Ch.78How to Break Her. (2)

Sometimes, the truth is crueler than lies.

For the first time, Livga felt her ability was a curse. If only she didn’t have this power, she could have dismissed the demon’s words as nonsense.

But she couldn’t.

[You know nothing, Saintess. Even if you claim to know, what you know is merely a speck of dust.]

[Do you know what happens when life repeats endlessly? You go mad. No matter how noble your will is, you eventually go insane.]

[You wouldn’t understand what this means even if you died and came back to life. Just as a mortal cannot comprehend eternity.]

She wished it had been a lie.

But the more the demon spoke, the more miserable reality became.

[A hundred years? A thousand years? Five thousand years? I guarantee, it’s been even longer than that.]

Time enough for the ruler of the continent to change more than ten times.

Time for dragons’ lifespans to run toward their end.

Time enough for mountains to erode into grains of sand.

Livga couldn’t comprehend what it meant for a mere human’s mind to live through such time.

There was no way she could understand.

Just as only those who have lost family can understand that pain, the suffering of one who has lived for eternity can only be understood by another who has lived for eternity.

[If the owner of this body were to see this current form… how would they feel?]

She knew why the demon said such things. It was clearly babbling to disturb her mind and break free from the binding spell.

Because it couldn’t corrupt Olivia’s mind in the sanctuary.

So she had resolved. No matter what she heard, she wouldn’t release it.

She thought it wouldn’t matter if she was hated. She had decided to humbly accept even words filled with hatred.

Because that was how she could protect Olivia from the demon.

But.

‘…Can I really call this protection?’

One thing was certain: this would inflict an indelible wound on Olivia.

Livga’s fingertips trembled. With her legs giving out, she crawled on her hands toward Olivia.

Livga broke the chains binding Olivia one by one.

“Ah, ahhh… ahh…!”

With each chain she broke, Livga’s crying grew louder.

Olivia’s hands were soft. Her back, face, legs, feet, arms—there wasn’t a single wound anywhere.

That’s why she hadn’t known. That her heart was so festered inside.

“Sister…”

Why didn’t you ask for help?

Was it because you were afraid I would get hurt?

Was it because you thought I wouldn’t believe you?

She already knew the answer herself.

Because nothing would change by speaking up. Because there was nothing that could help.

-Thud.

As the last chain broke, Olivia’s body collapsed.

Livga caught Olivia with her entire body. For an adult’s weight, Olivia was far too light.

“Ahhhh… uhhh.”

Livga buried her face in Olivia’s chest and sobbed.

She could understand.

If she had wanted to know, she could have known all along.

How difficult it is to always maintain a smile and be warm to others—if no one else, at least she should have known.

She should have asked.

She should have asked if her sister was struggling.

If she herself was this exhausted, she should have thought that Olivia would be too.

It was sacrifice.

She had thought it was devotion, but it was sacrifice.

Devotion is using all your strength to help others with body and soul. But no matter how joyfully one approaches it, there inevitably comes a time when one gets tired.

But it’s not something that can’t be overcome.

Sometimes through self-satisfaction, sometimes through sincere gratitude.

– It feels good to be praised, doesn’t it?

And sometimes, a single word of praise can overcome that fatigue.

But sacrifice is different.

Devotion merely exhausts you, but sacrifice festers. It gnaws at the deepest parts of your heart.

Because sacrifice is the last resort chosen when no one else can do it but yourself.

Such festering wounds cannot be treated. They cannot be cut out.

Just like the scene of losing her parents still remains as a deep scar.

And she had contributed to creating that scar as well.

‘Ah, no…’

She couldn’t hurt Olivia anymore.

Why had she done such a foolish thing? Why had she ever had that terrible thought of keeping the demon bound until it perished?

Livga strengthened her entire body with holy power and hoisted Olivia up. Then she prayed to God. That Olivia would be saved from her tragic fate.

Olivia’s fingers twitched in her arms. Her eyelids fluttered.

She was trying to wake up.

No.

Don’t look.

