Ch.88Extraction (3)

“You’re suffering from exhaustion.”

The physician explained to me.

Asena was lying in bed, sleeping peacefully.

She looked thinner than usual, but compared to earlier, she was much better.

“…If she rests, she’ll naturally wake up.”

The physician who had been checking Asena’s pulse removed his hand and stood up.

The image of Asena crying like a child and the sound of her sobs were still vivid in my mind. I probably wouldn’t forget them for the rest of my life. It was too shocking. I never expected her to shed tears like that.

I thought she might tremble with betrayal, or hang her head low in silence, or even slap me.

But to cry like that? Of all the reactions she could have had, wasn’t that the one that made me feel most like garbage?

Of course, what I did was garbage-worthy to begin with.

Telling someone who confessed their love that they were disgusting. Asking them never to speak to me again. Making them cry.

And that person was my little sister, whom I had sworn to protect.

“……”

I looked down at the sleeping Asena with a hardened expression.

It hurts.

My chest hurts.

Because Asena is in pain, I’m in pain too.

……But.

“….Hah.”

I took a deep breath.

This is not the time for emotions.

Even during training, when my body was about to collapse from exhaustion, there was always a phrase I repeated to myself.

Erase emotions, and take action.

In the end, emotions wear away with time and are eventually forgotten, but results remain forever.

I’m in pain. Asena and Kirsy are in pain too.

I want to stop.

But I can’t.

Because stopping this means accepting my sisters’ feelings, which is the same thing.

Even if we don’t look like typical siblings, there are lines that shouldn’t be crossed.

I couldn’t stand by and watch as many things fell apart because of me.

“…Lord Caden. Now I’d like to check your hand as well… if that’s alright?”

He politely pointed to my hand.

Following his instruction, I showed him my hand, which had clear holes where my nails had dug in.

“….Don’t worry about me.”

Then I gestured with my chin toward Asena.

It meant to take good care of her.

The physician nodded and left the room.

After the physician departed, silence filled the room.

No sound of gentle breeze, no insect chirping, no human voices.

Only my breathing and Asena’s breathing disturbed the quiet stillness.

“……”

I slowly approached Asena.

She who I must now acknowledge as a complete villain, no matter how blinded by love I might be.

She has caused me much pain and confused me by confessing her love…

Yet, in my eyes, she remains beautiful. My lovely little sister.

Even when she gets irritated. Even when she gets angry. Even when she shows cruelty…. she’s still my treasure, and I can’t help it.

That’s why it was more painful.

The fact that even I could no longer be her strength.

Truly, because I now have to leave, I worried about Asena and Kirsy who would be left behind.

I heard it from their own lips. That they couldn’t manage without me.

But… even with me here, it’s not right. I need to disappear.

What will happen? If I leave… will they become more vicious? But I can’t accept their feelings just because I’m afraid of that.

If things go well, after I disappear… they might find other men to love.

“……”

………In my selfishly personal thoughts… I hoped they wouldn’t.

While I couldn’t accept their feelings, I didn’t want them to like another man more than me.

A nauseating, hypocritical feeling.

That’s why I’ll set standards at least through my actions.

Though I dislike the idea of them finding other men to love, I’ll congratulate them if they do.

Though I want to stop because I hate seeing them in pain, I will leave.

Though I want to comfort them when they cry… I won’t.

What I should do and what I want to do are completely different things.

As I said, erase emotions, and take action.

“…….”

But right now. Right now while she’s asleep.

I leaned forward.

I examined Asena more closely.

Gently raising my hand, I stroked her hair, which I had brushed hundreds of times before.

Next, I lightly touched her cheek with the back of my hand. I wiped away the tear tracks that had formed from crying so much.

Finally… I cupped her cheek with one hand.

A soft sensation transmitted to me.

My expression was gradually contorting.

I tried my best not to let my hand tremble, not to wake her.

And then I whispered to her.

“……..I’m sorry.”

Though she couldn’t hear, I apologized to her. An apology for spitting out harsh lies. I was terribly sorry for driving a nail into her heart.

“…….I’m sorry.”

I apologized once more, and kissed her forehead.

Then I turned around and left Asena behind.

.

.

.

.

In her dream, Asena felt a familiar touch.

Once on her hair.

Once lightly below her eyes and on her cheek.

Finally, her entire cheek.

She wanted to lean into that warmth, but her body wouldn’t move.

But the feeling was so comforting that it was okay even if she couldn’t move.

This alone made her happy.

As she was about to drift back into deep sleep, a voice filled with guilt echoed.

‘……I’m sorry.’

There was no doubt about who the voice belonged to. Asena’s fading consciousness perked up at that voice. She whispered with lips that wouldn’t open.

“….Bro…ther…?”

Her eyes opened. Asena looked around for a moment.

“……Bro..ther…?”

