Ch.5Beneath the Hardened Mask

“Sister!! What are you saying!!!”

I wasn’t the only one shocked by Asena’s statement. Kirsy also rose quickly in anger.

Asena stared at me without any playfulness, glaring as if looking at a noble from another family.

……I was too stunned to say anything. The shock I felt must have been clearly visible on my face. I couldn’t even think to hide it.

Asena stared at me for a moment, then lowered her eyes and looked away.

She seemed to be waiting for my reaction.

“…..What does that mean?”

My voice came out threatening without me realizing it, but Asena didn’t waver. She didn’t take back her words either.

“…. It means exactly what I said. I won’t take away the family name until you graduate from the Academy. As a commoner… you wouldn’t be able to stay at the Academy. But after graduation…. you’ll have to return it, brother.”

“Return it….”

What a hurtful thing to say.

I’m your family, aren’t I?

I didn’t borrow the name, I was given it.

As my body swayed unconsciously from the shock, Kirsy rushed to my side in alarm.

“B-Brother!!”

Asena also flinched briefly and lifted herself from her seat. Then she squeezed her eyes shut, quickly shook her head, and sat back down.

The more I watched her behavior, the deeper my despair became.

“….Is this for real?”

“……”

“Asena, are you serious about this? If it’s a joke, stop now, it’s not funny.”

“……”

“Why are you doing this..!”

“…I’m sorry, brother. But this is a decision I made after much consideration.”

“What did I do wrong…?!”

“Brother, I’m only removing the name, not because I’ve grown to hate you or want to expel you from the family.”

“…..How is this not expelling me from the family.”

“..It’s true. You can continue living with us just as you do now. Even after returning the name, I’ll treat you the same way. So… please do as I say.”

Despite her excuses, the feeling of betrayal remained unchanged. It had been over 10 years since I became a member of the Praester family.

The time I spent in this family and the emotions we shared were enough to make me feel like I was truly a member of this family.

I was proud to have the Praester surname attached to my name.

The name that Grandmother Riana had given me.

And now the head of the family, Asena, wants to take it back.

That’s why it was even more shocking.

One of my two precious gems was showing her sharp edge to me.

“Brother..”

As my strength gradually drained away, Kirsy’s concern deepened.

Then she shouted at Asena.

“Sister!! What are you saying!! How could you do this to brother-“

“Kirsy, be quiet. This is between me and brother.”

“I’m also part of the Praester family! Stop being so unreasonable!!”

“And I am the head of that Praester family. I told you not to talk back.”

“…Ugh..!”

When speaking to Kirsy, Asena revealed the coldness she had hidden from me, and continued this conversation.

“…..Asena, we were getting along fine just yesterday.. What did I do wrong..”

When I spoke, Asena’s expression subtly weakened.

But the words flowing from her mouth were nothing but cold. It seemed like the ruthlessness I had read about in novels was manifesting.

She wouldn’t bend her decision.

“…..I told you. You didn’t do anything wrong. So you don’t need to blame yourself. My decision won’t change no matter what you do better.”

“…Then tell me the reason, Asena.”

“…..”

Asena kept her mouth shut once more. It was so frustrating that I started to feel upset.

“Do you want to see me angry!!!”

When I couldn’t contain my anger and shouted for the first time at my little sisters, Asena clutched the hem of her skirt.

But she didn’t take back her words.

“…..”

“B-Brother…”

Kirsy clung to me while reading the atmosphere. She stuck to my side trying to comfort me. At the same time, she shot a sharp glance at Asena.

But Asena didn’t say anything.

“….Was I only worth that much to you!?”

When I expressed my frustration to Asena, Kirsy clung to me even more tightly and said.

“Brother!! Not me!!”

She shook her head in alarm. Sensing that my anger might be directed at her too, even Kirsy’s eyes welled up with tears.

“….Right, not you, Kirsy. Asena, was I only worth that much to you?”

“…….I told you it’s not like that..”

“Then why are you doing this?”

She answered slowly.

“………….For the future.”

“Haah….”

After entrusting the task of building internal strength to Asena and Kirsy, I had withdrawn from the political struggles between families.

