Ch.503Episode 18 – Men’s Club

# When Honesty is the Measure of Manliness

No government agency is less manly than the Ministry of Foreign Affairs when honesty is the standard of masculinity.

People with hurt feelings can freely engage in a festival of insults and blame, but diplomats, at least, cannot afford such luxury.

That’s why, no matter how terrible the conversations might have been, diplomats would cover it up before journalists with phrases like “We had a sincere dialogue between parties” (meaning they just said what needed to be said).

(Of course, that doesn’t mean they actually had terrible conversations inside the meeting room either)

Anyway!

This exhausting and unmanly way of speaking is called “diplomatic rhetoric” or “euphemism.”

Because of its characteristic of not hurting the other party’s feelings and leaving room for various interpretations, it was frequently used in international settings where interests sharply conflicted.

Of course, if you used such language in everyday conversation, you’d better be prepared for your teeth to go flying out. Mind games, topic evasion, and avoiding responsibility are not manly behaviors.

Naturally, diplomats didn’t spout nonsense like “We had a sincere dialogue” in their homes (especially in front of their wives).

However, there are situations where such euphemisms don’t work even in international settings or conversations between nations.

Times when manly, honest dialogue must take place!

When the phone call came from the Kiyen Empire’s ambassador to the Abas Kingdom, the Director of the First Bureau (in charge of Abas, etc.) at the Kiyen Empire’s Foreign Ministry judged with an animal-like diplomatic instinct.

“…Um, senior? Could you please repeat that?”

“I’m telling you the Grand Duke kidnapped their military attaché! From the embassy, no less!”

“So… you’re saying our side took a foreign military attaché who entered our embassy… right?”

“No! Why can’t you understand?! The Grand Duke kidnapped a diplomat who was sleeping in the Abas embassy’s duty room!”

“You’re not saying she took a diplomat who entered our embassy? She broke into a foreign embassy and dragged out a diplomat?”

“Yes!”

“We’re fucked.”

That’s the situation now.

## Episode 18 – The Gentlemen’s Club

A military attaché has been kidnapped!

Overseas, no less, and the fellow was snatched while sleeping in the embassy.

Setting aside whether he was a military attaché or intelligence agent, the fact that an “embassy”—a sacred, inviolable territory—had been breached left many people clutching the backs of their necks in disbelief.

“Director Leoni. An urgent dispatch has come up from the Mauritanian continent.”

“A staff member at our embassy was kidnapped by the Grand Magician?”

“Frederick was kidnapped? The embassy security detail should have been guarding during the day, right?”

“Yes, Director Clevins. It seems the incident occurred at dawn when the embassy was empty.”

Faced with an unimaginable mega-incident (a Grand Magician’s embassy raid + intelligence officer gone missing), the military intelligence agency commanders were left in a daze.

What kind of madman breaks into another country’s embassy? Well, embassies can get breached.

But if you go through all that trouble, you’d steal confidential documents (e.g., cipher books, diplomatic cables). Why on earth would you steal a random company employee?

The high-ranking officials of the Abas intelligence agency couldn’t help but fall into great confusion.

What is this? Some new form of provocation?

Perhaps the Grand Duke has some unsavory hobby of collecting young men?

I heard she took him once before, and now she’s taken him again.

Did someone coat him in honey?

Maybe the employee committed some offense and was taken away for it.

So what do we do now? And so on.

Of course, the most aggrieved and perplexed institution wasn’t the intelligence agency but the Foreign Ministry.

“Ambassador! I hear the Grand Duke broke into our embassy in the Zamria Federation and kidnapped a military attaché sent by the Defense Ministry. What on earth is going on?”

“…What?”

“Alexandra Petrova, the Grand Duke, the Imperial Grand Magician, broke into the Abas embassy—which no government can interfere with, which even the host country’s police cannot enter—and kidnapped our military attaché! Was the Imperial Foreign Ministry aware of this incident?”

