Ch.56Memory Loss (4)

The ability to stop time is incredibly annoying. I can think, but no matter how much I try to move my hands, they won’t budge at all.

Being able to stop time for specific things is just too overpowered. Bluntly speaking, if you just stopped the blood flowing to someone’s brain, they’d die instantly.

Anyway, thanks to that damn ability, I can’t pull the trigger of the gun that’s now at my head. If I could just move a little, it would all be over…

“Lite? Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?”

“Because this world is too fucking awful.”

Everything is shit. Leo and Rebecca are irritating, and I hate Agath so much she feels like my lifelong nemesis.

Is it really that hard to tell me I was a man? Just two words would have been enough.

I wish everyone would just die. Except for Ha-eun and Ju-an—I want everyone else dead, especially Agath. I hope she dies as painfully as possible.

“So can you let me move my hands now?”

“Absolutely not. But I see your memories have returned.”

“Thanks to that, I want to die so badly I could go crazy. So please, just let me die.”

“First, try to cool your head.”

“Could you fucking cool your head in this situation? Being dressed up like a girl, wearing makeup, and even liking y—”

I almost let slip that I mistakenly thought I liked Ju-an. That was a close call.

“What did you say?”

“I said it’s fucking awful.”

“Doesn’t that sound grammatically strange?”

“Shut up. And put me down since I can walk.”

My heart is racing like crazy and my face feels like it’s burning, probably because I’m so embarrassed. Plus, the thought of being carried by him makes me want to die of shame.

“Promise you won’t try to kill yourself.”

“It’s fine. I have something I absolutely must do before I die.”

“What’s that?”

“Revenge.”

The Hero, the Saint, and the Holy Knight. I’ll kill all three of them no matter what. I don’t care what happens to the world anymore.

If I can have my revenge, I’d be willing to sell my soul to the Demon King.

“Alright, but absolutely don’t try to die.”

“I won’t, so stop nagging and put me down already!”

Finally, Ju-an put me down. That made me feel a little less embarrassed. But also a bit disappointed…

…It must be because my body has become weaker that I had such thoughts. Lately, walking has become more difficult since I sacrificed my lifespan.

Even though the ring makes movement easier, it’s still harder than before, which clearly indicates my body has weakened—that must be why I had such thoughts.

Anyway, we’ve finally reached a crowded area. So there’s only one thing for me to do.

“Lite? Where are you going?”

“Bathroom.”

By the way, Ju-an is still calling me Lite. If his memories have returned, shouldn’t he call me Min-jun again?

For now, there’s something much more important that needs immediate attention.

***

Splash—

I washed my face at the public bathroom sink until all the makeup came off. Now my bare face was reflected in the mirror.

But infuriatingly, I can’t change out of these damn girlish clothes.

A fluttering dress—why the hell did they make me wear this? If I had spare clothes, I would have torn this dress to shreds immediately.

Now that my head has cooled down, my reason is returning. What I thought was attraction must have been feelings of friendship.

And my feminine behavior was just me pretending to be a woman. Anyone in my situation would have done the same thing.

Besides, the past is the past. From now on, I just need to act masculine like before.

With these thoughts, I left the bathroom and went back to Ju-an.

“You removed your makeup?”

I could hear a hint of disappointment in Ju-an’s voice.

“What, would you prefer me walking around with makeup on?”

“I don’t mind either way. Both suit you well.”

“…Why do you say such embarrassing things?”

Isn’t he embarrassed saying things like that? Besides, such words don’t make me happy at all, probably because I’m a man.

“Are you feeling sick? Your face is a bit red…”

“I’m embarrassed because of everything that happened today.”

Suddenly, Ju-an leaned in with a worried expression. My heart started beating faster.

“You seem to be getting redder… Are you sure you’re okay?”

“I’m… I’m fine, so back off!”

I quickly turned my head away and shouted.

For some reason, I find it hard to look at Ju-an’s face. It’s probably because I’m too embarrassed about everything that’s happened.

“Didn’t you say you were going to buy food?”

“…I’ll have to buy it again.”

“Buy it again?”

“Well… when I saw you disappeared, I was in such a hurry to find you that I lost it…”

Ju-an said with an awkward smile. So that’s why he found me so quickly.

“Thank you. You saved my life.”

If I had my memories, I would have immediately pulled out a gun and threatened him back, but without my memories, I couldn’t resist at all.

In that situation, Ju-an appeared heroically… no, miraculously. Thanks to him, everything ended without incident.

I wonder if that bastard is still there. If he is, I want to put a bullet in his head right now.

“It’s an awkward time. Let’s just have an early lunch.”

It’s a little past 11:30 now. It’s too late to have a snack to fill our stomachs.

Ju-an eats a lot anyway, so it should be fine. If we get hungry later, we can always get something else.

“Okay, what do you want to eat?”

“Well… let’s just have something simple and then go have fun.”

“How about hamburgers then?”

“Sounds good.”

We headed to a nearby fast food place.

***

Even though I eat less than before, my appetite has gradually increased with time. So although it’s a bit challenging, I can now finish a whole hamburger set.

