Ch.50Sky of Sorrow (1)

That day was the death anniversary of my only two family members.

Even if our bond was like a clumsily sewn stitch, it was undeniably the day my family had departed.

Sometimes I indulged in embarrassing fantasies that if I had a father, he would be someone like Rodrick.

And if I had a little sister, I imagined she would surely be as cute as Eshtiel.

Though I never voiced these thoughts for fear of making them uncomfortable, that’s how I felt. Regardless of how Rodrick and Eshtiel viewed me, at least those two were family I wouldn’t trade for anything.

Back then, I didn’t realize that the past I longed for was a daily life that deserved to be called happiness.

I miss them.

I want to see them again with an aching heart.

If only I could turn back time, I would never let them go.

I would listen well to Rodrick, indulge all of Eshtiel’s whims, and express my feelings more honestly.

Realizations always come after losing something. And those realizations bring regret that torments me. The regret that settles in is like a scar engraved on my heart. When I close my eyes, it mercilessly stabs at my chest and drives me to despair.

For having the audacity to still be alive.

Questioning if it’s fair that the deposed emperor’s child—who earned the world’s hatred—still breathes while those two are gone.

Pointing accusingly that my very existence was the source of all misfortune.

It’s a justified reproach.

I had no words to refute it.

Isn’t it actually true?

My very roots came from the passion of a man and woman who oppressed others. I was born carrying the curses and hatred of countless people. Surely I was cursed from birth—a curse filled with the desire that I should bear the misfortunes of others for my entire life and never be happy.

It was an unbearably clever curse. If it had been a curse to die, it would never have been fulfilled.

I was born with that much power, while those around me were not.

As a result, it was always others who were hurt because of my existence.

Because of my curse, precious people became unhappy.

Then one day, a shining miracle descended upon my despairing self.

The miracle’s name was—Lady Rashera Ruat.

She became my reason to live when I was empty inside.

While I was solely focused on avenging Rodrick and Eshtiel’s blood, she approached me with patience. Even though it was probably just an alliance for a purpose… I somehow became convinced that if only she would stay by my side, I could even give up my revenge.

…But perhaps because I kept pushing her away.

By the time I needed her, Rashera’s heart had already drifted away.

I could have done anything to hold onto her drifting heart. So I obediently followed whatever Rashera said. So that her attention would remain solely on me.

I hid my intense emotions as much as possible, afraid I might say something wrong.

Even if she blushed for another man.

After all, I never had the right to begin with.

…Yes. That was certainly true until that day.

That day was the death anniversary of my only two family members.

And also.

It was the day I encountered a truth that would horribly distort my ugly world.

◇

On a morning when snow had gently accumulated.

In a forest thick with evergreens, Rahilt was kneeling before a modestly erected tombstone.

I watched Rahilt as he entrusted his body to the snow-covered ground where the cold was rampant. I stayed beside him as he looked endlessly empty.

Though I felt an urge to embrace him tightly, the illusion without substance did not allow any contact.

My heart ached at the vivid emptiness revealed by the snow. Rahilt touched the tombstone with trembling hands. Then, as if unable to make up his mind, he repeatedly rubbed his face with dry hands.

That clear conflict made me unbearably sad. I held that sadness in my tightly clenched fist and crouched down to Rahilt’s eye level.

His golden hair, which seemed to have gathered all the world’s wealth and glory, swayed in the biting wind. Even such a harsh wind couldn’t mask Rahilt’s agitated breathing. Even without seeing his face, it was clear that his complex emotions were intensifying.

“Rian…”

I call his name. Even knowing it will never reach him.

“We… have really changed so much.”

Literally, our fates had undergone enormous changes. Especially seeing Rahilt conflicted before Rodrick and Eshtiel’s tombstones like this.

The conflict began just now.

It started with the actions of the Empress—my mother—who had visited Rodrick and Eshtiel’s graves alone.

[Why are you here…?]

[…]

Mother expressed surprise at Rahilt. This was because Mother knew nothing about Rahilt’s relationship with Rodrick.

It was natural since Rahilt, who debuted in high society as the deposed emperor’s child, had erased all traces of being the mercenary Rihart.

[Why… are you here?]

[Because my friend is buried here.]

Therefore, Father and Mother had no idea why Rahilt hated the current imperial family.

They simply accepted that he hated the imperial family because he was the persecuted child of the deposed emperor, which seemed logical.

