Ch.87Extraction (2)

Asena blinked and found herself sitting on the edge of her bed. Dried tears on her face gave her an uncomfortable feeling.

Bright sunlight was already streaming through the window into her room. She had stayed up all night.

As her dazed mind began to clear, her heart ached simultaneously. Clearly, all of Caden’s actions weren’t a dream.

Had there ever been such a desperate moment since her parents passed away?

No, this felt even worse than losing her parents.

Because Caden was the one who had helped her forget the emptiness they left behind.

‘…It was all my fault. I won’t make this mistake again.’

His voice echoed in her ears. The sharp pain tearing through her chest echoed as well.

Fresh warm tears rolled down over the traces of dried ones.

What did he mean by not making this mistake again?

Did he mean exactly what it sounded like?

That he would never… give any love again? Was this the end?

“….Haa….haa….!”

She struggled to breathe from the suffocation she felt. She hadn’t felt this way even when he declared he was leaving. Back then, he had still shown affection. She had thought she could somehow change his mind.

But now… he had sent them away as if he never wanted to see them again.

The man who always yielded when she showed tears had turned her away.

He hadn’t even escorted her back to the women’s dormitory late at night. He truly wasn’t giving her any love anymore.

Tears streamed down her face, but she still found it difficult to breathe. It felt like trying to breathe with a blanket over her face.

Would she never receive his kindness again?

She’d heard somewhere that when overwhelmed by shock, people start with denial. That was exactly what she was doing.

It couldn’t be true. Caden, who had given her endless love, couldn’t possibly abandon her.

Before she knew it, she was getting up from her bed.

This suffocation felt like it would only be relieved if she saw him.

She needed to see him, to confirm that his words were just spoken impulsively…

She opened her door and stepped outside. Sobbing sounds came from Kirsy’s room.

But Asena had no energy to spare for that. She herself felt like she was dying.

Asena left Kirsy behind and walked out of the dormitory.

****

Asena found herself standing outside the men’s dormitory building.

Why she hadn’t gone directly to his room… even she didn’t know.

Perhaps it was an unconscious calculation that if she approached his door, he might be repulsed by her…

Asena looked disheveled. Instead of her usual black Student Council uniform, she wore the casual clothes she had worn the previous night when looking for Caden.

Every male student leaving the dormitory was startled at the sight of her.

First because a woman was standing in front of the dormitory, second because it was Asena Praester, and third because Asena Praester was dressed casually.

Those who noticed her either felt frightened or curious.

Some nobles’ hearts raced seeing her in this unusually vulnerable state.

Some saw her looking downhearted and weak as an opportunity to approach her.

‘Isn’t that Asena?’

‘Why is she here…’

‘Is she waiting for someone?’

‘Don’t be stupid, would she? She probably has something to discuss with Caden Praester.’

‘…This is the first time I’ve seen her wearing something other than her Student Council uniform..’

‘….Wow…but she’s really pretty..’

A nobleman walked toward her.

Asena quickly looked up hoping it was Caden, only to be disappointed.

It was a familiar face. She couldn’t remember his name, but he was probably a classmate from her political science department.

“….Asena. What are you doing here?”

He approached with a concerned look, but Asena could immediately detect the dirty desire underlying his concern.

“……”

“Perhaps about the group project we’re working on—”

“—Get lost.”

She finally couldn’t hold back and spat out the words.

Even as a high-ranking noble, Asena had always refrained from publicly humiliating others.

But now she had no patience. Caden was leaving her, and this filthy person was approaching her. This gutter-like reality was too much to accept.

“……”

The man, seemingly wanting to preserve his dignity, turned away with a small smile. That angered Asena even more. When told to get lost, he should have just left, but instead he flashed a disgusting smile trying to leave a good impression. What trash, approaching her when she was vulnerable.

Asena opened her mouth to call after the retreating man. She intended to learn his family name and exact appropriate revenge.

This creepy, sleazy man would never be able to hold his head up in front of her again.

“……”

As she opened her mouth, it suddenly occurred to her… was this how Caden felt about her?

Did Caden find her as repulsive as she found this man?

The thought made her choke up, and Asena nearly burst into tears in front of everyone.

The mask that Caden had shattered was now in pieces, and she couldn’t easily put it back together. It was too difficult to control her emotions.

She couldn’t even call after that man anymore. It was all she could do to hold back her tears.

If Caden felt the same disgust toward her that she felt toward this man… then she felt there was no reason to continue living in this world.

What reason was there to live for someone who was rejected and avoided by the person they loved most?

Asena shook her head. She erased the thought and comforted herself.

No. That was overthinking. It wouldn’t be like that. What happened last night was just him speaking harshly because emotions were running high.

As always, he would be her support, still adore her and love her. All of that couldn’t have ended yesterday. She had come here this morning to confirm that fact.

Once again, Asena calmed her heart and waited in front of the men’s dormitory building.

Eventually, she heard familiar footsteps. Among hundreds of footsteps, that one sound rang out clearly.

