Ch.81Chapter 81 – Unfortunate Past (4)

Yoo Seol-hwa left the dark hospital room.

She passed by the reception desk where nurses were waiting, making the excuse that she was going out for some fresh air.

Since Yoo Seol-hwa was a VIP at this hospital, no one dared to upset her.

Her grandfather, a wealthy businessman, had made substantial donations when the hospital was built, and that was working in her favor at this moment.

Despite the accident that had broken her body, rendering her money and fame useless for quite some time now.

‘This is the final act of my life…’

Looking at the path lit by fluorescent lights, Yoo Seol-hwa sensed her end approaching. Even though the lights brightly illuminated her way despite the early dawn hour.

‘Has this path ever felt so dark before…?’

They say when light grows stronger, shadows deepen as well. Looking at the scene, Yoo Seol-hwa almost felt as if she were walking through pitch-black darkness.

With one arm and leg immobilized, she could barely take a step forward with a crutch tucked under her armpit.

Her face contorted with effort, but her body refused to move as she wanted. It felt like being a fish struggling in the deep sea.

‘…Come to think of it, you came into my life like light.’

Even in that moment, Yoo Seol-hwa reminisced about Han Do-hyeon. He was the first person to hand her defeat—she who had been born a natural winner, never lacking anything in life.

“Really, who do you think you are to criticize someone else’s writing like that?”

Before hearing those words, she thought it was acceptable. Because she was an unparalleled genius. Because she thought she was a person whose talent shone brilliantly.

She had forgotten the most important fundamental as a writer.

“So you learned that winning awards gives you the right to freely tear down others’ writing.”

The colors of all the awards she had received had gilded her face. Now they were just unnecessary foreign objects with no use in her current situation.

“Just as every finger hurts when bitten, every work is precious to a writer. Watch what you say.”

Yes, that’s absolutely right.

For a writer, every piece of writing is precious.

Whether it’s a short story written to pass time, a novel that took years to complete, or even a suicide note written at the end of one’s life.

Yoo Seol-hwa had once imagined her end. Surrounded by many people, peacefully closing her eyes and breathing her last.

In that vision, she was a successful novelist, with Han Do-hyeon, her lover, holding her hand, and everyone mourning her passing.

‘…But reality always surpasses fiction.’

Nothing matched her current situation. Spinal infarction from an unexpected accident, paralysis throughout her body as an aftereffect, and infertility.

Yoo Seol-hwa thought about her circumstances as she took one step at a time. Even if she continued living like this, she would only be a burden to Han Do-hyeon and others.

Taking strong medication to overcome depression was useless. The miserable reality remained unchanged before her eyes.

“Ha… shit…”

Yoo Seol-hwa cursed while looking at the floor. It was something she would never do given her usually gentle personality, but in the current situation, she couldn’t help but curse.

She had thought spinal infarction was the only misfortune in her life.

‘To think that I’m infertile…’

When shitty things pile on top of shitty things, it seems people learn to give up.

I’m sorry for being a bad woman.

I’m sorry for being an inadequate girlfriend.

Even now, every moment without you feels like hell, but I couldn’t bear to imagine your face when you return from military service, still wanting to love me.

“If it were Do-hyeon… he would still love me even with this body.”

Hot tears welled up in her eyes and wet the floor. What fool in this world would love a woman whose entire body would eventually be paralyzed?

—Clank!

With such regrets and lingering attachments, Yoo Seol-hwa pushed open the iron door to the walkway. It was a place designed for wheelchair patients and those practicing walking to climb floors.

Just a few months ago, it was where she had fought against her illness without losing hope.

“Huh, huk… huhk…”

With each step up the ramp, her heart pounded wildly, and a suffocating sensation rose to her throat.

When she practiced walking with her boyfriend—when there was still hope—she remembered doing it so joyfully and diligently.

“Ah, haha… Do-hyeon isn’t here anymore…”

Now it was completely different.

As Yoo Seol-hwa climbed one floor after another, passing familiar scenery, she found herself reviewing her life like a flashback.

This hospital was where she had been treated for leukemia when she was very young.

“When I was young, I thought I could do anything once I left the hospital, that I could become anything…”

Yoo Seol-hwa bit her lip as she looked at the sign for the children’s ward and couldn’t help but lament.

The floor of hope, decorated with all sorts of colorful ornaments, was lit even in the middle of the night.

The children’s ward was a place physically and psychologically distant from the gloomy and dismal space of the adult ward.

“…When I got out, I wanted to eat all the hamburgers I could.”

