Ch.90Extraction (5)

“….Is it because of me…?”

Judy’s eyes were gradually losing their vitality as she questioned me. I quickly spoke before she could form any strange misconceptions.

“….No, Judy. It’s not because of you.”

But Judy didn’t seem to believe me. Her gaze remained unchanged, becoming even more gloomy. I couldn’t tell if she was feeling self-loathing or if she was distressed because things weren’t going as she wanted.

She persistently kept asking me, determined to hear the truth.

“….Then what’s the reason?”

To explain this, I would have to talk about the twins. I had no choice but to tell Daisy since she already knew… but I didn’t want to tell Judy.

The fact that the twins loved me wasn’t something to be proud of.

If they weren’t my siblings, it would be different. If I had no relation to them, I might have even boasted about it.

At least in my eyes, why would I dislike being loved by such beautiful girls?

The problem is, obviously, we’re not strangers. I am their older brother, and they are my younger sisters.

I wanted to keep this twisted relationship a secret from others.

Judy probably wouldn’t tell anyone, but… if this secret spread through rumors, it would become unbearably difficult.

“…..It’s personal.”

So I made up an excuse.

At my answer, Judy gritted her teeth.

Indeed, it was an answer that could only deepen her misunderstanding.

I don’t know why I was acting this way, but I started making excuses for her sake.

“…Judy, it’s really not because of you. I’m leaving because of truly personal reasons.”

“….Then tell me. What are these personal reasons?”

“….I can’t tell you that.”

“….So it is because of me.”

“…Judy, no, really…! Can’t you just trust me?”

“How can I trust you when you won’t tell me the reason…! You’re just lying to spare my feelings…”

I finally had no choice but to give her a slight hint.

“….It’s because of the twins…!”

But even that didn’t convince her.

“….I can’t believe you, Caden.”

“Believe me, Judy.”

“I can’t.”

Judy took a step closer to me. The familiar scent I had grown accustomed to during our long training sessions together wafted toward me.

She released my arm and wrapped her arms around her abs.

“…..We’re friends… At one point, we were even closer than that…”

“…..”

“We’re that close… Caden, all this time… we’ve been each other’s strength.”

“……”

“In the past, when you were troubled because of your siblings, didn’t you confide in me first?”

“…….”

“But if you say you can’t tell me now… how am I supposed to take that? I want to trust you… but because of these feelings, I can’t shake off my doubts. You can call me a bad person for not trusting you… but I don’t want to live with this unsettling feeling. If you’re not going to tell me the reason now, then say it clearly. Say that you don’t like me.”

It was obvious to anyone that Judy, who was asking me to clearly say I didn’t like her, didn’t want to hear that I didn’t like her.

Her painful expression, whether she was trying to hide it or not. The tension in her hands. Just looking at her, I could feel her emotions.

“….Judy.”

“I want to know the truth. Hiding the reason from me and leaving… that’s… too much. It means we can no longer share secrets… or concerns.”

“That’s not it-“

“-Wasn’t it you who said, ‘Let’s stick together as the underdogs of our families’?”

She repeated my words. Those words that she had liked so much.

“We… had feelings for each other, didn’t we?”

She even brings up emotions from just a few days ago. Emotions that, though I now hide them in front of her, are still vivid even to me.

“Was… my kiss such a mistake…? You…..”

She bit her lip and gripped her elbow tightly with her nails. She lowered her head, hiding her expression.

And then she whispered quietly.

“….You were supposed to be mine…”

“……..”

At this point, I… couldn’t just stand by and watch her anymore. Seeing her nails digging into her flesh, I gently wrapped my hand around hers.

Judy looked up at me at that touch.

She wasn’t crying, but her nose bridge was red and her eyes sparkled.

Without thinking, I placed my hand on her cheek. Then, surprised by my own action, I quickly withdrew my hand and clenched my fist.

“….Judy, the twins say they love me.”

“………”

Judy looked at me for a moment… and then softly asked.

“….So?”

“….Huh?”

“…I don’t see what that has to do with the current situation. It’s surprising that the twins who used to bother you actually liked you, but even so-“

Seeing Judy taking it lightly, I immediately felt she had misunderstood. I added an explanation.

“-No. That’s not it….”

“…….”

“…..They see me as a man.”

Judy’s body stiffened.

She seemed to finally understand the meaning of my words clearly.

The disappointed expression she had shown me earlier instantly disappeared, replaced by a shocked and surprised look.

“Judy… this is why I didn’t want to tell you. It’s not that I don’t consider you a friend.”

“…….”

“….This..”

I was about to say I didn’t know how to handle this embarrassing situation, but I swallowed my words.

