Ch.6Ill-Fated NPCs (1)

“Hack!! Ptui! Cough!! Ptui, ptui. Fuck. It hurts…”

It was an experience of having my shoulders and back completely shattered.

And this is already the second time I’ve recalled memories from my past life while eating dirt.

The sensation of something grabbing and throwing me through the nearly closed entrance.

The soil that poured onto my face entered my eyes, nose, and mouth indiscriminately, and somehow I managed to survive after being forcibly thrown through that gap.

Though my entire body aches so much I feel like I’m going to die.

“Ugh. Status window. How much HP do I have?”

I wonder if I took quite a bit of damage just now? With that thought, I try to call up the status window, but it doesn’t appear.

I don’t want to think that some black comedy situation has occurred where I escaped but the status window got buried. But I’m feeling a bit anxious.

“Cough. Cough. More importantly. Who the hell threw me…?”

As I push myself up from my prone position, I see a golem with a blank face staring at me.

Ah, fuck. Seriously! Holy shit!!!

They say when people are too shocked, they can’t even scream. That’s exactly my situation right now.

“…How did this one get out?”

And something’s strange. I fell back on my butt in surprise when I saw it, but it just keeps staring at me.

Don’t tell me. Is there some kind of phase 2 where it charges at me? No, right? I’ve never seen anything like that in the game?

“…Damn it, status window. Where did you go? What is this? Who saved me? Who are you?!!”

Maybe because I was on the verge of death just moments ago, both my body and mind are in tatters. I just want to go see Ira quickly, and express my gratitude to whoever saved me.

As I look around anxiously.

-Tap. Tap. Tap.

“…Ah, I’m really screwed now.”

The golem is walking toward me on its own. I might have more HP, but my attacks only did 8 damage to it. In other words, if it decides to fight me, I’ll have no choice but to run.

I’m truly doomed…

[The Mime Golem wants to be your friend.]

“…Huh?”

[Will you accept the Mime Golem as your companion?]

“…No. Wait. What does this mean?”

It’s not making any sound. This is clearly a status window. But that status window is displaying on the golem’s face, creating a bizarre phenomenon. What is this… Could it be?

“Status window. Did you perhaps… the golem…?”

[The Mime Golem is not a status window. Will you accept it as your companion?]

“…Hey. You masochistic bastard. Just show me my HP.”

[The Mime Golem is not a masochist. As your companion…]

“If you don’t show me, I won’t accept you.”

[-Occupation: Mountain Keeper NPC- Level: 300 Name: Jack. Age: 15.]

[Strength: 50+?]

[Agility: 40+?]

[Intelligence: 3+?]

[Luck: -30+??]

[HP: 300,000+???]

[MP: 0+0]

[Skill: Mountain Administrator]

[Mountain Administrator Effect: All stats slightly increase in the mountain you manage.]

[Mountain Currently Managing: -Ponia-]

[Title Acquired!: View Details.]

No. Damn it, you are the status window. What the hell is going on?

And is it true that I didn’t lose any HP at all? My whole body feels like it’s dying from pain? Is this right?

“…Sigh. Hey. What’s this ‘View Details’? Title?”

[Please click View Details.]

Another text appears next to the status window like a help message.

The status window now doesn’t even try to hide itself, responding immediately to everything I say.

From the moment I recalled memories of my past life, it was an incomprehensible situation, and from the point where a status window I’d never seen in my 15 years of life appeared before my eyes, I thought I could understand anything that happened.

So I was planning to just accept that the status window is a masochist.

Somehow it’s indicating that I should press the View Details button it created near its chest area.

Ha. If it were a woman’s chest that might be one thing, but it’s just a blank golem, so what’s the…

I reached out without hesitation and pressed View Details…

[Ah!]

Hey, you crazy bastard.

*

[Title: Mountain Keeper who killed a Celestial Horse. Mountain Keeper who is also a Miner. Mountain Keeper who earned the Mime Golem’s affection.]

…Do you think you can just slap “Mountain Keeper” onto anything? And what’s this about killing a Celestial Horse? When did I kill a Celestial Horse? That was just a terrible accident!

And if you’re looking for who killed it, it would definitely be the golem, not me. I’m innocent. Even a judge would agree with that, right?

[Will you accept the Mime Golem as your companion?]

“…So you’re just completely ignoring what I say?”

[I am not ignoring you. I would like you to accept me as your companion.]

“…Why did you suddenly attach yourself to the Mime Golem in the first place? How did you attach to it? This defeats the purpose of a status window! It’s inconvenient…”

[I can separate.]

