Ch.504Episode 18 – Men’s Club

# Previous Episode Summary

After awakening in episode 500, Frederick! He gets hit with a 100,000-volt Fire Punch from the “Great Magical Sparrow (Grand Magician)” who looks like he might shoot a railgun like some anime schoolgirl, and awakens as “Squirrel Thunder.”

Having inherited “Squirrel Thunder,” he heads to “Asgard” (not “Ass-guard”) seeking enlightenment from “Thor, God of Lightning,” a man among men who enjoys the hobby of cross-dressing, which is permitted only to true men…

“Huh?”

Frederick, sprawled out on a sand dune, suddenly came to his senses.

His body felt incredibly heavy, and his brain was strangely creaking.

He remembered awakening as Squirrel Thunder and shooting purple lightning bolts… but why was he here?

“…”

As he painfully raised his upper body, an unbelievable sight unfolded before his eyes.

Blue flames chaotically decorated the desert.

A pair of fire pokers were stuck in the sand, and beside them was Camilla chanting an incantation.

The fiercely shot flames scattered blue fire as they advanced, but when purple lightning crashed down with a boom! The weakened embers flew into the air.

-Crackle…!

“GYAAAAAAHHH!”

A scream was heard and his vision flashed.

The pig struck directly by the purple lightning showed everything beneath its skin (its skeleton) like in a cartoon, while squealing loudly.

Staring blankly at this surreal scene, Frederick finally reached an understanding with a sigh of despair.

“…Ah.”

That’s right.

I was in the middle of a 1 vs 2 fight with the Grand Duchess.

Though the foolish mortal belatedly faced reality, it was already too late. The purple lightning had enough power left to share not only with the pig but with the squirrel as well.

“GYAAAAAAHHH!!”

“GYAAAAAAHHH!!”

The sounds of a squealing pig and a frying squirrel swept through the quiet desert.

# Episode 18 – The Man Club

The crispy-on-the-outside, juicy-on-the-inside fried couple had trouble regaining consciousness.

“Uhhh…”

“Gyaaah…”

Limbs trembling! Faces blackened!

A rich aroma of char rose up, full of 48 carcinogenic substances represented by benzopyrene.

Frederick and Camilla, fried so crisp that tandoori chicken might mistake them for friends and come running, were the very definition of horror.

-Poke. Poke.

Lucia poked the two with a branch she had plucked from a monster’s back.

(It was a turtle monster living by the river, an environmentally friendly creature that carried trees planted on its shell. For reference, the turtle became today’s dinner, prepared by Akande.)

“Are you alright?”

“Urrrgh…”

Frederick, fried to the level of extra crispy, barely managed to nod in response.

Lucia tossed aside the hard-won branch and said to Francesca and Akande, who had come to watch:

“They have passed away.”

“…Who are you killing…”

The Grand Magician’s fantastic cooking skills impressed even the saint and barbarian warrior who knew nothing about magic. Naturally, the alchemist well-versed in magic was no exception.

“Lightning is known for its high difficulty among elemental magic. Not only is it difficult to master, but even controlling its power is challenging…”

As Francesca muttered while touching her cheek, Lucia couldn’t contain her curiosity and asked:

“Is it really such a difficult magic?”

To this, the alchemist stated definitively that it was terribly difficult magic.

“Yes, extremely so.”

“How difficult exactly?”

“Even in the Magic Tower, which oversees duels between magicians, ‘lightning magic’ is one of the forbidden spells. Regardless of a magician’s skill.”

This meant it was extremely difficult to control its power at will.

Lucia couldn’t help but feel perplexed at this testimony from a former Magic Tower secretariat member.

“Should I be impressed that they survived such dangerous magic… Or should I be impressed by the skill that could lower the power of even forbidden magic?”

“Both, I suppose. I certainly wouldn’t have confidence in surviving this unscathed.”

Francesca added with a chuckle, ignoring the quiet curse Camilla muttered in response.

“Though you fought together, you both fought quite well against the Grandmother. Especially you, Sir Knight.”

“You maintained your sanity even after being struck by lightning four times. I was truly impressed.”

Frederick inwardly muttered: That wasn’t me enduring it…

Of course, the two women couldn’t hear him, so Lucia and Francesca continued their pleasant conversation.

“Yet, you shot lightning despite being unable to use magic. Even with the help of a magical tool, your accuracy and power seemed no less than the Grand Duchess’s.”

“Could it be a technique to reproduce absorbed magic? It’s fascinating. Even the Hero seems to have improved his magical abilities compared to when he struggled with insufficient magical power… It seems the Grandmother’s methods are truly effective.”

“I think so too.”