Yoo Seol-hwa muttered to herself as she stretched one foot forward. Her heart felt as heavy as lead.

“I believed that someday I would grow beautiful hair and be free from the fur hat that covered my bald head…”

This was why Yoo Seol-hwa still maintained her long natural hair. She disliked short hair or even medium-length cuts because she had experienced baldness to the point of disgust.

“…Back then was the complete opposite of now.”

Unlike now, there was hope. Children have less sense of reality than adults and tend to view life more optimistically.

Had she too easily believed it would be the same this time? Perhaps she had mistaken a one-time stroke of luck for something ordinary.

My father, who donated bone marrow for me back then, has long since passed away from chronic illness.

Yoo Seol-hwa had secretly called a driver to tour famous restaurants across the country. She justified it by saying she needed to eat before her mouth became completely paralyzed.

After learning that her body was becoming paralyzed and that she didn’t have much time left, she stopped writing down things she wanted to do if she recovered.

There was nothing more depressing than writing a bucket list in her diary.

She cut ties with friends whose contact had gradually decreased, and she tried to break up with Han Do-hyeon, her promised lifelong lover, by leaving harsh words.

‘…If I just disappeared with a “poof” in the middle of this world, no one would notice.’

If she could, that’s what she would have wanted.

But a person like Yoo Seol-hwa didn’t evaporate so easily. It was precisely because her life was so tenacious and ugly that she was trying to end it with her own hands.

Click.

The iron door to the rooftop, which she had expected to be locked, opened too easily. As if someone wanted her to die.

“It’s cold… so very cold…”

The December weather, approaching negative 10 degrees Celsius, transformed into sharp blades of cold, penetrating through Yoo Seol-hwa’s flesh and the gaps in her clothes.

Paradoxically,

Through the thin hospital gown, the sensation of cold cutting into her skin made Yoo Seol-hwa feel more alive than ever before.

‘I’m alive.’

After the traffic accident, she had felt as if something deep inside her had died.

The sensation of her future as a novelist, her dreams, her hopes—everything shattering into pieces. The helplessness of constantly recalling memories that could never be put back together.

‘I’m alive.’

With chattering teeth and a trembling body, Yoo Seol-hwa was, for the first time, savoring the joy of being alive.

Perhaps her mind had gone mad from the long battle with illness.

Or maybe she was happy to be putting a period at the end of this miserable life.

Her eyes grew hot. Her throat tightened, making her breathing irregular. Her body tensed and trembled.

Her mind was completely filled with writing, and all the settings and characters she had never written about in her lifetime came flooding back.

“Bi-wol, who shared Do-hyeon’s painful past, Verdandi… Azazel…”

Yoo Seol-hwa suddenly called out their names, and hearing this, her disciples looked at each other and nodded.

“I wanted to see you all come to life in a real novel. Later, I wanted you to appear in webtoons or dramas, so more people would know about you…”

Perhaps it was because she was looking down at the cold concrete ground from ten floors up. Yoo Seol-hwa began to think of her unfulfilled dreams.

Even at the end of her life, she wasn’t just a patient with IVs and medications; she was still a writer with many dreams.

“…I hoped that Do-hyeon wouldn’t leave his past as shameful or painful memories.”

She wanted to write works that would remain in people’s memories. She wanted to build more memories and share more love with her partner.

“The writing I did with Do-hyeon… I wanted to see it published as a book someday… Ha, haha, hahaha…”

As proof, these were her words just before falling from the rooftop.

Just this.

It was an ordinary and simple statement that could be summarized in a single sentence.

In truth, Yoo Seol-hwa was desperately struggling, not wanting to die.

Perhaps it was because they sympathized with her determination.

“…I think I’ve seen enough. What do you all want to do? I think we should save her. After all, even if she’s Master’s ex-girlfriend, she’s a pitiful person.”

Bi-wol was the first to reach out her hand to stop Yoo Seol-hwa from approaching the edge of the rooftop.

“Let’s save her! That’s what a hero should do!”

Next, Verdandi stepped forward with a bright smile to take Yoo Seol-hwa’s hand.

“I don’t think we have the right to curse or hate Sister. She’s like a mother to us.”

Finally, Azazel blocked Yoo Seol-hwa’s path and offered a prayer of healing.

Perhaps their determination and hearts connected.

“Huh? Who are you all…?”

Unlike in the original history, Yoo Seol-hwa’s soul, which had been sleeping in the hands of the Outer God, was able to meet Bing-yeon’s disciples for the first time.