Ch.5757. Denial (5)

Aris blinked her eyes in bewilderment as she stared at him.

Her eyes weren’t deceiving her. It really was Junon, with his distinctive black hair.

Come to think of it, this was a secluded area. It was the perfect route for someone like him who wanted to avoid people’s eyes.

Although they happened to cross paths here, coincidentally, this was a place he frequently walked.

But he frowned deeply, as if he’d seen someone he wished he hadn’t, and immediately turned around. He looked ready to flee at any moment.

Aris finally came to her senses. How could she let such a stroke of luck slip away?

“W-wait a moment!”

Two conflicting thoughts collided endlessly in Aris’s mind, each negating the other, and the cause was none other than Junon.

This was an opportunity to have a conversation with him.

“Just wait a moment! I have something to ask you!”

“I have nothing to say.”

“I’m not trying to attack you like before. I just need a few short conversations!”

Aris managed to grab Junon’s arm as she spoke.

Unlike Aris, Junon’s gaze wasn’t directed at her in the slightest.

So, Aris had to play her trump card.

“This is the last time. I won’t look for you again or try to involve you in anything. I won’t even report the truth about your recent achievements…!”

“…”

Finally, Junon slightly turned his head toward Aris.

Even though he only turned slightly and wasn’t looking at her properly, at least he didn’t seem like he would shake her off and run away like before.

‘…It’s a valid offer. And she doesn’t seem to be lying.’

Just the thought of Aris telling the newspaper that the facts were wrong irritated him.

Fortunately, this place was deserted. If people had been around, they might have drawn attention.

However, judging by how firmly she was holding his arm, she didn’t seem to have any intention of attacking. If this situation turned into a fight, it would be extremely disadvantageous for Aris, given that they were practically at point-blank range.

Moreover, she had openly stated that her goal was to have a conversation, and if necessary, she could use Bleu Soir.

If it was just a conversation, it wasn’t a bad situation.

“Fine. Here. But let go of my arm.”

“If I let go, you might run away.”

“I promise I won’t run away until our conversation is over. Satisfied?”

Aris, who had been eyeing Junon suspiciously, slowly released her tight grip on his arm.

She let out a sigh of relief, then swallowed hard.

She was wondering how to start, but fearing he might run away again if she took too long, she immediately opened her mouth.

“Those words back then… what did they mean?”

“No comment.”

“What…?”

“Is that the end of your questions?”

He was avoiding answering, but Aris was currently not in a position of power. Junon had no reason to respond straightforwardly to her questions. Aris was the one who was desperate.

Left with no choice, Aris squeezed her eyes shut and spoke again.

“I… thought you were trying to sabotage the Tembris Party.”

That was related to a memory that had suddenly flowed into her one day.

***

“That’s why I followed you here to prevent you from joining the Tembris Party… and I did what I did to warn you.”

That seemed to be her memory. Aris didn’t continue. That was the end.

“So. Now that you know you were wrong, you want me to forgive you?”

“…That’s right. I acted too emotionally, so I’m sor—”

“Don’t apologize.”

Junon cut off Aris’s apology before she could finish.

His face, which had interrupted Aris’s apology, began to harden into an expression of utter coldness.

“It would make you feel so much better to apologize, wouldn’t it? You attacked me out of nowhere based on bad memories alone. As you said, I survived in place of the capable Goden. Go ahead and resent me. No, you should resent me.”

“…”

“You asked what those words meant? Fine. I’ll tell you everything. When Goden died, I was exactly as you thought—a coward who ran away with all his might. Someone who abandoned his comrades and fled. Every time, I tried to survive while being nothing but a burden.”

A faint smile gradually appeared on his hardened face. If there had been other observers, they might have felt chills down their spines at how incongruous the sight was.

“When Senia went missing? I thought it was impossible. It was hard to believe we could find her in Utulum Mountain amid that heavy rain and landslides. When Michelle was dying of dehydration? I prevented her from drinking the water Erica had brought. Yes, that was me too.”

By now, his smile had spread to an eerie extent. Junon’s face, with its ghastly smile, seemed wrapped in something, as if he had gone mad.

“Professor Jake. Professor Muniher sacrificed himself to buy me time. And before that, he transferred all command and control authority to me. Did you know that?”

This was obviously the first time she had heard this.

But at the same time, she swallowed hard. The mention of command and control authority being transferred to him made her heart sink.

Even being a center was a burdensome position, but transferring command and control authority meant essentially leading a unit.