It was the infirmary. Her last memory was clearly… being held by Caden. The memory of crying like she did when she was 8 years old.

Now fully awake, she looked around.

There was no one.

“….Brother.”

As if he might be hiding somewhere, she called out to him.

After waiting for a while, no one came to her.

“………Sob…”

She was alone.

Caden wasn’t by her side.

This empty space felt even more hollow today.

The place he had left was so cold that Asena could only tremble with loneliness.

****

-Knock knock.

‘Lady Riana, Lord Caden is here to see you.’

Riana broke from her thoughts and turned her head toward the door.

“Let him in.”

As soon as permission was granted, the heavy door opened.

She was staying in the finest room provided by the Academy.

And there, Caden entered.

Seeing his expression, Riana needed no further explanation.

“…….Grandmother.”

Riana’s expression crumpled along with Caden’s, finding him too pitiful.

“…..What are we to do now, Caden… what are we to do..”

He staggered forward and knelt on one knee before Riana.

Riana immediately cradled his face in her hands.

“…I’m sorry, Grandmother… I’m sorry..”

“What do you have to be sorry for…!”

She soothed Caden, patting his head.

“…I’m the one who’s sorry, Caden… this old woman is sorry…”

“…I… I never thought things would turn out like this…”

“…..It’s not your fault.. you simply embraced your siblings with love…”

Riana pulled Caden away from her embrace, then held both his cheeks with her hands.

“Don’t feel guilty. You’ve done nothing wrong.”

But Caden couldn’t meet her eyes.

And as if he had made up his mind, he closed his eyes once and then looked at Riana.

With unwavering, upright eyes, he said:

“….Grandmother, I think I need to leave. I think… I need to separate myself.”

“……”

“I already told you I would leave… but what’s different now is… I don’t think I’ll be returning to the Praester territory.”

“…..Caden.”

“…..Grandmother, I think I need to distance myself from Asena… and Kirsy as quickly as possible. Please help me a little. Since I’ve become connected with Daisy, please ask Count Hexter to help me settle in his territory. I’ll quit the Academy.”

“….Caden… why are you trying to sacrifice yourself again…!”

“There’s no other way… I need to be far away… at least until they forget about me. Until they find someone to marry….”

Caden paused momentarily, then continued.

“…I won’t return until they find their true match for marriage. Until they forget me in their hearts…”

“…Caden, the semester is about to end, isn’t it? There’s no need to decide so quickly. It’s certainly a serious problem, but I don’t want you to sacrifice yourself. The Praester territory is now your hometown, your home. There are many people in the territory who have become your family besides Asena and Kirsy, how can you abandon them all just for the twins..! Don’t you want to see this old woman…?”

“….I’m not trying to sacrifice myself… I’m in pain, Grandmother…. Since yesterday, I’ve started hurting the children.”

Caden gritted his teeth and continued with difficulty.

“Today, Asena… that Asena cried like a child in front of me… that unexpressive Asena… And she had every right to. I said such terrible things to her. She cried so much that she collapsed in my arms… I just can’t do this repeatedly…”

“……The problem isn’t you, Caden. The twins should be the ones to let go of their feelings. Don’t try to leave so soon. As I said… at least until the vacation.”

Then Riana lowered her voice. As if ashamed of herself, she spoke with a painful expression.

“….And if things don’t work out well… even if we end up proceeding as you suggested… shouldn’t you at least say goodbye to the other family members waiting for you in the territory..”

“…….”

“….Be patient a little longer. No, if being with the twins is so painful right now, come with me.”

“……What?”

“Forget about the Academy for a while, and let’s return to the territory. I’ll tell the twins to attend properly until the end of the semester, and you can come home with me.”

“…….”

“This way, Asena, Kirsy, and you. Everyone can catch their breath for a while. It will be time to reconsider.”

Caden forgot to answer and became lost in thought.

Seeing his contemplative expression, Riana immediately made a decision. She made the decision for Caden.

“Pack your things, Caden. The more I think about it, the more right this seems. If seeing your siblings now is difficult, you can force a separation. After all, the reason I stayed here was… all because of you and the twins.”

“……Was it like that?”

Caden wore a complicated expression.

“There’s nothing to be sorry about. Now, since we’ve made a decision, let’s act quickly. You can think on the way, or you can think in the territory. I’ll tell the headmaster, you just pack your things.”

Riana stood up and snapped her fingers a couple of times.

The Praester servants waiting outside opened the door and entered.

As everything started happening at once, Caden also stood up.

Riana said:

“Helen, Tein. We will be returning to the territory today.”

“Understood.”

“We’ll prepare.”

Riana gently pushed Caden’s back.

“Caden… you should prepare quickly too. Just pack up. And talk to the people… you need to talk to.”

****

When Kirsy woke up after crying herself to exhaustion, it was night.

If there had been at least some sunlight, she might have left the bed.

The darkness had sapped her strength.

