Ch.5719. I Am Under a Curse (2)

A small mountain overlooking the city.

A church standing there like a symbol.

The stone steps leading up to it possessed a stubbornness that allowed neither carriages nor even the tiniest carts.

One could only climb on foot, unless carrying a load on one’s back.

Or perhaps a great magician might fly up.

Or one might ignore the stairway path and cut through the forest.

A steep hill.

Though different from sheer cliffs and ravines, even those accustomed to mountain paths would choose the stairs rather than the mountainside.

However.

Kariel was actually more familiar with such mountain paths.

Rather, climbing stairs was more difficult for him.

At first, he debated whether to climb up here or not.

But deciding there was no need to deliberate, he dashed straight up toward the summit as if climbing trees.

Upon reaching the final peak where the church came into view.

“…Oh, you came all the way up here?”

He encountered Alesia, who was coming along the orderly path toward the stairs.

Her attire was as he had first seen it—chain mail covered by white garments emblazoned with distinctive golden crosses.

From her appearance with various equipment despite her light load.

Even Saint Kariel’s straight sword, still without a proper scabbard, was wrapped in cloth around the blade and hung at her waist.

Besides these armaments hanging from her back and waist, her hands were relatively free.

“I mentioned it to Filbar just in case, but were you really planning to leave right away?”

“…Yes. I wasn’t aware there was a festival today.”

Perhaps, if today’s events hadn’t occurred, he might have stayed to watch the festival.

His mind had changed.

The situation had changed.

Any excuse would do.

“Are you leaving too, Alesia?”

“Well, about that… I was thinking of going with you.”

“With me? Where to?”

“To your destination.”

“……”

Seeing Kariel’s silence, Alesia spoke somewhat awkwardly.

“I heard the news. Just now, actually. You left the archipelago under the pretext of a pilgrimage?”

“A pilgrimage?”

After pondering briefly, Kariel wondered if that was the excuse that had been made up.

Probably Elhermina’s idea.

“You must know clearly now who I am.”

“……”

At that, Alesia closed her lips momentarily.

“I don’t know the details. Truly.”

Even when she had visited the archipelago years ago, she hadn’t been particularly interested in him.

People around her wondered why she paid so much attention to others’ stories.

As the most incompetent child of the hero, Kariel had been the subject of much condemnation and criticism.

Alesia, who had heard this at the time, hadn’t thought much of it either.

After all, it was rather common for heirs and successors of famous families to behave like scoundrels and fools.

They could become twisted, crushed under excessive expectations and pressure, forced responsibilities… she had seen countless examples.

By that measure, it wasn’t unusual.

Could the bloodline of a hero be an exception to this?

She firmly shook her head.

“If we’re leaving the city, it’s better to move before sunrise. With people flooding in from outside, just getting out could take a long time.”

As she said this and turned back toward the stairs.

“Don’t you have somewhere else to go, Alesia?”

“Because of this?”

She pointed to Saint Kariel’s sword hanging at her waist.

“I’ve already spoken with the priest, so I’ll send someone with a more detailed report later. I can keep this with me and return it when I visit again.”

In other words.

She was saying she would follow Kariel himself.

“How do you know where I’m going?”

“…If it’s about visiting holy sites, that concerns me too.”

Or else.

“Or was that story just a rumor after all?”

“……”

Kariel briefly looked away from her and said.

“Strictly speaking, my coming here was coincidental. I simply wanted to visit the place that was the origin of my name.”

Yet strangely, he had encountered an unusual connection.

His heart grew heavy at that consideration and arrangement.

It wasn’t what he had wanted.

He hadn’t even expected it.

Not even a simple imagination.

Probably they, and he too, didn’t harbor excessive expectations for me.

Just… I arrived where I needed to be, and when the time was ripe, I faced him.

“You don’t need to follow me. You have neither obligation nor responsibility to do so.”

“What if I want to?”

“…Why?”

I want to.

What does that mean?

“What if I purely worry about you and care for you… and want to accompany you?”

“……”

That… I don’t know.

“It’s strange. You and I just met for the first time, didn’t we? Do you have any reason to be attached to me in that time?”

Alesia questioned him, seemingly dumbfounded.

“Kariel. People, you know. People liking other people, being interested in others… it doesn’t always need to be weighed or calculated or considered before deciding. Ah, this is getting complicated. Anyway, there’s no need to scrutinize such things, is there?”

“…Is that so?”

“Just because my heart is drawn to it, because I want to. Isn’t that reason enough?”

“……”

Is that so?

Somehow, it sounds like something obvious.

Why does it feel so distant?

“Your interest and affection for me is excessive and quite burdensome.”

