Ch.88Chapter 12. New Life (3)

When we first discovered the underground safe house at the fire station, we each set up tents in our own rooms. Even now, after returning from Hampton, it remained exactly as we left it, without a trace of mold.

The tents were spacious enough for two people, so we decided I would use one while Camilla and Cassandra would share the other. Yet now, Camilla had deliberately come to my room and laid out a makeshift bed outside my tent.

“If you’re going to sleep, do it inside the tent. The cement walls give off moisture.”

“Whatever.”

Camilla turned her body toward the wall.

*Grumble*

“…”

While Cassandra had emptied the canned food I’d heated up, Camilla had shouted “I’m not eating!” and truly drank only water. And this wasn’t just anywhere—she’d gone hungry in a human non-protected zone, which must be truly painful.

Camilla was protesting, clearly saying “I’m very angry right now.”

It was only 8:30 PM. My watch duty started at 10 PM. I had about an hour and a half. I got up from the tent and headed toward the storage area where we kept our food supplies.

On my way, I checked on Cassandra. She was sound asleep in her tent.

She had readily accepted the idea that we needed to keep watch in the human non-protected zone, and when she drew the last shift, she crawled into her tent saying she’d better sleep early.

Well, it’s not like we’re in the military with fixed sleeping hours, and we don’t have anything else to do today, so it doesn’t really matter.

From the storage, I took out two cans of beer, a can of bread with jam, and some biscuits for snacking. We’d gotten them from a street shop on our way here from Hampton. They’d cooled nicely in the cool storage area. I also grabbed the “Elsa’s Tears” whiskey that we hadn’t finished last time. There was enough for about two glasses.

“Camilla.”

I called out to her as I returned to the room. Of course, she wasn’t asleep.

“How about a drink?”

Camilla glared at me resentfully. I shook the Elsa’s Tears whiskey bottle. It made a clear splashing sound.

“…Wait.”

Camilla went out and came back with a bottle of water. Even she would find it difficult to drink straight whiskey on an empty stomach.

*Click* The sound of beer bubbles rising was refreshing. I took sips of my beer, while Camilla mixed whiskey and water in a 1:1 ratio and ate the canned bread. A decent twist-up, not bad at all.

After finishing her bread, Camilla held out a glass half-filled with water.

“Pour me some.”

“Come sit next to me first.”

Camilla rolled her eyes but entered the tent. Though she turned her body away, she pressed her hips close to mine. I filled the rest of her glass with Elsa’s Tears whiskey.

Camilla closed her eyes as she took a sip. In the dim LED lantern light, her moist lips glistened. I wondered what the alcohol on her lips would taste like.

“Johan. I’m really disappointed in you today. How could you heat up canned food and eat in that situation?”

Well, I did it to stop you two from fighting. And it actually worked. But that’s probably not what Camilla wants to hear.

“I’m sorry. I wanted to stop you two from fighting. But saying ‘don’t fight’ wouldn’t work, so I had no choice.”

But that was my honest feeling. Camilla moistened her throat and glared at me again.

“…You’re being ridiculous. You were just enjoying watching us fight. Did you think I wouldn’t notice you staring at my chest? Do you know how bad that made me feel?”

“I’m sorry. I have no excuse for that.”

But it was truly a spectacle I couldn’t miss. Camilla sniffled and emptied her glass.

“…You don’t understand how others feel. Really. Hey, get your hand off my waist.”

I didn’t remove my hand. Instead, I gently pulled her closer.

“Don’t be anxious.”

“What are you talking about?”

“The infection.”

I could feel Camilla flinch. Silently, I gently stroked her back. Camilla seemed to want to be angrier, but she gradually leaned into me.

“…Aren’t you anxious?”

“Hmm, not particularly?”

“How can you be like that? You’re infected just like me.”

What should I say to her?

My situation is different from hers. Not just from Camilla’s, but from anyone else in this world. There’s no one like me.

