Ch.542542. Looking Back

The elite attack unit, excluding those assigned to defend the Barony, began to move.

To begin the siege of Viscount Akion’s territory. Especially since this was a battle against a coalition of seven houses. With the intention of pushing through at once before reinforcements from other houses arrived, Sione and I were set to move together.

Currently moving northwest. Just as I was spending time with Sione in the carriage.

After pondering something deeply for a while, Sione carefully began to speak.

“Putting on armor and heading to the battlefield after so long reminds me of the old days.”

Unlike usual, she started speaking while still looking out the window.

I carefully listened to her unusually calm and subdued demeanor.

“I think my mind works best right before heading into battle like this.”

I also knew exactly what she meant.

In the moment before a life-or-death battle. In that subtle tension and standoff, a cooled head can produce wiser answers than usual, or become a time to reflect on the past.

“You know, Ray. The other day when I was in the garden. We briefly greeted each other while you were in your office. Since I saw you through the window from outside, I’ve been thinking about something.”

“Something you’ve been thinking about?”

“Yes, it’s—”

Finally, Sione made eye contact with me.

Her clear blue eyes gave the feeling of seeing right through me.

“We’re different from how we were at the beginning. I wonder if we’re missing the most important thing.”

Her words gave both of us plenty to think about.

“You know, when I think about it again, I think I was too complacent with the current situation.”

Sione’s confession came first.

“After I had given up on everything in life, from when I first started learning archery from you until helping with the Marquisate of Kallia’s war, I was constantly working hard. I thought I was growing and improving day by day. But now I’m not like that anymore.”

“……”

“After breaking through the half-Master wall. And after the winter war ended, living peacefully in the Barony made it worse. I, who had barely learned archery with your help after being confined to my room, should have learned more useful things in my remaining time.”

“Sione—”

“I was lazy. As a Baroness. I should have helped with your work, or even if that was difficult, I should have accumulated enough knowledge to shoot straight words instead of arrows. Even if not that, I should have trained to prepare for the remaining demons.”

Her expression as she reflected on her past was not particularly pleasant.

A look that conveyed a bit of skepticism and self-loathing.

“After marrying you and breaking down the wall, I thought I had the whole world. But when you really look at it… as you taught me, that world could collapse at any moment. It’s not that I forgot this, but maybe I didn’t want to keep holding onto it myself. I didn’t take it seriously enough.”

How foolish of me.

After sighing softly, Sione showed a bitter smile.

“And you know. This might just be my thought—”

She hesitated for a moment, unable to continue easily.

“Like me. Ray, I think you’ve changed a bit too, like me.”

Finally, she spoke to me with bright, determined eyes.

This was clearly self-reflection and reminiscence, but also words spoken with the belief that I, whom she trusts most, would listen without taking offense.

“Changed… can you tell me how?”

Aren’t humans most lenient toward themselves? Aren’t we animals that cannot easily notice our own changes?

So I asked about the changes she saw in me.

She seemed relieved by my response and carefully continued.

“When I first met you, Ray, I thought you were crazy.”

Well, even if that’s true, starting with an insult is a bit…

“Despite being a commoner. Even though it was too much to constantly ask if I was going to live like that forever, telling me to learn archery. Even though my mother personally assigned me to you… it was strange that you would use that to act that way.”

“I suppose so.”

“It was the same at the Beltrin Mountains. Usually you’d complain about making me exercise. Complain about teaching me archery. To the point where I thought you disliked me, you pushed me so hard. You, who could barely handle a bit of mana, could have just stayed back and waited before a dangerous battle. But you insisted on following all the way to the end, even trying to die in my place.”

Lost in old memories, Sione now had a small smile at the corner of her lips.

“And in the end, you even stood up to my mother. Even while being scolded by her, you defended me. Asked her to see me more clearly. You must have known that if you had made one wrong move, your head could have been cut off.”

…Hearing this makes me realize just how dangerously bold I used to be.

“We’ve constantly been caught up in big events. I was just being dragged along, feeling relieved that you were by my side. But you went further and struggled as much as possible for what you thought was right, dreaming of the future even in those circumstances.”

At Her Highness Princess Adelheid’s coming-of-age ceremony.

The great trial in the Great Forest.

And overcoming the bloody war at the Marquisate of Kallia.

The operation to recapture the old city for the Magia conquest, fighting against demons. To the point of causing trouble and choosing to stay behind alone.

After slowly listing these old events, she said,

“But now that feeling is gone.”

She voiced that my past and present selves are not the same.

“Maybe since you became a Baron. Or since you became the deputy commander of the special task force. Like me who had settled in my position, that willful part of you seems to have disappeared.”

“……”

“Especially after becoming the head of the family. Considering how you’re mindful of the church in the Barony. You might think I haven’t noticed, but the way you’ve been constantly worrying about this territory war with Viscount Akion’s domain as if it’s a natural thing.”

“……”

“I’ve always been an indecisive and unreliable fool. So I have nothing to say… but you, who wasn’t like that, have become too worried. Unlike before, you seem to be swayed by others’ gazes more than necessary, afraid of future consequences.”

Sione’s words shook me to my core.

“…According to what you taught me, even right now we should be throwing all that to the dogs and running straight ahead to face the demons. Moreover, when I think about it, we’re Masters. If two Masters decided to push forward, there might be a lot of noise, but could the Holy Kingdom or anyone else really stop us?”

“Ah.”

“Of course, I shouldn’t be the one saying this since I’ve been the same all along… but because I settled for reality and foolishly wasted time doing nothing, maybe I refused to realize something so simple.”

