Ch.80Chapter 12. Lantern (4)

I’ve never felt embarrassed while eating.

That was true in my past life and in my current one. I never thought the act of eating to satisfy hunger was something to be ashamed of.

I willingly fell for Kaoru’s bread bait and always ended up accepting it to fill my stomach.

Lately, I had been feeling guilty about receiving lunch bread from Yuka every day, but that was more about feeling bad for accepting one-sided help rather than embarrassment about eating.

That’s right.

Come to think of it, I never felt any shame about much younger girls giving me food and watching me eat.

…Even I think that’s a bit impressive. Survival instinct is truly remarkable.

But now, I was feeling somewhat embarrassed.

“Is it good?”

“Yeah. It’s delicious!”

I wiped around Koko’s mouth as she happily chewed with her mouth full of hamburger steak. It wasn’t dripping to the point of being impolite, but speaking with food in your mouth was itself a breach of table manners.

Not that I blamed Koko. She was still a child who didn’t know much. I wasn’t foolish enough to expect such etiquette from someone who had only started interacting with humans less than a month ago.

But still.

…She was already on her third serving, which was a bit…

Well, I used to eat three or four servings at barbecue restaurants in my past life. Barbecue restaurant portions aren’t that large to begin with.

Besides, hamburger steaks are too small to fill you up after just one.

But we’re high school girls right now.

“She eats well.”

Fukuda was smiling contentedly at Koko, who had stuffed her cheeks like a hamster.

These three didn’t seem particularly suspicious about how much Koko ate. Well, these three also typically ordered large sets at hamburger places.

Come to think of it, I’d heard that many students sprint through the hallways during lunch at high schools.

…But I doubt there are many who would happily eat everything they’re offered. Shouldn’t she be getting full by now?

Perhaps I was projecting myself onto Koko. For someone like me who always had plain bread, bread with actual filling was like food from another world.

Did I look this hungry when I ate? Did everyone who bought me food have this same grandmother-like satisfied expression?

“…”

While feeling somewhat embarrassed by this sudden self-awareness, I continued diligently wiping Koko’s mouth.

I hope she doesn’t get a stomachache. If her internal organs are the same as mine, eating too much wouldn’t be good. She had already eaten a lot outside before this.

The others seemed to understand this too, as they didn’t try to order more. That was somewhat reassuring.

“Oh, right.”

Fukuda clapped her hands together.

“Kotone, you’re not going to work tomorrow, right?”

“…Yeah.”

I nodded at Fukuda’s sudden question.

“And you live alone with Koko at home?”

“…Yeah.”

I answered with a slightly guarded feeling.

I could guess what was coming next.

“Then, can we come over sometime? I’ve always wanted to sleep over at a friend’s house.”

That surprised me a bit.

No, I wasn’t surprised about being asked if they could visit. Fukuda had already shown considerable interest when she heard I lived alone. To a child who didn’t know the circumstances, the situation of a teenage girl living alone probably didn’t seem that bad.

It’s an age when you want to break away from your family. Living alone might seem like a life free from nagging.

In some ways, that’s not wrong, but it only looks at the positive side.

Even I’ve found some peace of mind just from having two more living beings in my home recently. Though it means more work.

“Harumi, that’s—”

Yamashita spoke while watching my reaction.

She had already stayed at my place before, so she knew best among them what kind of place I lived in and how I lived.

Of course, back then, there was no Kuro or Koko. It probably looked much gloomier than now.

“Is it not okay?”

“Harumi.”

Miura cautioned Fukuda, who was speaking somewhat demandingly, as if she had somehow judged my momentary contemplation.

Hmm…

…Actually, there are some issues.

Kagami’s older sister—Kosuzu, was it? There was a possibility she might visit again. Of course, neither Kagami nor I thought that possibility was very high.

…In truth, if I thought about danger, the people around me would always be in dangerous situations. If I believed that woman could do anything.

But after the last incident, there are probably more people watching. Yamashita, who’s under the protection of the Yamashita family, and Fukuda, whose father seemed acquainted with Miura’s father, should be fine.

Plus, they’ve been hanging out with Kagami lately.

So these three, though they might not realize it themselves, have one foot in the non-ordinary world.

After thinking that far, I nodded.

“…It’s fine. But don’t be disappointed.”

“As if.”

Fukuda waved her hand dismissively at my words.

“Among the three of us, my place with my dad is probably the smallest. So don’t worry. If anyone would be surprised, it would be Miura.”

At that, Miura gave Harumi a playful glare.

“…”

And Yamashita, who had actually been to our house, had a somewhat worried expression.

Well, I’ve experienced these three’s personalities. They’ll probably try to act like nothing’s wrong when they see our house. They won’t mock or ignore it.

“Hmm?”

Perhaps catching the subtle emotional shift between the four of us, Koko tilted her head while chewing her food.

I wiped around Koko’s mouth again.

…Even if I can’t teach her how to use chopsticks right away,

I should teach her how not to spill food as soon as possible.

*

“Oh…”

That was the first sound Fukuda made when she saw our house.

