Ch.80Chapter 80 – Unfortunate Past (3)

Like some evil god trying to ruin a bright future.

Yoo Seol-hwa couldn’t stop Han Do-hyeon from leaving for the military, no matter what method she tried.

“Do-hyeon, please take care of yourself while you’re gone.”

“I will. I’ll contact you often. Please stay healthy too.”

Seeing her boyfriend Han Do-hyeon with his head shaved and dressed in military uniform at the training center, Seol-hwa could only hold back her tears and send him off.

She had barely received permission for a short leave from the hospital, coming to see her boyfriend off one last time with an IV still in her arm.

“That looks like he’s being dragged into the military. His lover is sick… I wonder if he couldn’t postpone it.”

Morgidian immediately understood the situation and explained it to Azazel. After all, there was no way they would know modern concepts like military service or draft notices.

“…Something seems strange. Is this really all happening because Yog-Sothoth was jealous?”

Verdandi thought it was a bit excessive. No matter what, wasn’t he a god who managed the outer universe? She didn’t think he would be so petty and mean-spirited.

“The thoughts of Outer Gods are inherently unknowable. Some of them flip their worshippers’ skin and flesh inside out or change their gender.”

Azazel sighed deeply as she spoke. It was actually Morgidian who was unusual for being benevolent toward humans. He was an Outer God with a magnanimous side who would let people live healthily as long as they didn’t harm him.

“…Still, I think this is wrong.”

Bi-wol said, lowering her eyes. No matter if Seol-hwa was a lover from a past life, she looked too pitiful.

She herself had met her master Bing-yeon and had her entire life saved, never having to face such cold reality again.

“That woman had no hope at all.”

After Han Do-hyeon left, Seol-hwa’s body gradually stiffened, and she collapsed while practicing walking, the light in her eyes slowly fading away.

“Why… why won’t they move… they were fine just a few days ago…”

Seol-hwa massaged her immobile legs, secretly wiping away tears in the bathroom with the water running, and whenever Han Do-hyeon called, she pretended to be as cheerful as possible.

Because she was already carrying too much to talk about her bleak future.

“…You need to prepare yourself mentally.”

“What? Doctor, what do you mean…?”

What put a period to Seol-hwa’s life was a consultation with her doctor. The physician shook his head while looking at her and delivered the shocking news.

“…The spinal infarction is spreading throughout your body. The prognosis is not good. Additionally, you’ve become infertile due to complications from the accident.”

“……”

“It seems you’ve been trying to hide it forcefully so your boyfriend wouldn’t be sad… but what can’t be fixed won’t change.”

Like a judge delivering a death sentence, a heavy, sharp sensation pressed down on her heart.

Since one knows their own body best, she had noticed something was wrong days ago.

“I’ll pay whatever it takes. Is there really no hope? Please, I’m begging you…”

“This is our first case like yours… The fact that you survived such a major accident was already a miracle.”

Seeing the test results clearly and directly hearing that she couldn’t have children hit differently.

A feeling that the whole world had abandoned her, a depression suggesting there would never be hope again washed over Seol-hwa.

“Hic, hnnnngh…”

The only thing she could do was blame everything and just sit there crying.

“…This is truly terrible! I feel like I won’t be satisfied until I punch Yog-Sothoth in the face!”

“I had no idea she had such a past… Could it be that our master tried not to create lovers because…”

“Perhaps to avoid repeating the tragedy. My brother has a kind and warm heart, so it would make sense.”

Verdandi and her disciples reached out their hands to comfort Seol-hwa as she cried, but they helplessly watched their hands pass through her.

The sight of the girl suffering misfortunes she shouldn’t have had to experience, trapped in Yog-Sothoth’s scheme, overlapped with their own pasts.

***

After that day, Seol-hwa spent several nights wide awake, refusing rehabilitation therapy or food.

She completely stopped eating, just curling up on the bed, trembling with fear.

“She’s been like that for two days already. Is she trying to die by not eating anything?”

Bi-wol bit her lip watching Seol-hwa. It was a method she had already tried when she was at the Heavenly Demon Divine Sect.

People are too tenacious to die easily. Such attempts are all in vain.

Besides, since she was on an IV drip at the hospital, there was no chance she would die of starvation.