I don’t know why Asena made this choice, but at those words “for the future,” the flame inside me died down too easily.

I already trusted Asena completely.

I came to believe that she must have had a reason for making this choice.

I believed her reason must be justified… but I couldn’t deny the emotions shaking me.

“……Does my bearing the family name cause great damage to the family?”

It might be unreasonable.

But I was curious.

Wouldn’t the benefits I brought since joining the family outweigh any damage?

Couldn’t they endure whatever damage the family suffered just for my sake?

“……..”

…..But then again, unlike me who knows the future, Asena wouldn’t know.

She wouldn’t see how I had changed them. Instead, she would only see the damage I was causing.

Still, I felt disappointed.

It felt like she wasn’t protecting me as family.

I would now be willing to risk my life for them, but it seemed like Asena wasn’t willing to risk anything.

It hurt to think that they might not love me as much as I loved them.

Asena still didn’t answer. That too became an answer. It seemed she chose silence to avoid hurting me further.

Truly, until now I hadn’t given it much thought, but suddenly I resented being born a commoner. For the first time, I hated being reincarnated into Caden’s body.

I can’t even stand proudly beside my family.

Was this how Hong Gil-dong felt?

A smile escapes at this random thought.

“….”

“….”

Asena and Kirsy couldn’t smile along with my laughter and just watched my reaction carefully.

….They’re definitely not the twins from the novel. I could never have imagined them watching someone’s reactions like this back then.

But there were similarities. Through her words now, I could see how important the family was to Asena.

To treat even me like this…

The words “for the future”… meaning for the family. Those words were unfair. They made it impossible for me to respond.

I was on the verge of losing even my feelings of disappointment toward Asena.

After all, she was just making a choice for the family.

But that didn’t make the frustration go away, and I muttered to myself.

“…..I resent being born a commoner..”

For the first time, I showed my sisters this vulnerable side of me.

Both Asena and Kirsy’s expressions turned sad at the sight of me.

But right now, I needed time alone.

That’s how shocking it was to have the family name taken away.

I opened the door of the moving carriage.

A guard looked at me in surprise.

“Is something wrong?”

“Do you have a horse?”

“Yes, we do!”

“Please prepare it.”

Then I jumped out of the carriage.

The servants around looked at me in confusion, but I signaled them not to stop me.

Asena and Kirsy poked their heads out of the carriage to look at me, but I didn’t look back at them.

The carriage carrying them gradually moved further away.

If I talked to Asena now, I felt I would only get angry. And I would just end up feeling sorry for Kirsy who was in the carriage with her.

I needed some time alone to digest these feelings.

Soon after, a guard appeared leading a horse.

I mounted the horse and mulled over what Asena had just told me.

……The more I thought about it, the more shocking it was, and as a commoner by birth, there was nothing I could refute.

In this world, the class system was that strict.

****

Asena stared blankly out the window. As much as it was for the future, she hadn’t wanted to upset Caden like this.

Yet Asena knew. It was a hill that had to be crossed someday. Words that had to be spoken eventually.

The die was cast. There was no turning back now.

In truth, she had wanted to say these words for years. Ever since becoming the head of the family, she had constantly wanted to say it. All this time, she had been waiting for the right moment.

But now that they had to enter the Academy, she couldn’t postpone it any longer.

Caden Praester had to remove the Praester surname.

He didn’t seem to have accepted it yet.

She would have felt the same way.

….But it was something that had to be said.

Her brother Caden had been angry, but calmed his fury at the words “for the future.”

He seemed to be thinking about the “family’s” future.

But Asena’s true feelings were different.

The family?

She didn’t care whether it was disrespected or not.

During her reign as head, she had no desire to make the family powerful.

The family was enough as long as it could protect its dependents and family members.

Though she never showed it in front of Caden, she wasn’t as kind a person as he thought she was.

She wasn’t taking away his name for such a grand reason as “for the family.”

It was for a more selfish, personal, and darker reason.

What she had in mind was the future of “herself” and “Caden.”

It was the one thing she, as head of the family who sacrificed and gave up so much, allowed herself to be greedy about.

