Ch.5Irene Yuris (5)

“Do you have something to say?”

Perhaps I’d stared too intently, because the moment I noticed her eyebrows trembling uncomfortably, I realized my mistake.

However, the emotion I’d just felt was so irritating that I couldn’t easily tear my gaze away from her.

Disappointed and resentful, my heart felt displeased.

The more I recalled the dictionary definition of “annoying,” the greater my confusion grew, until I finally had to open my mouth.

“…Yes.”

“I don’t know what you’re trying to say… but I’ll listen.”

When she, seated at a table in the corner of the infirmary, lightly clapped her hands, Ropena entered through the door.

“Please bring some tea. It seems Howi has something to say.”

“Yes, miss.”

Miss, is it?

As I mulled over the title Ropena used to address Irene, I turned my head toward a gaze that had fallen on me.

Seeing Ropena’s eyes widen like a rabbit’s at the sight of my blood-soaked bandage was quite amusing, so I smiled faintly.

As she worried and moved her lips, she slowly turned around and disappeared.

She had a task from Irene, so I suppose she wouldn’t speak to me further.

Anyway, what should I do now? The truth is, I don’t really have anything specific to say to Irene.

I just didn’t like the idea of her simply disappearing.

Those eyes devoid of any emotion had left me feeling rather disappointed.

Drip-drip-

Even as I watched the red tea flowing into the empty cup, and even when the tea was fully poured with gentle ripples colliding inside the cup,

she maintained her calm demeanor, perhaps waiting for me to speak.

If only she had asked first, I would have answered something, but frustratingly, she only sipped her tea, causing a sigh to rise in my chest.

Thus, only silence passed between Irene and me, with the occasional sound of tea being sipped.

The awkward atmosphere seemed to naturally weigh down my shoulders.

Regretting that I should have just let her go, that I had stopped her on a sudden impulse, I put the empty teacup to my lips and smiled bitterly.

Tap,

As I set the teacup down on the saucer, I realized that blue eyes were staring at me from across the table.

Seeing those eyes quietly rippling as if telling me to finally say what I wanted to say, I was reminded of those eyes from earlier.

Those eyes that showed not even the slightest movement when faced with assassins pointing swords at her.

I could only wonder what kind of life she had lived.

No matter how many life-threatening situations one might have experienced, people ultimately feel fear,

yet that appearance, seemingly stripped of fear, showing no sign of agitation, could hardly be considered normal.

And even the people in this mansion who seemed unmoved when hearing about Irene’s assassination.

Even Ropena didn’t seem particularly surprised by the assassins, so perhaps such attempts had been quite frequent.

Frequent enough for even the emotion of surprise to become dulled.

As my mouth turned bitter despite the fragrant tea aroma, a voice came from across the table.

As if her patience had reached its limit, her gentle voice carried thorns that pierced my ears and throbbed.

“…I wonder when you’ll finally speak. If your goal was to anger me, you’ve succeeded splendidly.”

The suddenly chilled atmosphere seemed to dispel all the surrounding heat.

Shivering briefly at the coldness that felt like ice against my nape, I looked into her eyes and finally opened my mouth.

“I have one question.”

“A question?”

“…Are you alright?”

It was just a thoughtless comment. I wondered if anyone in this mansion had ever asked her such a thing.

As a guard, concerned that she might have been injured, I casually uttered those words.

In that moment, I thought her eyes, fixed on me, turned to stone.

Like someone who had met Medusa’s gaze, she suddenly froze, leaving me rather bewildered.

As surprise colored my expression, she quickly returned to her original demeanor and moved her lips.

“……”

The crack in that expression, which I thought would always remain constant, appeared in an instant.

The mask shattered, and I widened my eyes at the considerably surprised face revealed beneath.

Like someone pondering how to respond, she fidgeted with her lips, then stood up and turned her back.

I wished she would answer. I wanted to add something more, but seeing her endlessly wavering eyes, I kept my mouth shut.

Was that one phrase so surprising? That common greeting asking if she was alright.

Was it really such a surprising thing to say?

With rising questions, my lips parted slightly, but the words that came out differed from my thoughts.

“If you’re alright, if you weren’t startled, then I’m glad.”

Words that no one had spoken to her since entering the mansion; her footsteps, which had been about to leave, paused momentarily.

Ropena, holding the teapot, looked at Irene’s face and widened her eyes in surprise. I wondered what expression she was making.

Tap-

She remained silent and didn’t turn back again. She simply left the infirmary with slightly quicker steps than before.

As I watched her retreating figure, and Ropena hastily disappearing after Irene, I raised my hand and rubbed my face.

I wondered if I had misspoken. With that worry, the breath I drew in carried the lingering aroma of Darjeeling tea.

Turning my head, I saw an empty table, and I absently picked up the empty teacup still permeated with tea fragrance, then put it down with a sigh.

