Ch.83. The Grim Reality Tightens Its Grip (2)

“The reason I don’t crave life in such a filthy manner like those wretched Demon Lords from hundreds or even over a thousand years ago, talking about resurrection and whatnot. If you’re as clever as I think, you should be starting to figure it out.”

Those words exactly.

Kariel spoke, struggling to catch his breath.

“Are you saying humanity’s victory was just an illusion? That you never actually lost, and you achieved everything you wanted during your lifetime… so you have no regrets or lingering attachments? Is that what you’re trying to say?”

“Correct answer, little one.”

The Demon Lord tossed the iron sword she was holding into the air, then crossed her arms and smiled.

“As you said, I’ve never been defeated. And my success was already determined the moment I invaded the Middle Realm.”

“But humanity stopped you! You died… Wait, could it be? Were the demon folk who betrayed you actually pieces you had strategically placed?”

“That was just me providing them a path to survival in my own way. Shouldn’t a ruler at least ensure the future of loyal subjects and citizens who follow orders well? Isn’t that what a king does?”

Could it be that even the group of demon traitors was part of her intended outcome?

“The species is known for being rough around the edges, but there are always exceptions. The more peaceful ones who enjoy rural living would find it better here in the Middle Realm. The blessing of good air and water is something the locals here don’t fully appreciate.”

“……”

“You look confused. Oh my~ Showing off to a little kid! How shameful of me!”

The Demon Lord was openly boastful.

It felt oddly fitting for her appearance, causing no sense of dissonance.

Moreover.

The fact that her childish bragging wasn’t mere bluster made it all the more significant.

“Getting back to the point, if you continue wasting your precious time following their methods, your future will likely become very unclear. About as clear as ink, to be precise?”

“You’re really… creating a situation where I have no choice but to trust and rely on you, aren’t you?”

“Not at all~ I’m just showing off! Oh my! Did it sound that way? I told you I have no intention of teaching you anything. Offering your soul? A contract? Not happening! I already told you, the ship has sailed.”

“Opportunity…”

“Yes. In the end, it’s only about whether you seize it or not. That’s all that remains.”

So, you need to grasp the three things I mentioned earlier.

“Precision. Efficiency. Sincerity… is that it?”

“My boastful lecturing just now was meant to help you understand two of those.”

Precision and efficiency.

Their meaning and necessity.

“Then what about sincerity… what exactly do you mean? Desperation? Earnestness?”

“Those are certainly included. Have you ever truly understood what it means to exert your sincerity, to give your all, and actually felt it yourself?”

“I…”

“Risking your life, burning your soul, using every ounce of strength you have. They all mean the same thing. Gritting your teeth and running forward is putting it mildly, though for some, even that would be too much.”

In short.

“Pouring everything you have to achieve your goal, to reach the desired outcome. Revealing everything about yourself without hiding even a speck of dust. The forms of expression vary, but you get the general idea, right?”

“…In my head, yes.”

“That’s enough.”

If you can’t understand with your head, how could you understand with your heart?

They say some types understand instinctively with their hearts and bodies.

But that’s just temporary, impulsive, and a stroke of unexpected luck at best.

“Whether you can handle this intentionally and at will is going to completely determine the nature of your training and your potential for future growth.”

“So how do I get that… Oh.”

“I like how quick you are.”

She said with a bright smile.

“I won’t tell you. You’ll have to figure it out yourself.”

For that purpose, first.

Just lightly, die sincerely 100 times.

With a bright smile.

The Demon Lord with a girl’s face cruelly pronounced her sentence.

“Ah! Don’t worry too much! You absolutely won’t die in reality! You know this is a dream, right?”

====

I thought there would be another shower of arrows like before.

But no.

Just a pure white space and.

A small sword placed on the ground.

…And himself, thrown into that empty place.

“……”

Kariel was quick-witted.

If he had been slower on the uptake, he would have been wallowing in even greater pain and humiliation than he was now.

Not just being framed and suffering from false accusations.

Constantly and maliciously buried under all kinds of slander and defamation, he would have been more desperate and resigned, struggling in self-loathing.

Like.

A fawn stuck in a swamp, having lost the strength to even struggle.

However, being quick-witted and sharp-minded doesn’t always lead to positive results.

The despair that follows can be that much greater.

The unfairness and disadvantages to come.

And the pain that would result from them.

Would be all the more vividly imaginable.

Some call it prediction, others call it anticipation.

It’s humanity’s greatest weapon as intelligent beings.

A double-edged sword that both drives and blocks human momentum and action.

Die.

Just die sincerely 100 times.

“Are you… telling me to commit suicide?”

A sword lies there.

Nothing else in this space.

The clue was so direct that his hands trembled just from that realization.

