Ch.63Like Lovers, Yet Not Lovers (1)

The human heart is truly fickle,

Embracing emotions so deeply one moment, only to feel embarrassment later.

Just moments ago, we had embraced naturally,

But now Irene, her ears bright red, cleared her throat and slowly pulled away from me.

“That… what I just said.”

“You mean about missing me?”

“F-forget it. I just said it without thinking.”

Why was she so embarrassed? Hadn’t she been crying so bitterly in front of me just now?

Even while wiping away her tears, I had worried about her troubled heart.

Now she seemed a bit better, which was a relief.

I felt somewhat responsible for making her cry, especially since I’d never seen her cry like that before.

Her hand pushing against my chest made me frown.

Her eyes widened at the sight of blood spreading more than before, possibly from the wound reopening.

“You’re bleeding. Did you come straight here without treatment?”

“It’s much better now. Since it went straight through, right now it’s more or less—”

“…Went through?”

My body suddenly trembled as Irene’s gaze fixed on me.

As the atmosphere instantly grew cold, I watched her expression carefully. After a moment, Irene grabbed my arm and her lips moved.

“Follow me. Don’t say anything.”

“I’m fine now. Originally… alright.”

Irene’s eyes narrowed as she looked at me, seemingly angry.

I worried she might start crying again.

All I could do was nod with a sigh at this needless concern.

Perhaps I had misspoken. As she silently led me through the window, I could only offer a bitter smile.

#

“Take it off.”

I frowned at her words. Wasn’t she being too direct?

After all, I’m a man and… she’s a woman. When I hesitated, Irene sighed and turned her head slightly before speaking.

“…I’ll close my eyes, so take it off. We need to bandage you.”

“I can do it myself. You really don’t need to…”

Hadn’t I bandaged myself alone before?

Recalling the first day I was injured, I said as much, but Irene sighed and poked my arm while giving me a sidelong glance.

I gritted my teeth at the dull pain that traveled through my arm. Perhaps the bone hadn’t completely healed yet.

When I clutched my arm, Irene watched me with twisted lips.

Her expression seemed to ask if I still insisted on doing it myself, which made me laugh involuntarily.

“Even like this?”

“…Are you serious? About bandaging me?”

“Do I look like I’m lying? Hurry up and take it off. You’re still bleeding.”

In this situation, I finally realized how much her attitude had changed from before.

How was it when she bandaged me before? The way she looked at me then seemed quite different from now.

With a slight smile at that thought, I took off my shirt, but the buttoned shirt tore on its own and fell limply into the air.

I hadn’t even applied force, just held the buttons, yet it tore like this.

Slightly taken aback, I stared at the shirt for a moment.

Then, meeting Irene’s gaze, I spoke.

“A mage made it for me, but the quality seems worse than I expected.”

“What happened to the clothes you wore before?”

“They were all torn. Only the pants barely survived, so the mage who came with me made this…”

“A woman?”

“…Yes.”

Irene’s gaze grew more intense.

Anyone would think I was a womanizer, assuming I had that kind of relationship with every woman I met,

But I could swear on everything that was a misunderstanding. Of course, the letters I received… that couldn’t be helped.

As I looked at her with a faint smile, she took out a bandage and tightly bound my arm while speaking.

“Why do I even…”

“Pardon?”

“Never mind. Bring me that medicine over there. I’ll apply it and bandage you.”

When I brought over the basket from the side, Irene took out an ointment and carefully began applying it to my arm.

My body twitched at the cold, sticky sensation on my arm, and Irene glanced at me and murmured quietly.

“What on earth did you do to your body? There are… so many wounds.”

“I had no choice. There were more black mages than expected.”

I could have run away if I wanted to strike, but how could I flee?

If I had escaped then, I probably couldn’t have broken the Duke’s curse.

When I suddenly asked about the Duke, Irene replied while slowly applying the ointment.

“According to Lord Azest, the curse can be completely lifted in about a week. Thanks to you. If it weren’t for you… I would probably have been the family head for life.”

“What you’re wearing on your finger, is that a seal?”

Looking at the shield-thorn seal on her finger, Irene nodded readily.

“Someone needed to manage the duchy while father was incapacitated. I’ll probably have to act as family head for a while.”

