Ch.63Chapter 11. Group Life (4)

We sat with our backs to each other.

Even though Hayun was the one who brought it up first, she was just as embarrassed as I was, and we couldn’t look directly at each other until the moment we got into the tub.

No, there was no way we could look at each other. Even though I’d become a villain, I still had something called a conscience.

The tub we got into was quite tall. If I had to describe it, it was a bit lower than a drum… what would you call this kind of tub? A rubber one, like those used during kimchi-making season to soak large amounts of cabbage in salt.

As Hayun said, with two people in it, the amount of water was reduced. It’s a bit of an odd comparison, but it was like putting a brick or a water-filled bottle in a toilet tank.

…I should have just called it getting into a bathtub. I suppose because of my current situation, I keep having negative thoughts, which leads to these kinds of comparisons.

Inside the tub, I wet my body and tried rubbing it with my hands. I honestly wasn’t sure if I was getting clean or not. It’s not like we had body wash or soap.

I’m really stupid. I managed to pack other things decently, but didn’t think about washing up.

…Still, one thing was certain—the water was warm, and that felt good after so long.

“…”

We remained awkwardly silent for a while.

If we at least had towels to cover ourselves, it wouldn’t be this awkward. Of course, it would still be awkward, just not “this” awkward. I still couldn’t look directly at Hayun.

This abandoned house was a countryside home, so there was a door leading outside from the kitchen. Fortunately, the glass in this door was translucent, so even if someone happened to be outside, they wouldn’t be able to see in.

…But would anyone be passing by? I hope not. If someone suddenly flung that door open—

—the other girls would jump out and subdue them.

“…”

I didn’t want to feel reassured. I didn’t want to admit that I was definitely receiving help from the magical girls.

But damn it, the things I’d been desperately trying to figure out for over a week, the magical girls had solved in just one day.

Even though I could handle mana and use magic, all I could do was smash enemies’ heads with a hammer.

Wooong.

The circuit on my wrist spun intensely.

I was wearing it even while bathing because James said it would be fine. I guess he meant it should keep generating energy even while I’m bathing.

Come to think of it, it would be strange if it wasn’t waterproof. That would mean I couldn’t fight on rainy days. Not to mention it would need to be resistant to impact.

As I sat awkwardly in the tub, staring glumly at my circuit, Hayun spoke up.

“That circuit… can I ask what kind of energy it runs on?”

Her voice was very cautious. It came from a direction completely opposite to where my face was turned. It seemed Hayun was also sitting with her back turned to me, just like I was.

Well, it would be problematic otherwise. This was embarrassing enough as it was, and I didn’t want any more embarrassment.

“No.”

And I answered curtly.

I don’t want to talk about it.

I know this is somewhat excessive stubbornness. Looking at the situation from any angle, we’re already in the same boat. Cooperating would be helpful, and for that, it would be better not to have secrets between us.

But… I already felt miserable.

Things I didn’t want revealed had already been completely exposed. Even the new secrets that came after were laid bare, and what’s more, those secrets were being resolved by the magical girls.

Even while knowing it was a useless emotion, I hated to admit it.

I didn’t want to think that I felt even slightly reassured.

Perhaps because of that, my voice had a bit of an edge to it.

“Ah…”

Hayun made a slightly regretful sound.

Deep inside my heart, it hurt a little.

—Didn’t you say you didn’t want to hurt her? Didn’t you say you didn’t want to cause her pain?

The part of me living in that painful place whispered softly.

—Don’t you like Hayun? Aren’t you friends? Why are you being so harsh?

The tip of my nose stung a bit, and my vision blurred slightly. It was fortunate that we were sitting with our backs turned due to embarrassment.

And also that Hayun didn’t press further.

How would I have answered if she had asked more deeply? I probably would have snapped at her to mind her own business.

Even though Hayun was just worried about me.

Was it because of that emotion?

I felt a sense of defeat deep in my chest.

The complex I’d had since I was very young didn’t simply disappear with age.

I kept my mouth firmly shut, fixing my gaze straight ahead.

Captive to the misery I had created for myself.

*

Had I asked something I shouldn’t have?

When Jieun didn’t answer, Hayun felt a bit anxious.

She could feel that the atmosphere was clearly different from Jieun’s attitude before.

Even after meeting again after so long, Jieun was still Jieun.

Even in this situation, she doesn’t ask for anything. She doesn’t ask for help, nor does she say she’ll come along.

Perhaps I should consider myself lucky that she hasn’t chased me away.

“…”

Has she grown to dislike me? Has she become tired of me?

Hayun had thought that Jieun not demanding anything from her was what made her a true friend.

Only now did she wonder if even that was just Hayun making assumptions about Jieun.

Jieun had been there as a friend—without asking for anything in return—no matter how difficult or painful things got, while Hayun had expected too much.

Why wouldn’t she talk about the emotion that was the source of her energy?