In a bleached void world without even the slightest noise, Kariel realized he had been thrown in without rhyme or reason.

“100 times?”

It sounds easy.

Too easy.

Even written as a number, it’s not that large.

If counting fruits, 100 would be a considerable amount, but still manageable with several large boxes.

With gold, silver, or copper coins, the volume and quantity would be even smaller.

“……”

Kariel picked up the discarded sword with a dazed expression.

No matter how much he racked his brain, this wasn’t a problem to be solved that way.

The one who posed the problem was the Demon Lord.

And the answer she expected was straightforward confrontation without compromise.

In other words…

“Sincerity. Earnestness. Desperation.”

Am I desperate?

Or earnest?

Do I have the desire to become stronger?

Yes. I think I did at some point.

Though it disappeared somewhere along the way.

Everything began to feel meaningless.

I did it because I was told to.

But there was no fulfillment.

As time passes, I realize it more and more.

“Meaning…”

There is no meaning.

Does effort create a breakthrough?

It didn’t.

Until this moment.

Until the Demon Lord pointed it out directly, everyone said that was the right way.

They shouted it angrily.

So.

I truly, blindly accepted it that way until I despaired, constantly lamenting my situation.

I’ve been discouraged all this time.

Therefore, I don’t know the method.

I’ve truly lost my way.

Since childhood, I occasionally received sword guidance from my father, but his conclusion was always just that I needed to build a foundation.

And the world, while under that father, condemned me, asking why I couldn’t even manage that much.

At least.

By Lueld’s standards, despite Kariel’s years of effort and more effort.

He was still someone who hadn’t established even the basics or foundation.

Above all, he was inherently poor at mana manipulation.

Naturally, his limitations in mana capacity were also apparent, so his talent for magic rather than swordsmanship was also dismissed.

“Huh…”

Was he intelligent then? Did he have a good memory? Was he talented in numerical calculations or formula combinations?

Not that either.

It was only through desperate memorization and repeated attempts until understanding that his written and theoretical grades were passable.

But practical skills were different.

Despite pouring even more time into that area.

He achieved no significant results in magic or swordsmanship.

Or even in other areas.

If not swords, then other weapons or tools.

If not suited for handling weapons, then perhaps using his body.

…But because his foundation, his basics were inadequate, even with twice the effort and hardship compared to others, he was always guaranteed below-expectation results and grades.

At least sitting at a desk wrestling with books was relatively easy.

That, at least, guaranteed results proportional to effort.

“……”

But.

…Even then, someone else would achieve better results than him while investing only a fifth or a tenth of the time he did.

Why is the world so unfair?

Why am I.

So incompetent?

So powerless?

Am I truly the son of the hero who saved the world…?

“……”

He took a deep breath.

Until his lungs reached their limit.

Don’t run away.

Don’t turn your eyes from reality by indulging in the role of a tragic protagonist.

The given task is simple.

Die.

100 times.

If others cannot kill me.

“I…”

I will kill my hateful self.

The heavy blade gripped in both hands.

The sensation of it tearing through skin and muscle from its starting point to its body, penetrating through the center of the neck.

An indescribable intense discomfort surged through his entire body, making him want to retch.

For now, the realization that he wouldn’t die immediately brought even greater despair.

It hurts.

Not even an unsightly scream escapes his mouth.

The sound of wind escaping, blood flowing and spurting, bubbles bursting… that’s all.

‘Ah….’

In that pain and bitter regret.

What I thought then was.

That next time I must die cleanly.

An unspeakably filthy regret and.

Struggling in pain, lost and flailing.

And an indescribable sense of frustration that overwhelms even that.

Those were the only things that rose within me.

……

But why?

‘……’

Strange as it may be.

It was somewhat relieving.

“Settling for that is just another name for giving up…”

“Huh?!”

The Demon Lord sneered at me as I came back to life.

“Don’t lose sight of your purpose. Who told you to accept death, to endure it and resign yourself to it? At this rate, you’ll have to die not just 100 times, but hundreds more, perhaps even over a thousand times.”

Don’t lose your focus.

Why you’re doing this nonsense here.

“Dig deeper. Engrave it. Think. Use your head. Find the answer as if burning your heart. Crave it, I say!”

“…You don’t need to tell me!”

This time, I thrust the reversed sword toward my heart.

Of course, even this didn’t bring the blessing of quickly dying and losing consciousness. No reward came.

“Guh!”

I know.

I know better than you!

Suddenly.

A sense of doubt welled up—do I really have to go this far?

Is this the only way I can become stronger?

Going this far.

…The thought that this was the only way to receive even minimal respect as a person.

Suddenly made me feel weary and sorrowful.

Yes.

I.

This moment.

……was just too exhausting.