“I’m so full…”

But now I’m already full after eating only half a hamburger.

“Seems like your appetite has decreased.”

“It’s probably because I used up my lifespan.”

Besides just losing physical strength, my digestion isn’t as good as usual, and my eyesight has become slightly blurry.

Sacrificing lifespan seems to forcibly age the body. But why hasn’t my appearance changed?

Seeing that Leo still looks like he’s in his twenties, there must be some rule… but one thing’s for sure—my body has weakened.

“…You used more of your lifespan?”

“About 8 years or a little more.”

“8 years?!”

Ju-an shouted loudly, apparently quite shocked. Eight years is quite a lot, I admit.

“What were you doing that made you use so much?”

“Beating up some demons.”

“But isn’t that excessive?”

“If I hadn’t used it, we all would have died. So 8 years of lifespan is actually a bargain.”

Ju-an opened his mouth with a bitter smile.

“You talk about it so calmly, like it’s not your problem…”

“It’s already in the past, so what’s the point of regretting it?”

“But you lost 8 years of your life. Are you really okay with that?”

“Of course I’m not okay. Do you know how much my body has deteriorated because of it?”

“Then why are you talking about it so calmly?”

“Because I gained more than I lost.”

I saved Ha-eun, Leo, Rebecca, and many others. It’s an achievement far greater than 8 years of lifespan.

Besides, this ring helps compensate for my weakened body to some extent. So I don’t particularly regret it. Though I do miss being able to eat more.

Right, Ha-eun wanted me to tell Min-jun that…

….

“Lite? Why are you suddenly crying?”

“Because my life is so miserable…”

He called me Lite again, not Min-jun. But I’m too devastated by something else to care about that.

All my life, I desperately wanted to receive a confession. I was planning to accept almost anyone who confessed to me.

If Ha-eun had confessed, I would have gladly accepted. But now Ha-eun doesn’t see me as a man anymore.

If she had simply lost interest, I would have just been disappointed. But the fact that she lost interest because I don’t look like a man makes it painfully sad.

I received a confession from some guy who called me cute, heard from a junior I’ve known for a year that she doesn’t see me romantically, and even thought of myself as a woman when I lost my memories.

It’s so unfair it makes me want to die. How did I, the epitome of masculinity, end up being treated like this…

“…I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have brought up the lifespan topic.”

“That’s not it, you idiot…”

“Then why are you crying?”

“Because of this fucking world…”

Ju-an looks perplexed. But I don’t feel like explaining the situation. It would only make me sadder.

After crying silently for a few minutes, I calmed down to my usual self.

“So what happened to make you like this?”

“Nothing happened.”

“But you were just crying…”

“Nothing! Happened!”

My voice reflexively came out filled with sadness, anger, and resentment.

Ju-an just silently looked at me with pitying eyes.

…I really want to kill myself.

“Should we get going now?”

“But you’ve only eaten half your hamburger.”

“I’m really full and can’t eat anymore…”

“Should I eat the rest for you?”

“Are you crazy?! Absolutely not!”

Suddenly Ju-an made a strange suggestion. Is something wrong with his head?

“Why are you shouting all of a sudden?”

“Because my bodily fluids got on it while I was eating, and you’re saying you’ll eat that!”

“Then why did you ask me to eat your leftovers last time?”

“That’s because we’re friends… huh?”

…Why did I just get angry? There’s clearly no reason to be upset.

It’s not like I slobbered all over it—just a little bit got on it. So hygienically, there’s no real issue.

And there have been about two previous instances where I asked him to eat my leftovers. I definitely didn’t think anything of it then…

“No, just eat it.”

“Okay. But why did you suddenly get angry just now?”

“I just felt like getting angry.”

“What kind of…”

“I said I just felt like getting angry!”

For some reason, I seem to have become irritable today. It must be because of all the headache-inducing things that happened today.

“So it’s really okay if I eat this?”

“Yes, I said you can eat it!”

If I gave permission, he should just eat it—why does he keep asking for confirmation? He’s being really annoying.

“Alright. Then I’ll eat it.”

Ju-an looked at me suspiciously for a moment before taking the hamburger I had been eating.

Then he brought the hamburger with my bodily fluids on it closer to his mouth… and took a big bite.

After that, Ju-an chewed the part of the hamburger where my bodily fluids were, as if it was delicious.

…Why am I so embarrassed?

Anyway, Ju-an opened his mouth wide again to take another bite of that hamburger.

“I… I need to go to the bathroom for a moment!”

I’m too embarrassed to watch anymore. There’s clearly no reason to be embarrassed, but why am I feeling this way…

That’s it! Unlike the jajangmyeon from last time, more of my bodily fluids probably got on the hamburger! No wonder I’m embarrassed.

The reason I’m embarrassed about him eating parts with my bodily fluids is… damn it… it must be because the thought of two men sharing bodily fluids is embarrassing!

The reason it was okay before must be because barely any fluids got on it. Yes, that must be it.

I’ll just hide in the bathroom for about five minutes. By then, Ju-an should have finished the hamburger.

And so I ran hastily toward the bathroom as if I were escaping.