She couldn’t find any reason to get up.

Meeting Caden. That one reason remained, but… she couldn’t find the courage to see him.

What if everything he said yesterday was true?

How was she supposed to live?

She wished she had never come to the Academy.

She still couldn’t believe how stupid she had been to look forward to the Academy back then.

When it would become a place that took away her most precious thing.

When it would reduce her to this state.

She couldn’t believe she had walked into hell herself, led by curiosity.

“Cough… cough..”

Suddenly, she coughed.

Her parched throat was screaming for water.

Was it because she had shed too many tears?

Or because she had sweated too much from nightmares?

Though she thought it might be okay to die of thirst… the memories she shared with Caden were too precious.

The fact that dying meant never seeing him again frightened her.

This contradiction—wanting to die because he might disappear, but unable to die because he exists.

Kirsy struggled to get out of bed.

Her head was dizzy, and her legs felt weak.

If Caden were here at a time like this, he would probably carry her on his back. He would gently carry her and be her strength.

No, if he saw her struggling like this, he would probably bring water to her bed.

Even if that water was in the middle of a desert, he would have brought it to her.

“…..”

Once again, Kirsy’s chest ached.

Is he really leaving her? Will he no longer love her? In all the years she had known him, he had never once hated her. He had never once not loved her.

She couldn’t imagine a future she hadn’t experienced. Could everything be a dream? A mischievous prank played by a devil? Shouldn’t it have ended by now?

Maybe he had changed his mind too.

No, if he saw how much she was suffering, he would eventually give in again.

Kirsy had never been in such pain in her entire life. If it were Caden, he would know that fact as soon as he saw her face.

In the end, with a sigh. Or by making a light joke for her sad self. Asking why she was in so much pain. Yes, saying he understood. Telling her to stop crying.

He would comfort her with kind words and stroke her.

For some reason, she couldn’t properly imagine the situation of accepting a confession of love. Maybe it was because she hadn’t experienced that either.

Anyway, if he saw her… if it were Caden. If it were her brother. He would eventually be there for her.

With that thought, Kirsy found her center even in the dizzy situation.

As she left her room and was about to drink water,

She decided to give up on that too.

…..This was a thought born from a vicious mind.

She wanted to show him her parched lips too.

Wouldn’t that make him feel more sorry for her? Wouldn’t that shake his heart a little more?

Though her throat was cracked and very painful, it was nothing compared to the pain coming from her chest… so she gave up even a sip of water.

Kirsy headed for the dormitory door.

“….?”

As she was about to open the door, she stepped on something.

Looking down, there was a letter.

It was a letter pushed through the gap under the door.

It had a seal with two snakes on it. It must be from Grandmother.

Kirsy had no leisure to look at it now.

She didn’t even think about looking at it.

She opened the door and went outside the dormitory.

****

-Knock.. knock.. knock.. knock

With no strength in her hand, she struggled to knock on the door.

Was it too weak for him to hear? There was no response from inside.

-Knock… knock..

For a moment, her head became dizzy, and Kirsy placed her hand on the door to balance herself.

Even as her body was in such distress, only one thought came to her mind.

That she wanted Caden to see her suffering. The more suffering she showed him, the higher the probability he would accept her.

None of it was feigned illness… but she had no desire to hide her pain right now.

If she could use even this as a weapon, she wanted to.

….But why wasn’t he coming out? Was he really avoiding her now?

Tears were about to come again, but there was nothing left in her dried-up body.

-Knock… knock…

-Click.

At that moment, the doorknob turned.

-Creak.

And the door opened, letting bright light seep through.

Kirsy felt a momentary relief at the simple fact that the door had opened.

At least she could see Caden’s face.

“…Bro…”

Kirsy had to close her mouth as she raised her head.

It wasn’t Caden.

It was his roommate, Eric Endra.

“….Lady Kirsy.”

He said cautiously. His expression was somehow ominous.

“..Bro..cough…Brother…?”

Her voice cracked, producing a metallic sound. Kirsy didn’t care. If only she could see her brother.

Had he told Eric to send her away? Kirsy thought she could somehow persuade Eric Endra. Eric had a kind nature, so he would step back if he saw her suffering.

“…..He’s not here.”

“…Did he.. go out…?”

“….No. Literally, he’s not here. He left.”

At these words, Kirsy finally staggered and collapsed on the spot.

“Are you okay?”

Eric hurriedly bent his knees too. Perhaps gauging Kirsy’s feelings, he didn’t place his hands on her body.

“Bro…Brother left? What do you mean…?”

Kirsy asked right there.

What did it mean that he wasn’t there? What did that mean?

Eric asked with a crumpled expression:

“…It means exactly what I said. He said he was leaving the Academy for a while…”

“…….Huh….?”

“….You… didn’t hear about it?”

From that moment, Kirsy felt as if someone was choking her.

The reason he left was clearly… because of her.