In the past, Asena had thought it would be good if Caden became the head of the family.

But now, she was so grateful that Caden hadn’t become the head back then, and that neither had Kirsy, but herself.

Because this way, she could use the power of the head to fulfill her dream.

Her dream was only one thing.

She wanted to spend her entire life with Caden.

She couldn’t imagine a life without him.

But she had come to realize something.

As the head of the family, she received various marriage proposals.

She rejected them all… but through this, she felt how unstable her relationship with Caden was.

She and Caden were siblings.

If they could have spent their lives together with this bond, she might have been satisfied and left things as they were.

But even family ties eventually break.

Especially the bond between siblings is an unstable one that could break at any time once they become adults.

So she would sever the sibling bond with her own hands.

A new relationship was needed.

The method she found was marriage.

It wasn’t just the fact that she could stay close to him that made her think of marriage.

Perhaps all of this was just Asena’s excuse.

Beyond everything else, she simply wanted to be Caden’s most precious person.

She always wanted to be his top priority, and she wanted to receive all the love he had to give.

Asena had realized her feelings for Caden early on.

She couldn’t help it.

He was the person who shook her heart when she thought it would never move again.

He became family when she thought she was alone.

He was the only one who took care of her when all the servants were wagging their tongues.

No matter how much she got irritated, he would approach her with a smile, praise her, and shower her with affection.

At first, she wondered how he could do that when they were strangers. But such doubts melted away with the effort he showed. Why he did it no longer mattered.

When she was with him, painful thoughts disappeared. He lifted her back up.

She didn’t even want to imagine what kind of person she would have become without Caden.

He was like a gem, and it was a blessing that only she and Kirsy knew it.

Even as they grew older, he remained the same. Whenever she was struggling, he would always come and encourage her. When she had foolish thoughts, he would play with her and fill her head with joy. When she was afraid, he would lead the way and offer his back.

He was someone she couldn’t help but cherish. She had no choice but to love him. There was no other option.

But until then, she didn’t know what kind of love it was. She only vaguely felt it.

She loved her father, she loved her mother, she loved Kirsy, and she loved all her family, but for Caden, it was always a more special feeling.

At first, she thought it was because Caden had become family later, so her feelings were a bit different.

But as she grew older, as her body developed, this feeling became more concrete.

If it were family love, she wouldn’t be happy just hearing his voice. Her face wouldn’t flush when he caressed her.

She wouldn’t think of him dozens of times a day,

……She wouldn’t want to go to him every night and kiss him.

She wouldn’t fantasize about what hot nights spent together would be like, imagine what their children would look like, or feel her body heat up thinking about him in the deep night.

She had long abandoned the guilt of feeling that this was wrong. After all, they didn’t share a drop of blood.

Though they grew up like siblings, she never once harbored family love for him.

He only shared the Praester surname; he was closer to a childhood friend than a sibling.

It was a feeling that shouldn’t be felt for family, but it was fine for a childhood friend.

It was only the Praester surname that had always been in the way. That name, which she had been proud of, was the biggest obstacle.

So the name had to be removed. After all, they couldn’t marry while bearing the same Praester family name.

They couldn’t be connected, either mentally or physically.

….And today, she finally spoke those words.

Caden was furious. It was the first time she had seen him so angry.

She forcibly suppressed the desire to take back her words hundreds of times, to soothe his anger, and to return to a position where she wasn’t hated.

She had to think about their future.

If she couldn’t endure this trial, there would be no future where she could be connected to him.

When she imagined Caden expressing his love to her with even stronger words than now, whispering love to her, her heart pounded so hard she could bear it.

She never thought that she, who was dull to emotional changes, would have something that made her heart race so much.

What would Caden think if he knew about these sticky feelings?

Would he be shocked? Would he be scared? ….Or would he be happy?

…It was a feeling she couldn’t reveal yet.

Kirsy also continued to express her dissatisfaction with her decision.

But ignoring that wasn’t difficult for Asena.

The emotions of people other than Caden weren’t that important to her.

Right now, Asena was only worried about how to soothe Caden’s heart.

She stared blankly out the window, hiding numerous thoughts beneath the hardened mask of the family head.