Asena raised her head and bit her lip. Sure enough, Caden, looking somewhat sharper than usual, walked out of the building.

The moment Asena saw his expression, she was terrified. How could she possibly speak to someone with such an expression?

“…..”

But she had no choice. Asena clutched her clothes and called out to him with difficulty.

“….O…oppa…”

Caden’s head turned toward Asena. His eyes widened in surprise when he spotted her, and he froze in place.

“……”

“……”

Asena wondered what to say to him, which of the hundreds of things she should say first.

As she moved her lips hesitantly, Caden didn’t wait for her.

He soon turned his head and walked past her as if he hadn’t seen her.

-Thud.

Asena felt her heart drop.

This was the first time he had shown such coldness. Even during their many arguments at the Academy, even when he occasionally acted harshly, it hadn’t felt like this.

In the past, his expression had been more like ‘let’s see who wins this battle of wills,’ but now it seemed to say ‘I don’t want to be involved with you anymore.’

Asena tried to follow him, but her legs gave way.

The fact that everything he said yesterday was true.

That he would no longer give her even a fragment of love.

That she was the one who had ruined their relationship.

That the once gentle brother had changed so much.

The pain was so excruciating she couldn’t walk.

Everyone was watching her, but she couldn’t get up.

The murmuring of people grew louder.

Since they had never seen her collapse like this before, people initially thought she had simply fallen.

But tears were falling from her eyes, and no one had the courage to approach her.

Because the great Asena was crying.

****

I couldn’t help but be surprised at the sight of Asena.

How desperate she must have been.

She hadn’t even changed out of the clothes she wore yesterday.

Not wearing her Student Council uniform.

Not fixing her disheveled hair.

Not wiping away the traces of tears.

She appeared before me completely defenseless.

It was a moment when I felt what I meant to her.

Had she loved me this much?

If it had been family love, I would have gladly shed tears of emotion, but since it wasn’t, I only felt uncomfortable.

I gritted my teeth and walked past her.

For the first time, I ignored my sister, my precious treasure.

I had to correct their twisted love.

I had to reject it.

As soon as I took a step, I heard someone collapse behind me.

At the same time, the murmuring of people grew louder.

‘..Uh…uh…are you okay?’

‘…..Did she collapse…?’

‘….Asena Praester collapsed..?’

I closed my eyes tightly and tried to keep walking…..but I couldn’t.

It was as if adhesive had been applied to the soles of my shoes, preventing me from moving.

I clenched my fist tightly, then turned around.

Sure enough, my sister had collapsed on the ground and was crying. And in front of others, no less.

The mask she had worked so hard to maintain throughout her life had been shattered.

I couldn’t bear to watch this.

I approached and stood in front of her. Immediately after, I looked threateningly at the people around, and they began to disperse.

As the crowd scattered, I spoke with a straight posture, not bending my knees at all.

“…Stop crying.”

Without any warmth, like a command.

She weakly wiped her face with her fluttering arms. The tears that I would normally have wiped away, she had to wipe away herself.

“….Stand up.”

Asena bit her lip hard and put strength into her legs. After collapsing a few more times, she finally stood before me.

As soon as she stood in front of me, she stretched out both hands. She, who wouldn’t show affection even in front of Kirsy, was now trying to embrace me in front of everyone watching.

“…Don’t come closer.”

Another command.

“Hic….ugh..mmph..”

Though she tried hard to hold back her tears, she couldn’t stop them completely, and she cried with suppressed breaths.

My heart ached again.

….Why on earth…do you love me…

I turned my back.

“Ah..ah..!”

Asena, surprised, blurted out fragments of words. Before she could become more pitiful, I spoke.

“…..Follow me.”

Only then could my feet leave the vicinity of the dormitory.

****

The place we arrived at was my garden.

A place I had relied on for a while when unpleasant rumors about me were circulating.

I still tended to the flowers whenever I had time, so it had become quite a beautiful and fragrant space.

…..Which really doesn’t match our current mood.

But there was nowhere else to go.

Upon arriving at the garden, I stopped walking.

The small footsteps following behind me also stopped.

I didn’t immediately turn around to face Asena.

I needed time to breathe.

Looking at the flowers I had grown, I was lost in thought for a while.

If only raising my sisters had been as easy as growing flowers.

I thought giving my all was the answer, but was I wrong?

I slowly turned around.

Looking steadily into Asena’s eyes, I opened my mouth.

“…..I can’t bear to see our family shaken because of me. Act properly like the head of the family.”

I spoke harshly, without affection. I didn’t utter a single word about supporting her.

Asena had stopped crying, but she looked like she might start again at any moment as she answered me.

“….Then stay by my side. I don’t care about being the head of the family…I just need you by my side..”

“Didn’t I say that’s not possible? Stop being stubborn…!”

“…No…I know myself. Without you…”

I sighed.

It was going to hurt from now on.

The method I had been thinking about since yesterday. I had hoped this moment wouldn’t come. But now there was truly no other way.

“…….I’ll speak clearly.”

