Ch.52Chapter 7. Ice Is No Less Than Fire (4)

Camilla had now fully climbed on top of me. Her tongue was completely twisted and her body went limp. Yet she was stubborn as ever, firmly refusing when I tried to lay her down. She pressed her palms against my thighs, wrapped her hands around my back and waist, and somehow managed to lie prone while clinging to me.

“Camilla, are you cold? Why are you shivering?”

“Cold.”

I’m worried she might catch a cold at this rate. It’s still raining outside, and perhaps because of that, this basement is slightly damp and cool.

“Hold me.”

“Just a moment. Let me get a blanket.”

I barely managed to free my arm and unfolded a blanket. I carefully spread it out to avoid raising dust and covered Camilla’s back. As I did so, my hand touched her back.

“Sorry.”

I tried to pull my hand away, but Camilla grabbed my wrist. She asked in a subtle voice.

“You were peeking at me earlier, weren’t you? When I was moving the luggage.”

“No.”

As soon as I denied it, she gripped my wrist. She cleverly twisted it to sap my strength and brought my hand to her back. I swallowed hard.

“Here, you were looking right here.”

Between her waist and hips. That gently curved area. Exactly where I had been looking. Still holding my wrist, she gently rubbed my hand against her back.

“I wasn’t.”

I should pull my fingers away, but her skin is so warm and moist.

It reminded me of a cat my friend used to keep. That cat also jumped into my arms suddenly after pretending not to notice me. Its body was this warm too.

“Really?”

Camilla released my wrist. Yet I couldn’t remove my hand from her waist.

Every time she slightly raised her hips and swayed them gently from side to side, the sensation at my fingertips changed. This is impossible to resist. I finally wrapped my palm around her waist. In response, she gently rocked her body up and down.

“Hee, I won, didn’t I?”

Her red hair flowed down half her face. She shook her head roughly and looked up at me with satisfaction. Her pupils were completely dilated. A large, happy cat purring. “Haah.” She looked at me, exhaling an excited breath.

“…You know what? Can’t you be just half as honest as your body is?”

“Tell me why you’re doing this.”

“I don’t know either.”

Before I could say anything, she gently pressed her lips against mine. Isn’t this cheating? Silencing me like that.

She moved her lips slightly, then pulled away. But this time, she firmly gripped my thighs with her palms. She really knows how to squeeze all the right spots to drain someone’s strength.

“It’s, it’s all your fault. You confuse people. I don’t even know if you’re a good guy or a bad guy. I don’t know if I can trust you or not. I don’t know if I should bet my life on you or not.”

She dug her thumb between my thigh muscles, questioning me accusingly.

“But you always just want to make deals. Am I right or not?”

“Y-yes, that’s right.”

“What’s yours is yours. What’s mine is mine. Fine. That’s all fine. Let’s say that works. But trust isn’t like that, is it? Don’t you have to be willing to risk losing something? I trust you. Why, why don’t you trust me? Why won’t you believe in me? It’s unfair. It hurts.”

Camilla sniffled and then pressed her thumb down hard. My knee involuntarily twitched. The sensation spreading from behind my knee traveled upward to my groin and downward to my big toe.

I couldn’t speak for fear of making a strange sound, but perhaps she thought I was ignoring her. Her breathing grew rough.

“I can’t stand it. It’s unfair like this. I’m angry. I know! I know too! I know you shouldn’t trust someone, I know that! I know it, but… it still hurts…”

She seems genuinely drunk, but I suddenly don’t understand where this is going.

“Camilla, what are you talking about? Who shouldn’t I trust?”

Her eyes became a little clearer. Her breathing grew twice as rapid, and her chest heaved more. With her lips trembling, she finally exhaled her held breath.

“…You’re a spy from Minsk in the Western States!”

When someone is too shocked, their entire body goes limp.

I knew that, but I didn’t know my jaw would go slack too. My jaw automatically dropping open wasn’t just something that happened in cartoons. Camilla’s eyes grew slightly moist.

“I, I knew it. Hans said you would be, and everyone at the Central Branch thinks you would be. But, but no one knows your face. I’m the only one who knows you’re that person, so don’t worry too much.”

“No, wait. That’s really not true.”

Camilla shook her head as if she didn’t want to hear my words. Her long red hair mercilessly whipped my cheeks.

“Of course you’d deny it. Of course you’d say it’s not true… I wasn’t going to say anything either. I was scared of what would happen if you found out I was onto you. But, but… I didn’t want to keep my distance from someone who saved my life twice, someone who makes such delicious stew… I can’t handle such complicated things…”

I feel like the more I talk, the more tangled this gets.

“Camilla. I told you before. I don’t belong here.”

“Right. You’re not from Elsa and not from Römer, so you must be from Minsk!”

This is driving me crazy.

“You obviously can’t be from some far-off foreign land because your face is different. Do you think I’m stupid? What then? Did you fall from the sky?”

“I woke up and found myself here. It’s true—mmph?”

I see now that if she thinks I’m talking nonsense, she silences me with a kiss. That’s cheating. And how am I supposed to not react when she’s gently caressing my lower abdomen while whispering?

“…Please just pretend to be fooled. You idiot. I know. I know everything. But, even though I know, I want you to let me be deceived! That way I can pretend to be crazy too!… Just give me a little room to believe.”

I can’t trust my own mouth anymore. I just embraced Camilla’s body. Camilla doesn’t believe my words. She only believes my body.