Was it a much deeper and darker emotion than Hayun had thought? Even now, she could hear the circuit on Jieun’s wrist spinning.

Even when they were alone together.

…Could it have been the same all along?

Jieun might have been feeling that unknown dark emotion every time she met with Hayun. It’s just that back then, there was no such circuit, so Hayun hadn’t noticed.

Taking on the jealousy of every girl in front of Hayun.

Could she have endured all that malice without getting tired of it?

Perhaps she was feeling even darker emotions because Hayun had come along with the other magical girls.

Even the auxiliary circuit on Hayun’s wrist was spinning in sync with Jieun’s energy.

Hayun bit her lip.

She wanted to restore their relationship.

But that relationship was already broken.

Perhaps it was because of Hayun’s punches.

When she struck down with that pink staff in the name of justice, along with Jieun’s broken bones, split lips, and flowing blood…

The feelings Jieun had for Hayun might have also been broken, split, and bled.

The heavy, damp air pressed down on Hayun’s shoulders.

Splash.

The water level that had reached Hayun’s chest suddenly dropped.

It was because Jieun, who had been soaking in the water, had stood up.

“…Are you done washing?”

“…Yeah. I’ll just dry off for a moment.”

There was no particular irritation in Jieun’s voice as she answered.

The sound of cloth brushing against skin could be heard.

Suddenly, Hayun wanted to turn around.

She couldn’t quite understand why herself.

Perhaps she was just a bit annoyed. After all, Hayun had emotions too.

Since there was fault, she couldn’t say anything. She understood why Jieun might think that way. Hayun had been wrong about so many things, and because of that, Jieun had suffered immeasurable harm.

But still.

But still… they had been so close.

To Hayun, Jieun was a friend like no other.

Of course, she was close with the other magical girls too. They were different from the other kids at school who approached her while hiding their dark intentions, and who bullied Jieun because of it. Hayun and the magical girls were equals.

But even so, the thought that they were as precious as Jieun never crossed her mind. They could fight for each other’s lives, but the feeling she had for Jieun was something that couldn’t be compared even to that.

Something beyond simple give and take.

Perhaps it was natural that Hayun couldn’t resist that impulse.

Despite knowing each other for so long, Hayun didn’t actually know that much about Jieun. While she could rationally understand why Jieun had hidden everything, emotionally, she couldn’t comprehend it.

Maybe she had gotten a bit excited about bathing together like this.

So, Hayun, quite literally on impulse, turned around.

And she swallowed her breath.

Was it because the naked white body was as beautiful as she had imagined? Perhaps it would have been.

If not for the dark blue bruises etched on her back.

If not for the vivid red marks on her shoulders.

If not for the body that was so thin that her ribs were clearly visible even from behind.

It surely would have been.

Even with all of that, it was still a pretty body. Someone with a bad personality might have said that it made her stand out more, that it made her seem more pitiful.

But what Hayun felt was shock.

She knew well that those bruises couldn’t have been left by her. They were clearly injuries from the recent battle. No, perhaps they were even older wounds. Just over a week ago, Jieun had fought countless kaijin.

But even so.

Hayun must have left similar wounds on Jieun’s body.

No, they would have been even worse. Bones don’t just break easily. When bones break, the bone fragments scratch and tear muscles and blood vessels from within. Inevitably, much larger bruises form and the surrounding area swells up.

Even if she went to a treatment center—

…Come to think of it, Jieun had also been shot before. Although she had blocked it somewhat with mana, she still bled.

There were no signs of penetration, and even if there had been wounds on the skin, they could heal without leaving a single scar as long as mana flowed through the body.

But it would have hurt much longer than going to a professional treatment center.

When was the last time Jieun went to a treatment center?

Generally, bruises can last quite a while without separate treatment. Depending on the severity, it’s common for them to take 2 to 3 weeks to heal.

But usually, healing with mana takes just a few minutes. Considering Jieun’s unfamiliarity with mana manipulation, it might take about a week.

Yet if they’re still so clearly visible…

…Jieun didn’t take such a big hit in the last battle.

Her body trembled.

It wasn’t because the water level had dropped, exposing her skin to the air. That coldness was due to fear.

Even now, Jieun was in pain. She had been living in a place like this with an aching body.

With only one ill-tempered Squeakean to talk to.

Without anyone to comfort her, without anyone to help her, essentially all alone, without even decent food—

Sensing something strange, Jieun turned her head, and Hayun quickly shook her body. The lowered water splashed violently.

Had Jieun noticed? Had she realized that Hayun had been staring blankly at her back?

Her shoulders trembled uncontrollably.

“…Are you cold?”

Fortunately, that was the question that came back.

Hayun’s shoulders trembled again at the voice that seemed to have no suspicion that she might have seen Jieun’s body.

“I’m done washing up. I’ll get dressed and go in first.”