For 1,000 hours, my character kept dying, getting hurt, turning into a zombie.

But that wasn’t the real me. It was just momentary entertainment. My body in that other world experienced no changes.

Restart. As long as my will holds, I can restart as many times as needed.

Isn’t that what religious people often say?

That this world is just a place to play through. Our true souls, our essence, exists beyond, where no one can invade it, so we shouldn’t take everything in this world too seriously.

If I may be forgiven for the irreverence of putting games and life on the same level.

“I just want to enjoy life to the fullest while I’m alive. No regrets. No looking back.”

So I answer honestly.

“You’re strong.”

It seems my words don’t resonate with Camilla. She shook her head sadly.

“I feel like I’m going crazy… When I stabbed that zombie earlier, do you know what I was thinking?”

She meant when I had my head buried in Cassandra’s chest.

“Tell me.”

“This is what I’ll become too…”

Camilla’s body trembled. I pulled her closer to me. I could feel her body heat through her thin clothes. I continued patting her back like comforting a child. This works better with Camilla.

“Johan. Before, I only thought vaguely about infection. I believed I’d be safe if I was just careful, that I just needed to avoid being bitten or splashed with blood. I thought getting infected was just bad luck. But now that I’ve actually been infected…”

“And now?”

“Terrible images keep coming to mind. Wandering the wilderness without any reason, watching my rotting body fall apart piece by piece, eating anything that looks edible, whether it’s a corpse or… I, I… I don’t want to become like that.”

“You won’t become like that.”

“It’s all so empty.”

Camilla sobbed.

“Everything feels empty. What have I been doing until now? What have I lived for? It feels like my whole life is being negated, as if I’ve been living this crazy life just to become a zombie in the end.”

Camilla has strong pride. She’s the type to charge forward rather than give up. So this kind of request for help takes tremendous courage. She’s exposing her weakness because she wants to overcome it.

And now she’s struggling.

What should I say? What words can I offer that will reach her?

I don’t know.

And as always, actions are easier than words.

I turned toward Camilla. Kneeling, I slowly embraced her. Camilla flinched a little but eventually accepted me.

“I’ll always be by your side, Camilla. Wherever, whatever you become.”

Camilla leaned in to kiss me. The whiskey on her lips was hot. After a long, lingering kiss, Camilla whispered:

“…Can I ask you for a favor?”

“Yes.”

“Don’t shoot my face.”

“What?”

“If I turn into a zombie, please don’t shoot my face. It would make me ugly. Instead…”

Camilla took my right hand and pulled it under her t-shirt. It seemed to be moving higher. When I felt the texture of her bra, I unconsciously curled my fingers. Camilla smiled slightly and guided my hand to her heart.

I spread my palm. I could feel the strong, pounding heartbeat.

“Shoot me here. You’re a good shot.”

Thump. Thump. Thump. A lifetime felt in my palm. Is this how it feels to touch a target with your hand? I shook my head. Instead, I spread my hand wider. Bone. Muscle. Warmth. Pulsation…

“Can you promise me that?”

“Yes.”

“…That’s a relief.”

“What is?”

“That I can die beautifully.”

“Don’t talk like that, Camilla. I’ll get angry. We’ve come all this way and gone through so much to prevent that from happening.”

Camilla nodded.

“And Cassandra is trying to help us too. Anyway, she’s doing her best…”

Ah. That was a mistake. I shouldn’t have mentioned Cassandra. Immediately, her eyes turned cold.

“Tch.”

She moved away from me. She hugged her knees defensively.

“You really look after Cassandra, huh?”

I’m an idiot.

“Uh, well…”

“Whatever. Just be honest, you perverted pig. You lose your mind whenever you see breasts.”

“What.”

“When she hugged you from behind earlier, you were practically melting. If you had a tail, you’d have been wagging it so hard you’d fly away.”