“It suits you.”

“Not at all.”

When I laughed at that, Irene sighed and began wrapping the bandage around my arm.

The Duke hadn’t died. That fact alone was somehow reassuring, and only then could I smile comfortably.

Little by little, things could be changed this way.

And at the end of it all, wouldn’t there be an Irene far removed from tragedy?

It felt like all my actions were being validated, and I closed my eyes briefly as fatigue finally washed over me.

“What you said earlier about being pierced through. Is that true?”

When Irene, who had been quietly applying bandages for a while, asked that, I pressed my lips shut, thinking the inevitable had come.

What should I answer? If I spoke honestly, how would she react?

But I didn’t want to lie to her, so after a moment’s hesitation, I quietly nodded.

After all, it was completely healed now.

“I was stabbed by a spear made by a black mage. Of course, it’s all healed now.”

“Don’t say such things so casually.”

Irene stopped wrapping the bandage and slowly looked at me.

In the quiet, spreading silence. Her lips trembled before pressing shut.

The emotion wavering in her eyes was an indescribable sadness,

And as I looked at her, I could only stare without saying anything.

I placed my hand on her face that looked like it might cry at any moment.

Gently stroking her cheek, I could only smile once, assuring her that everything was fine now.

“I’m fine. I’m all better now, aren’t I?”

“…I’m saying this because I’m not okay.”

Irene brushed away my hand from her cheek and stared at my chest where blood had flowed.

Even though the bleeding had stopped and no more blood was flowing,

Irene’s brow furrowed deeply as if looking at a place full of wounds.

After a long silence, Irene closed her eyes tightly and spoke again.

“Turn around. I need to finish bandaging you.”

Fortunately, there weren’t many wounds on my back. Irene quickly applied the ointment and began wrapping the bandage.

The sound of bandages being torn, and the cool sensation of the bandage against my back along with her warm body temperature.

Perhaps because her hands were completely touching me, unlike when she bandaged my arm,

I barely exhaled as her chest touched me during the bandaging process.

Her hair tickled my nape.

The fragrant scent from her hair always numbed my mind, and I barely regained my senses from the blurry vision.

Whether intentional or an unavoidable part of the bandaging process,

When she reached around my body to wrap the bandage, my body trembled slightly at Irene’s breath on my neck.

It looked as if she was embracing me from behind, and I felt a surge of embarrassment.

It was just bandaging, but I wondered if I was the only one having such misconceptions as heat spread across my face.

Not being able to see Irene’s expression seemed to intensify these feelings.

I could only face forward, feeling her body against mine.

Time seemed to pass so slowly.

I thought a long time had passed since she started bandaging, but

I just stared blankly at the bandage that still hadn’t covered my entire body, killing time.

Without any conversation, or any topic of conversation coming to mind.

All I could do was stare blankly at the bandage gradually covering my body.

It’s because I’m alive that I can feel these things.

If I had died there, I would have certainly collapsed with regret without seeing such a sight.

If I had died, what would Irene have thought?

I was a bit curious, but it felt somewhat uncomfortable to imagine, so I shook my head to clear my thoughts.

Thud.

And then, Irene’s hand stopped wrapping the bandage.

Had she finally finished bandaging? With that thought, I was about to turn around.

But a slightly heavy sensation against my back froze my body.

“Stay still. Like this… just for a moment.”

Though I couldn’t feel it properly because of the bandage, this tickling sensation was surely her hair.

For a moment, it felt like my breath stopped, but then I relaxed at the sound of her voice and quietly looked ahead.

She told me to stay still, so I did. My heart raced at the shallow breath against my back.

If she had her head against my back, wouldn’t she feel it?

I wanted to hide, fearing this heartbeat might be heard too clearly,

But with Irene’s hand on my shoulder, I couldn’t move. So I just stayed still, listening to her breathing.

“…I thought you were dead.”

The voice in my ear was trembling slightly.

Unlike before, she wasn’t sobbing, but her hand gripping my shoulder seemed to tighten with growing anxiety.

“I’m alive.”

“I know, but it’s hard to believe. There was no contact for three days. Someone who usually returned within a day… for three days without a word… you made me wait like that.”

Thump, thump.

The heartbeat grew louder, spreading until it was loud enough to be heard.

