Ch.564How to Kill a Fairy

The students who had been barking like cats in heat regained their composure after one show of force from me. Indeed, one stroke of the sword works faster than a hundred words.

I exhaled a long stream of cigarette smoke toward the now-silent auditorium, reflecting on this truth proven by the passage of time.

“I didn’t want to say this, but get your heads straight. When even graduated senior knights are dropping dead left and right as a matter of course, do you really think you have the skill to be chatting idly?”

If my skills were only at the level of a knight apprentice or knight, I would have devoted myself to training without even time to sleep. With skills like that, you’re perfectly suited to die like a dog on the battlefield.

“You’re not here to enjoy a bright and cheerful youth, but to listen to my lectures so you can be deployed to war. If you have time for useless chatter, use it to learn more about the enemy or swing your sword one more time. Unless your life goal is to become a corpse right after graduation, with your name on a casualty report that no one will ever read.”

“……”

Perhaps I went a bit too far.

Glancing around, the students’ faces had darkened completely, unlike before the lecture began. Like a comedy stage where a clown with a gun tells jokes that no one laughs at.

Still, it was necessary. With that mindset, they wouldn’t survive the world ahead.

If they were ordinary children, it might be different, but having entered the academy, they had the duty to become the Empire’s core fighting force, just as I said. So they needed to become strong.

My words alone wouldn’t change their mindset, but if they could reduce a future where eight out of ten would die to three or four, that would be enough for me.

That was why I had arranged this lecture in the first place.

“…Everyone seems to understand. Then, let’s resume the lecture. If you have any questions about the content, please save them for the Q&A session.”

Unfortunately, there was no ashtray on the podium, so I roughly tapped my cigarette ash onto the platform floor before beginning the main lecture.

The staff would clean it up anyway.

—-

“Some of you may know this, some may not, but the academy’s existing lectures primarily cover hostile entities… that is, Werebeasts, monsters, and other subjects that are effectively in an adversarial relationship with us.”

At least that’s how it was when I was a student.

“In contrast, this lecture will cover a broader category, including all races that may potentially harm humanity in the future, even if they haven’t been enemies until now. Not just monsters and Werebeasts, but also fairies, Dragonborn, and even Dwarves.”

The students flinched slightly in surprise at the mention of considering Dragonborn and Dwarves as enemies, but the threat to stay quiet seemed to be working well, as no one murmured or made unnecessary comments.

“Since this is our first day, let’s cover just one race. Monsters and Werebeasts will be covered in other lectures… considering the level of danger, fairies would be a good choice.”

I picked up a piece of chalk from the podium and drew a person on the broken blackboard.

An archer with elongated ears. The typical appearance of a fairy.

[ Even a dog would draw better than that if given chalk. ]

Hersella seemed to have a different opinion.

‘…Then you draw it.’

[ Unfortunately, that would be difficult. Everyone would be terrified if I started emitting Karma of Murder during the lecture. ]

What an excuse. Given Hersella’s personality of loving to show off, if she knew how to draw well, she would have volunteered. She was clearly avoiding it because she wasn’t much better than me.

“What is that supposed to be…? You said you’d lecture about fairies, so why draw a monster…?”

“Shh…! He’ll get angry again…!”

The students also seemed to lack artistic appreciation, failing to understand the simple beauty in my drawing as they tilted their heads and whispered.

Since they were speaking so quietly that they could barely be heard, I didn’t feel the need to say anything.

And Frider was bowing his head deeply, trying to hold back laughter that seemed ready to burst out at any moment.

…Is it really that strange?

I thought it was a good drawing that clearly showed the characteristics of a fairy.

…Whatever. It’s not like it’s going to be hung in an art gallery; it just needs to be recognizable.

I continued my explanation, tapping the fairy drawn on the blackboard with the chalk.

“Fairies. Living proof that directly contradicts the saying that one becomes compassionate and loses greed with age. A race with rotten brains, twisted mental states, and terrible arrogance from struggling to live for a thousand years.”

[ Is it okay to say that when one of your subordinates is a fairy? ]

‘Well. She’d probably like it?’

Given Perneisia’s personality, she’d probably drunkenly shout “That’s right!” and join in hurling insults at fairies.

“While they prefer bows, those who have lived for hundreds of years and learned the sword are also excellent swordsmen. They have quick movements thanks to their lighter weight compared to humans, and their physical abilities are on par with knights thanks to the blessing of the World Tree. Today, I’ll explain how you should respond when facing fairies as enemies. Let’s start with the standard countermeasures.”

Once the lecture properly began, the students listened to every word I uttered without even making a sound.

“The opponents you’ll face… that is, fairies below the rank of Ranger, use a technique called ‘Spirit Archery’ that shoots low-level spirits as arrows to create magical phenomena. It’s faster than typical magic and has a longer range. If you face them from a distance, you’ll be roasted in an instant.”

After explaining Spirit Archery with a simple drawing, Hersella let out a deep sigh.

