“Ah… why is everyone…”

All five participants were huddled together on a large magic circle.

The magic I used to try to save Niobe, but which instead put an end to her life.

“What’s your reason?”

The gym buff was the first to clear his throat and answer.

“Shouldn’t I take responsibility for my own mistakes? I should at least try my best as far as I can—that’s what being a man is about.”

I was stunned by his simple answer.

“Are we taking turns explaining our reasons? Hmm… if there was a way to fix it but I didn’t try, wouldn’t I regret it forever? Watching someone for just one month while they’re still alive would be too cruel.”

Perhaps I had been desperately hoping.

Hoping that my choice back then wasn’t wrong.

One by one. Each had different reasons, but the conclusion was always the same.

“Ah, I’m last. So I…”

SaveMeFromGradSchool rubbed his chin, buying time for his answer. He was a viewer who had been around since the early days of the stream—I recognized his username.

“I just chose it because I want to see you longer. Honestly, from our perspective, if NoName said she’d only stream for a month and then quit, who would come to watch? We all appreciate that you still come back to us occasionally, even if it’s not often. Oh, was that comparison a bit strange?”

SaveMe scratched his head after candidly sharing his thoughts.

“No… it’s a good comparison.”

“If you understand, please stream more often. How can you just play one round of World of Arsheria and then disappear? It’s so frustrating.”

“So what’s the correct answer, NoName? You’re not planning to fail all of us, are you?”

-This channel’s manager selection is brutal

-You even have to pass an interview lol

-Why is everyone so articulate? Aren’t you all supposed to be shut-in loners who can’t talk to people outside?

-This isn’t “outside,” wake up!

-Gym buff guy even has a girlfriend hahaha

-Could be lying

-He’s got the verified emblem with his reality-reflecting avatar

There is no correct answer.

No matter what was chosen, Niobe wouldn’t have come back anyway.

But hearing their answers, I felt the unresolved knot in my heart dissolve like cotton candy in water.

What does it matter if it’s Ignis Bellum or Glacies Asta?

It was all meaningless ranking in the end. There’s never a correct answer in magic itself.

We just do our best to make the magic we choose in each moment the right answer.

Estasha did her best to save Niobe, and I finally decided to support her decision.

“Yes, that’s correct. I look forward to working with you all, managers.”

* * *

After finishing the eventful stream, I stayed in the virtual space with the five managers to discuss future broadcasting plans.

“I’m a bit busy tomorrow, but I’ll start streaming World of Arsheria early Sunday afternoon.”

“Finally!”

“Are you really not going to clear Part 1 until you save Adela?”

“I want to move on to Part 2 quickly to see you use second circle magic.”

“I have to try as far as I can. That’s what you all said, right?”

There might be a clue.

I already had a rough plan in mind.

Whether there exists a timeline where Adela doesn’t die remains to be seen.

“Please moderate the chat diligently. No mentioning other streamers, no forming cliques, and obviously no off-topic content or spam.”

“We know all that! We’ve been on Twissy for years—we’ve got this!”

I looked over each of the five selected managers.

From SaveMe with his ordinary male avatar, to the gym buff, the cyberpunk cosplay girl, No-Face, and the cat furry girl.

The further down the line, the more their personalities seemed to overflow, some perhaps excessively so.

Since we’re all gathered, I might as well get recommendations for animal onesies for the kids visiting my house tomorrow.

“Do you all have favorite animals?”

“I like pigs!”

SaveMe shouted first.

“…?”

“You like pigs?”

“That’s an unusual preference.”

As the others stirred, SaveMe shrugged and expressed confusion.

“What, do you all prefer beef? I’m Korean, so I can like pork too.”

Seeing his misunderstanding, I clarified my question.

“Not meat… just favorite animals. Like dogs or cats…”

“Aren’t you treating us to meat?”

“Why would I buy you meat?”

“I thought you were asking like for an after-party… since we got selected as managers…”

Anyway, moving past SaveMe who missed his chance, I asked the others for their opinions.

“I like cats!”

“Cats are my favorite too.”

The cyberpunk girl and furry girl answered respectively. The latter’s preference was obvious without asking.

“Honey badger.”

“Bears are my favorite.”

No-Face and the gym buff answered next.

Honey badger… I’m not sure, but at least they probably sell bear onesies?

“NoName, have you thought about VTubing? It breaks my heart seeing other channels getting all those views with your clips.”

Meanwhile, SaveMe pointed to videos that were gaining popularity by editing highlights of my gameplay.

He expressed regret, saying if I had created my own channel and uploaded videos, I would have been famous by now.

The point was that it’s difficult to expect growth on Twissy with just streaming alone.

Just like people rarely download new apps on their phones, viewers don’t often explore other streamers’ broadcasts.

If I planned to stream consistently, he recommended doing VTube content as well.

Part of me didn’t want the stream to grow too big, but I also felt uncomfortable about not being able to repay my debt.

Should I upload videos after all?

But I’m not sure how to find an editor, or who to ask.

It would be best to ask someone I know.

Unlike managers, I’d need to communicate with an editor outside of streams quite often.

“Good work everyone. I’ll give you manager privileges today, so you can go now if you’d like.”

“Thanks for your hard work!”

“Excuse me, NoName…!”

The cat furry raised her hand shyly to call me.

“Yes?”

“Could I possibly… shake your hand once?”

“Shake hands?”

“It’s not often we get to see you this close! Since we have this connection… wouldn’t a handshake be okay?”

I don’t mind that much.

I felt the sensation of pink jelly pads hidden beneath fluffy fur.

Her eyes sparkled brightly, showing her desire to hold my hand for as long as possible.

“By the way, if you don’t mind me asking, how much does an avatar like this cost?”

It was quite a unique avatar. From the cat pupils to the paw pads and claws, and even the texture and pattern of the fur—it seemed too detailed to be homemade.

“Ah… this…! I got it on sale from the Metacraft Avatar Shop! About… eight million won…?”

“…?”

I guess it’s true that furries have suspiciously deep pockets.