It meant commanding and controlling at least an expedition-sized group of people.

“I don’t know why command authority came to me when I couldn’t do anything. But it was a situation where dozens or hundreds of people could easily die with just one of my decisions.”

“…”

“As you know, I was nothing but a burden. But do you understand my position, having to watch people die without being able to do anything? Do you even know the guilt of having to ask others to fight for me because I had lost my strength?”

Junon’s fist clenched so tightly that it turned white from lack of blood flow.

“But you know what? What I know is far more terrible and grim than what I’m telling you now.”

Those words sent chills down her spine, and her entire body began to tremble, from her pink hair to the arms that had grabbed him.

“S-stop… no more…”

Aris had completely lost her mind just from seeing Erica’s abdomen pierced.

She couldn’t even imagine what kind of psychological pressure he had been under.

That’s why she was so anxious about what he would say next.

She wished she hadn’t asked, that she had just endured her curiosity.

Such thoughts flashed through Aris’s mind.

“Now you’re asking me to stop…!!”

No. The rest wouldn’t remain in Aris’s memory.

Knowing this, he found this situation utterly disgusting and exasperating, letting out a harsh breath and lamenting.

‘Really, this is such bullshit.’

She only remembers what she wants to remember, and even then, she can blame everything on one person.

Aris’s body trembled like an aspen tree as she covered her mouth. Seeing that she wouldn’t ask any more questions, Junon drove the final nail in.

“Don’t grab me again, and don’t pretend to know me from now on. Because then… I don’t know what I might do.”

His body shook with anger, and his unstable breathing exhaled fury. Junon left in that state.

Soon after, Aris’s legs gave way, and she collapsed.

“How… could this be…”

Perhaps by coincidence, the spot where Aris collapsed resembled eight black petals spread open. But…

That flower was already a dead lotus.

***

I think it’s a damn cruel fate.

Now that I can neither join nor stay away from the Tembris Party, my future keeps sinking deeper into darkness.

I was clearly with them, and even the death I ultimately faced was deeply connected to them.

So when I returned to this Kempton continent, I made a promise to myself.

To reject the sweet temptation of what should have been the happiest time of my life, to survive and avoid that blame by distancing myself from my former comrades.

They could handle most things on their own anyway. That was the reason.

“But why… ha, fuck.”

I died at your hands like that, and I did everything I could to help you.

At the very least, I had decided to be content with just living my life, having let go of everything. If my former comrades remembered the past, that would be enough for me.

They would handle the big issues, and if I could just suppress my emotions a little, I could at least preserve my life.

However, I was unaware of the academy’s major event—the invasion of the Osoftera.

I had my doubts, but meeting Aris this time allowed me to reach a conclusion.

In other words, they don’t remember all of their memories from before the regression.

What’s more, what they remember is that I failed, that I was a burden, that I was powerless.

What remained in my former comrades was resentment toward me.

Is that the end? What they must face is a dark future that has not yet arrived. This means they can’t prepare for what’s coming in advance.

Then why do I remember everything? Why not tell them everything?

Why me, of all people? How am I supposed to survive?

I wanted to shout and ask anyone who could answer: what am I supposed to do when those who should be the last pillars of the crumbling empire know nothing?

“I was worried when the Osoftera invaded. I’m glad to see you’re safe.”

“…Professor?”

“Let’s see. Your body doesn’t seem injured. And your mind seems fine too.”

The one addressing me was Professor Jake, who had just returned to the academy.

In my already troubled state, I might have reacted sensitively if someone had tried to joke around. But he wasn’t displaying his usual playfulness.

He simply sat down beside me, placing his hand on my shoulder and speaking.

“There don’t seem to be any casualties, and you look fine, so why the long face? From what I heard, the defense battle was well-managed and resolved.”

“…There were some issues.”

“Talk to me about it. I’ve been your professor for two years, after all.”

What difference would it make if I shared it?

He says he’s been watching over and teaching me for two years, or even longer, but he wouldn’t believe it.

“I’m sorry.”

That’s all I can answer right now.

In response, Professor Jake smiled bitterly and brought up a rather unfunny story.

“You know, Junon, for a professor not to be able to listen to a student’s concerns… that’s quite incompetent.”

“Incompetent?”

“Yes. Although they may not be my biological children, as a professor, I watch my disciples grow as if they were my own children.”

“…”

“It was my first day as a professor. But those kids, from day one—”

Sometimes rushing to a student who was being beaten, sometimes scolding a student who got injured from overexertion in mock battles.