Hearing Sione’s words made me feel ashamed of myself.

Because it was true.

‘Park Shinwoo, you idiot.’

Despite previously complaining so much about not being able to take initiative due to my low status.

Now I’m a Master, along with Ainel and Sione who have reached the same level. Not only that, I have connections with the world’s only non-standard High Elf who has manifested the spirit realm. And if that’s not enough, I’m a Baron with lands that were once directly controlled by the Queen herself.

What was I being so cautious about?

“The fact that you, who is much more capable than me, wasn’t like that… I think something in your heart has been holding you back.”

I found the reason in Sione’s words.

“If it’s okay… I’d like to hear about it someday.”

I deconstructed and reassessed my behavior until now.

Why I had become such a passive person who just gets swept along.

And the conclusion I reached was:

“…I think it’s because I’ve become connected to more people.”

Unlike before, when I had only one goal—to rehabilitate Sione and survive alone.

The relationships I’ve formed while adapting and living here.

Or.

“I think it got worse after becoming the head of the family. With so many retainers, soldiers, and territory residents under me. I must have unconsciously thought that any small mistake would harm not just me but everyone.”

Even though I should be using my position as Baron to my advantage.

Trapped by that sense of responsibility, unable to act decisively.

And beyond that, in fact:

“No, to be honest. Beyond that, maybe I also thought it was easier to be used by someone else.”

Even to the point of thinking weakly about reducing responsibility for all choices.

My initial motivation was the quest from the Status Window. From then on, I was already a passive puppet trapped in the framework of quests.

And after quests stopped appearing regularly, I seem to have become a puppet that only moves according to keywords or quests thrown by the relationships I had built up.

It’s shameful, but I’ve been overwhelmed by fear of responsibility, never properly starting and finishing anything on my own. Just being swayed—that might be the real me. This skepticism is creeping up now.

“Actually, as you said, Sione. With just this much worry, there’s nothing left but to be trampled by the demons. I think I was held back because of that. Like an idiot. Yes, that must have been it.”

I realized it.

I was afraid of even the slightest crack in the reputation I had built with difficulty.

I was a coward who had done less than a fraction of what I thought and expected of myself.

“Ah—”

Suddenly, Adelheid’s words flashed through my mind.

That justification can be created as needed.

Until now, I had been a frightened dog always talking about justification and cowering.

‘If it’s about justification.’

When I think about it, no matter what I do, there’s one justification that will inevitably make me a hero.

‘It’s not like I’m going to choose only crazy things that completely abandon benevolence and righteousness.’

If I take the lead in killing the remaining three demons and achieve great merit.

I, who am already on a straight path to kill demons.

Naturally, everything that happens along the way will become the life story of the continent’s hero who killed demons, providing justification for everything I’ve done so far.

‘Just a guy who knows nothing but demon subjugation.’

That’s exactly who I am.

And since that’s the talent the kingdom and the current continent need most.

In fact, without even going all the way, once demons threaten the kingdom with their sharp blades again and enter into full-scale war, all my actions—advancing east with the First Princess to lay the groundwork for catching demons—will be justified and rewarded many times over.

‘Justification can be created as needed.’

That justification is all about eliminating future great evils that threaten the kingdom, and what I will clean up in the future are things that would interfere with this purpose, which I have already conspired with the First Princess to address in advance.

If justification is needed, it’s fair to say I already have a splendid one.

‘Come to think of it, the Holy Kingdom is the same.’

They should be bowing down in gratitude to me for offering to catch demons, not trying to check me.

I understand they have some issues with their old stories, but in the end, if they want to live, no matter how bad our relationship gets, won’t the day come when they have to cooperate with me?

‘That’s the extent of it.’

Even if they boycott our Barony and bully us with holy magic.

I can just collect a bunch of top-grade potions until that day comes and use those instead.

As Sione said, unlike before. How passive and lukewarm I’ve been. Now that I’ve clearly realized this, in this moment of clarity, I’ve finally been able to recognize how I should lead the current situation, thanks to her.

“Sione.”

I opened my mouth, facing her blue eyes directly.

“Thank you.”

“I’m glad. It seems to have helped.”

At those words, Sione simply responded with a bright smile.

After a brief silence.

Sione spoke first.

“So Ray, are you confident about this territory war?”

“Of course. I plan to overhaul everything starting with this territory war. I need to finish it confidently.”

“But it’s a coalition of seven houses. Aren’t you a little nervous?”

“Not at all.”

This much I can declare right now.

“Unless they have a powerhouse on Edelin’s level.”

Edelin is an extraordinary powerhouse.

The only surviving hero from a thousand years ago who repelled the last demon and sent it back to the demon realm. She is essentially walking history and might as well be considered an army unto herself.

Unless there exists a High Elf-level being capable of driving away someone whom even our attack party couldn’t properly wound.

“With just the two of us and the Barony’s army. We can sweep them all away without leaving any future troubles.”

Now that I’ve properly corrected my mindset of holding back thanks to our Sione.

I can turn Viscount Akion’s forces into pulp.

After saying that, Sione looked so adorable again that I ended up:

“Ah, what are you suddenly doing…!”

“You like having your head patted, don’t you?”

“Ouch…! My hair is tangled there! If you’re going to do it, do it gently!”

I couldn’t help but roughly pat her head as she complained but never actually said she disliked it.

From self-criticism and blame, I felt confidence rising within me.

“This territory war will be the signal flare that properly shows what I and the Barony are all about.”

I was only looking forward to quickly ending the territory war and considering what to expand into next.