Ch.57Cutting Through the Darkness (1)

“……”

The carriage ride back to the duke’s mansion was filled with an uncomfortable silence, unlike when we first rode together. There had been no warning signs that the duke would end up like this, so even if I had known about it, I couldn’t help but be surprised.

But Aileen, unlike me—Aileen who had just learned this sudden news—what could she be thinking right now?

‘The duke has collapsed.’

I had anticipated this and prepared for it. The death of Garoth Yuris, the head of the Yuris family, would be the beginning of the tragedy that would befall Aileen.

In the original story, she had to inherit the chaotic family after the duke’s sudden death and gather loyal vassals to build her power base while dealing with those who wouldn’t pledge their loyalty.

Could she possibly handle all of that with a sound mind, given how worn down she already was from the “illness” she had suffered before?

Of course, now things probably wouldn’t unfold as they did in the original story even if the duke died. But I had no intention of letting him die. His existence was still necessary, and at the very least, Aileen still needed him.

The existence of a father—even if there was no affection between them—Garoth Yuris shouldn’t fade away so easily.

I now knew everything Garoth Yuris had done to Aileen. Those damned actions he took to raise her as the next head of the Yuris family. The unimaginable standards he imposed on her while pursuing perfection.

I couldn’t deny that the family head was one of the reasons she had broken. Even knowing that he had gritted his teeth and acted that way while piercing his own heart with thorns, I couldn’t deny that Aileen had been hurt by it.

…He still hadn’t apologized to Aileen.

I couldn’t let him die without apologizing for all his actions. Even if he died, it should be after he had repented, reflected, and sincerely apologized to Aileen.

So, Garoth Yuris couldn’t die yet.

I believe it’s connected to the dark mage. Didn’t the investigation reveal that the dark mage who first appeared in the Yuris duchy three years ago was actually related to the extinction? The extinction that appeared three years ago. Then the duke’s collapse now must be related to a “curse” created by the dark mage.

A curse—at this point, probably only one person knew how to break it. We might find another solution if we requested help from the imperial family, but that would be difficult.

Since curses from dark magic could also occur from misusing dark magic, bringing this up while investigating Roman could complicate things and cause delays. The visit to Count Kasim might also be thoroughly investigated.

‘…There is one person I could ask for help.’

Whether that busy person could come all the way here… But what concerned me most right now was Aileen’s expression.

Her usual emotionless expression—but this one was quite different from the Aileen I knew. It was like the expression she had when I first saw her. With her emotions tightly suppressed, her usually sparkling blue eyes seemed empty. I didn’t want to see her wearing that mask again for long.

“My lady.”

“…I don’t want to talk right now.”

She replied without even looking at me, staring out the carriage window. I didn’t like that. I didn’t like that she was making such an expression when she had been smiling shyly just a while ago. I didn’t like that she was sinking back into sadness.

“I see.”

I couldn’t just leave her be. It would take a full two days to reach the duke’s mansion. How could I possibly spend that time with Aileen in such a state, without Rophena? So I looked at her. Until she would look at me, until her attention was directed at me, even slightly.

Thud.

Moving in the swaying carriage wasn’t difficult. My developed body easily maintained balance.

Very lightly, I sat down next to Aileen, and only then did she look at me.

“Finally, you look at me.”

“Evan, what are you—”

“I don’t like seeing that expression on your face.”

I spoke honestly. I wanted to add more, but I thought a single honest statement would be more effective. I didn’t want to see her gloomy expression. I knew she was troubled, but I wanted her to have at least a little hope.

“When you make such a gloomy face, what do you think goes through my mind?”

“……”

“I feel the same pain. I won’t claim to understand what’s in your heart, but when you make that face, I… hurt too.”

In a situation like this, I wasn’t expecting her to smile. No child would be delighted to hear that their father, estranged or not, had collapsed. I had been there myself, so I could understand at least fragments of her feelings.

“…There’s a mage I can ask for help. If it’s them, they might be able to figure out why the duke collapsed.”

Aileen’s eyes widened slightly. I smiled faintly, pleased that despite her many questions, she didn’t ask me a single one.

“I ask that you trust me. Trust that the duke won’t be harmed, that you won’t be hurt. And trust me to make it so.”

“……”

The silence was long. I thought she might find my words presumptuous. But I didn’t avoid her gaze and steadily looked at her.

Her blue eyes, like sapphires, rippled. Those eyes, dark blue like the deep sea, didn’t hold many emotions.

She looked somewhat surprised, slightly startled. And when I finally detected a faint happiness in them…

“…You don’t need to say that.”

Aileen, carefully moving her lips, looked at me intently. Her hand moved slowly. The hand that had been on her knee began to approach me slowly. Though she had been shy at first, now she did it without hesitation.

She placed her small hand on top of mine and carefully spoke.

“I do trust you. If I trust anyone, it’s only you.”

She lightly touched my cheek and smiled faintly. Unlike before, her expression seemed somewhat relieved.

#

“You must be perfect.”

I think that was my first memory. The first words my father, Garoth Yuris, the head of the Yuris family, said to me.

In my childish mind, I nodded, but I didn’t know exactly what perfection meant then. I just wanted to be like my father. Like him, who received respectful gazes from others, born with natural dignity.

Perhaps if my mother had been alive then, she might have stopped my father’s actions. My mother only wanted me to be happy. To be able to smile later, to always be happy. To meet a good person and dream of a love like a dream.

But my mother didn’t exist then.

-Aileen.

Only a murmuring voice with some memories lingered in fragments of hazy recollection. It didn’t take long to understand what perfection my father spoke of. You must be perfect. Not a single flaw is allowed.

