Ch.514Episode 19 – HELLDIVERS

The spy gentleman barely managed to open his mouth and claimed, “This is all a false accusation. You know this is just a joke, right?” Unfortunately, his voice didn’t reach anyone’s ears.

“…Dear.”

“…Ah.”

Charles Nostrim and Grace Nostrim of the Nostrim family, who had just identified the lady who was confusingly either the third daughter-in-law or a mistress (actually both), were so shocked that they trembled like the Bikini City mascot and broke out in cold sweat enough to stick to their cheeks like acupuncture points.

Their child’s shocking female relationships had completely shattered the parents’ mental pressure gauges in all directions. Their brains were boiling, creating a delicious brain sous-vide.

Similarly, the eldest son, Jerry Nostrim, and eldest daughter, Adela Nostrim, couldn’t recover from the shock that felt like being hit in the head with an 8-inch monkey wrench.

“Ah, please, little brother…”

“Haah…”

Of course, Lucia and Francesca, who were accustomed to such trivial pranks (occasionally referred to as sexual harassment by investigative agencies), could calmly sip their tea with looks that said, “That sister is at it again” and “She should be more careful.”

Grand Duchess Alexandra Petrovna, who had known the saint’s mischievous personality since she was a little girl, merely clicked her tongue thinking, “That child hasn’t changed at all,” and continued to scold her impudent disciple.

But the shy and cute prank she had just pulled was like pouring gasoline and setting fire to a family that was already troubled by having two daughters-in-law.

“…Eh?”

Saint Veronica (the home-wrecker), who hadn’t properly assessed the situation, belatedly noticed the unusual atmosphere and froze in place.

Meanwhile, Frederick repeatedly insisted “It’s really a false accusation!” like a severely obese starfish with intelligence inferior to a dolphin.

His only ally, Camilla, was being scolded by her master and couldn’t hear his self-defense, while Arkande, who understood this wasn’t a situation to get involved in regardless of the circumstances, simply sipped her tea.

Only the silent wailing of the guilty echoed in the space. Perhaps this was the tenth circle of hell that Dante failed to include in his “Divine Comedy: Inferno”?

“It’s not true!”

…Well, what does it matter?

Whether it’s the tenth circle or the second circle, hell is hell after all.

Whatever the story, the threshold of hell would always show the same sentence to those who arrived here:

“Yo, if you’re reading this sentence, abandon all hope! (Lasciate ogni speranza, voi ch’entrate!)”

The members of the Nostrim family, who had welcomed three daughters-in-law, had to quietly abandon hope.

Episode 19 – HELLDIVERS

As is the fate of intelligence agents with impressive female relationships, Frederick’s end was quite unfortunate.

Considering that he had repeatedly emphasized to Camilla that “James Bond is only fun to watch on screen,” the fact that he himself had been playing around with women like James Bond was an enormous joke.

(Of course, French intelligence agents who loved womanizing more than anyone might have highly rated his behavior)

But who was Frederick?

A North Korean operative hunter and a veteran intelligence agent with over a decade of experience!

Although he faced a life-or-death crisis of being disowned by his family, this level of crisis was merely a trivial mistake that couldn’t even be called a crisis (asking why it was called a life-or-death crisis earlier and then downplayed is NOT a cool mistake).

“Damn it!”

After assessing the situation, Frederick made a crucial decision to escape the crisis.

His decision was swifter and more accurate than that of a K-military commander. His decision was as follows:

1. The family has noticed that the number of daughters-in-law has increased from two to three.

2. The excuse of being falsely accused is as effective as a mosquito’s tears.

3. The family cannot be persuaded, so to resolve this situation, the cause of the problem must be eliminated.

4. What is the cause of the problem? The suddenly appearing third daughter-in-law.

5. Therefore, everything will be resolved if Veronica is eliminated.

Having created a 5-step schematic model (written as nonsense collection) in just 1.44 seconds, Frederick took action like lightning.

“Die, you Satan devil!”

“Major? What are you suddenly—KYAAAAH!”

“Get out of the way!”

Frederick approached like a ghost and resolved the root of the problem by throwing Veronica outside the front door like lightning.

His skill in lifting an adult woman and tossing her like a package was swift, accurate, and concise.

It was a skill that would surprise even the intelligence agency instructors who used to chase him with batons during training runs, and would make even the notoriously strict military intelligence evaluators call headquarters in shock (requesting return to base).

“You terrible bastaaaaard—!”

Perhaps the saint hadn’t earned her title for nothing?

Even while tumbling down the stairs, Veronica didn’t forget to express her intense gratitude, showing the true dignity of a clergy member.

But a true gentleman declines minor courtesies!

Frederick declined the saint’s gratitude (specifically, her intense swearing), quickly slammed the front door shut, and locked it.

“It’s all over.”

“……”

“……”

And displaying his thorough military spirit, he even declared “Nothing unusual during duty!”

Seeing their grown son’s garbage-like behavior, his parents abandoned all hope and truly understood what it meant to have tears clouding one’s vision.

Was words not enough? The saint, unable to fully express her gratitude even in this situation, tried to reciprocate the kindness by kicking the entrance door violently, causing noise disturbance with threats like “Open up! I’ll really kill you if you don’t open!”