Jieun seemed to think she was cold.

Hayun couldn’t tell if that was a good thing or a bad thing.

Would she not think it strange even if someone saw her body?

If she thought that injured body was… normal—

Even after the sound of Jieun getting dressed and going inside, Hayun couldn’t bring herself to get up for a while.

As Jieun had said, it was cold.

But the cause of that coldness wasn’t just the temperature.

*

It’s fortunate that I at least brought towels. I have most of the essential items needed for living outdoors.

…I might have to lend the girls some underwear or clothes. Fortunately, it seems none of them are significantly taller than me or much heavier. Even my clothes were loose on me now, which was fortunate.

Is it fortunate? Well, I’m not sure.

Because I left the tub on my own, Hayun’s body was completely exposed.

I unconsciously turned my eyes and saw Hayun’s trembling white back, then quickly turned my head away.

I dried my body as quickly as possible and put on my underwear.

Although I only washed with water, soaking in warm water after so long made my body feel quite a bit better. To be honest, I even felt a bit refreshed.

I was still aching here and there, but maybe because I was in a good mood, it seemed a little better.

Plus, the room was warm—

“…”

—No, no.

I quickly shook my head.

While it is helpful, I’ve stubbornly decided not to acknowledge that fact. So, I’m determined not to care about any improvements in my living conditions.

I have various things of my own.

I think I can certainly make a trade. The energy being used here comes from my circuit, and these kids only have one set of tattered clothes.

My clothes were tattered too, but at least I had “extras.” At the very minimum, I had packed various underwear.

And I had canned food too.

…

Somehow, the more I list the items for trade, the worse I feel.

The girls were gathered in the middle of the room.

Since there were no blankets, they had filled plastic bags with leaves and tied both ends. With Iris’s heater and the nights being a bit less cold than midwinter, it might be okay, but—

Creak.

While I was lost in thought, the door opened and Hayun came in.

Her face was full of worry.

Was it because she couldn’t wash properly? Or maybe she felt awkward just washing with water.

Really, next time when we go out to take down kaijin, should we stop somewhere to buy supplies?

Will there be time for that?

“I’m done washing.”

When our eyes met, Hayun quickly said that.

Her gloomy expression instantly improved.

She’s forcing herself.

It’s probably mostly because of me. Because I… abruptly ended our conversation earlier.

That atmosphere made my conscience ache again.

Come to think of it, Hayun probably cleaned up by herself. Emptying the cold water from the temporary tub and filling it with fresh water using a ladle. The cauldron was right next to it, but without running water, it must have been hard labor.

The debt grew.

I clenched my teeth.

“Alright, next is me and Iris.”

Rose got up with a bright face. Iris looked at me and Hayun alternately with a somewhat reluctant expression before getting up a bit later.

As the two headed to the kitchen, we went to where Delphinium and Dalia were waiting.

Delphinium and Dalia looked at me cautiously.

Even though I was the only one who hadn’t been helpful today. These two had even immediately improved our food situation.

I stood there for a moment with my fists clenched, then exhaled deeply.

Then I immediately turned toward the tent.

Entering the tent, I unzipped the large hiking backpack.

After staring at the food inside for a while, I gritted my teeth and took out one new can of Spam and two cans of tuna.

Yes, it’s not enough for everyone to eat. There are six teenage girls here.

But combined with other foods, it might provide at least minimal nutrition.

I brought the food out and roughly tossed it in front of the kids.

“…Today’s rations.”

The kids looked at the food, then back at me.

At first, I thought they would be accusatory.

Since most of what I had brought out before were nuts and energy bars, I thought they might be annoyed that I had hidden these canned goods.

But there was only one emotion I could read on their faces.

“Will you be okay?”

Or am I imagining it? Am I just feeling guilty on my own?

Either way, it was a moment where I felt utterly shabby.

“…When the others come out… when everyone here has washed up, we’ll share it.”

Eating like this, we might run out of food in just a few days.

But still.

Still, I didn’t want to just receive.

So,

I didn’t want to lose.

I didn’t want to throw away the last of my pride.

“Hooh.”

And James, who was watching me, made such a sound as if finding it interesting.

Ignoring both the children’s gazes and James’s voice, I turned away.

I walked out of the house with quick steps.

The full moon was in the sky. In the bright moonlight, I could see the field that Delphinium and Dalia had tended. As they had said, sprouts were already growing in the field. Very healthily.

With an indescribable emotion, I ended up staying outside for quite a while.

Until the remaining two people had finished washing up.

And when I went back in, the kids still hadn’t touched the canned food and rations. It seemed they had been waiting for me to come back and sit with them.

It was an emotion I had felt many times, many times since these kids arrived, but that indescribable feeling was impossible to get used to.

I didn’t want to get used to it either.

Even as I felt petty, I hated myself for feeling reassured during these shared meal times.