It was a difficult concept to grasp at the age of six, but after spending a few days in the attic, I naturally came to understand it.

Cold and creaking.

I remember crying endlessly in that place where the only light came from a small window in the attic. Not knowing what I had done wrong, crying and scratching at the door saying I was sorry. That child eventually had to spend several days in that attic.

What was my father’s expression like when I came out of that cramped place? He looked somewhat surprised. He seemed to be scolding someone, and his expression as he looked at me with gritted teeth was… yes, sad.

I couldn’t understand.

Why he looked so sad while doing something he chose to do himself. Something felt empty. Just like feeling hungry, that emptiness in my heart never filled no matter how much time passed.

After that, the maid who took care of me changed. And in the repetitive days, I encountered studies that others would only learn as adults. Magic, swordsmanship, even foreign languages that were difficult to read.

Sleep time gradually decreased, and accumulated fatigue was relieved by a visiting mage. But what a young child needed was not relief from accumulated fatigue, but simply sleep to rest a tired body. No one showed such consideration. They just silently, merely silently watched over me.

I hated those gazes. As the duke’s only daughter, being called the next head of the family, the strange expectation mixed in their gazes was burdensome.

Those who smiled so much showed such cold gazes when I made even a small mistake. I hated them, and beyond that, I came to hate my father.

I hated him. I despised him and even thought how it would be if he just disappeared from this world. I didn’t want to be perfect. I wanted to chatter mindlessly and show off accessories like other noble ladies. I wanted to meet someone I truly matched with, not an unwanted fiancé, and discuss love.

But the perfection my father spoke of didn’t allow that.

“The duke has collapsed.”

But what emotion did I feel when I heard those words? My heart dropped, my vision darkened. My chest churned, and my breath caught, making it hard to breathe—it was clearly sadness.

‘Why am I…’

It was hard to understand. Why I felt such emotion, why I was so shaken by the news that my father, whom I clearly hated and despised terribly, had collapsed. Had I been thinking of him as my father deep inside?

I organized my thoughts with an inner sneer. The reason my father collapsed without warning.

It must be dark magic.

Garoth Yuris was also a knight who had reached expert level. Although he couldn’t be said to be as skilled as Duke Roman or Evan, he was still a man with considerable strength as a knight protecting the empire.

How could such a person fall ill? It made no sense. There had been no warning signs. Since it was my father who had given me information about the Roman family, I knew he had been healthy until then.

-…How have you been?

And that one question I couldn’t answer. I frowned at the sudden memory of that voice. My expression reflected in the carriage window looked terrible, unlike before.

A face showing no emotion. That expression I unconsciously made reminded me of my past self, and I squeezed my eyes shut.

Why had he asked me such a thing? The one who always made demands of me. I couldn’t understand why he made such an expression and asked me such a question.

That expression, the one where he looked at me with a pleased smile, was clearly not an expression my father would make.

…I had many questions.

Why he had treated me that way, why he had demanded such perfection from me as a child. Small scars still remained on my fingertips from scratching at the attic door. But I couldn’t ask such things of someone who had collapsed.

If it was a dark mage’s curse as I thought, my father might die.

There was no way to break a dark mage’s curse. Even if the dark mage who cast the curse was killed, the curse would still remain to torment the target. Suffering in pain and then quietly dying—isn’t that what a curse is?

A bitter taste filled my mouth. I had bitten my lip, and the torn flesh was slowly bleeding.

What should I do? With what feelings should I look at my collapsed father? Various thoughts collided and scattered in my mind. As my vision slowly blurred while I bit my lip and looked out the window…

Thud.

The sound came from right beside me, scattering my thoughts. A familiar warmth. A familiar person, a familiar face. But his voice, those green eyes looking at me, always filled me with new emotions. My blurred vision cleared, and only one person filled my sight.

Evan Fried, my knight, was looking at me today as well.

“Finally, you look at me.”

“Evan, what are you—”

“I don’t like seeing that expression on your face.”

The moment the smile disappeared from Evan’s face, I found myself closing my mouth tightly.

He had never said he “disliked” anything to me before, but now he brought it up for the first time. What expression had I been making? As I slowly ran my hand over my face, my gaze remained fixed on him. The corners of his mouth formed a horizontal line, somehow looking as if he was angry with me.

So I couldn’t say anything. I knew he was making this expression solely for my sake.

“When you make such a gloomy face, what do you think goes through my mind?”

“……”

“I feel the same pain. I won’t claim to understand what’s in your heart, but when you make that face, I… hurt too.”

Evan frowned. Surprised by this unfamiliar expression, I soon realized he truly felt that way. His usually sparkling green eyes rippled, clearly showing sadness, and I unconsciously reached out my hand before grasping at empty air.

Strangely enough, the feeling rising in the corner of my heart was close to relief. It felt only gratifying that he was trying to understand me, that he was frowning while thinking of me. I looked at Evan as he carefully brought up that there might be a solution, mentioning a mage he knew who might be able to help.

My heart seemed to tickle at his gaze, mixed with concern that I might be upset. Evan asked me to trust him.

Did he not know that I always trusted him? I felt disappointed, but those earnest eyes moved my heart.

His green eyes held only me.

How could I not believe the words of such a person? From the beginning, I had trusted him.

So I didn’t waver anymore. With him by my side, I would be fine. With Evan beside me, I believed I could overcome anything.

Thud.

Lightly touching his cheek, I could smile with some relief.

“I do trust you. If I trust anyone, it’s only you.”

I fervently wished that Evan would remain by my side in the future.