In this quiet room where our breaths could be heard, it was a sound loud enough to be heard.

Perhaps reassured by that sound, the hand gripping my shoulder fell limply onto the bed.

…I wondered if the three-day gap when I was away had caused her anxiety. Many thoughts crossed my mind.

What should I do to reassure her?

Should I turn around and meet her eyes, or should I add some words?

But I wasn’t good with words, so all I could do was something very simple.

My carefully extended hand touched Irene’s fingers.

Feeling that warm temperature, I smiled at her startled reaction and quietly spoke.

“Didn’t I tell you? That I would return.”

I knew well that the reason she hadn’t said anything when I left was because she trusted me.

The reason she remained silent when sending someone to a dangerous place. So I didn’t blame her.

I might have felt a little disappointed at first, but later I was grateful for that trust.

“So I came back. And I will come back like this again and again.”

I didn’t want to die. Beyond simply wanting to live, I had something precious now, which made me feel that way even more.

Because I liked this hand holding mine, the warmth transmitted.

Because I enjoyed these small gestures, the simple touch of hair while bandaging. That’s why I couldn’t give up.

My fidgeting fingers slowly began to work their way between Irene’s fingers.

Like in the ballroom, I expressed that I would never let go of this hand again.

At first gently, then firmly.

Holding her fingers tightly, I slowly turned my head to look at Irene.

Irene, who had already lifted her head from my back, was staring at me blankly.

I burst into laughter at her slightly flushed cheeks and ears that had turned red belatedly.

As Irene hurriedly tried to pull her hand away, I held it firmly and smiled faintly at her.

“Do you dislike it? Holding hands.”

“N-no. That’s not it. Rofena will be back soon.”

“She should be sleeping now. It’s late at night, after all.”

Her rapidly moving eyes were quite adorable.

Like a puppy that had done something wrong, she turned her head this way and that, avoiding my gaze. I pulled her hand more firmly.

My body turned, and Irene’s face, which had been close to my back, was now close enough that our breaths could touch.

Just a little, if I moved a little more from here.

We might touch.

But I didn’t do that. It was still too early for such things.

Instead, satisfied with Irene’s completely reddened face, I tapped her forehead and slowly widened the distance.

Irene, who had collapsed weakly onto the bed, stared at me.

Occasionally opening and closing her mouth, she waved her hand in the air as if she had something to say, then rubbed her face.

“…like a fool.”

When I shrugged nonchalantly, she threw the bandage at me and covered her face with both hands, sighing deeply.

“What were you expecting? Did you think I would do something to you, miss?”

“Please don’t say anything more. Please.”

After watching her curl up on the bed and sigh deeply for a moment,

I slowly approached her and whispered quietly in her ear. Softly, in a small voice only she could hear.

“…Next time, I won’t be able to hold back like this.”

It wasn’t a lie. Today, I had really restrained myself as much as possible.

Irene flinched for a moment, glanced at me, and then hurriedly lowered her head, making my eyes curve gently.

Indeed, it was most enjoyable when Irene showed such reactions.

After glancing at her ear, which had turned so red it seemed about to burst, I smiled and leaned against the wall.

The wind was slowly seeping through the open window.

The wind carrying the warmth of approaching summer at the end of spring was incredibly humid.

The season when the colorfully dyed world regains its greenery,

When I looked toward Irene with a sudden thought, our eyes met as if by appointment, and I stood still for a while.

“In summer.”

Closing my eyes and opening them again, I spoke, refining the thought that suddenly came to mind.

In the month ahead, if the Duke recovered, there would be days left until the artifact was completed.

I had no intention of spending that time idly, so I quietly continued speaking while looking at Irene.

“There’s a festival. I’d like to go, but I have no one to go with.”

I remembered her words from when the Founding Festival was held.

Recalling her suggestion to enjoy a festival together someday, I stared at Irene.

As if urging an answer, deliberately saying something I didn’t mean.

“…If you don’t want to go with me, I’ll have no choice but to go with Rofena—”

“I’ll go.”

At the blunt answer, I turned my head to see Irene glaring at me with narrowed eyes.

“I’ll go. I’ll have plenty of time then too.”

Indeed, I thought, she’s quite the shy lady.