“…You’re really something else.”

The status window that was floating on the Mime Golem’s face and chest area naturally moved aside and came toward me.

Just to make sure, I waved my hand to see if the golem would mimic me, but it’s clearly still under the status window’s control. It’s just standing still.

[It’s not inconvenient. Please accept the golem as your companion. It has taken a liking to you.]

“…What exactly is your reason for wanting me to accept it as a companion?”

And what’s this about liking me? It likes me because I hit it? Are you really a pervert? Honestly, I don’t want to have a monster as a companion.

I’m not even a Tamer class player, so what kind of excuse am I supposed to give people?

Besides, this is a boss, right? If it causes trouble somewhere, I’ll be the one taking the blame…

[It will help you on your journey. It will make it easier to carry and protect your little sister.]

That was too big of a merit to refuse.

Fine. From today, I’m a Mountain Keeper Golem Tamer.

*

[The Mime Golem has become your companion. Please give it a name.]

“……”

The golem follows me, trailing behind my back, and the status window flickers before my eyes. Since I agreed to accept it as a companion, it’s been displaying not only my stats but also its own stats in front of me.

[Mime Golem: Level 362]

[Strength: 150]

[Agility: 60]

[Luck: 0+??]

[Intelligence: 22]

[HP: 196,202]

[MP: 150]

[Skill: Mimicry]

[Mimicry Effect: Absorbs and perfectly replicates the opponent’s actions. Luck is proportional to the opponent’s luck.]

Its stats are vastly higher than mine. If I had just fought it head-on, I would have definitely died. Honestly, we’re both around level 300, so what explains this difference? Am I just a character who’s supposed to die in the story, while this one is meant to be defeated after the boss?

Of course, even its stats would only be equivalent to a player in the early to mid-90s level range, but still, why is it almost twice as strong as me? And why is its intelligence higher than mine? That really pisses me off.

[The Mime Golem has become your companion. Please give it a name.]

“Sigh. Wait a bit. My naming sense is catastrophic.”

My naming sense is truly hellish. To what extent? I usually just use auto-generated IDs because that’s better. I’ve never created any IDs other than things like “ZSupremeGeniusZ” level, and I’ve never put much effort into IDs.

I once thought about making an ID with grammatical errors just to annoy others, but I got so much grief over my IDs.

I probably received a lifetime’s worth of “Did you even go to elementary school?” comments back then.

I told it to wait several more times, and the status window finally gave up and quieted down.

Of course, it’s not speaking with a voice, but it keeps demanding a name right in front of my face, which makes me even less inclined to give it one. Moreover, when I suggested just calling it “Mime Golem,” it whined that it didn’t like that.

Why is it acting like this?

When we finally reach the entrance to the town, the guards widen their eyes at the sight of me. Or more precisely, because of the golem behind me.

“Halt! What’s that monster behind you?!”

“Ah. I’m a Tamer, and I tamed this golem I met in the mountains.”

“…Show me your adventurer’s card.”

“Well, about that. I haven’t registered as an adventurer yet. For now, I have this…”

I hand them the ID card from the previous village, and both of them look at it quizzically before speaking.

“…Isn’t this a Mountain Keeper ID?”

“Yes. I just quit being a Mountain Keeper. I’m trying to get a different ID now, but the town where I can get it is far away.”

“Huh, you quit being a Mountain Keeper? Weren’t you doing it because you had the ability?”

“…Haha. The pay was too low.”

“What?”

“Huh? What did you say? Mountain Keeper doesn’t pay well?”

The two guards look even more puzzled than when they saw the golem. What’s going on?

“No. Isn’t it a job that pays 10,000 cans per week?”

“And I heard they give you 1.3 times the normal compensation when you hunt monsters? Isn’t it a job that pays far more than being an adventurer and is safer too?”

“…What did you say?”

10,000 cans? Per week? PER WEEK?! 1.3 times?!!

“W-week, you said?! One week?!!”

“Y-yeah, one week. How much were you getting paid…?”

As my face begins to contort, the two people talking to me start to get tense. But right now, their feelings aren’t what’s important.

“Fu…”

“Huh? Fu?”

“Fu…!!!”

“H-hey. What’s wrong?”

“FUUUUCK!!! I WAS GETTING PAID 800 CANS!!!!”

I never imagined I’d discover that I wasn’t just being paid below minimum wage, but was actually being completely scammed.

I let out a roar filled with genuine anger, and the two guards, with bewildered expressions, just let me pass through.