Ch.65Chapter 8. The Lives of Others (End)

Camilla didn’t answer. She held my hand, with no strength in her grip. Her world was collapsing.

The human heart has inertia; it doesn’t easily break down under normal circumstances. Conversely, once it collapses, it’s difficult to rebuild. Perhaps that man Hut was the same way.

But I can’t let Camilla go like that. She’s mine now. So I push forward, even forcefully if needed.

“So what are you going to do now?”

“…Do what?”

Camilla’s eyes were unfocused. Her face was expressionless. She was hearing my words, but her responses were merely mechanical.

“I’m asking what you want to do now.”

“Do what? What a stupid question. Well…”

Her words trailed off. Like someone waking from a bad dream, Camilla looked around the room. The ceiling. The covered laptop. The CCTV on the wall.

“…What should I do now…?”

“Okay. Let’s say this was all a lie. Let’s say that woman Fulcrum has been deceiving everyone, and somehow that goddess statue turns people into zombies. So what? What then?”

Camilla hesitated.

“Camilla. You told me you wanted to see clearly what you did in the Liberation Front. That you wanted to know if Hans was really deceiving you. Remember?”

“Yes. I remember.”

“And you did that, right?”

“I didn’t want this…”

I can’t give her time to think. I need to push forward. I have to help her stand on her own. The healing can come later. I can’t let Camilla lose herself.

“Is that right or not? Just tell me this. Did you find what you wanted, or not?”

“…I found it.”

“Then let’s just focus on that. You learned one thing you wanted to know. Now it’s time to move to the next step.

Camilla, you told me you were trained to keep moving even when your strength was completely drained. Remember?”

Camilla nodded.

“Yes, I remember.”

“How do you do that?”

Perhaps it was ingrained through intense training, but Camilla answered immediately.

“One thing at a time. Only what’s possible, thinking calmly… I have to move.”

“This is the same. You’ve done nothing wrong. You wanted something and you achieved it. Now you just need to decide on something new and move forward.”

Camilla bit her lip.

“…I. You know.”

But unable to continue, she pulled me into an embrace. I supported her as she was about to collapse.

Just then, a crackling sound came from the ceiling speaker. Even if hastily built, an apartment is still an apartment, it seems.

– Attention, please.

– Rotating power outages for energy conservation will begin in 30 minutes. Hampton City Hall has notified us that District 12, where this hotel is located, along with Districts 13 and 14, will experience a power outage for two hours. The outage may be extended without prior notice.

– Guests are advised to arm themselves thoroughly in preparation for any situation and to be ready for intrusions.

– Front desk staff will always contact you before visiting, so please do not open the door to unidentified individuals. The hotel is not responsible for guest deaths or injuries.

– Additionally, CCTV throughout all areas will be activated to prevent staff assault, property damage, and theft. Please understand this is a measure for your safety and the hotel’s security.

– Please be advised that if such actions are detected, they will be physically suppressed without warning.

– Again…

The announcement continued once more. This means the CCTV in our room will also be turned on.

“Wait.”

Camilla stopped me as I tried to get up. So I stayed put.

The hotel sofa was quite large and spacious. It was comfortable enough for both of us to lie half-reclined. Camilla, nestled in my arms, fidgeted with my chest.

It seemed more like an unconscious action because it was there, rather than having any particular purpose.

“…It started with a carpet.”

Camilla said something incomprehensible. I just listened quietly.

“It was an incredibly busy day. I had school in the morning and a photo shoot in the afternoon, and no matter how I tried to arrange my schedule, I couldn’t fit in lunch. So I hurried to at least eat a good breakfast, and I spilled tomato juice on the carpet.”

Like someone talking about memories, a faint smile appeared on her face. But from her trembling voice, I could guess what the outcome would be.

“It was just an ordinary, cheap thing you could see anywhere, but I loved that carpet. It was the first decorative item I bought with my own money as an adult.

A white cloth with a brown bear. The edges were worn out, and dust flew every time I cleaned it. My dormitory roommate hated it, but I was stubborn about keeping it.”