What do you think? Much older, smaller, and shabbier than you expected, right? Even if you combined the upper and lower floors, it might not match the average size of these three’s homes. Well, if we’re comparing, most of that average would be taken up by the Yamashita residence.

Of course, I didn’t have a hobby of deliberately making visiting friends uncomfortable, so I just pretended not to hear and went up to the second floor.

Creak.

The old door made a somewhat creepy sound as it opened.

“Meow.”

Kuro came out through the door gap, hearing it open from inside.

“Meow~”

…Koko always imitated Kuro’s sounds when she saw him. I wonder if she now responds better to these sounds than to her own name?

“Wow!”

Miura exclaimed as she watched Koko pick up Kuro, who was making an openly annoyed expression.

“So this is the cat you’re raising!”

Miura quickly approached and gently rubbed between the cat’s eyes. It was a careful gesture, as if she wanted to touch it but wasn’t sure how.

“Meow~”

“His name is Kuro.”

I formally introduced Kuro to Miura as he made a sound as if greeting her.

“Hello, Kuro?”

Miura stroked Kuro’s head with a thoroughly delighted expression on her face.

I left Miura and went to the cat food bag in the corner of the kitchen, opening the rolled-up top.

Then I put some food on my palm and approached Miura.

“Your hand, please.”

“Oh, sure.”

Looking slightly puzzled at my words, Miura held out her palm.

I placed a few pieces of cat food on her hand.

Miura seemed to quickly realize what it was, and with sparkling eyes, she held out her hand to Kuro.

Kuro stretched out his head and ate the food.

“Haha, it tickles.”

“Me too, I want to try too!”

Fukuda called out, seemingly having forgotten her initial bewilderment at seeing Kuro, so I put some cat food on her hand as well.

And then.

“…”

Though she hadn’t said anything, I approached Yamashita, who had been glancing at me putting food on Miura and Fukuda’s hands, and she hesitantly held out her hand.

Well, Kuro was a name that Yamashita had given him.

It was an incredibly straightforward name, but it suited him and had a cute sound to it.

“Meow~”

And so, as if performing a ritual, the three of them took turns offering treats to Kuro.

…Kuro did well. Thanks to him, the somewhat awkward atmosphere had completely disappeared.

Both Koko and Kuro seem to help in any situation with their cute appearances and behaviors.

*

The old fan made quite a loud noise as it turned.

The already small room felt a bit more stuffy with five teenage girls in it. Even with the fan set to rotate, it seemed somewhat inadequate.

Still, with the window open, it wasn’t unbearable.

“I see… so you live here with Koko…”

“Until recently, I was alone.”

Feeling Yamashita’s gaze on me, I answered Miura.

When Yamashita came, I was truly alone.

Come to think of it, I was relatively comfortable back then too. At first, it felt somewhat awkward to have a runaway girl suddenly staying with me, but we were friends who knew each other after all.

Rather, it felt a bit strange when I was alone again.

In that sense, the room now felt completely full.

A room that had only contained my body, my school bag, and some belongings—essentially just an empty room—was now filled with my things, furniture, and friends.

So it felt somewhat awkward, but also warm.

At first, I thought I would just be alone here too.

“…”

I silently picked up the remote and turned on the TV.

The eyes of all the children sitting together turned to the TV.

What was on TV was an unnamed variety show that always played at this time.

Several celebrities sat as panelists, with the MC talking and comedians jumping in to share stories—a standard variety show format.

We were quickly absorbed in the TV.

When I watched alone, I never watched for very long, but just having someone laughing beside me, and someone who knew all the celebrities’ names, made it enjoyable.

Based on the trivial stories from the TV, we also shared trivial stories. I, who had no past here, and Yamashita, who wasn’t very talkative normally, were mostly listeners, but the conversation flowed smoothly with just an occasional comment from us.

…It was a bit strange that such conversations were happening in our house.

I worried briefly that the neighbor might come to complain about the noise, but either he wasn’t home, or perhaps he thought it was okay for me to be loud with friends occasionally.

Maybe he had found a night job in the meantime. Kagami had said he would find him a decent job.

This was the first time I was glad that the other room was empty.

*

How long had we been chatting?

I probably fell asleep well past midnight.

When late-night programs started showing on TV, we spread out the blankets and turned off the lights.

We left the TV on. The late-night programs were quite entertaining too.

There weren’t many blankets, but when we spread out everything I usually used, there was enough room for all five of us to lie side by side. I realized for the first time today that this room was that spacious.

Since summer nights were hot, we didn’t really need separate blankets.

I remember turning off the TV when the voices of the children lying down and chatting gradually became quieter, and one by one they started breathing peacefully.

I vaguely remember staring at the ceiling before losing consciousness.

…Yes, considering where I am, it’s as expected.

The uninterrupted, tearing sound of a horn. The acrid smell of smoke rising everywhere. The smell of oil leaking from somewhere.

Even though it was a dream, even though I knew it was a dream, strangely all five senses felt vivid.

…I know I shouldn’t.

I knew that if I went there, I would see my younger sister, my family again.

Yet, whenever I have this dream, I always walk towards it again.

If only I hadn’t checked back then.

If I hadn’t approached with that slight hope.

If I had turned around and asked another colleague, would I not have these dreams?

