Ch.53Heat (3)

*

“I… want to do it.”

No response came back.

Ms. Sylvia just stared at me with wide eyes, saying nothing.

Was she surprised, or perhaps flustered?

Even though we had just been kissing and caressing each other, could it be that she hadn’t thought about going further?

I became anxious.

It felt like I had committed some terrible mistake.

Though I couldn’t be certain if she loved me, I had at least thought she desired me.

It seems I was being arrogant.

What was the problem?

Was it too soon?

That was possible.

After all, we’d known each other for less than two months.

Could all of this have been my misunderstanding?

I had thought we shared love, or at least intense sexual attraction and desire.

But perhaps Ms. Sylvia merely found me cute, like a pet.

Of course, her kisses and physical contact were clearly different from how one would show affection to a dog or cat.

Maybe to her, I was just a cute pet, a convenient roommate who did household chores, and occasionally a doll to hug when she felt lonely.

Ms. Sylvia continued to stare at me with a frozen expression for a long time.

I couldn’t tell what she was thinking.

It probably wasn’t anything good.

Even I would feel strange if a pet I was raising suddenly desired me.

Suddenly my face burned hot.

It was a violent shame, clearly different from embarrassment or shyness, that seemed to force my head down. I lowered my gaze to avoid her strange stare.

I squeezed my eyes shut.

A second passed like a year.

Shame coursed through my entire body.

Not wearing a single thread of clothing made it even more shameful.

The part of my body that revealed my desire refused to bow its head unlike my neck, making me feel more, more, more, even more ashamed.

My ears burned hot.

I felt so embarrassed I wanted to die.

How much time had passed?

She slowly got up, picked up our clothes from far away, and walked toward the cabin.

During that time, she didn’t say a word, and for some reason, she took my clothes along with hers.

She must have been flustered too.

I muttered in a pained voice:

“…I really messed up.”

It seems I made a big mistake.

Having never experienced a woman before, I still didn’t know what I had done wrong, but I had certainly ruined everything spectacularly.

I lifted my head slightly.

Ms. Sylvia was walking away with slow, swaying steps, but she was already far away.

At that moment, a chill suddenly ran down my spine and cold sweat broke out.

Goosebumps raced down my back and my shoulders began to tingle.

“Ugh… ah,”

I knew this feeling.

It was the same fear I had felt all day until Ms. Sylvia returned today.

Suddenly, the darkness that filled the entire world seemed to suffocate me.

“Ah… aah… ah!”

I let out a strange cry, jumped up, and ran, scattering sand.

I was terrified of my already vulnerable body being completely exposed without any protection.

It had been fine just a moment ago…

Ah, Ms. Sylvia.

It’s because Ms. Sylvia was gone.

“Ms. Sylvia!”

I shouted and ran toward her.

Ms. Sylvia turned around blankly, saw me, and approached me with a startled look.

She gently patted my trembling shoulders and stroked my head once.

Then she firmly grasped my shaking hand and didn’t let go until we reached the cabin.

Even then, she still didn’t say a word.

But just her holding my hand was enough to stop my trembling.

If I had a tail, I probably would have wagged it madly like a guard dog whenever she held my hand.

Just having her by my side made me feel at ease.

Now I couldn’t even walk outside without her.

Only able to go outside when taken for a walk—

I really am no different from a pet.

I realized my place once again.

At the same time, I worried about how I would face Ms. Sylvia from now on.

Passing through the completely shattered entrance of the cabin, Ms. Sylvia tossed our clothes onto the table and went straight into her room.

And, led by her strong hand that still wouldn’t release my wrist, I was dragged into her room as well.

“Ms. Sylvia?”

Bang!

As she slammed the door shut, I winced at the strength of her grip that seemed about to crush my wrist.

“Ah, it hurts. Sylvi…”

“Ash.”

Her voice was extremely anxious.

Just those two syllables. She only called my name, but the pitch of her voice was twisting erratically.

Her face was hidden by her hair, but some inexplicable strange fear began to fill the room.

“…Ash.”

“Y-yes?”

“You… y-you… you you you… you you you you you…you,”

“….Ms. Sylvia?”

She was making bizarre sounds like a broken music box.

I could see her entire body—as naked as mine—vibrating slightly.

…Could she be angry because of my presumptuous words?

I tried to apologize to her.

But all that came from my mouth was a scream that couldn’t form into sound.

It felt like my wrist was about to break.

Ms. Sylvia suddenly yanked my wrist and pushed my body against the wall.

Then, as if to block my escape, she slammed her other arm down hard beside my face.

I could feel the cabin, built with thick logs, shake slightly.

“You…”

“I’m… I’m s-sorry…”

She covered my lips with her palm.

I blinked in surprise as I looked at her.

Dark emotions swirled in her red eyes.

With an unstable voice whose pitch wavered wildly, she slowly enunciated each word:

“You’re the one who said you wanted to do it.”

*

I was shocked.

So shocked I couldn’t speak.

I never imagined such words would come from your mouth.

Of course, I knew Ash was a man.

I mean… how could I not know when that masculine part was pressing against me like that?

Honestly, I got completely wet in the river earlier.

Not because of the river water, but because of you, Ash.

The way you clung to my body, wanting me, was so unbearably cute.

It was cute how you hugged my back with all your might, and even your pathetic strength—that this was your full power—was so lovable.

And yet, why are you so good at kissing?

Well, honestly, you’re not really good at it.

More precisely, I don’t really know what makes a good kiss, but surely a kiss that leaves the area around our mouths covered in saliva isn’t good.

But you know what, Ash?

Your kisses are so sweet.

Dangerously sweet.

So fucking sweet that it feels like my brain is being torn apart.

Like chocolate being poured into the tears between the folds of my brain.

