Ch.87Crescendo (2)

When I opened my eyes, all I could see was a pitch-black space.

A darkness where nothing was clearly visible, yet somehow it felt different from the darkness emitted by a dark mage.

It was a darkness so complete that I couldn’t even tell whether my eyes were open or closed.

I was certain I had been stabbed in the heart… yet I had no idea why I was here.

Evan began to walk slowly forward.

I thought I must be dead. Was what I was seeing now just an illusion?

Perhaps this was a vision one experiences just before the heart stops beating.

Evan quietly walked forward. Silence, stillness, quiet. The first thing he encountered in this space where not even his own breathing could be heard was…

Woong-

A very faint light. A light drifting alone in the darkness like a firefly.

Evan reached out toward the light as if entranced. It felt warm… and nostalgic.

Evan smiled quietly at the feeling of memories awakening that had been sleeping in a corner of his heart, forgotten for some time.

Though I was certain my body had been quite exhausted from reaching its limit,

touching this light seemed to make all that fatigue disappear.

“…This is.”

After caressing the light for a while,

eventually the light escaped from Evan’s hand and began to sway back and forth as if telling him to follow.

Evan didn’t hesitate. He simply followed the light, continuing to walk along the winding path.

As the light passed by, the dark surroundings began to brighten.

Green grass spread beneath his feet, and colorful flowers bloomed. A warm breeze blew through the gradually greening landscape.

Butterflies flew and birds sang as they played in the sky.

A small hill, and though the sky above was still empty and invisible,

a green hillside gradually came into view before Evan’s eyes.

…It was a familiar place.

Not where he had been with Irene, but from before he became Evan Fried.

Wasn’t this a place he had visited when he was still a pianist?

Evan closed his eyes tightly at the sudden rush of nostalgia.

Sometimes, when he needed to clear his head, he would come to this place. It was his favorite spot, and he had even brought his sister here.

“It’s still… here.”

Though he knew this place wasn’t real,

Evan smiled faintly at the sight of the tree still standing in the middle of the hill.

The wind blew, making Evan’s hair flutter. Green leaves mixed with the breeze,

and when a leaf brushed against his eye, Evan squeezed his eyes shut again.

As he wiped away the slight tears that had formed from the stinging sensation,

he could feel the environment around him gradually changing.

When he opened his eyes, he saw pitch-black darkness again.

But the difference was that he could now see a familiar scene within the darkness.

In a dark room without a single light bulb, a person was crouched down.

Scattered liquor bottles, blood splattered on the white walls that had long since turned brown,

and the man simply stroked his face slowly with trembling hands.

Evan smiled bitterly. The crouched man was himself.

His past after losing his sister, when he had cursed himself while locking himself in a room, hating to see any light.

Could he name any differences between then and now? He felt pathetically miserable.

Not a single thing… had changed.

He couldn’t even confirm if Irene was alive.

He had promised to stay by her side. Hadn’t he failed to keep that promise in the end?

He had vowed to make things different this time. But it had remained just a vow.

He had grasped the sword but ultimately let it go, tried to protect but ultimately failed.

Because that was reality. Evan turned his gaze away, trying hard to ignore the past he saw before him.

And then, he saw a new scene.

Beep-

Evan let out a hollow laugh at the unpleasant signal sound.

A familiar sound, a green line drawing jagged waves across the black screen.

Evan bit his lip as he looked at the machine displaying vital signs, and the girl lying on the bed beside it.

It was a memory he had never seen before. No, this was an illusion.

He hadn’t been able to witness his sister’s final moments.

The scene he was looking at now… must be just an illusion.

And yet, why?

Evan smiled sadly as he saw the black eyes looking at him.

Why were their eyes meeting? As if she were actually looking at him,

his sister had raised her head with difficulty and was smiling at him.

He had hoped she would resent him instead. Asking why he hadn’t been by her side.

He had hoped she would cry out, asking why he hadn’t cared for her.

Would that make him feel better? No, of course not.

It was meaningless self-pity. A clear smile without even a trace of resentment was directed at him.

“…Brother.”

Her voice was a bit thinner than he remembered.

Somewhat tired, his sister gasped for breath with difficulty as she slowly moved her lips.

There was no moisture on her dried lips. Unable to look at that, Evan lowered his head.