“She must be heartbroken. Well, if I had a lover who promised me a future and this happened…”

Verdandi also spoke in a dejected voice, sympathizing with Seol-hwa. The situation was too grim to say anything positive as she usually would.

“Is there… truly nothing we can do to help? Must we remain powerless bystanders, merely observing events to learn the truth?”

Azazel brought her hands together in prayer. If Shub-Niggurath was listening, she wanted to beg for this poor lamb to be saved.

After all, they had all realized through their time with Bing-yeon that people can find salvation through other people.

“……”

Seol-hwa stared at her laptop with empty eyes. It was like an extension of herself, containing novels she had written over half her lifetime.

Looking at it, she felt a final urge to write. As a writer, it was the only thing she could do.

[I miss Do-hyeon…]

Tap tap tap.

Seol-hwa began typing on her laptop with her unfamiliar left hand. She thought if she couldn’t be forgiven, it was better to be hated.

[Do-hyeon, if you’re reading this, I’ve already left this world.]

She deliberately wrote the beginning this way. So that by the time Han Do-hyeon checked it, it would be after her death.

[You know what, Do-hyeon? They say I can’t have children. They told me I’ve become completely infertile.]

Seol-hwa expressed her feelings in calm words. Sometimes novels naturally incorporate the author’s emotions and state of mind.

As time passed, the traffic accident Seol-hwa suffered slowly began to destroy everything she had.

Not only did it turn all her accumulated status, money, and reputation into scraps of paper…

[I wanted to have beautiful babies with you and live happily. I wanted to succeed as a novelist and be a good mother…]

It even took away her most desperate wish.

Since Seol-hwa had lost her mother at a young age, she had always wished to become a good mother herself.

[Writing a novel with one hand is killing me. If I try to write in a notebook, my handwriting is terrible now.]

Seol-hwa began pouring out negative thoughts she had been holding back, so that Han Do-hyeon would be disappointed in her later.

[Maybe becoming novelists together was an impossible dream for us from the start.]

After Han Do-hyeon left for the military, she couldn’t tell him these facts, couldn’t overcome the devastating reality, and her mental illness grew deeper.

[They say people grow through hardship and pain, like a chrysalis…]

The numbness spreading from her right arm felt like it was trapping Seol-hwa’s body in a hard cocoon.

Like a chrysalis developing wings, preparing to become a butterfly, her body grew heavier, but she couldn’t soar like a butterfly.

[I guess I can’t fly like a butterfly after all, Do-hyeon.]

She was gradually becoming unable to move anyway.

No matter how much she grimaced and tried to put strength into her hands, they wouldn’t move. It felt like trying to move a non-existent sixth finger.

Like a soldier who had navigated a minefield on the battlefield, after losing sensation in her right hand and left foot, Seol-hwa made her decision.

With her increasingly paralyzed body, she couldn’t maintain her dream as a novelist or her place as Han Do-hyeon’s girlfriend.

She couldn’t even have children, which had been her lifelong dream.

So,

[I’ve decided to die today.]

Seol-hwa decided to commit suicide. She knew perfectly well that she would only be a burden to Han Do-hyeon if things continued this way.

[At least I wanted to die while my spirit as a writer is still alive, while I still feel human.]

That’s why she wrote lies in her suicide note.

Han Do-hyeon was such a lovable man that she knew if she left any lingering attachment, he would stay by her side until the end.

And she knew that he would live lonely and alone, unable to forget a woman he couldn’t spend his life with or have children with.

[It feels like being buried alive.]

[It feels like someone is shoveling damp, hard soil onto my head, one handful each day.]

[Even begging God to save me didn’t change anything.]

She typed on the laptop with her unfamiliar left hand.

[The weight of death is so light. That’s why I decided to die before becoming even lighter…]

Seol-hwa was determined to act like a bad woman to make Han Do-hyeon forget her.

[December 24, 20XX, Snow Flower, novelist Yoo Seol-hwa to Han Do-hyeon.]

[P.S. Let’s break up. Honestly, you can find someone better than me.]

After finishing her suicide note, she secretly left the hospital room and moved step by step with a crutch under her left armpit.

“Let’s follow her. We need to know what conclusion came after this.”

The disciples, who had watched everything, nodded and decided to witness Seol-hwa’s final moments.