You understand?

Every time I kiss you, I feel like I’m dying.

And I love kissing you so much that I wouldn’t mind dying for it.

It’s not just the kisses.

When I hold you tight, it’s like every muscle in my body is drinking sugar.

When you bury your nose in my neck, there’s a dangerously sweet scent like a poisoned apple.

Every time I kiss your chest and neck, leaving marks, every time I bite into your skin, I feel an absurd level of conquest and satisfaction.

You know?

I can instinctively tell.

This is a dangerous pleasure.

Not the kind of pleasure that should be allowed to a warrior who has sworn to sacrifice herself for humanity.

Because it’s too sweet, thrilling, and happy.

I know that such happiness couldn’t possibly be given to me.

Perhaps this hedonistic pleasure is the result of guilt over my wrongdoing to you, acting like a spice.

I feel like “I shouldn’t be doing this,” but that makes me want to do it even more.

Hey, Ash.

If what we’ve done so far feels this intense, what would going further be like?

Do you think I’ve never thought about it?

I’ve thought about it every day since the first night we slept together.

Every single day.

Actually, you know what?

After going hunting, I’ve even pleasured myself secretly in the grass.

Because I thought it would never be allowed.

I thought Ash would never allow it, and that such a happy thing could never happen to me.

So I really, really, really wanted to put it in, move, and squeeze it out right away, but I barely held back.

You know?

But then, how could you say something like that?

You want to do it?

Y-you want to do it?

Ash… with me?

You want to have sex?

Do you want it as much as I do?

Really?

Have you been holding back as much as I have, Ash?

Since when?

Since we were rolling around kissing on the sand?

Or when we were hugging tightly in the river?

Or maybe while waiting for me alone in the cabin?

Was it last night? Or even before that?

Why didn’t you tell me?

If you had told me, I wouldn’t have had to do those terrible things.

No, no.

Don’t misunderstand.

I’m not blaming you, Ash.

I’m the bad one.

You’ve done nothing wrong.

But… though I’m not blaming you, I feel a little sad.

All that time we wasted.

If you had shown signs a little earlier, we could have been passionately joining our bodies by now.

Aaah.

Ah, how good would it feel?

I can’t even fathom it, can’t even imagine.

Would I actually die?

Would I break through this fucking curse that damn lizard Dark Lord carved into me and just die?

I hope so.

Kill me, Ash.

Please make me die from pleasure.

In bed, in the cabin, in the river, on the sand.

I love how you want me.

I’ve been enjoying your wanting gestures with my entire body.

I love that yearning expression you make when I stop kissing you.

I love the feeble strength of your fingertips gripping my waist and back.

I love those cursed red eyes that have literally stolen my heart.

I love your hair as black as night.

I love your soft cheeks, Ash.

I love your protruding collarbones.

I love your chest where I can feel the hard bones.

I love your ribs that I can feel when I stroke them with my fingers.

And below that, even lower.

I love how it’s twitching even now, as if expecting something, and I’m so curious about it.

Hey, Ash.

Isn’t it strange?

Isn’t this clearly strange?

Can you do that with someone you don’t like?

Can you kiss someone you don’t like?

Can you make such yearning sighs for someone you don’t like?

Are you a male prostitute?

No, you’re not.

That means you like me.

Right?

Ash.

Family.

You wanted to become family with me too, right?

You just refused because you were embarrassed, right?

Right?

Tell me I’m right. Right now.

Tell me right now that you want to be family with me.

Or Ash.

Are you just lonely?

Are you just using my body because you’re lonely, struggling, in pain, afraid, scared, suffering, wanting to forget?

Ha.

I’m not angry.

That’s fine.

Really, sincerely,

I don’t mind at all if you use me like that.

I welcome it.

I love it.

I want to be used by you.

I want so badly to see you feeling good with my body.

Think about it, Ash.

Isn’t it strange?

You don’t know that I know yet, but

You’re Maria’s brother.

My comrade.

The brother of my closest friend from the academy, a comrade as dear to me as my own life.

Honestly, does this make any sense?

Is it really a coincidence that Ash happens to be Maria’s brother?

Actually, I was thinking on the way back from the river,

Ash, you already knew my name before coming to the cabin.

You knew about the existence of a warrior named Sylvia.

Of course you would know.

Because I was your precious sister’s comrade.

A hero who died defeating the Dark Lord with your sister.

So, you know what that means?

You deliberately didn’t tell me about Maria.

Knowing I was Maria’s comrade, you didn’t say a word to me.

You must have been curious about what happened to your sister, but you deliberately held back and hid it.

Why did you do that?

Why didn’t you say anything to me?

I thought about it carefully.

At first, I wondered if you didn’t know about your sister, but that didn’t seem right,

Because you knew Maria was dead.

Anyway, after thinking about it for a while, I just realized it.

Ah,

Ash was being considerate of me.

You deliberately hid that you were Maria’s brother because you thought I would be distressed if I knew.

I could tell right away.

Because Ash is a good person.

So good that it’s admirable and lovely.

Ah, look at this.

I’m wet again.

Hey, Ash.

At first, I felt so guilty because you were Maria’s brother.

So sorry that I wanted to die.

But not anymore.

This feeling has grown stronger than guilt.

I don’t want to apologize to you.

I want to give you a maddening love that burns and melts completely.

Maria was my best friend.

And you happen to be her brother.

You know what I call this?

“Destiny.”

I think Ash was my destined person.

Right, don’t you think so too?

So let’s

Let’s really. Now.

Become family.

I’ll cherish you,

I’ll make you feel good.

I’ll take all of this hard thing of yours completely.

And now that I know you want it too,

Let me be clear, I was just standing still.

But,

“You’re the one who said you wanted to do it.”

.