To this, Frederick and Camilla thought simultaneously: We don’t agree at all, you two…

Between the concerned saint and the intrigued alchemist, the barbarian warrior, whose eyes were fixed on the 1+1 chicken night special, excitedly called out to the two:

“Purple lightning! Amazing frying performance! I will prepare chicken quickly!”

“Why chicken…?”

“But we cannot eat this.”

Akande pointed to the pair of chickens (a perfect harmony of male and female!) rolling in the sand, with a very dejected expression.

Just as Frederick and Camilla were silently extending their middle fingers, it happened.

“My disciples are making quite a commotion in pairs. What troublesome fellows.”

The frying specialist who creates something from nothing, Grand Duchess Alexandra Petrova, appeared with her hands behind her back, sauntering along.

The Grand Magician saw Frederick and Camilla holding up their middle fingers and clicked her tongue disapprovingly.

“I’m certain I only gave you enough electricity to tense your muscles. Why are you still stuck to the ground with no intention of getting up?”

Is there honey spread there? If not, get up already. It’s embarrassing to watch.

As if her face was burning with embarrassment at witnessing their disgraceful state, the Grand Duchess didn’t know what to do.

“…”

Frederick asked for help with a pitiful heart, but unfortunately, everyone was only concerned with themselves.

Lucia ran away saying she needed to wield her mace, and Akande rushed off to face newly appeared monsters. (??: Please don’t come. Just go away, please…)

At this point, Frederick could only rely on Francesca, but she too needed to create magical tools to defeat the Grand Magician. In reality, there was no one here to help.

“Damn it…”

They say the only ones you can trust in this world are family. There’s not a single falsehood in that old saying.

Tears beaded and rolled down through the soot. Frederick hoped it was just sweat.

While the stoic Camilla and tearful Frederick created a sea of tears together, the Grand Duchess’s stern voice began to penetrate their ears.

“Cheer up. Failure is the cornerstone of success. Don’t be discouraged, keep moving forward. And is it proper for a man to shed tears like this?”

“…”

“Prepare for the next match as soon as you regain your senses. In the meantime, I’ll check on the other children. Please don’t disappoint me this time.”

A silent scream emerged, but it didn’t reach the Grand Duchess.

The two people rolling around in the sand prepared for what must have been their umpteenth match.

*

While Camilla and I were being thrashed as a 1+1 deal, if you asked “Were only the two of you thrashed?” the answer would be “Not at all.”

The human modification furnace accommodated five students. Education was carried out equally and fairly for everyone.

“Hyah!”

A strike delivered with all her might misses pathetically. As if chasing a mirage, the mace only cuts through the air without touching even a tiny bit of fluff.

“Your movements are simple. Honesty may be a virtue for religious people, but in battle, honesty must be abandoned.”

The reed draws a half-moon, and white meteor showers pursue the magician.

The light footsteps don’t carry much force. She sprints across the sand dunes without any particular technique or strength.

That’s why the Grand Magician could avoid the opponent’s kicks skillfully without much effort.

“Your confidence in your strength is commendable. However, the saint needs to understand her position more accurately.”

Green mirrors dance in the air.

Reflected and scattered light tickles the vision, while rings collide to create cheerful sounds.

“Using natural objects for distraction… Excellent idea. No matter how powerful a magician might be, they are still mere humans who cannot go against nature.”

The Grand Magician, frowning, concentrates her senses.

Between the lines and blades that tighten like vipers moment by moment, the Grand Magician, maintaining her composure, crosses her arms.

The protective barrier deployed at the last moment deflected all the green blades.

“But, child, magic is…”

Amidst the chaotically flying green wind blades, the Grand Magician captures in her sight the young alchemist who grasps and controls the solid lines.

“Something that makes the impossible possible.”

Clap-! As soon as the crisp echo ends, dark clouds roll in. The mirrors that had been emitting brilliant light lose their power and degrade to mere blades.

“A magician should be able to find their own way out even when backed into a corner. With magic, that is.”

A large figure rushes forward like a tiger and kicks the chest.

Fists swung like a bear’s front paws mercilessly pummel the opponent, and the extended kick resembles a horse’s hind legs.

“Though clearly human, your fighting style is no different from a beast’s. How curious. In my long life, I’ve met many opponents, but never one like you.”

A fierce beast cannot be stopped by anything.

The protective barrier of the Guardian School, known for its sturdiness, succumbed to overwhelming power, and the Guardian School’s barrier also failed to stop the wild horse’s charge.

“The more I look, the stranger this power becomes. I can’t determine its source or even understand it. If I were given such a puzzle in my old age, my remaining life wouldn’t be boring.”

Three strands of blue flame begin to traverse space.