Feeling proud when a student showed impressive results and treating them to a meal.

Feeling sorry for students who fell asleep with acne and blemishes on their faces after studying for exams for days, and covering them with blankets.

The fact that he could share such detailed anecdotes meant that he was truly a worthy educator.

His smile never faded as he shared these stories one by one. However…

“But if students can’t share their concerns, it all becomes meaningless.”

When he said this, Professor Jake wore a bitter smile I had never seen before.

After a slight pause, he continued in a slightly more subdued voice.

“There was a case where a student kept everything hidden and ended up committing suicide… A professor who couldn’t prevent that is as good as having lost their own child.”

Clearly, this wasn’t just a complaint but self-reproach from a professor who couldn’t help a student.

It’s obvious who the professor refers to.

The student who committed suicide must be referring to the girl from the Alios Building suicide incident.

I never knew that beneath his bright exterior, always smiling and chatting with students as if they were his own children, lay such a burden.

Yes.

This was his story—a professor who couldn’t ultimately open a student’s heart.

The story of Professor Jake himself, who couldn’t protect a student, resulting in the student’s suicide.

“I won’t ask you to talk now. But if there ever comes a time when you’re truly struggling, please ask for help. Or you can talk to Muniher.”

This must be what he wanted to convey by recounting all these anecdotes.

His sincere wish, as a professor, to never lose disciples he’s watched grow like his own children again.

‘By bringing this up… did I look like that to him?’

Though I said I was fine on the outside, perhaps to him, I appeared to be a student carrying a heavy burden but unable to share it.

For Professor Jake, it must have been like revisiting a nightmare from the past.

Yet he opened up and confronted that past.

He revisited his past failures and inadequacies by sharing his story with someone else.

He faced head-on that past which was so painful and bitter that he didn’t even want to think about it. All while wearing a bitter smile.

That’s why, uncharacteristically, I was the first to say:

“Would it be alright if I requested a training match after so long?”

“Huh? Why the sudden request for a match?”

“I’ve been learning from Professor Denis, but he’s been busy lately, so I’m not sure how much my skills have improved. So I’m asking you instead.”

“Junon, you…”

Yes. I still can’t reveal the truth.

But I can at least subtly convey to Professor Jake that I won’t make that choice.

“Hahaha…! So that’s it. Alright then.”

Seeing the middle-aged professor’s smile rise, I could tell that all his anxiety had been dispelled.

‘That’s right. I’m not the same person as back then.’

Once again, Professor Jake provided me with an answer when I was lost. Thanks to his mindset as a true professor who raises students like his own children, I was able to gather my resolve.

The simple and clear answer is that my past self and present self are different.

That’s the path I need to take.

“No matter how tired I am, I wouldn’t refuse a training match to guide you.”

“You need to check me properly. I’m serious.”

“Well, well. You’ve been training with my wife, haven’t you? If I’m not careful, I might lose!”

“As if you would lose. I bet I won’t be able to get up tomorrow.”

It’s a past that has gone by, but I can ensure it doesn’t repeat itself.

I know it’s a difficult task. But it’s a future that hasn’t arrived yet.

Even if they don’t fully remember me from that time, even if all the plans I had in mind are ruined.

Even if the Tembris Party I knew can’t directly resolve those incidents. Even if I can’t be a part of it. Even if they curse and despise me.

It’s not over.

I can foresee what will happen and have the tools to prevent it in advance.

Knowledge from my previous life. New information gained in this life.

A body that’s alive and can move. A brain that remembers everything, unlike my former comrades.

The power that I didn’t lose, but simply hadn’t found or realized, as I’ve now confirmed.

This is enough.

Even if the Tembris Party can’t anticipate the predetermined events, I can take the initiative.

No matter how dark the path ahead, it doesn’t mean there isn’t even a single firefly to light the way.

So I decided to issue a challenge. Against that damn thing called fate.

Let the predetermined future be overturned.

***

After a complex day, morning inevitably arrived.

My body is stiff from yesterday’s rigorous training match. But that doesn’t mean I don’t welcome the morning sunlight.

My cleared mind welcomed the approaching morning, setting my thoughts in motion, which led me to significantly revise my plans.

Now, it was time to start.

“Silvia, can I ask you a favor?”

“Hmm? What favor?”

“I’d like you to secretly spread some information to the others.”

This is the starting point for creating a twisted future.