That figure who had turned toward me kept flickering before my eyes.

#

“Miss.”

“…Ropena. Leave me.”

I wanted to be alone. That green gaze that had looked at me kept coming to mind, making even the documents I held appear green.

After looking at Ropena, who was watching me with concern, I waved my hand, ordering her to leave.

When I realized I was the only one in this room, my usually emotionless expression slowly began to crumble.

Crunch,

Unconsciously gripping the documents I was holding, I exhaled heavily as if expelling the heaviness building in my chest.

The knot of discomfort in my chest wouldn’t even allow me to breathe, so I raised my slender hand and beat my chest.

Evan Fried.

From the first time I saw him, I couldn’t easily forget that gaze.

Those eyes that seemed to know everything about me, looking at me with pity.

How could he look at me with such eyes?

In the empty room, a sigh penetrated the void that filled the air.

The emotions contained inside were so thick that I felt my vision blur momentarily, and I rubbed my eyes.

-Are you alright?

Why did that one phrase of concern feel so painful?

It was clearly a conventional phrase, merely an expression of greeting, nothing more.

But that sound in my ears was an arrow to me. An arrow with poison on its tip.

It felt heavy, as if poison had entered my body. The cold sweat on my cheek was evidence of this, and I exhaled a heated breath and buried myself in the sofa.

The soft cotton embraced my body, and I rested my head against the softness of the cushion.

-If you’re alright, if you weren’t startled, then I’m glad.

My body flinched again at that voice penetrating through the cushion covering my ears.

No matter how much I covered my ears with my hands, that voice came from right beside me. Why, why on earth?

He was just another guard who would soon be replaced.

Those by my side had always been like that.

There would be another assassin, another wound from a sword. And thus, they would leave my side.

So I never gave my affection. Always cold, I was the next Shield, the eldest daughter of Yuris, and the one who would stand tall as the head of nobility above all.

Since childhood, I had done quite well with “perfection,” a word I had heard until my ears were worn out.

So this time too.

This time too, I should have treated him the same way.

-Are you interested in books?

-I’ve heard that to become an excellent knight, one must possess appropriate knowledge. If you have any books to recommend, I would be grateful to hear them.

That image of him constantly knocking on my door flickered before me, and his actions of trying to be by my side after recognizing my loneliness were so irritating.

A sigh escaped through my hand-covered mouth. How could I not have noticed his eyes wavering whenever he looked at me?

How could I not have sensed the intentions of someone who approached me and rambled on his own? I had simply ignored it.

I thought he would give up after a while. I deliberately treated him coldly and deliberately spoke harsh words, thinking he would give up on his own.

That was why I didn’t mention his wound when I saw it.

I hoped he would curse me later when he saw the wound. I wanted to distance the attention he poured on me.

It was my mistake to discover light flowing through the infirmary door crack while wandering the corridor in the dark night.

If only I hadn’t seen it, if I had ignored it and passed by, it wouldn’t have mattered at all.

Even after hearing such harsh words, what Evan said felt like poison to me.

A poison so sweet that I couldn’t resist approaching it.

Fearing that I might unconsciously reach out, momentarily bewitched by its scent, I turned away.

I brushed aside the lifeline offered by someone who had spoken words to me that no one else in this heartless mansion had, and thus I turned away.

-Are you alright?

I wasn’t alright. I was scared, so scared. I was just surprised enough to forget even that fear.

If I showed signs of being surprised, what would come back would be cold reproach and admonishment to be perfect.

I was just pretending to be unaffected. So that the mask on my face wouldn’t crack, I forgot how to smile.

What expression am I making now?

The face with only fragments of a broken mask remaining would be hideous.

When I saw my reflection in the transparent window, my lips twisted without my knowing.

With wet strands of hair stuck to my cheek and a face contorted as if about to cry at any moment, I resented those blue eyes that shone on their own.

Why am I the eldest daughter of Yuris?

Why must I be called a shield by others?

Is there truly no one who sees me as Irene Yuris, not as the next Shield?

Evan’s bitter smile suddenly appeared and then shattered in the air.

Despite hearing those harsh words, all he said to me were words of concern, and my tightly clenched fist turned white with the guilt piercing my chest.

“…Please.”

Don’t come near me.

A whisper that no one could hear spread through the air.

A voice that couldn’t reach bounced off the window and faded, and the returning silence was unusually quiet.

The strength left my hand gripping the collar of my negligee, and I collapsed back onto the sofa.

Evan Fried, I mulled over that name briefly before shaking my head.

Suppressing the rising emotions, I put on the mask again.

As emotionlessness settled back into my expression, hiding my contorted face, only my blue eyes shone brightly in the void.

Blue eyes resembling my father’s casually swept through the empty space.

Reproaching myself for trying to indulge in a moment of sweetness, I turned on the light again and looked at the documents.

Unaware of the existence of that poison that had already deeply permeated my heart.