I hardened my face even more. I left no room for hope.

“I’ve grown to dislike you.”

“……..What…?”

Asena’s eyes trembled. Her frowning expression gradually relaxed as the strength drained from it.

“The fact that you have such feelings for me…..is disgusting.”

I felt like vomiting as I spoke. Not because Asena was disgusting, but because I was. I could tell from her expression how deeply I was hurting her.

She seemed to be having difficulty breathing, making rough breathing sounds.

“…Haa…haa…!”

“Even if you weren’t my sister, nothing would have changed. You talk behind my back while claiming to love me. You make me be openly disrespected at social gatherings. You even tampered with my lance during the jousting tournament.”

“…Hic…o,oppa…”

Finally, I forced out the words that had been stuck on the tip of my tongue, refusing to be uttered.

“….You know what? The truth is, I’ve never loved you.”

“……”

At those words, her body froze for a moment.

“….Hic..ugh..”

Then, tears welled up in her eyes… and starting with a single teardrop, she began to cry out loud.

Like a dam breaking, she didn’t hold back any sound.

Her crying echoed throughout the garden.

That emotionally reserved, steadfast girl cried like a child.

But even so, I didn’t stop. In a way, it might be fortunate for me that she was crying so severely.

She wouldn’t notice the tears beginning to form in my eyes.

“I just wanted to be a nobleman. I was using you. Understand?”

I continued to speak harshly to the sobbing Asena.

I was going crazy wanting to hug and comfort her, but the more I felt that way, the tighter I clenched my fist to resist.

“How could I love someone like you…stubborn, without aegyo, and harsh. Yes, someone practically villainous like you?”

She didn’t even cover her face with her hands, and with her head facing me, she cried as if the world was ending, and I continued to torment her.

“So…so don’t casually approach me anymore. I’m going to be expelled from the family anyway, right? That’s good. Just before that happens, I’ll move to the Hexter family.”

Blood began to drip from my tightly clenched fist.

“Do you understand? I’ve already used you as much as I needed to. You’re no longer useful to me. Even if you liked me…just leave me alone.”

I immediately turned around and began to walk away from her.

I couldn’t bear it anymore. I couldn’t stand to see Asena crying like that anymore.

As I was about to leave her again, ignoring her…Asena grabbed me once more.

The sobbing Asena shouted with a voice full of anger.

“Stop lying!!!”

At those words, spoken with all her might, my feet froze again. Even knowing I should leave, I couldn’t move.

She roughly approached and stopped in front of me.

Then, blinking her tear-filled eyes, she shouted at me.

“I know it’s all lies!”

“…It’s not a lie.”

“It is a lie, a lie!!”

With an expression mixed with tears and anger, she continued to speak to me.

“You d-don’t, hic! love me? Th-that, ugh! That kind of thing! Hic..! Anyone who isn’t a fool knows it’s a lie…!Hic..!”

“Then you are foolish-“

“-Who would take care of someone they don’t love all day!”

She began to bring up our past. As she recalled memories, I too remembered the times we had spent together, and my heart wavered even more.

“Hic!ugh! Wh-who would listen to the complaints of someone they don’t love all night! Who would fight with nobles on behalf of someone they don’t love, who would comfort someone they don’t love, who would kiss the cheek of someone they don’t love!”

She suddenly grabbed my clothes. Unlike yesterday, I couldn’t react this time.

With an angry voice, Asena pleaded with me.

“Please stop hurting me, oppa…! My heart feels like it’s going to die!!”

Finally, I couldn’t hold back anymore. Gritting my teeth, I shouted at her.

“I’m the one who feels like I’m dying!! Why do you love me!!”

I vented my frustration at her. I couldn’t handle this suffocating feeling.

Asena wiped her tears with her arm and said to me.

“I could give you hundreds of reasons, but you don’t need to understand anyway. I don’t expect you to understand!! Why does love need a reason!”

She released her arms and strongly embraced my body.

She leaned her face against my chest and pressed her body against mine.

“Let go! Let go before I dislike you even more, Asena!”

“If you already dislike me..! I have nothing more to lose. This is the only way left to prove you’re lying..! You do like me..! Say you like me!”

Asena was still sobbing.

I continued trying to push her away, but in the end, I gave in to her desperation.

My strength drained, and I couldn’t act anymore. With her approaching this far, I couldn’t push her away any further in this moment.

I had said harsh words to hurt her and physically pushed her away, but she still approached. What more could I do?

Asena continued to cry for a long time while embracing me.

I remained frozen like that for a long time. My mind was blank, and I couldn’t do anything.

Only the empty sound of Asena’s crying echoed in my ears.

Asena’s sobbing gradually began to decrease.

The strength in her arms that had been holding me also began to fade.

Soon, Asena collapsed in front of me.

-Thud.

She seemed to have fallen asleep from exhaustion after crying so much.

Afterward, I moved by instinct.

I took the collapsed Asena into my arms.

One arm behind her back and neck, the other under the back of her knees.

Carrying her like that, I walked back toward the Academy.