Time was running out. I wasn’t going to pass my problems to her to worry about together.

I had cleared up the misunderstanding, so now I had to leave.

“….So… I’m trying to distance myself from the twins. If I stay at the Academy now, they’ll keep approaching me. I need… some time… to clear my head too.”

“……”

“…..That’s why I’m leaving. You understand, right?”

Judy didn’t answer for a while. Indeed, this wasn’t something easy to digest.

After she calmed down, I took in her appearance for a moment.

“….Then I’ll be going. Take care, Judy.”

And then I turned around.

Suddenly, she embraced me from behind.

I felt a familiar touch and emotion.

Because on the night I heard Daisy would become my next betrothed, she had embraced me then too.

Perhaps it’s partly due to her personality. She’s sharp and prickly on the outside, but soft and timid on the inside.

What she couldn’t do while facing me, she could do while looking at my back.

“…I have one question.”

After hearing that shocking story, all she asked of me was one answer.

“….Are you coming back?”

She asked.

“….What?”

“I’m asking if you’re coming back.”

“……”

I couldn’t answer. I had told Daisy I would return, but that meant returning to her.

I don’t know if I’ll be able to return to Judy, or to the Academy. If I can’t resolve the issue with the twins, I won’t be able to come to the Academy where they must graduate.

For me, who will become a commoner, an Academy diploma isn’t that important. Of course, it would be better to have a diploma to hold my head high as Daisy’s companion, but my strength as a knight will be evident anyway.

When I didn’t answer, Judy let out a nervous laugh mixed with tears.

“Ha…really…*sniff*..”

“…….”

“…Caden…why is my life so hard…?”

As she expressed her pain, I felt a pang in my chest. It hurt as if it were my own problem.

“….I’m alone in my family…and now I’m alone here too…*sniff*…”

She didn’t get angry at me like before, nor did she throw a tantrum. Perhaps in her own way, she understood my circumstances.

I felt sorry for Judy, who was no longer being stubborn for my sake. Once again, I was reminded of her kind nature.

Nevertheless, she couldn’t help but express her worries… she couldn’t help but show her pain.

She continued to speak, shedding tears on my back.

“I… didn’t know leaning on someone could be this comfortable… I didn’t know having someone on my side could be this reassuring… But now… what… am I going to do…?”

“………”

I opened my mouth, but no words came out. It was obvious that anything I said would be hypocritical.

She leaned on me for a long time, buried her face in my back, took a deep breath, and then released her arms and pushed me away.

-Thud.

“….Judy?”

When I turned around, she was wiping her eyes. Unlike before, she squared her shoulders again. She stood straight like a knight.

“….Go.”

She showed me an expression similar to when we first met.

That rigid and sharp expression. An expression as if she had made up her mind to stand alone.

“Go, Caden. Thank you for everything.”

And seeing that expression, something twisted inside me.

I felt so pathetic for making her wear that expression again. I felt so sorry for Judy who was wearing that expression. Even if it was the same expression as before, the extent of her heartbreak would be different.

In the end, I couldn’t move my feet.

I approached her who had pushed me away.

Judy’s resolve crumbled instantly at my approach. Once again, she collapsed with the same expression of grief as before. Though she covered her mouth with the back of her hand, she couldn’t hide the fact that she was crying.

Wanting to somehow fix that expression, my hand moved again.

My hand gently touched her cheek, which I had hastily withdrawn from earlier.

Judy, still shedding tears, grabbed my hand that was touching her cheek.

I made a promise to her.

“….Judy. I can’t promise much.”

“…*sniff*…g…go…I said I’ve made up my mind…”

“….But I promise you this.”

“…*sob*…*sniff*..”

“….I’ll come back to find you.”

Judy listened to my words, rubbing her cheek against my hand.

“….Do you… trust me now?”

She slowly, slowly nodded.

“….I trust you.”

She said.

****

Asena and Kirsy were sitting at a table with a letter between them.

It was a letter from their grandmother, but they focused on only one fact.

That Caden had returned to the territory.

Grandmother had ordered them to cool their heads and reconsider.

Now was not the right time to be together, so they should think separately.

Finally, Kirsy stood up abruptly.

“…This won’t do… I… I want to go to my brother.”

It was Asena who grabbed Kirsy’s hand as she turned sharply.

“….Stay here, Kirsy.”

Asena also didn’t look normal, but compared to Kirsy, she was much calmer.

“Are you really okay with this, sister…?”

Kirsy said in a voice overflowing with frustration.

Asena, though wavering, didn’t lose her center.

“….As Grandmother said… we need time to breathe.”

“How can I breathe right now!”

“…No… Brother needs time to breathe.”