But what did it matter?

The embassy’s front door wasn’t weak enough to be damaged by mere human punches and kicks, and her heartfelt feelings were fully conveyed through the voices (curses) coming from beyond the entrance.

“Open up!”

“Shut up.”

“You better be prepared today, if this door opens, I’ll just peel off your scalp—”

“HAH!”

What a joyous occasion, what a joyous occasion indeed.

For the members of the Nostrim family, this place was truly no different from heaven (not at all).

*

A little while later.

Ayla Nostrim, the youngest daughter who had returned from a business trip abroad, couldn’t help but pause as soon as she crossed the threshold.

“…What’s wrong with everyone?”

“Welcome home, our daughter.”

Parents who seemed to have aged 50 years in her absence. A brother and sister who looked dazed.

The house was destroyed as if it had been hit by a 155mm penetrating shell, and the atmosphere was as depressed as the U-boat fleet of that Austrian art school dropout corporal with a mustache who had relocated to underwater Bikini City.

What on earth was going on?

“Did someone fight? The atmosphere is really gloomy.”

Ayla couldn’t help but look around the house repeatedly, not even putting down the pile of gift bags she had brought from her business trip.

Seeing the youngest daughter starting to search for the root of the problem, the family members quickly grabbed hold of their scattered wits and poured out excuses.

“Mmm. Nothing happened, dear. Are you hungry? I’ll prepare dinner, so go wash up and eat…”

“Yes, yes, mom will prepare it…”

“Ayla. How was your overseas work? Would you like to tell your brother and sister too…?”

“…Uh, okay. I’ll take a bath first and then talk.”

The Nostrim family collectively covered the youngest daughter’s eyes and ears with a very desperate heart. They had to do so.

They couldn’t deliver the shocking news that their mentally unstable son had brought two daughters-in-law from abroad and had thrown a high-ranking foreign government official out the front door!

So, from the parents to the eldest son and daughter, everyone rushed out in socks to desperately manage the situation.

“Strange…”

Ayla tilted her head at her family’s unnatural behavior today, but she didn’t suspect that she was being deceived.

Just as the hesitant youngest daughter was walking toward the bathroom after putting down her luggage and clothes:

“Ah, just stay there for a bit. No! Don’t come out and just stay there for about 5 minutes, okay? What? Meeting the parents? What did you do right to joke around again. I’ll just—!”

Just then, in the distance, she saw her familiar brother muttering something to a darkened room by himself.

This was a scene of quick and concise agreement (technically called imprisonment) between the parties involved in the affair to restore family peace. Unfortunately, Ayla was completely unaware of the circumstances.

“What are you doing?”

“UHEIHIHEUIK!”

“You scared me!”

Frederick, who jumped up in surprise, displayed a secret technique similar to the alt-tab skill he had honed while secretly watching YouTube at the intelligence agency office.

He quickly closed the door where the illegal immigrants and foreign guests were hiding, locked it from the outside to successfully imprison them and conceal the evidence, and then started to act nonchalant.

“Ayla, you’re back?”

“…What are you doing by yourself?”

“I was organizing the storage room and saw a mouse. Just put some poison down.”

It was a very unfair excuse from the perspective of the listening “mice” (illegal immigrants + foreign guests), but that wasn’t important right now.

“Mouse? Ah, why are there mice here too? I hate mice.”

“They must have followed us in from somewhere.”

“There were mice at my business trip location too… Ah, I really hate them.”

Ayla shuddered at the news of mice and fled to the bathroom.

And Frederick, the culprit who had brought in the “mice,” checked two and three times that his sister had gone far away, then sighed in relief and quietly opened the door to the empty room.

“Come out quietly, quietly.”

“Squeak squeak.”

As Camilla, unable to contain her playfulness, was joking around making “squeak squeak” sounds like a mouse and getting hit on the top of her head by the Grand Duchess for being so undignified, resulting in a silent scream.

While the bear-sized Arkande was tiptoeing out, the Treasury official and Foreign Ministry official who had hurriedly arrived began whispering in Frederick’s ear.

“Just got a call that the back door is clear.”

“Are you sure there are no reporters?”

“Yes. We’ve also arranged vehicles on standby.”

It was news that the Abas government had dispatched vehicles and people to save a family facing a crisis of family breakdown.

With this, Frederick was greatly relieved and expressed his gratitude to his brother and sister (though the government was actually the one deserving thanks, but that wasn’t important), and left the house.

“Haah… Thank you. I’ll just go out for a bit and be right back.”

“Just don’t come back too late.”

“I will.”

And so, the spy gentleman successfully escaped through the back door with 4 illegal immigrants, 1 legal entrant, and 1 foreign guest. The youngest daughter was able to avoid meeting her three sisters-in-law until she finished her shower and came out to the living room.

But the fantastic wrecking show of the diligent and hardworking reporters was delivered live + edited by experts to the television at the embassy.

In the end, even Ayla belatedly realized the truth, but that didn’t matter now.

The family meeting (with three daughters-in-law) that was supposed to take place today was postponed.

It was better this way.

*

And as everyone expected.

Lucky James Bond, who had said he would return early, did not come home that day either.