Ch.74Chapter 74: I Shouldn’t Fall Asleep…

#

Having decided to look after her while she slept.

My task was clear.

“Ah, there it is.”

First, I carefully lifted a chair in the room, making sure not to drag it across the floor and make noise, then placed it beside the bed where she lay.

I sat down cautiously on the chair, trying not to make any rustling sounds, and watched over her sleeping form.

Even though she had a peaceful expression as she slept.

The quality of sleep she was getting, having drifted off unconsciously under the influence of alcohol, couldn’t possibly be satisfactory.

I should at least stay and look after her until I’m certain Shizu is sleeping comfortably.

Sitting in the chair, I made up my mind and even lowered my breathing, afraid I might wake her.

It was an action taken out of concern that my breathing might disturb her sleep.

I could take such precautions because I vividly remembered how you were as a child—sleeping so deeply sometimes that you wouldn’t notice if someone carried you away.

Yet at other times, you’d wake at the sound of an ant crawling if your sleep was even slightly uncomfortable.

Some might think I’m being excessive.

Sss- Hoo-

But my effort to quiet even my breathing seems to be paying off right now.

The wheezing sound of her breathing as she fell asleep has softened noticeably.

It now resembled the breathing of someone in deep, restful sleep.

And I could see her expression relaxing as well.

Seeing her face gradually soften.

I could easily tell that the expression she had when she first lay down wasn’t one of true comfort.

Though she wore the same smile.

Compared to the smile on Shizu’s face now.

Even that angelic smile from before seemed somewhat forced.

“…Beautiful.”

The fact that such words escaped my lips unconsciously as I watched her changed expression speaks for itself.

Seeing Shizu in deep sleep could be described as the greatest of luxuries without exaggeration.

As I mentioned before, Shizu asleep is an angel.

“Mmm…”

Even when she stirs slightly and drools a little.

Just watching her lying straight without tossing and turning warms a corner of my heart.

If this isn’t an angel, then what is?

As I faced this angel before me and tried to compose my warming heart.

“Hoo…”

Warm breath escaped my lips beyond my control.

It was an action taken to release the warmth that would otherwise rise to my head if left unchecked.

I’m getting warmer.

Both my body and heart were simultaneously warming up as I indulged in this luxury I couldn’t have imagined in the previous timeline.

Just watching Shizu sleeping peacefully made me feel my usually controlled expression melting away uncontrollably.

I could clearly sense what expression I was making even without looking in a mirror.

[Are you letting your guard down because she’s asleep? Even I’m surprised at how your expression has softened.]

Paphnir, who had been silent since entering this room, finally spoke up with these teasing words.

‘Just looking at her does this to me. It seems to be beyond my control.’

Having no reason to deny it, I lightly responded to Paphnir’s teasing.

How could someone not soften their expression when facing a precious person sleeping with a happy face?

Though my response was casual, I didn’t think my answer was wrong.

However, I was aware that my answer was lukewarm.

I prepared myself to calmly react to whatever teasing remark Paphnir would make about my lukewarm response.

[It’s a wonderful thing to come to like someone.]

But Paphnir’s voice resonating in my head showed no sign of teasing, only deep sincerity.

[And in your case, it’s even better because such feelings serve as a driving force that makes you stronger.]

Far from teasing me, he was actually encouraging me with these words.

…I didn’t expect this kind of encouragement suddenly.

Though it might be inappropriate to say we’ve known each other for a long time.

Paphnir occasionally showed a serious side quite different from his usual frivolity.

Why did he reveal such complex aspects so frequently in such a short time?

Curious, I tried to ask him.

[I hope those feelings never change.]

But with these final words, Paphnir maintained his silence despite my calls, and I missed the opportunity to speak with him.

I felt some regret at missing a good chance to have a quiet conversation just between us, but what could I do?

I should just do what I can do now.

So I put aside my regret and mulled over the phrase from Paphnir’s words that stuck in my mind.

Hope they never change.

Hope that my feelings of liking someone never change…

“Hoo…”

After letting out a cold sigh closer to a lament, unlike the warm breath I had been exhaling to release the warmth in my chest.

“They won’t change…”

And while quietly voicing my determination not to change, I gently shook my head.

As I shook my head, I noticed my expression, which had melted with happiness, gradually returning to normal.

Meanwhile, I relentlessly pushed my mind, repeating my determination over and over.

As long as the memory of having made a wrong choice once, causing irreversible consequences and hurting you, remains intact in my mind.

I was certain that my feelings of cherishing you now would never change.

#

It had already been about an hour since I started watching over Shizu sleeping soundly on the bed.

Seeing that she showed no signs of waking, my worry that she might not be sleeping properly due to the alcohol had almost completely dissipated.

“I should go back now.”

With that reassurance, I decided it was time to leave her room and return to my own lodging.

Looking at her comfortable breathing under the blanket I had covered her with to keep her warm, I thought there was no need to worry anymore.

But regardless of my diminished concern, I wanted to stay in place until she woke up.

I felt the urge to continue experiencing this warmth that filled me just by watching her, but.

“I shouldn’t…”

The judgment that staying by her side might disturb her deep sleep stopped such desires.

Cold reason commanded me.