…No, surely, I would have seen it in another way. I would have had to identify the bodies.

Why?

I thought I had properly enjoyed myself today.

I walked around a lot, ate a lot of different things, stayed up late, and fell asleep like I was passing out, yet I was having this dream again.

I walk towards the white car crushed between a truck and another car. I couldn’t see the people inside yet.

Don’t go.

I shouldn’t.

I felt like I wanted to confirm what was inside with my own eyes. Just like I always did when I had this dream.

And, as always—

As always…?

“…Huh.”

There was no one inside.

No, the crushed car wasn’t our family’s car that I saw back then. Somehow it had become a van.

There’s no one inside. The truck that hit it from behind seems right though.

No, more than that, the car back then was much more crushed than the car I saw my family in. I wouldn’t have been able to confirm the bodies inside like this.

I saw an outstretched hand.

It wasn’t a hand in firefighting gear.

It wasn’t the hand of an adult male with calluses all over, but a small, soft hand of a girl.

I looked down at my palm.

This hand is—

“Kotone?”

I blinked.

I turned around.

Koko was standing there.

Tilting her head.

“Kotone?”

She called my name once more, tilting her head as if she couldn’t understand why I was checking that place.

As if she was right there.

“…Ah.”

That’s right.

Koko won’t die from something like that.

Koko in this life that I somehow got a second chance at—perhaps I don’t need to worry about losing her.

Whether she’s human or not, how she maintains her form. That’s no longer important.

I’m not alone anymore.

Behind Koko, there was an apartment building.

An old two-story apartment that looked like a ghost might jump out. In fact, it was too humble to even be called an apartment in Korea.

The door of that two-story house was open.

I took Koko’s hand and headed there.

Slowly climbing the stairs to the second floor, I opened the door.

A room full of things Yuka had given me appeared, and in the middle of that room, Kuro was curled up sleeping comfortably.

The room had no walls, just a pond stretching far into the distance. It was a black pond that looked infinitely deep with the black sky outside reflecting in it.

A lantern was floating on that pond.

A lantern for sending back.

I took a step towards it.

Not yet, not yet.

Remembering was painful, and I didn’t want to have such dreams anymore. I didn’t want to see my sister’s crushed face every day.

But it was also a rope I was holding onto. If I let go, I would fall. I would lose my reason to live.

I wasn’t ready to let go yet—

“Kotone?”

Just as I put one foot into the pond, a voice called from behind as if to hold me back.

I flinched and stopped.

Unable to turn around or move forward, I just stared at the lantern that kept drifting away.

“Kotone?”

Whose voice was it? I wasn’t sure whose voice it was.

Koko? Yuka?

Or—

“…Kotone?”

…I know.

I know whose voice this is.

At least, it was the voice of someone who wouldn’t call me by that name.

A voice I had almost forgotten long ago.

But couldn’t forget. A voice I was trying not to forget, trying to hold onto.

“……Kotone?”

The voice grew fainter. Though it came from behind me, it seemed connected to the lantern drifting far away.

The red lantern had almost become a single dot.

What should I do? What should I do?

Unable to go back or forward, I just stood there.

I wish someone would hold me back.

Either pull me forward or pull me back.

I was scared.

Being alone was too frightening. I hate it when people around me leave. I actually hated it, but I was afraid of reading more. So I—

“Kotone.”

The voice was now so faint that it seemed like it would completely disappear if I delayed any longer.

Whose voice was it? It was a familiar voice. Definitely.

I tried hard to recall, but couldn’t.

The voice called my name one last time.

“Big brother?”

I turned my head sharply at that sound.

*

And I opened my eyes.

The first sound I heard was cicadas. And the sound of soft breathing.

“…”

In front of me was Koko. We were lying on our sides, facing each other.

My body was drenched in sweat. Kuro was nestled between Koko and me. Kuro was sleeping soundly as if enjoying the heat.

With so many children in the room, the heat couldn’t escape.

I slowly sat up.

Yamashita and Fukuda were still sleeping. Yamashita was right up against the TV shelf, and Fukuda was completely face down with her head turned to the side.

Miura was missing.

As I was about to get up, I heard clattering from the kitchen.

I slowly got up and went to the kitchen, where Miura was preparing something, clattering dishes.

“Oh, sorry. Did I wake you?”

Sensing my presence, Miura turned to look at me, speaking softly.

“I was preparing breakfast.”

We had bought curry for this morning when we returned yesterday. Miura seemed to be preparing that.

“Uuu.”

As if responding to the mention of food, Koko made such a sound.

But she didn’t seem to be awake.

Perhaps she was dreaming.

“…Kotone.”

At that sound, I turned to look down at Koko.

Could the voice I heard in my dream have been Koko’s? Had I been hearing her sleep-talking beside me?

“…”

I shook my head and turned back to Miura.

And as I approached Miura, I said:

“I’ll help too.”

“It’s fine.”

“You’re guests.”

When I said that, Miura smiled wryly and moved aside slightly.

The curry made in Miura’s way was delicious.

Enough to make me forget the unsettling dream for a while.

…No, perhaps it was simply because the conversation shared with friends over the meal was enjoyable.