“No… when you put it that way, you make me feel embarrassed for no reason.”

Alesia averted her gaze unnecessarily.

“I appreciate your words. But… I’m not in a position to have anyone accompany me on this journey.”

“Why? Am I… too burdensome, as you just said?”

“If you ask whether Alesia is burdensome… I’m not sure. I’m grateful for your kindness, and even for any ulterior motives. But even that is attention I’m grateful for.”

……Like.

He speaks as if telling someone else’s story, not his own.

As if rationally writing sentences on paper or scrolls, excluding any immersion.

“Then, what if I want to be with you because I like you? What I’ve repeatedly said about liking you… that’s certainly not just lip service. Ah, could it be because of my age or size…?”

“That has nothing to do with it.”

I consider it good.

Even ulterior motives will eventually become sincere.

Not stopping at mere flirtation, but kindling the spark more vividly.

Someday, it will ignite into something more.

Such passion and will.

The desire to possess me.

The desire to be possessed.

…Affection.

The desire to love and be loved was conveyed so clearly.

Some might mock this as mere lust or whatever.

But even so… if both parties are happy and satisfied, is that truly immoral or evil?

If the result of impulse leads to regret later… that could happen, of course.

“When I left the archipelago, I truly left behind many things.”

More like abandoned them.

“And one of the reasons is.”

Kariel looked up at the night sky as he spoke.

“……”

And as if blocking that night sky.

A girl with vivid gold, resting her chin on her hand, was watching us with interest.

A blessing and a curse at once.

A curse and salvation at once.

Perhaps, if given the same choice with time turned back.

I would gladly.

Ten times, a hundred times.

Continue that choice.

“I have made a pact with the Demon Lord.”

Those words.

Struck Alesia’s mind like a shock.

“What…?”

“A curse if you call it that, or a contract if you prefer.”

In other words.

I cannot settle for reality.

If I don’t defeat my father.

Everything connected to me will eventually be destroyed.

My own self is no longer even an issue.

I’m grateful and thankful for your kindness.

But that makes it more burdensome, more difficult.

As if the load I carry keeps growing.

While grateful.

…I’m afraid.

Even if I form a bond with someone who shows me affection.

Even if it bears fruit.

…That would mean passing on the seed of my curse, the spark I’m entangled with.

How could I bear that?

Even if I want to close my eyes and ignore it.

Even if I want to abandon and neglect it.

It’s already far too late.

“……”

But.

Despite that, because of that, I’ve regained the leisure to look up at the night sky purely.

Therefore, I don’t resent it.

I don’t hate it.

This outcome is also my share.

Clearly my choice.

“Yes. As you can see, I am cursed. And that’s probably not something anyone in this era can do anything about.”

“W-wait. I think I misheard…”

“No. You heard correctly. Let me say it again. I am cursed by the Demon Lord, and I have something I must do for that.”

Therefore.

“I’m not in a position to have anyone accompany me. I don’t have that luxury.”

“No! That’s exactly why I should!”

“Lady Alesia.”

Kariel bowed his head deeply.

“I am truly grateful. Thanks to your interest and affection… I was able to find salvation for a brief moment.”

However.

“In the end, whether it’s salvation or rescue, all of that is solely one’s own responsibility. That’s not something anyone else can do for you.”

“…What if you can’t do it yourself? If it’s impossible?”

Alesia remembers.

She too experienced situations where she was helpless in her childhood.

But.

That’s where the difference between them emerges.

This is an unbridgeable gap.

Clearly, Kariel received help from the Demon Lord.

But even that help was possible only because he himself had resolved.

By enduring pain and accepting unreasonableness.

By resolving and enduring, it became possible.

If he hadn’t done so, would the Demon Lord have left him alone?

Could Kariel himself have changed as he has now?

“Even that is ultimately fate and destiny.”

Therefore.

I gave up on prayer.

Also, I no longer expect, trust, or dream that someone will unconditionally show me kindness.

I don’t know about others.

But at least, not me.

So if there is someone who cannot save themselves.

If there is a being who can only be saved through others.

“…I think that too is their given share.”

That’s what it comes down to.

Fully accepting that fact is also oneself.

Firmly rejecting that fact and struggling against it.

Entirely one’s own responsibility.

Sitting down because no answer is visible is a choice.

Searching for an answer until hands and feet are ruined, even while believing none will be found.

…One’s own share.

I realized this… when confronting the Demon Lord.

And to not make that realization meaningless.

If I don’t want my past, already full of regret, to be overlaid with even more regret.

…Even settling down was impossible, and even time to sit down was too precious.