This must have happened when she was in college.

“But when I came back after the photo shoot, the carpet was clean. I wondered if my roommate had changed it. She liked things neat and orderly like me.

When I asked my roommate who returned from her part-time job in the evening, she was surprised. She said she hadn’t touched it.

Something felt off, so I examined the carpet again. There wasn’t a trace of tomato juice, not even a single loose thread. The edges that should have been worn were crisp. It wasn’t the carpet I had bought. Someone had purchased a new one and placed it there.”

Camilla shuddered. I gently stroked her back. I waited for her to compose herself, to let her expel the painful memories lodged inside.

“After that day, things in my home started changing one by one. An extra pencil in my pencil case, or a small potted plant I’d never seen before appearing.

I was still young then, so I just installed more locks and complained to the school… that was it. But when all my towels changed to red one day, I couldn’t take it anymore.

I brought a police officer and searched through all the CCTV records, but coincidentally, all the records for that time period had disappeared.

Neither the police nor the school told me anything properly. Instead, I only heard gossip like, ‘She’s been doing photo shoots and now she thinks she’s a celebrity.’ Eventually, I left the dormitory and found a separate room. But… the harassment continued.”

Camilla’s breathing became rough.

“No, it got worse. My underwear would be cut with scissors and left on the bed. Or someone would take juice from the refrigerator, drink it, and leave the cup there.

But there was nothing. No evidence that someone had broken into my room, nothing on the CCTV. Everything was erased. Do I sound crazy?”

“No. Not at all.”

“One day, I just hid near my house. To see who was going into my home. I left as usual, changed clothes in a store bathroom, put on a wig, wore dark sunglasses, and sat in a cafe.

But no one entered my house. I thought maybe they weren’t coming today, so I went to the bathroom and came back. And… there were two tissues placed on my table.

Two blank tissues. If it was just one, I might think someone dropped it. But two…

I screamed like a madwoman. The store said they really didn’t know. Everything was like that. Someone was reaching into my life and stirring it around, but I… couldn’t do anything. From that day on, I hated being alone.”

“Why do you think this happened?”

“Because I didn’t stay quiet. It was after I shared an SNS post saying I supported Elza’s self-determination for independence, that the current government was just a puppet…

I was a sophomore in college, and while my athletic abilities weren’t great, I was doing well as a model with many followers, so my post supporting Elza’s independence spread everywhere.”

Camilla wasn’t simply someone who got lonely easily.

Someone, or some group, was maliciously harassing her. Not by hurting her body, but by breaking and crushing her spirit. Sometimes, tormenting the mind is more terrible than inflicting physical pain.

Just by making the victim ‘imagine’ what might happen next, you can push them into a hell of their own making. Simply and without much effort.

“You know, I still tried incredibly hard. I somehow kept attending school and did more advertisements. I had the mindset of ‘Go ahead, do your worst.’ I even deliberately promoted companies that funded independence struggles.”

“You were brave, Camilla.”

“I was young then and fearless. And… I didn’t want to lose. Any athlete would feel the same. But back then, I didn’t know I was digging my own grave.”

Camilla let out a long sigh. I gently stroked her hair, indicating it was okay to take her time. She burrowed into my arms like a fragile animal.

“If you could go back, would you make a different choice?”

Camilla hesitated. For quite a long time.

I could guess what happened to her next. Römer said he took “swimming” away from her. The dream she wanted to achieve, but that was just beyond her fingertips.

I don’t know exactly what they did, but it was probably an extension of what they’d been doing. Breaking her spirit without touching her body… something even more terrible.

Otherwise, how could such a strong person come looking for me, saying she didn’t want to be alone? Camilla was desperate. Desperate enough to want to run away from memories she didn’t want to recall.

What would she answer?

“…I’m not sure yet.”

Camilla finally spoke her true feelings. She whispered, stroking my cheek.

“Looking back, I feel like I’ve been pushed around everywhere. I thought I was living according to my own will, but I was just… bouncing from one place I disliked to another… and now, I’m here. In your arms.”