He hoped this illusion would disappear quickly. He was afraid he might truly break down if time continued like this.

Afraid that these emotions welling up inside him, ready to burst at any moment, would finally spill over.

As he swallowed his breath, he heard the voice in his ear once more.

“This isn’t an illusion.”

When he raised his head, his sister was smiling at him.

A face that hadn’t changed at all. As the girl with pale skin smiled brightly, which didn’t suit her,

Evan was finally able to meet her eyes.

His sister, whom he had failed to protect. Who had been precious to him. Whom he thought he would never see again.

Evan smiled awkwardly.

#

“What have you been up to?”

It had been so long since he’d heard such a greeting.

Occasionally, when he returned home after a long overseas tour, wouldn’t his sister ask him this?

But hearing it now felt somewhat awkward, so Evan scratched his cheek and carefully began to speak.

“You wouldn’t believe me if I told you.”

Black hair was stuck to his cheek. Probably his own hair.

He wondered how his sister had recognized him,

because it seemed he currently looked different from Evan Fried.

The appearance he had before the possession, when he lived as a pianist.

As he brushed away the hair and emptied his palm, his sister, who had been looking at him with dissatisfied eyes, spoke.

“I’m still curious. You probably didn’t experience anything ordinary.”

“…You talk as if you know everything.”

“I don’t know anything. It’s been 5 years since I last saw you.”

Five years. Evan thought a lot of time had passed.

An appearance that hadn’t changed at all during that time… perhaps that was natural since what he was experiencing wasn’t ordinary.

Evan burst into laughter as he looked into his sister’s eyes, which questioned him as if she knew everything.

How long had it been since they’d talked like this? Just like when he stroked Rophena’s cheek,

Evan gently caressed his sister’s cheek and opened his mouth.

“I’m just serving someone.”

“Like a bodyguard? What do you mean by serving?”

“Something like that. I stay by that person’s side and protect them.”

“Hmm, what kind of person are they? The one you serve.”

At the question of what kind of person, Evan smiled slightly.

How should he describe Irene? When they first met, he just thought she had a somewhat unpleasant personality.

Although he felt sorry for her after learning about her past, she was still cold to him.

Evan frowned slightly and spoke playfully.

“I don’t think their personality is very good.”

“Eck, that must have been hard.”

“I’m kidding. If we didn’t get along, I would have quit and left.”

Evan paused briefly and realized that subtle emotions were rising within him at the thought of Irene.

What would she be doing now? Had she escaped safely with the mana he had given her?

Had she met with Lord Theorad and returned to Yuris? He also thought of Lord Chris and Rophena.

If Irene was there, it meant those two might also be in trouble.

But even if he wanted to go back… he couldn’t anymore.

Thinking about this, Evan quietly stared into space.

Even with his sister beside him, Irene’s face kept appearing before his eyes.

This wasn’t right. He had so much to talk about with his sister. But he couldn’t find the words,

so he smiled casually at his sister who was staring at him.

“Sorry, I was just thinking about something else for a moment.”

“So, other than having a bad personality, what else can you tell me about them?”

“Well… sometimes they can be a bit foolish too. They look completely perfect on the outside. But when you get a little closer, they get flustered easily.”

Irene usually maintained her expressionless face.

But sometimes she would smile when he approached, blush when he held her hand, and when their lips met,

she would smile more happily than at any other time.

That cold person he had first seen had completely disappeared, replaced by someone who shyly nestled in his arms.

“…On the other hand, they’re someone who struggles more than anyone else. Someone I want to stay beside.”

Evan smiled quietly. He could no longer be by her side.

Why did that fact make his chest feel so empty?

He thought he had ended things cleanly.

Suppressing the faint regret that was rising within him, Evan looked at his sister again.

“Is this person a woman?”

He flinched at her slightly cold gaze, and then his sister burst into giggles.

Saying she knew it, she patted his shoulder and laughed for a while as Evan just stared at her blankly.

“I thought you liked men. You always ignored women who confessed to you and just played the piano.”

“That’s not true.”

“Anyway, I’m glad. You found someone you like. I thought you’d be alone forever.”

“How did you know? That I… like that person.”