“…Sleep a little longer, sister. Sleep more. Don’t wake up yet.”

She turned her head so her reddened eyes wouldn’t show, and hid her overwhelming emotions behind clenched teeth.

Livga quickly laid Olivia down on her bed. She healed the skin that had become red and swollen from being bound in chains.

And Olivia woke up.

“Where am I…?”

“My room.”

Livga entered through the door. Her eyes were red from holding back tears just moments ago.

“…Were you crying?”

Livga hesitated for a moment.

She was considering how to answer without hurting Olivia.

“…Yes.”

“What made you cry?”

Livga remained silent.

She couldn’t tell a lie. If her holy power decreased, Olivia would notice immediately.

But she couldn’t tell the truth either.

[Do you think a mortal can understand eternity?]

Because Olivia would be devastated just knowing that she knew the truth.

‘I shouldn’t know this, right? Sister… you don’t want me to know this, right?’

Livga ran over and threw herself into Olivia’s arms. She took Olivia’s hand and brought it to her head.

“Just… something difficult happened.”

“Something difficult?”

Instead of answering, Livga nuzzled her head as if asking to be petted.

Olivia looked like she had many questions. But she obediently stroked Livga’s head.

Livga thought to herself.

She had many questions too.

…But she couldn’t ask them.

Because she couldn’t understand Olivia’s feelings.

She knew neither what it was like to live eternally, nor how lonely it was to live solely for a purpose with one’s will worn away.

So she should only ask questions after understanding at least the latter.

Fortunately, there was one person who fit the criteria.

Someone who lived by constantly suppressing their own will under a terrible sense of responsibility.

‘…I should go see them.’

*****

I thought I had adapted to the clues.

I thought I had considered all the rules that imposed terrible penalties.

[Clue usage is currently unavailable.]

But I never expected this.

The reason was simple.

[Currently, ‘Saintess Livga’ and ‘Wavemaster Esthie’ are in the same location.]

Rule #1, cannot contact two Returners simultaneously… that’s supposedly the cause.

Of course, if it were just that, I wouldn’t have such a dumbfounded expression. It’s not like I’ve never had three-way meetings with Returners while playing Lactea.

‘If anything, they became more frequent toward the end.’

Time was limited, and there were many people to meet, so I couldn’t insist on one-on-one meetings forever.

So, I can understand that the time I’m trying to use the clue happens to be during a ‘three-way meeting.’

And I can understand not being able to use the clue because of the ‘three-way meeting.’

Rather than entering the clue only to receive a penalty and be kicked out, it’s better not to enter at all.

But…

‘How did Livga and Esthie meet?’

This was why Olivia was perplexed.

Livga and Esthie never met in the massacre timeline.

Strictly speaking, they had met before. But that was long before Olivia met Livga.

The time when the Saintess of the Holy Kingdom and the Wavemaster of Icail met was when Olivia was still studying under Melina.

And that was their first and last meeting.

If nothing else, she remembers this clearly.

Because the two could never be in the same place.

Icail, the port city of the Kingdom of Canis.

Esthie was the Wavemaster of that Icail.

And Esthie ‘never’ leaves Icail.

Therefore, for them to meet, Livga would have to go to Icail herself.

But Livga’s position is Saintess. And the Saintess can never leave the Holy Kingdom without the Pope’s permission. Though better than Esthie, she too has difficulty with external activities.

‘…This is driving me crazy.’

It’s already hard enough to keep up with variables in reality, and now variables are appearing inside the clues too.

Considering it hasn’t even been half a year since I fell into this world, it’s an astonishingly fast pace.

At this rate, the future will soon be distorted into a form I’ve ‘never experienced.’

‘…Should I just go to Icail?’

If memory serves, Esthie should be the owner of the next clue.

Though she’s reckless in character, if I flee beyond Icail, she won’t be able to follow. And since she has no interaction with other Returners, the possibility of leaking information…

At that moment.

Livga, lying on her lap, opened her mouth.

“…Sister.”

“…!”

Brown eyes were staring intently at her.