[ …Can’t you skip the drawings? ]

‘It’s much easier to understand than explaining with words alone.’

I ignored her complaint and continued my explanation.

“Spirit Archery is certainly powerful, but it has a weakness in that you can identify what type of attack is coming in advance because the process of processing spirits into arrows is required. So, if there’s a mage in your party, the standard response is to counter with the opposite attribute. I think you all know this much. So, let me explain the non-standard countermeasures.”

I drew the cross of the Church of Elpinel over the spirit I had drawn, and marked a large X on the spirit’s face.

“Spirits. Fairies call them the spirits of nature and their friends, but that’s all nonsense. They’re just a type of ghost with elemental power added to captured spirits. In some ways, they’re similar to undead monsters. Therefore, if you use holy miracles that purify spirits against them, they’ll be exorcised immediately. This is a much more efficient method than preparing opposite-attribute magic.”

This seemed to be little-known information, as the students opened their eyes wide and gaped. Even the professors who came to observe had expressions asking if this was true.

Of course it’s true.

Prejudice is truly frightening. The people of this world seemed to believe only in the appearance of spirits and the fairy tales about them being spirits of nature, never even thinking to try holy purification.

However, bored gamers were the type to try all sorts of bizarre things.

Spirit enthusiasts who tried charm magic, thinking they had consciousness.

Those who tried to finely dismantle spirits with whirlwinds, thinking they might not survive if scattered.

Even those who tried to eat spirits with consumption-type skills, wondering if it was possible since fairies ate spirits.

Among them, there were humans who had tried using holy miracles on spirits. And they confirmed that spirits hit with purification magic screamed and were exorcised, posting it on the community.

The title was probably something like… “Are these Ganf bastards actually necromancers?”

The experimental results showed it was several times more efficient than magic, so afterward, the basic strategy for dealing with fairies became prioritizing priests who could use purification miracles.

—-

“A fairy whose Spirit Archery is blocked has two choices. If fighting in a forest, they’ll control trees and bushes to attack you, and if outside the forest, they’ll charge with a sword. If they choose the former, set the forest on fire and run away. There’s no chance of winning if you fight.”

Unless you could continuously burn down the entire forest with enough firepower, facing a fairy in the forest was suicide.

“If they choose the latter, you’ll engage in close combat… the best method is to use the weight difference to overpower them with strength, but that’s difficult to expect from you all.”

If you had overwhelming strength like me, you could crush them with force and dismember the fallen fairy, but that wasn’t possible for those who weren’t even Masters yet.

“So, the next best option for you is to target the fairy’s fundamental weakness.”

I moved two or three steps sideways to the fairy drawing I had first drawn, and marked the weak point with an X to emphasize it.

It was a clear indication that even a child could understand.

“Right here, aim for the fairy’s ears. You know how fairies cherish their ears and don’t let anyone but their spouses touch them? That’s actually because this part is their weakness.”

A weakness that can’t even be protected with armor.

I stamped out my finished cigarette, took out a new one, and continued talking.

“Unlike ours, a fairy’s ears are where all sorts of nerves are concentrated, serving to aid in marital relations, maintaining balance, and acting as a catalyst for receiving the World Tree’s blessing.”

There’s a reason they’re called “ear-folk.” If you strongly handle their ears, their legs give out and they become incapacitated. It’s truly a fatal weakness.

Of course, some might endure through sheer malice or somehow recover and counterattack, but…

“So, with the determination to cut through bone even if it costs you flesh, rush in and cut off or pull out the fairy’s ears. At that moment, they’ll no longer be threatening enemies, but pieces of meat that can’t even stand up straight on their own. Understand?”

There was no better method for facing a fairy one-on-one. It was the best strategy verified by players who sold fairy slaves to fund themselves.

After that, for about an hour, I listed various methods for dealing with fairies that had been verified by myself and other players.

Since they’re lightweight, use wind magic to lift them high and let them fall to their death.

Spirit Archery transforms into magic only upon impact, so deflect the direction of incoming arrows.

They have exceptionally good hearing, so shout loudly near their ears to shock them.

They take pride in their lifespan, which is incomparably longer than other races, so provoke them by mocking how they were driven west by humans despite their age… and so on.

“-That concludes today’s lecture. Any questions?”

The long-awaited Q&A session had arrived, but everyone just fidgeted with dubious expressions, and no student came forward with questions.

Well, there was exactly one.

“Do those methods really work? This is the first time I’ve heard about them…”

The bespectacled female student who had first questioned me raised her right hand high, asking about the effectiveness of my lecture with a voice full of doubt.

“Of course. These are verified methods tested against fairies.”

My answer was filled with confidence.

There was no way they wouldn’t work. I hadn’t just explained game strategies; I had even asked Perneisia to confirm if they would work in reality.

When I told her I was planning to lecture on how to kill fairies, she got excited and answered sincerely with great enthusiasm.