“So, do you regret it?”

I asked playfully while stroking her back and waist.

Camilla poked my side with her finger and pulled me closer to her. So close that I could feel the rise and fall of her chest and stomach with each breath.

Then I felt a trembling.

She was crying. Her body was sobbing. When her head and mouth couldn’t speak aloud, her body cried for her.

“…I don’t know. It’s all too…”

I think about what I know about Camilla. It wasn’t as much as I thought. I know a lot about her, but just as much remains unknown.

What I understand about her is only what I already know. That she too is someone whose faith has been shattered and discarded, and that she still hasn’t been able to stand up because of it.

I tell her what I want to say to myself.

“Reclaim it.”

Camilla looks up at me with round eyes. I added:

“Your life. Reclaim your life.”

“My life…?”

Camilla repeated the phrase “my life” a couple of times. But then she shook her head.

“…I have no life to reclaim. I’ll just use the rest of my life to burn Römer. I’ll kill them all.”

I wiped the corner of her eye with my thumb. Camilla was confused but closed her eyes when she saw my wet finger.

“Let’s start with something small.”

“Like what?”

“Things you like. Like exercise. Or cooking.”

At the mention of cooking, she smiled.

“I don’t really like cooking. I like eating. What you make.”

“I’ll have to make it for you often then.”

At those words, Camilla opened her eyes.

“I’m hungry.”

She grabbed my face and kissed me. She stared at me without breaking eye contact, then kissed my eyelids.

“…I’m so hungry.”

“Do you want to eat something? Should I get you something?”

“No. It’s right in front of me.”

It was an incomprehensible statement. Camilla caressed my cheek.

“…I don’t know. I can’t remember well. What I like. What I want to do… But it’s strange. I vividly remember everything I did with you.

The food you made. When you came to rescue me, exercising together in the fire station basement… It was just for a moment, but it all comes back to me. But, I’m hungry.”

After saying these puzzling words, she lifted my shirt. She carefully kissed my upper chest. The sharp sensation, the moist feeling, the soft yet forceful push of her tongue tip was vivid.

She left a mark. Just as I had left one on her collarbone, she left one on me.

“…So, while I stay by your side, I’ll think about it slowly. Is that okay? I am now…”

“Yes. Because you’re mine.”

“You’re mine too.”

A siren sounded. The warning for the power outage. Camilla put my clothes back on me. But she still held me tightly. Then suddenly she pinched my side.

“Ow, what!”

“Now that I think about it, I’m a bit angry. Rev… what? Bunny girl? Why would you stare at something like that? You know that’s really weird, right?”

She turned away, sulking. I was so taken aback that I pulled her back from behind. She shook her head slightly but didn’t push away the arm holding her body.

“Was it that weird?”

“You have to ask to know? Imagine if a man wore something like that!”

“Really? What if I wore it and showed you… Ow, ow!”

She thoroughly pinched my thigh and turned her back, but she pressed her buttocks and back against me. This didn’t seem like a good position with the CCTV about to turn on.

“I didn’t even ask you to wear it, why are you getting upset?”

“…Because it bothers me that you seem to like that kind of thing! But no. I hate it too much. It’s shameful. It’s subhuman, that stuff.”

She mutters with her ears turning red. No, it’s not that I particularly like that, it’s just that the other options were really not my taste.

“…A bikini might be different.”

“Huh? Camilla, what did you say?”

“Oh, never mind!”

Camilla jumped up. She coughed, then put her hand to her forehead and leaned against the wall. I brought her a water bottle, and she gulped it down. She was covered in cold sweat.

Under normal circumstances I might not worry, but right now she really looks sick. Even if she says she’s fine now, the mental shock won’t fade so easily.

Just then, a red light came on the CCTV. Camilla leaned against the wall and stared at me.

“…Johan, I.”

“Yes, tell me.”

“I want to try something small. I’ve found something I want to do.”

“What is it?”

“Being alone.”

Though she looked tired and exhausted, Camilla’s face seemed more peaceful than ever before.