It told me it was time to withdraw from here.

“Let me cover her with the blanket again.”

After readjusting the blanket that had shifted as she moved comfortably in her sleep, I was about to leave.

Swish

As I was covering her, Shizu’s hand touched mine in her sleep, trying to fuel my desire.

But having firmly made up my mind, I successfully controlled the desire rising in my heart, knowing that decisions once made couldn’t be reversed so easily.

“…Sleep well.”

I gave my final greeting to the sleeping Shizu, carefully removed her hand from mine, turned around, and was about to leave the room.

“…Don’t go…”

It was very faint.

But in such a quiet space, Shizu’s voice was heard all too clearly.

“…Shizu?”

Could she have woken up?

Her voice was so clear that I turned back toward where I had been sitting, but.

My eyes, now accustomed to the darkness and able to distinguish everything in the room, didn’t see her with open eyes.

So it wasn’t that she had woken up, but that she was talking in her sleep.

“Phew.”

I let out a light sigh of relief that I hadn’t disturbed her sleep, but that was only momentary.

“Uh… uh… No.”

Because her small voice clearly reached my ears again.

Feeling puzzled, I took another step toward Shizu and saw.

“I’m… sorry.”

Shizu’s expression, as she continued to talk in her sleep, was changing from the comfort I had seen earlier to one filled with distress.

Not just her voice, but her expression too was becoming pitiful.

…Could she be having a nightmare?

“I’m really… sorry.”

Even as my thoughts continued, pitiful words kept flowing quietly from Shizu’s lips.

And that pitiful voice in Shizu’s voice defined my actions.

Not the rational movement dictated by cold reason.

But rather, expressing the small desire that had been disturbing my heart until just now.

Grip

After carefully holding her trembling hand that was emitting pitifulness.

“It’s okay. I’m here.”

I spoke in a gentle voice that would give her more reassurance than anything else.

It worked.

“Mmm…”

A soft moan flowed from her lips, which had been expressing such fragile pitifulness, and her expression also softened.

“Phew…”

I let out a sigh of relief deeper than before.

That’s a relief.

But while feeling relieved, I was also worried.

You, who until just now had been sleeping with a happy expression without a care in the world.

I couldn’t imagine why you showed such a pitiful expression and made such sad sleep-talk.

Could it be…

“Could there still be lingering pain even though you said you’ve let it all out in words…”

I remember her from the time before I regressed, when she suffered even greater pain because of me, who was broken without even knowing my choice was wrong.

So much so that saying sorry countless times wouldn’t be enough.

That image of her, helplessly shedding tears due to my one-sided mistake.

Every time I recalled it, regret and guilt crossed, stimulating my tear ducts.

But I forcibly held back the tears that were about to flow and focused only on adding warmth to my right hand holding hers.

Feeling both gratitude and regret for your warm heart, saying sorry in your sleep for something you should be angry about.

Confirming that the sincere apology and warm memories from the first day after regression weren’t enough to completely shake off the pain from that time.

A sharp, needle-like pain surged in a corner of my heart.

But it wasn’t difficult to gently hold the hand that was holding one of her hands.

No, rather, such pain only added gentleness to my touch.

“Thank goodness…”

I even thought it was fortunate to be able to face such a scene in advance.

Why?

Because I could notice a little earlier that she, who always tried to make me comfortable by smiling brightly on the outside, was unconsciously revealing the wounds in her heart while asleep.

Unlike before I regressed, I had made it my life’s goal to always see a smile on that face.

If there are still clouds obscuring your smile.

My desire to clear those clouds with my own hands is only growing stronger.

“Hoo…”

A soft breath escaped from Shizu’s lips as she found stability feeling my touch.

Has she awakened from the nightmare?

I hope so.

“…I can’t leave like this.”

From the moment I worried that if I let go of this hand, pitiful words might flow from her lips again, this seemed like a predetermined fate.

“…I won’t die from not sleeping for one day.”

All that remained was to trust the super-regenerative ability residing in my body.

I sat back down on the chair placed beside the bed, continuing my determination to maintain the state of carefully holding Shizu’s hand, smaller than mine, until she woke up.

But despite my determination to stay up all night.

“Mmm…”

As soon as I recognized the slightly hard sensation of the chair I sat on for the second time spreading from my buttocks throughout my body.

“Yaaawn…”

I unconsciously let out a light yawn.

Though I hadn’t undergone harsh training that exhausted my body, it seemed the effects of moving around in harsh weather conditions were finally showing.

“No…”

I shook my head heavily left and right to drive away the sudden drowsiness, but.

“Damn…”

Rather, shaking my head back and forth made me feel dizzy, producing the opposite effect of making me even sleepier.

With the realization that at this rate, I would ungracefully collapse while sitting on the chair.

“…”

Feeling my eyelids getting a bit heavier, my already dark vision became even darker.

I desperately tried to keep my eyes open, which were trying to close, but.

“…Oh no.”

The result of my desperate effort was not to drive away the drowsiness.

It only showed its effect when I was about to wake up from being deeply immersed in sleep.

I definitely entrusted my body to the chair, but the incredibly soft sensation felt at my head and.

“…Did you sleep well?”

The incredibly soft voice melting my ears told me otherwise.