The joyful pursuit chased the animal, and the fleeing beast was soon pierced by three streams of arrows.

“Your strength and momentum were both good, but your judgment was lacking. How would you escape by running away from magic?”

“Fire! Scary! Very scary!”

“Tsk tsk… Is there a beast in this world that flees in front of a hunter? A beast is born not as prey but as a hunter, yet you act like a tiger when fighting but like a deer when fleeing.”

The Grand Duchess thrashed everyone mercilessly and impartially.

Her skill was so impeccable that there wasn’t even room for complaints.

“Ugh…! Silver-haired woman. Too strong. More frightening than my mother…”

“Regardless of whether Her Highness shows mercy in her actions, she is indeed strict. Let me see where you’re hurt. It’s best to heal when you still have energy left.”

“Very grateful. Overwhelmingly grateful. But where did the alchemist go?”

“She said she needed adjustments and left. She found a clue, but her magical tools were damaged. She needs to fix them.”

Lucia, Francesca, and Akande each took turns facing the Grand Duchess. Surprisingly, the one who landed the most effective hits was Akande.

When asked why, the answer came back that he had fought frequently since he was in his tribe.

“I, Shamir. Protect front when tribe in danger. That is Shamir. So I am used to it.”

“Ah, I see. I thought you might have been in brawls or something.”

“Of course. Did that often too. Dog fights. More confident than anyone.”

“Bullshit…”

Show-off.

Lucia and Francesca were also achieving considerable results. However, even Akande, who was in the lead, had never beaten the Grand Duchess, so there wouldn’t be a dramatic victory tomorrow.

Still, the Grand Magician, who had faced all five students thoroughly, could confidently say that with steady training, they would soon win a match.

“You will probably leave here within three months. More than enough time.”

When the Grand Magician says something like that, it can be considered not a prediction but a prophecy.

With such a good evaluation for once, everyone became spirited.

But as befitting someone with a nasty temperament (from careful observation, the Grand Duchess belonged to the category of very nasty-tempered people), the conclusion wasn’t harmonious.

“If you hadn’t made all sorts of excuses and half-heartedly played around because you didn’t want to return, that time might have been even shorter.”

“Ah, Professor!”

“Is there anything wrong with what I said?”

Though the disciple complained, “Couldn’t you say it more nicely?” the master didn’t listen.

The Grand Duchess just snorted and clicked her tongue.

“A troublesome child who only knows how to complain, with not even a speck of intention to focus on training.”

“Heeeng…”

As Camilla made a tearful face, it happened.

Suddenly, the Grand Duchess, who had been wandering around with her hands behind her back, made a curious sound “Hmm?” and began to scan Camilla’s lips with her eyes.

“Wait a moment. Did you eat something secretly? Why are there crumbs on your mouth?”

“Oh! N-no! You must be seeing things!”

“Well… You’re hopeless. Go inside right now and prepare for the match.”

“GYAAAAH!”

The disciple who was caught eating food secretly (Akande’s special recipe – ingredients sourced locally) screamed.

While I was giggling watching this scene, suddenly a chill ran down my spine and an ominous feeling crept over me.

Sure enough, the Grand Duchess pointed at me too, as if I were part of a 1+1 deal.

“You go with her.”

“What?”

“Why are you surprised? It’s been days since you started training with the child.”

Whether we’re comrades, a 1+1 deal, or a set menu, I understand being paired with Camilla.

But if you’re going to scold someone, why include me…?

“…”

As I sat there with a dejected expression, Akande across from me started making a fuss.

“This guy, face suddenly turned into frog! Will have very chewy texture when fried!”

Please shut up.

*

While the soldiers of the Abas Kingdom Embassy in the Zamria Federation (the place thrashed by the Grand Duchess) wailed after receiving a joint inspection,

And the Kiyen Empire’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs shouted “Save us!” under the sincere fists of various diplomatic ministries,

At that moment when the five students were being reborn as men in the human modification furnace (though it must be emphasized that three of them were women),

Grand Duchess Alexandra Petrova, before the 1 vs 2 match, called out Camilla and Frederick to continue her endless education.

“As I’ve repeatedly emphasized, ‘Barbara’ can become a sword or a shield depending on the user’s intention.”

The Grand Magician, sitting on a rock, lowered her voice like a sage.

“I would like you to record more defensive magic in ‘Barbara’ to become a shield for the children. But I have no right to interfere in your life, so how you use ‘Barbara’ is entirely up to you.”

So I’m asking… Alexandra Petrova asked what kind of magic I mainly wanted to record.

After thinking for a moment, I gave her my answer.

“I’ll go with attack magic.”