[Friend… you say?]

[An acquaintance from when I was still a baroness.]

Mother and Rodrick had apparently known each other for a long time. And I had seen this since my previous life but never realized it.

Who would have thought that Rodrick was the information broker who had been Mother’s collaborator?

He was the underworld information broker who had provided countless help in the process of putting Father on the throne.

According to the description, even excluding financial gain, he had been more cooperative because he had a strange fondness for Mother.

As with all clichés, it was a relationship where he gradually became attracted to the foresight and boldness of the female protagonist who had returned in time. In other words, my father-in-law had been Mother’s secondary male lead.

I never recognized him because he had always used a fake identity throughout the story.

[And why have you come to visit my friend?]

[…Because the man you call your friend is my father.]

[What?]

Mother couldn’t help but doubt her ears.

Everyone in the empire knows who Rahilt’s father is. No one doubts it because he was the fruit of the two most beautiful people in the empire.

When Rahilt’s additional explanation followed, Mother quietly nodded.

[Eshtiel buried next to him was my only sister. Together with Rodrick, we were a family.]

[…]

Rahilt’s past story unfolded fluently before Mother.

In front of an enemy who deserved to be killed, Rahilt controlled his heightened emotions and told the whole story.

It was a strange sight.

As the story progressed, Rahilt seemed to grow younger and younger.

Like a child holding back tears while confiding in a warm adult, his childhood flowed through his lips and seeped into the winter forest.

After a moment, Rahilt, having finished his story, displayed his killing intent.

[You people killed such a person.]

[You?]

[After killing the man you call a friend, how dare you visit his grave with such audacity.]

Rahilt looked around. Then, controlling his terribly trembling hands, he approached one step closer.

[Three guards. Just the right number to kill and leave no witnesses.]

[…]

[I want you to know… how it feels to be buried in the cold ground.]

Crunch, crunch.

The sound of snow being stepped on spreads through the winter forest. The forest scenery comes alive with that quiet sound. As if an unexpected action had sprung from fear.

Snap.

It was when Rahilt reached right in front of Mother.

A small twig that had been lying around broke under his shoe sole.

Immediately after, Mother calmly advised.

[Wait.]

It was hard to believe this was the attitude of a woman on the verge of losing her life.

Not a trace of cowardice could be found in her tone, which was as calm as if she were having a conversation over tea.

[There seems to be some misunderstanding.]

[Misunderstanding?]

[It wasn’t the imperial family who killed Rodrick. Rather, I’d like to ask why we would have had any reason to kill Rodrick and Lady Elenot.]

[…As the mercenary group grew larger, from the imperial family’s perspective, it would have been no different from a troublesome military faction.]

Mother tilted her head at Rahilt’s answer. As if she had heard an incomprehensible statement.

[What strange logic. Who is my husband that he would worry about a mere military faction?]

[Because he’s the Emperor…]

[Yes. The Emperor. The ruler of the continent and a man who could easily conquer a country single-handedly.]

[…]

[Such a person would resort to underhanded methods against a mercenary group, no matter how renowned? Why bother? I also had no motive whatsoever.]

Mother continues speaking as she slowly rises.

[I thought your hatred for us was inevitable because you were the child of the deposed emperor. But if the tragedy that befell Rodrick and Lady Elenot is the cause of your hatred… you seem to have found the wrong target.]

[That can’t be…]

[If that’s truly the case, first suspect those who have clouded your eyes. Of course, if your hatred includes revenge for the persecution you suffered in your childhood, I will rightfully bear it.]

Rahilt would never harbor resentment for his dark childhood. If he truly did, he would never have treated me with kindness.

Rahilt’s revenge was a blade aimed solely at the murderers of Rodrick and Eshtiel.

[Rodrick was an excellent assassin. He might have left some information for you in some form.]

[Information… you say.]

[It’s difficult for me to gauge, but you, as his family, might be able to find out.]

[…]

[It was pleasant to have an honest conversation. I’ll take my leave now. Whatever decision you make in the future, I will accept my karma.]

Rahilt kept his mouth shut. And Mother, perhaps taking his silence as tacit agreement, passed behind him.

After her presence completely disappeared, Rahilt kept a lonely vigil before Rodrick and Eshtiel’s tombstones for a long time.

Soon, he brought his trembling hand to the grave.

The time for the hideous truth buried in darkness to be revealed was approaching with large strides.