“You and many people I met here have become entangled with my curse. Therefore, I must solve this problem… to protect you from it.”

“You’re not just saying this, but really…?”

“Would such casual words feel this heavy?”

Kariel showed an awkward smile.

Alesia felt great sadness in it.

Never having properly shown a smiling face until now.

Yet forcing a smile at such words that aren’t even jokes.

Is it self-mockery? Or a form of self-blame?

“What if I want to follow you even accepting all that? If I… that much…”

“Thank you.”

Words of rejection, not acceptance.

“I can strive as much as I care for you. I don’t want you to—”

Become unhappy.

Especially if it’s due to some unfair fate or malice that even she doesn’t know about.

“I can only find strength when I’m alone.”

Because when someone is by my side.

I immediately want to rely on them.

I want to lean on them.

That feeling is so intense.

…That I might quickly forget.

How I ever stood on my own two feet.

……I couldn’t bear such weakness in myself.

More than with others, when with Alesia.

Such yearning and desire, thirst became even stronger.

Because it seemed she would embrace me without any resistance.

To think that unconditional kindness and affection.

Could be this burdensome.

“That’s the reason. You’ve done nothing wrong. Rather, you deserve gratitude.”

This is simply.

“My own weakness.”

“……”

There’s much to say.

Many thoughts and words come to mind.

That it’s nothing… that she could somehow help…

She could have made bold promises, of course.

But somehow, her lips wouldn’t part.

Because of Kariel’s expression and eyes.

Those eyes that seem to worry only about her, having completely let go of himself.

“What if the method you’re trying doesn’t work? Or if there’s another way?”

“……”

Kariel suddenly looked up at the empty space.

There’s nothing there, clearly.

There’s definitely nothing there.

For just a moment.

Alesia felt like she saw something.

But she doesn’t know what it was.

What comes to mind is just brilliant gold.

“Please don’t worry.”

Kariel spoke with surprisingly comfortable expression.

“While I don’t blindly resent anyone, the fact that I’ve ended up like this… is also someone’s fault.”

I won’t harbor pointless resentment.

I won’t mistake who to resent and hate innocent people.

“That’s also why I was cursed.”

A curse if you call it that.

A contract if you prefer.

Whatever works.

I will keep my promise.

I’m not trying to say embarrassing things about protecting precious people.

To be honest, that’s a secondary concern.

Even if someone says I’m being too childish, that harboring such deep grudges over such things is unreasonable.

…What does that matter to me?

“Thank you for loving me.”

And perhaps.

“If the day comes when I can put down the burden I carry, could you come find me again then?”

At that time.

I could gladly welcome your affection.

In the end.

My failure would lead to her unhappiness.

But it would also lead to the unhappiness of countless others.

At the point where Elhermina happened to develop affection for me.

If I fail to fulfill my role, it will lead to unhappiness for her and those around her.

This would spread to become the empire’s misfortune as well.

“……”

That damned woman probably didn’t think that far when confessing her love to me.

My feelings for Elhermina amount only to admiration.

If refined a bit more, perhaps respect.

Affection is not included.

It might change later, but I wonder if that “later” will ever come.

I’m somewhat skeptical.

But Alesia is different.

…If her heart doesn’t change.

Though inwardly, I hope it does.

That would be better for her.

“…Then I need to work hard too.”

In a subdued voice.

Looking at Kariel himself with somewhat empty eyes.

She said so.

“?”

“If I accumulate more merit, perhaps He will listen to my prayers a little more.”

Alesia smiled forlornly.

“So from now on, I’ll pray for you.”

That you won’t become unhappy.

That you can find a little more strength.

“…I don’t know how I’ll change either.”

If my heart remains unchanged even then.

“…I hope you’ll accept my confession then. Ah… but hurry back after finishing your business, okay? I’m getting on in years… if I miss my chance, I’ll have to live alone forever. Unlike some people who dedicate their bodies to God or whatever, if I had such deep faith, that would be different… but I’m worldly. So I just want to get married quickly, have children, suffer a little less, and just live happily.”

So.

“……”

Unable to continue speaking, she gazed at him.

Kariel lightly bowed his head.

Then he passed by her and headed for the stairs.

As her words kept increasing.

As moisture seemed to gather in her voice.

As her face, struggling to maintain composure, briefly flashed before his eyes.

He decided to deliberately look away.

Whether that would hurt her.

Or comfort her.

…Honestly, he wasn’t sure.

May it be a comfort.

May.

Everything sought by all be resolved smoothly.

And may the world become a little… kinder as she wishes.

A little more peaceful.

But he doesn’t pray.

He merely… hopes.

Sending such hopes adrift on the wind.