Ch.79The Direction of Gaze

Near the backyard of the Academy.

After making an awkward agreement with Tesser, our paths diverged in different directions.

Though we had shared our determination to become closer as siblings, spending a long time together enjoying the festival would have been arduous. It was still a time when we needed to measure the distance between us and improve our relationship slowly.

The only regrettable thing was that Eshtiel, who had made enormous contributions to resolving the incident, had gone with Tesser.

Still, it was fortunate. That child, whose mere presence was energizing, would surely be helpful to the melancholic Tesser.

Now there was only one issue remaining.

It was Rahilt, who was silently accompanying me.

“Um…”

“Serin.”

“Oh, yes?”

In that moment of tranquility, Rahilt and I spoke almost simultaneously. He called my name and turned his blue eyes toward me, with the corners of his eyes folded like a rain-soaked puppy.

“Are you alright?”

“What do you mean, Rian?”

“You seem more dejected than usual… No, not just seem—you definitely are.”

“Y-you’re being quite assertive.”

For some reason, Rahilt had abandoned his usual caution and offered his opinion. This was probably an achievement made possible because I was wearing an expression that even a fool could recognize.

“Anyone who knows Serin would notice.”

“I see…”

I let out an empty laugh while hiding my turbulent feelings. I didn’t want to show this vulnerable side of myself…

Though it was unfair to blame him, I felt a little annoyed at Rahilt. He normally didn’t notice my feelings at all.

Rahilt’s emotions were like spring buds emerging after a long winter. Those buds were so delicate and immature that they didn’t even know what color their own leaves were. So, it was vexing that this same Rahilt could so perceptively notice the aspects of myself I wanted to hide.

The same person who stubbornly ignored my forward advances suddenly seemed spiteful.

It must be an inferiority complex.

Comparing them—perfect siblings despite not sharing blood—with us—immature siblings despite sharing blood—made me afraid of how Rahilt might judge me.

Because Rahilt values family more than anyone else in the world. So he might be disappointed in me, and there would be nothing I could do about it.

It feels like no matter how hard I try to make up for it, it won’t be enough.

I hid my complicated feelings and simply smiled.

“Haha, I’m sorry for making you worry. Well, if I treat Tesser better from now on…”

“I didn’t bring this up to receive an apology. Nor did I bring it up hoping you would cover yourself with laughter.”

“Rian…? I’m really not…”

I couldn’t finish my sentence. As I lowered my gaze with a metallic sound in my voice, a warm heat caressed my face.

It was Rahilt’s delicate hand.

“Uh, um… Rian…?”

I never dreamed Rahilt would initiate physical contact with me—it was an earth-shattering event. My gloomy mood was forgotten; his boldness was so shocking that I couldn’t tell which parts of my face were crumbling.

While I was having this soul-departing experience, Rahilt’s lips slowly opened.

“I am on your side.”

“What?”

“I have some idea of what worries you’re harboring that make you look so dark… But there’s no need to specify. You would surely dislike that.”

“You know that, yet you’re saying it outright…?”

“…I’m sorry. But I needed to let you know that I can somewhat guess your feelings.”

“Why?”

“Because otherwise, my words would sound hollow.”

There was no wavering in Rahilt’s eyes. Those beautiful eyes that would tremble at the slightest provocation from me now reflected me like a calm water surface.

It was a strange sight.

How strange that his gaze, which I had always faced, could be so direct—it was completely unfamiliar.

Then he spoke.

“Serin, you’re like sunshine.”

“That’s a sudden compliment…”

“I’m just telling you exactly how I feel.”

He answered calmly. As if to declare that mistakes in speech were impossible.

Rahilt was unfamiliarly composed, but I found myself staring blankly at his figure wrapped in this strange atmosphere.

“I am aware that I am a human with numerous flaws. I was even more so when I lost someone precious, and there’s no guarantee I’m any better now. Therefore…”

He paused briefly before speaking again.

“I was unbearably ashamed of myself. So ashamed that I couldn’t bear to show myself to others. But at some point, someone like warm sunshine stood beside me and eased those worries. Do you know who that person is?”

“…”

Thump—my heart beat.