It worked.

I wrapped my legs around hers and slowly stroked her back with my hands. When I closed my mouth and showed her with my body, her trembling subsided.

Instead, I can no longer bear the physical discomfort. Camilla seems clearly aware of it, deliberately rubbing against that part. Hiccup. Hiccup. Her cheeks are subtly flushed, her eyes softly unfocused, and the corners of her mouth keep turning upward.

“…Alright.”

I finally surrendered. Camilla nuzzled her head against my chest and murmured.

“Now sleep with me. Even if we share other things, let’s sleep together. I’ll still keep watch.”

“Alright.”

“Stay with me even after the job is done. Don’t leave me.”

“Okay.”

“Don’t leave me… alone… I’m scared…”

“I won’t.”

“Get to know me.”

“Huh?”

She grabbed my hand and pulled it along. Past her back, down her waist, and into the elastic of her dolphin pants. My fingers involuntarily twitched, touching the crevice. Camilla pressed my hand firmly and pulled it down as if telling me to go further.

“…Want me. Let me… want you too… That’s… the fairness… you talk about…”

I looked at Camilla, surprised by the unexpected question. She was smiling faintly. Her eyes were half-closed. But her expression seemed brighter than ever before. Thump. Camilla dropped her head.

“…Camilla?”

“…”

“Don’t tell me you’re asleep?”

She’s mumbling something, but she seems to have reached her limit. She’s even snoring lightly. She’s completely limp, like someone unplugged her power cord.

She says everything she wants to say and then just falls asleep.

Still, I can’t leave her like this, so I should lay her down with the blanket around her. She squirmed a little, but I managed to lay her on her side without waking her. Now if I can just pull my arm out…

Suddenly, Camilla’s eyes flew open. Her yellow eyes sparkled.

“You bastard. Caught you.”

Before I could say anything, her hand slipped into my pants.

“Ca-Camilla, wait! Ah, ah!”

“I need to punish you.”

I’ve been had.

* * * * *

It’s dawn. It’s still raining. A pleasant earthy smell. And a very… damp smell.

Elsa’s Tears is truly excellent alcohol. The fact that we have no hangover after drinking that much proves it. So we couldn’t erase any of last night’s memories.

“I’m sorry. It must have hurt yesterday. It was my first time, so I was clumsy.”

Camilla, wrapped in a blanket, was genuinely apologetic. As she should be.

“Well. Nothing broke.”

I was the one who answered bitterly. Camilla glanced at me worriedly.

“Can you still not walk properly? Are you stiff?”

If you squeeze someone’s body part that roughly…

“…I thought it was as hard as a dumbbell handle… I’m sorry. It was my first time…”

It seems like our gender roles should be reversed. The more I hear, the more confused I feel about my identity. I tried to stand up to show I was fine, but my posture was inevitably awkward.

“Hey, don’t push yourself.”

As Camilla stood up too, I felt I had to push through. I’m feeling increasingly strange. It’s still raining outside, so a shower might make me feel better.

One step, two steps, then I stopped abruptly. I got a cramp. It’s probably from walking in that awkward posture.

“I told you to lie down…”

Camilla immediately assessed the situation and lifted me up. “Hup!” With a strange exclamation, she picked me up like a princess.

“Hey, am I not too heavy?”

“A bit heavy, but… it’s my fault anyway.”

So she’s going to use me as a barbell for her penance bench press? Judging by how her arms are bulging and her chest is tightening, that seems right.

“…I’m really sorry. I just thought I’d like you…”

My feelings are getting more and more complicated, especially with Camilla being so apologetic…

“…Well. It wasn’t bad.”

“Really?”

“But next time, I’d prefer if you didn’t squeeze like you’re piping whipped cream. It’s still a human body part, after all.”

Now she can’t even answer and just turns her head away. Seeing her neck turn bright red, I feel this conversation is going to get more uncomfortable. No. For the sake of my dignity, I need to change the flow of this conversation.

“Ahem. If you’re really sorry, you could teach me some exercise.”

“Huh? Exercise?”

“You said we’d do it together, but we’ve been too busy for the past few days.”

This is also something I thought of to get closer to Camilla. It seems like we communicate better through our bodies than our words. And Camilla is a former athlete, so she’s an exercise expert.

…Above all, I can’t live with this embarrassment.

“Okay…”

I was asking her to teach me exercise, not proposing marriage. Camilla nodded shyly. Outside, the rain continued to fall. It didn’t look like it would stop anytime soon.

“I’ll wash you.”

Camilla unzipped her bath bag.

“No, no. I can do it myself… Ouch.”

“You can barely stand properly. What if zombies come? In return, you can soap me up too. That way, it’s f-fair, right? If you’re uncomfortable, we can keep our underwear on.”

Blood rushes downward inappropriately.

“Ughhhh…”

“What’s wrong?”

I can’t bring myself to say it’s because my groin hurts. I just nodded vigorously. Camilla shyly gathered towels and soap.

“But, Johan.”

“Yes?”

“It doesn’t seem right to shower with clothes on, does it?”

“Uh, what?”

“There’s no one to see us anyway. And it’s raining like this. So…”

Camilla threw off her clothes one by one in front of me. Despite it being dawn, it was light enough that the contours and shadows of her body were clearly visible.

“So you take yours off too. Isn’t that f-fair? If you’re really uncomfortable, I can just take off your pants…”

…In the end, I followed her, shuffling along with only slippers on.