“Is there a reason?”

There was no special reason.

National power lies not in defense but in attack!

When I proudly declared this, Camilla, who was listening beside me, began to glare with a look that said, “What’s wrong with this guy?” Of course, I didn’t care at all.

After pondering my answer, the Grand Duchess nodded, saying it wasn’t a bad response. As expected of Hitler. (This level of slander is habitual.)

“Good. I’ll help you record attack magic in ‘Barbara.’ You know the method, right?”

“Ah… Of course.”

The method the Grand Duchess mentioned meant receiving magic head-on.

She didn’t know the specific principle as she wasn’t the creator, but she said if there were records left by Giovanni Ranieri, she would check and let me know, and in the meantime, she instructed me to record magic in this way.

Well, I don’t mind since ‘Barbara’ protects me safely. But standing still while magic flies at me feels a bit off.

“Hmm…”

Is this really the best option? If I die here, will I get workers’ compensation? Should I just hand it back to the Grand Duchess now and shout “Save me, I don’t care what you give me instead!”?

While I was lost in deepening concerns, the Grand Duchess had already approached Camilla and was speaking to her.

“You’ve learned to use accurate and powerful magic with limited magical power. Well done.”

“Aw, it’s nothing~ Hehe.”

“It seems like just yesterday you were running around wildly with strange fire pokers. Already you’ve achieved so much…”

Emotion filled the Grand Magician’s blue eyes. When I told you to practice magic, you came with some weird fire poker and went “Swoosh. Swoosh swoosh. Swoosh. H-help me.” But finally, you’ve come to your senses and become a proper magician.

The master was right after all.

When she threw you into the snow field and said, “Hey, sis. Just go hunt a thousand beasts. Fighting, my disciple!” I was really angry.

But in the end, this method made her a Grand Magician, and also turned her disciple into a proper magician and human being. Maybe the master’s method was right?

“Hmm…”

No, no matter what, throwing a young girl alone into a snow-covered mountain full of monsters was too much.

If Camilla had learned mind-reading, she would have shed tears of blood the moment she read the Grand Duchess’s inner thoughts.

Master, was throwing me into the middle of a desert full of monsters a less serious matter? You’ve really gone senile after passing 100 years of age…

Of course, Camilla wasn’t a mind reader, and the Grand Duchess didn’t speak her thoughts aloud. So the conversation ended warmly, and the tragedy between master and disciple (????? : You wench, how dare you use necromancy…! / ??? : Isn’t it funny, Professor? Everyone trained so hard…) didn’t even begin to sprout.

“You’ve found a clue and learned how to handle magical power efficiently, so now that will guide you beyond the wall.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

The Grand Duchess, stroking Camilla’s head with a gentle hand, asked if there was anything she wanted.

Camilla answered without hesitation.

“Food! Snacks!”

“Except that.”

“Heeeng…”

When her most cherished wish disappeared before her eyes, Camilla became tearful, but fortunately, she had something else she wanted as much as food, and it was a wish the Grand Duchess could gladly grant.

Magic.

Camilla asked to be taught new magic, and the Grand Duchess said it wasn’t a difficult wish and told her to say everything she wanted.

“So, what kind of magic do you want to learn?”

“The one that shoots purple lightning!”

“Fulgor, you mean?”

“Yes!”

The disciple nodded vigorously! The master smiled brightly!

It was clearly the same kind smile as usual. However, for some reason, Camilla couldn’t help but feel a strange sense of déjà vu.

Why? It feels like bugs crawling on my body. No, surely not… Right?

“You want to learn Fulgor? That’s perfect timing.”

The Grand Duchess, without erasing her smile, rolled up her sleeves neatly.

And in a gentle tone, she presented a riddle-like question.

“Fulgor, as you’ve seen, is magic that handles lightning. As you know, I am a magician who handles fire. Do you know what these two have in common?”

“Um…”

“I’ll give you 5 seconds.”

A sudden question! While Camilla stammered in brain freeze, the 5 seconds passed in an instant.

The Grand Duchess, who had been quickly folding her fingers, folded her pinky last and drew a very profound smile.

“It’s okay if you can’t answer. You chose an interesting magic, didn’t you? To choose Fulgor of all things. You’re really smart. You’ve solved three things at once.”

Her creaking brain translated the puzzling words.

Solving three things at once? Oh, no way.

“Um, Professor? P-perhaps… You’re not saying you’ll handle the match, recording attack magic, and teaching ancient magic all at once, are you?”

“…”

“…You’re not, right?”

“…”

The Grand Duchess smiled, and Camilla muttered.

This happened 7 seconds before lightning struck above the heads of the two.

*

And a month passed.