I realized who Rahilt was describing and ultimately asking about. And Rahilt gave me exactly the answer I expected.

“Serin, it’s you.”

Rahilt’s hand that had been resting on my cheek slowly moved downward. The warmth gradually shifted lower, eventually covering my wrist, then firmly filling the spaces between my fingers.

“Even though I spent days acutely aware of how inadequate I am, you always unconditionally took my side. I vaguely felt it then… but I was definitely happy about it.”

“I just…”

Because you’re my favorite.

I felt sorry for Rahilt, who had to bear unhappiness for the crime of being born, and I wanted to be his strength. Even if it would be ridiculed as deception from the daughter of the man and woman who brought down the deposed emperor.

So I never once questioned standing by Rahilt’s side.

Such honest feelings sank back down my throat, becoming words left unsaid.

“There’s no reason I wouldn’t take your side. If you blame yourself, I’ll be on your side to encourage you. Even if it’s just feeble support… I will definitely do so.”

“Rian…”

“So if any of the reasons for the shadows on your face are related to me, please let go of that part. I, as the person concerned, allow and even ask this of you. Because I will always be on your side. Just as you have been for me.”

“Ah…”

This is strange.

With Rahilt holding my hand like this, my thoughts are tilting in a different direction than usual.

Just the other day, I would have teased Rahilt for becoming more flirtatious… I would have poked at his weak spots and enjoyed watching him get flustered…

But I don’t feel like doing that at all.

“No… ha…”

I turned my head abruptly, unable to withstand Rahilt’s gaze. This too was quite unusual for me. And the phenomenon of my vision blurring as I sighed deeply was also a rare experience.

“Really, really, why am I like this… I, I… shouldn’t be like this.”

I don’t deserve to be.

While Tesser, the unilateral victim, might be excused, I, who am essentially the perpetrator, shouldn’t be acting this way.

Especially not in front of Rahilt, who had witnessed everything.

“Ah… really…”

Tears welled up in my eyes.

Not knowing how embarrassing it was, a burning sensation crept under my eyes.

“Ugh…”

I wanted to hide my unsightly face that I absolutely couldn’t show. So I avoided Rahilt’s beautiful eyes. Then, trying my best to control the trembling in my voice, I asked.

“Rian…”

“Yes, tell me.”

“I’m really sorry, but could I get a little closer for a moment?”

“You have nothing to be sorry about to me.”

“I think I’ll be, quite, close.”

“I don’t mind.”

“But you usually dislike me getting close.”

“Sometimes… no, honestly, it’s because you look at me with scary eyes most of the day. Unlike now.”

“Ha, what’s that…”

There’s a limit to honesty.

That’s too much. I’m feeling so down, and he’s making such frivolous jokes.

What if I end up laughing while crying and get upset…

“This is why I give you those looks…”

I buried my face in Rahilt’s chest. Deep enough so that he absolutely couldn’t see my foolishly contorted face.

“Don’t look at me… at all.”

“I’ll just look straight ahead.”

“Is there a woman there?”

“Several passing by.”

“Then look somewhere else.”

“I’ll look in whatever direction you specify.”

It was nice that he went along with whatever I said. Truly, Rahilt seemed to be on my side, just as he had told me.

As a result, my swelling spite deflated pathetically, leaving only me wrapped in strange feelings.

“…… Look diagonally to the right.”

“There’s plenty to see in that direction too.”

“Are there women?”

“Yes.”

“Then all the way to the right.”

I realized my mistake and carefully asked.

“…Wouldn’t that hurt your neck too much?”

“Well, it’s not much different even if it’s all the way to the right.”

“Then never mind. Look diagonally to the left.”

“I don’t think the result will change dramatically by shifting my gaze a little.”

“What about all the way to the left?”

“This seems troublesome for you. Would you allow me to lie?”

“No, just don’t look there either.”

“Then I have no choice.”

“…Indeed, as you said, there’s no choice.”

With my face still buried in Rahilt’s embrace, I spoke as casually as possible.

“Just look at me.”

“Yes, I will do so.”

Rahilt whispered once more, as if savoring my words.

“I will look only at Serin all along.”