Scratching his cheek at the embarrassment that suddenly washed over him, wondering if it had been that obvious, his sister continued with a smirk, imitating his expression by pulling at the corner of her mouth, which made Evan laugh.

“Every time you talk about that person, the corners of your mouth spread like this. How could I not know? Am I stupid?”

“…Did I really do that?”

“You even smile with your eyes, and I’ve never seen you make such expressions before.”

Maybe that was true. Loving someone was an emotion he had first felt after meeting Irene.

By the way, to think he had smiled like that. As he touched the corner of his mouth, Evan slowly began to speak.

“Yes, I do like her.”

His heart would pound and his chest would tingle when he saw her.

His heart would race for no reason, and he’d be afraid she might hear it, quickly averting his eyes when they met.

He worried if he might have offended her. He paid attention to every little action,

and when special days came, he would hastily take out his saved money to buy gifts.

He didn’t express it often, but he found happiness just in their eyes meeting.

He liked the warmth transmitted when their hands touched, and he liked watching the rain pour down together through the window when it rained.

Like getting wet in a drizzle, he couldn’t tell when he had started to like Irene.

She just caught his eye at some point. He couldn’t ignore the feelings that had bloomed in his heart.

He had simply become aware that he liked her.

“…To be precise, I liked her.”

Evan smiled bitterly again. He couldn’t meet her again now, could he?

Although he didn’t know when this illusion would end, once it did, all that remained for him was eternal darkness.

A darkness without a single point of light. Like the realm Lord Roman had shown him.

Thump.

His thoughts scattered because of his sister’s hands, which had grabbed his cheeks.

Looking as if she was angry about something, with an expression he had never seen before, his sister stared at him.

After staring at him for a while with his cheeks firmly held, she slowly opened her mouth.

“You’re making that face again.”

“…What face?”

“You made that same face when I died. I told you not to blame yourself, didn’t Mom tell you?”

“……”

“Sigh, really. You probably did something stupid again, trapped in your own world. This is why I didn’t want to leave you behind.”

With a sigh, his sister stared at Evan.

Couldn’t he see that all his thoughts were visible on his face? It was obvious he was blaming himself again and regretting everything.

She hated that. She didn’t like it. She was the one who had died from illness,

and she was the one who hadn’t told him. Why should her brother be sad?

Thump, her hands that had been holding his cheeks fell limply. Looking at her brother who was staring at her blankly, she slowly opened her mouth.

“Were you happy? While you were with that person, were you happy?”

At that question, Evan quietly closed his mouth.

If asked if he was happy, how should he answer? The contemplation continued.

One thought led to another, and in the midst of these connected thoughts, Evan was finally able to realize his own feelings.

Clearly… he was feeling regretful. He could have been with Irene a little longer,

if he had been a little stronger. He had so much to say after saving Irene.

In the end, he hadn’t been able to say it, to tell the story he had kept in his heart.

And the fact that he felt regret meant that he had been happy living as Evan Fried.

Evan could realize this without difficulty. In the mornings, there was Rophena who would slip and fall in the hallway all by herself.

There was Lord Chris who always laughed heartily and sometimes scolded him, and there was… Irene.

Evan carefully wiped away the tears flowing down his cheeks.

Then, with a somewhat relieved expression, he smiled and looked at his sister as he slowly opened his mouth.

“…I guess I was happy.”

Yes, he had been happy. To be able to be together.

Wishing this time could last a little longer.

Even while fighting Lord Roman, he had clearly been envisioning the future. And he vaguely realized.

Beep-

That this vital sign sound ringing in his ears wasn’t actually his sister’s.

The surrounding scenery was gradually changing. Not the white marble of the hospital, but the green field he had first seen.

He could see the tree standing in the middle. His sister was sitting on a bench placed beneath it, swinging her legs,

raising her finger toward the sky.

The thought occurred to him that it had been a long time since he’d seen such a bright smile.

His sister, smiling so brightly, slowly moved her lips toward him.

“You don’t need to regret anything anymore.”

She smiled faintly. Her brother had no need to regret.

When he talked about that person earlier, hadn’t her brother smiled more happily than anyone else?

Although his expression had darkened afterward, what she had read in those black eyes was clearly happiness.

“You can be a little happy now. Brother.”

It was good to care for others, but she hoped he would pursue happiness a little more.