Kirsy, frustrated, stamped her foot and asked.

“What does that even mean? Don’t you see that Brother is… is about to leave us? What if he’s not taking time to breathe but preparing to leave us? What if, after believing what you say, Brother decides to leave us… no, me? What then…? Tell me, sister!”

Asena’s sharp eyes turned to Kirsy.

She spoke with a strange certainty.

“Brother won’t leave us yet. At the very least… we’ll have a chance to see him once at the territory. So sit down…!”

“How can you be so sure!”

“Because I saw Brother’s last appearance!”

Finally, Asena couldn’t hold back and raised her voice.

“…..Huh?”

“……”

Asena clenched and unclenched her fist.

“…..When you were hiding in your room, crying and wailing, I went to Brother.”

Then Asena also stood up. Their eyes met in mid-air.

But for the first time, Asena started to give way. Not because Kirsy’s momentum was that strong, but because Asena was crumbling on her own.

As if recalling the memory was painful, her eyes trembled.

“Brother told me… told me… that he had never loved me… that he hated me… that he had been lying…”

Though it was painful to say these words with her own mouth, she spoke as if affirming they were lies. She spoke desperately, as if she could only breathe by doing so.

“……”

“…I… I couldn’t bear it and embraced Brother.”

Kirsy momentarily flinched. While she had come to her senses only to find that he had left, Asena had at least embraced him one last time, which made her feel uncomfortable for some reason.

Asena looked into Kirsy’s eyes and said.

“….Don’t look at me like that. You would have embraced Brother too. What’s important… what’s important isn’t that. Kirsy… Brother… in the end, Brother… gave up pushing me away. He couldn’t push me away anymore… His body was trembling…”

Asena looked down at her arms as if recalling Caden’s trembling body. Remembering that terrible memory of him shaking, Asena trembled.

“…I fainted right after… and when I woke up, I was in the infirmary. Kirsy… if Brother really disliked me… he wouldn’t have taken me to the infirmary… right?”

Now Asena wasn’t telling Kirsy about her encounter with Caden, but demanding an answer. She seemed to want Kirsy to agree with her.

But Asena didn’t wait for Kirsy’s answer.

She nodded to herself and drew her conclusion.

“…That’s right. That must be it. Brother still loves us… loves me… Brother is definitely contemplating. He needs time… so don’t think about following him.”

Kirsy remained frozen for a long time, then spoke coldly.

“…..That’s just your perspective.”

“….What?”

“Because your last memory with Brother… is embracing him… because you woke up to find that Brother had taken care of you… that’s why you can be patient like that…”

“…….”

“I’m…! I’m different…! My last memory with Brother… is him telling me to leave!”

Tears fell from Kirsy’s eyes.

“Do you have any guarantee that Brother is contemplating as you say? What if he’s just preparing to leave? If I believe what you say and in the end, Brother decides to leave us… no, me? Then… my last memory with Brother would be… him telling me to get out…!”

Kirsy placed her fist on her chest and sat down.

“…*sob*! *sob*..! How am I supposed to endure that… I feel like I’m dying… how can you tell me to wait…”

“……”

Kirsy was the first to collapse to the floor.

Asena followed her and knelt down.

Kirsy wiped away her tears and said.

“I know…. I understand… I know what’s right as soon as I hear what you say… I know Brother needs time too… But it’s too hard for me… The fact that Brother might hate me is unbearable…”

Kirsy tried to hold back her sobs. It was quite different from how she usually cried freely in front of Caden.

Without Caden, Kirsy couldn’t even cry properly. Having lost her support at the possibility that he might have really left, even crying was a struggle.

It had been a very long time since Kirsy had shed tears like this.

The last time was probably when her parents passed away.

Even when Grandmother came, or Helen the head maid, or Tein the head butler. No matter who came, she had held back her tears at a young age.

For some unknown reason, she didn’t want to cry.

But then Caden appeared, and everything changed. Crying in front of him, laughing in front of him…

And now that he was gone, she was trying to return to her original state.

She was barely holding on with the sliver of hope that she might see him if she returned to the territory.

Asena’s hand reached out towards Kirsy’s shoulder as she wept sorrowfully… then slowly returned to its place.

She wasn’t strong enough to comfort anyone right now.

She needed her brother to have such strength.

Asena quietly watched Kirsy and then stood up.

She felt like she was about to burst into tears too.

Like Kirsy, now that Caden was gone, the only place she could cry was in her own room.

Asena left Kirsy behind and slowly went to her room.

Just before entering her room, she saw Kirsy kneeling on the floor, face down.

She buried her face in her arms, trying to hold back her sobs.

For the first time in their lives, Caden had been torn away from them.