How do I fix this? What do I do in situations like this? Blame someone else. Right. I need to blame someone else.

“I, I learned it from you?”

“What? Why are you dragging me into this?”

Is this what they call a no-out, bases-loaded, no-score situation? A no-mark chance with no goal?

“Well, um, I mean, Camilla, when we first met, I was in a certain state, right? Keeping my guard up, trying to stay distant.”

“…That’s true.”

“But, um, as I spent time with you, I started to wonder if that was really necessary. I just… I don’t think I need to see everyone in the world as my enemy. I should be cautious, but that doesn’t mean I have to always be alone.”

She still seems skeptical, but at least she’s listening.

“And?”

“What I’m saying is, I’ve changed a lot since I started traveling with you.”

Well, that’s the truth. Camilla finally seems to soften a bit. Feeling like I’m rambling, I crossed my arms and spoke more seriously.

“So, Camilla. If something’s bothering you or hurting you, just tell me. Don’t just get irritated. It’s been very confusing and difficult for me these past few days.”

“You just can’t stop lecturing, can you?”

Camilla pouted. But she seemed pleased, smiling despite herself.

“…Have I really changed you?”

“Yes.”

“Was there anyone else who did that? Besides your parents.”

“Hmm… a teacher when I was young?”

“What? So I wasn’t the first. But since it was when you were young, I’ll let it slide.”

Let it slide? What does she mean?

But I had no chance to ask. Camilla leaned in and kissed me lightly. She always silences me like this when I’m at a disadvantage.

And then I saw “something.”

Since closed doors would collect moisture, we’d left all the doors slightly open. This room was no exception. But at the doorway, I clearly saw… something like green eyes. I think I also heard a sharp intake of breath.

But when Camilla stood up, the green glow was no longer visible.

“Camilla.”

She stopped as she was about to turn away and looked back at me.

“Let’s live happily. Without regrets. Without remorse.”

For some reason, Camilla put her hands on her hips and sighed deeply.

“…I’ll pretend I didn’t hear that. Say it again somewhere with a better atmosphere. I don’t want to be moved by such words in an underground bunker.”

Instead of answering, I stuck out my tongue slightly.

* * * * *

Throughout my watch duty, and even the next morning when Cassandra woke me up, nothing unusual happened. I had been a bit worried about Cassandra’s ability to keep watch, but my concerns were unfounded.

“Doctors at the Disease Control Agency take turns being on duty too. We often have emergency standby, but most of the time we’re just busy working overtime. I feel like I’ve slept well for the first time in a long while.”

Since Camilla, who had taken the middle watch, was still sleeping, we conversed in hushed voices. Her comment about sleeping well didn’t seem entirely untrue—Cassandra looked energetic.

I filled a mess tin with canned stew and biscuits and heated it with solid fuel.

“It might be a bit much for breakfast, but it’s not as good as the stew you made. I’d like to have that again.”

Camilla, who had woken up late, muttered as she reluctantly ate the stew. Cassandra looked at me with slightly puzzled eyes.

“Johan, I didn’t know you could do that too?”

“He’s a good cook. Makes delicious food. I’m not very good at cooking myself.”

“That’s unexpected. I thought you were only good at abandoning people and seducing women.”

Camilla snickered, trying to hold back her laughter. Caught by this unexpected attack, I looked at Cassandra. She appeared indifferent.

“Um, listen, Cassandra. I won’t leave you behind again.”

“You already abandoned me once. I don’t think it would be difficult to do it a second time. Actually, last night, Cassandra had over a hundred opportunities to do various things to Johan’s body, but she didn’t.”

“W-what did you say?”

“Before we head to our ‘destination,’ I wanted to give a clear warning. If you abandon Cassandra again, Johan will be unable to have sexual relations. I’ll put on a chastity belt and throw away the key. An appropriate training method for a ‘perverted pig,’ don’t you think?”

By now, Camilla was laughing so hard she had tears in her eyes.