Ch.68Signs (1)

I remained frozen in place for a long time, unable to approach her, staring at the coffin she had made.

I couldn’t move, couldn’t speak a word.

Even with my limited experience and shallow thinking, how could I have never once thought about a coffin?

To make a small excuse for myself, so many things had happened to me that I couldn’t pay attention to every detail.

Was Laila, my little sister, worth only that much to me?

My pathetic excuse was immediately refuted by my own conscience.

A ten-year-old girl I failed to protect.

For nearly three months, she had been buried in the soil without even a coffin to cover her body.

“…Ash, are you okay?”

“…ha.”

When I couldn’t answer, Sylvia immediately walked over to me, knelt on the ground, and embraced my head tightly.

“…It’s not your fault.”

“…haha.”

“It’s not your fault.”

“Ha… ugh,”

I rested my head on her shoulder and broke down crying.

Sylvia seemed to have something she wanted to say, her lips parting several times, but in the end, she said nothing.

She simply pressed my head gently against her shoulder, offering it to me in silence.

I struggled to swallow the sobs escaping through my tightly clenched lips, soaking her shoulder with hot tears.

Each time my shoulders trembled, she held me tighter.

“I’m… such a pathetic brother… I’m so sorry…”

“…Ash.”

Was she feeling guilty about seducing me and ultimately having relations with me, despite my vow of abstinence while carving Laila’s tombstone?

Or did she think I might blame her now?

Sylvia called my name with a sorrowful voice but attempted no further hasty consolation.

“…Sylvia.”

“Yes?”

“Please… hold me… more…”

I didn’t want to blame her.

She hadn’t forced herself on me, so there was no reason to blame her.

Though she had been somewhat forceful, and I probably had no way to escape her desire-filled touch in that situation, I couldn’t deny that I too had enjoyed our intimacy, so I had no right to criticize her now.

Rather, if I had any conscience, I shouldn’t do that at all.

Looking back now, after living with Sylvia for well over three months, there had been countless events in that short time, and my perception of her had constantly changed.

Hero, roommate, and lover.

Sometimes I forgot, but she was our benefactor—mine and Laila’s.

Especially for me, or rather, everyone in this world was indebted to her.

So the only person I could blame regarding Laila was myself.

“Sylvia…”

“…Yes?”

After calling her name, I closed my mouth, unable to find the words.

It’s okay, thank you, I’m sorry.

None of these could fully express my feelings.

So I tightly embraced her back and burrowed into her arms.

Sometimes actions are more effective means of communication than words.

Sylvia seemed to understand my feelings and simply tightened her arms around me without saying anything.

After crying in her embrace for a long time, I slowly turned my head to look down at Laila’s tombstone that I had completed.

On the neatly carved rectangular stone, her name and dates were engraved in intaglio, identical to what was written on the grave marker, and behind her name lay the handkerchief I had placed there.

With a trembling voice, I spoke her name once more.

“Sylvia.”

Sylvia looked at me without asking anything.

Perhaps she was being careful, thinking that even asking might seem like pressuring me for an answer.

It was another sign of how much she cared for me.

Because of this, I could resolve to reveal the truth I had been hiding.

“…I have something to tell you.”

Beneath that handkerchief on Laila’s tombstone, a few more letters were engraved that weren’t on the grave marker.

The surname of our family—mine and Laila’s.

After much deliberation throughout the carving process, and even long before that, I had finally engraved those letters.

Staff.

Sylvia would quickly understand what that surname meant.

That I, Ash, was Maria’s brother.

I had hidden this fact for fear of causing guilt and pain to Sylvia, who had been Maria’s comrade, but I sensed it was time to reveal it.

Of course, she would be shocked.

She might suffer from nightmares again, consumed by sadness and guilt, strangling herself in agony.

But now, she had me.

I had no intention of letting her fall apart, nor would I allow her to feel guilty toward me.

Whether she was sad or in pain, I would always, forever be by her side.

I was confident that Sylvia now firmly believed I would be part of her future.

That certainty was embedded in the final decisive step I took to engrave this name.

When I took a deep breath and gently pushed her away, Sylvia released me without resistance.

Slowly separating from her embrace, I knelt on one knee before the tombstone on the ground and placed my hand on the handkerchief covering the surname.

Sylvia looked puzzled, not knowing what I was about to do.

I lifted the handkerchief.

“Laila Staff”

I slowly recited the name engraved on the tombstone.

Sylvia slowly repeated the surname.

“Staff…”

“…Yes.”

“…”

“And Sylvia… my name…”

“…Ah.”

“My real name is Ash Staff.”

*

“My real name is Ash Staff.”

Ash looked up at Sylvia with a worried expression that didn’t match his solemn voice, which was still moist with tears.

Sylvia fell into thought as she observed him.

She already knew what he was trying to say.

He was revealing that he was Maria’s brother.

Since she already knew this fact from documents found on the bodies of the Goddess Church priests, it wasn’t particularly surprising.

Rather, Sylvia was more surprised that he had revealed this fact.

Hadn’t Ash kept silent about Maria out of consideration for her?

So why was he revealing it now?

He who was pouring out blame and regret toward himself for Laila’s death and for being unable to prepare for it or give her a proper funeral.

And he who had finally burst into tears in my arms, overwhelmed by the bitterness of the situation—why was he revealing this fact to me now?

Sylvia silently looked down at Ash.

“Sylvia… are you okay?”

“…Huh?”

“You’re not saying anything…”

“Ah… yes, I’m fine…”

Ash, for his part, was surprised by Sylvia’s more composed reaction than he had expected.

Could it be that she didn’t understand what the surname Staff meant?

Could she not remember my sister’s name?

Considering how many times the name Maria had appeared in her stories, that seemed unlikely, but just in case, Ash slowly moved his lips.

“I am… Maria’s younger brother.”

“…Ah.”

When a gasp of realization escaped from between Sylvia’s lips, Ash hurriedly poured out his words.

“Don’t worry. I’m not trying to blame you.”

“…”

“…I’m sorry for hiding it all this time. I should have told you earlier, but back then…”

Ash paused.

No matter how close he had become with Sylvia, he couldn’t openly say, “You seemed too unstable, so I was reluctant to tell you,” right to her face.

Sylvia, after a short gasp of “Ah,” had stopped speaking and was completely frozen.

Perhaps her calm reaction wasn’t calmness at all, but rather she was too shocked to react.

Thinking this, Ash slowly stood up and approached Sylvia.

He carefully placed his hand on her cheek, then moved it past her ear to the back of her head.

Ash carefully embraced Sylvia’s neck and said:

“I’m happy because of you, Sylvia. So please don’t feel too guilty toward me.”

“Ah…”

Ah.

I see.

Ash… you fool.

Sylvia still didn’t know exactly why Ash had suddenly revealed this fact, but looking at his expression as he gazed at her face with affection, she could be certain of one thing.

Just as Ash had hidden the truth about Maria out of consideration for Sylvia, his reason for revealing it now was also out of consideration for her.

At the end of that straight line of certainty hung guilt and endearment.

Sylvia lowered her head and said:

“…I’m sorry.”

“No… there’s nothing to be sorry about.”

Ash was worried about Sylvia right now.

“Why not…”

Not knowing anything,

Like a fool.