Instead of blaming himself and regretting, she hoped he would pursue the happiness he now held.

After all, smiling suited him much better than crying.

Now… there wasn’t much time left.

Feeling her own body disappearing, she quietly moved her lips again.

Wasn’t color returning to his face that had turned pale?

Looking at that face and smiling for a moment, she turned her head toward the sky again.

Stars were twinkling in the sky. The sky that had been filled with darkness was gone,

and only a curtain dyed with brilliant starlight covered the surroundings.

Stars obscured by each other’s light, stars covered by each other’s light.

The field looked white in the starlight that was bright enough to dazzle the eyes. Evan quietly looked at his sister.

Swish-

His sister’s fingers were slowly disappearing. No, her body was scattering and somehow being buried in the starlight.

Even so, Evan didn’t try to hold onto his sister.

His sister, smiling brightly at him, seemed to be saying that he didn’t need to hold on anymore.

“Do the stars still look lonely to you?”

“……”

A stream of tears touched the stars and shattered with the light.

He wanted to say something more, but his throat kept choking up, preventing the words from coming out.

He had thought… the stars were lonely. After his sister died, when he was locked in his room looking at the sky.

He thought that a star alone in that dark sky would be solitary. That’s why he disliked stars.

Irene said she liked those stars. His sister also liked stars.

Didn’t she say she wanted to become a star when she saw the sky filled with stars?

By now, traces of his sister who had disappeared from the bench were heading toward the sky.

Becoming a star, twinkling together with the stars in that sky. Evan stared at it blankly.

The stars filling the sky no longer showed pitch-black darkness.

Even if a star disappears, it only disappears from human eyes, doesn’t it?

It would be floating somewhere in that sky. Sharing light with other stars,

and when night comes again, it would shine brilliantly.

Time passed. Looking at the stars flowing downward,

after staring at the sky for a long time, Evan gradually felt his voice returning.

“…I am happy. Soo-jin.”

I no longer think the stars are lonely. Evan quietly murmured.

The signal sound that had been ringing in his ears disappeared, and the sound of his heartbeat was returning.

It hadn’t stopped. His body, which he thought had grown cold, was slowly regaining its temperature.

Soo-jin, he thought it had been a long time since he had called his sister’s name.

This might be the last time… but perhaps they would meet again someday.

However, what mattered most now was Irene.

Crack- The sky began to break apart little by little.

Strangely, he didn’t feel regretful. Despite Soo-jin having melted into that sky,

the only emotion he felt now was concern for Irene’s safety.

His black hair turned golden again,

and his black eyes that had been looking at the sky also changed to deep green.

The end.

There was no such thing anywhere. Even in the darkest night, dawn eventually came.

Even on that dark new moon night when not a single star could be seen behind the neon signs,

when even the moon was invisible, light eventually seeped in.

Woong-

His torn heart beat, and light seeped into it again.

Thump, he felt alive with the sound of his heartbeat. He thought of the connections he would meet again, that he would not let go of this time.

Regret, he would no longer feel it. Because he had felt enough of it. And because his sister didn’t want that.

Evan, who easily recalled that this place was his mental landscape, quietly drew up his mana.

Mana was the will of the world. A means to fulfill one’s intentions.

All humans are born with mana. What he wanted to do most right now.

Evan quietly smiled. It was simple. He just wanted to protect what he cherished.

With no one getting hurt, no one being sad.

To not lose anything more.

He dispels the darkness again. The sky that had been brilliant with starlight began to brighten gradually.

The darkness was slowly dyed white, and eventually a white radiance rippled from the far end.

Dawn, morning was coming. A star containing a light more intense than any other star was pushing away the darkness of the turbid sky.

In the brilliant light that was bright enough to steal the light of the other stars, Evan quietly grasped his sword.

The mana wrapping his heart created a perfect circle. The surrounding space was gradually collapsing.

A space dyed white with light, without a single point of darkness, a realm filled only with brilliant flames.

A user senses mana. An expert can wield mana like limbs.

And a master.

Because they can dye the world in their own color.

Whoosh, flames rose again. The light spirit that had opened its eyes circled around Evan, creating a white flash.

In the collapsing mental landscape, in a world that was disappearing without even fragments remaining,

golden eyes dyed with light rippled once more with the light.