“Um… this is the first I’m hearing of it…”

“Then was the Imperial family aware? Please clarify, definitively, whether this was the Grand Duke acting alone or an action taken in consultation with the Imperial family or Foreign Ministry!”

“……”

“And return our attaché promptly!”

The Kiyen Empire’s Foreign Ministry was on the verge of fainting.

The outraged Abas Foreign Ministry was threatening to sever diplomatic relations if they didn’t provide an explanation immediately. (Of course, having your embassy breached is grounds for breaking diplomatic relations. There have been actual cases in Latin America where police forced their way into embassies, resulting in severed diplomatic ties.)

Meanwhile, the Zamria Federation’s Foreign Ministry was raging, “Why did this madness have to happen in our country, human?” and demanding an apology.

And it seemed she had caused trouble far and wide. Calls were coming in from countries all over.

Your Highness, what exactly have you done? I thought we were only getting calls from Abas. But now I see complaints coming in from the Church, the Magic Tower, Al-Yabd, and so on.

While the Imperial Foreign Minister was drinking in his office, seriously contemplating, “Should I resign?”, at that very moment!

The military intelligence agency commanders, even making the gentle Clevins angry, entered into discussions to determine responsibility for the “fanboy_security failure” incident.

The glorious joint inspection began!

A storm of flying rank insignias and torn uniforms was about to begin!

“Senior, you’ve probably already heard the news… Have you reported to the Intelligence Director?”

“Just did. It’s gone up through the Minister to the Prime Minister’s office. I also notified the Royal Intelligence Agency through a junior colleague.”

“I’ve passed it to the domestic liaison officers. I’ve also sent people to the families… What are we going to do with those who were in charge of embassy security?”

“Have the security team leader grab those bastards by the hair and get them back here immediately.”

“Let’s do that.”

Soon, the tears of countless breadwinners about to lose their jobs and civil servants who wanted nothing more than to resign formed rivers and seas.

Their alcohol-stained livers, trying to drown sorrows and hardships, could only silently scream, “Please kill me…”

“Is there anyone who can contact Her Highness?”

“No one. The Magic Department, the Imperial family, the Defense Ministry—all are completely unreachable.”

“The country is in a fine state! How is it possible that none of the ministers know where the Grand Duke is!”

Waiting desperately for an explanation from the Grand Duke who had inconveniently disappeared, the Imperial Foreign Ministry officials could only stamp their feet in frustration with burning hearts.

*

The Foreign Ministry officials, having abandoned diplomatic rhetoric, were finally able to have an honest—manly—conversation.

(???: Explain and restore things before we ram a tank into your embassy. / ?-???: If something explodes in the middle of the Imperial capital soon, just consider it fate. / ??: Why didn’t you stop the Grand Magician? It’s not right for the Empire to do this to us, you fucking bastards! / ??: I feel like launching a crusade…)

Of course, the Imperial government wasn’t at fault here. This is not a joke, but the truth.

No matter how much someone asked to discipline their children, what parent would stay calm if a teacher broke into their home at the crack of dawn and kidnapped their peacefully sleeping child?

For reference, the Abas government was in the most wronged position. Abas had never entrusted Frederick to the Grand Duke in the first place. The Grand Duke just took him as a 1+1 deal (more precisely, a 4+1 deal).

A bolt from the blue! While Imperial officials, crispy on the outside and raw on the inside, were automatically crying out “The country is doomed!”

Grand Duke Alexandra Petrova, who had caused the accident and casually passed the buck to the Foreign Ministry (technically called “punting”), was deeply immersed in passionate education.

“What you’re wearing is a type of magical artifact called ‘Barbara.’ It was armor and weapon issued to magicians during the war.”

The Grand Duke pointed at the magical artifact with an outstretched finger. With one hand in her pocket, the Grand Magician slowly walked as she began.

“The characteristic of ‘Barbara’ is that every element is tailored to its owner. Being an item for an individual, there are inevitably difficulties in mass production and maintenance, but because it’s made entirely for the individual, ‘Barbara’ compensates for the owner’s flaws and highlights their strengths.”

“Well… it feels similar to a tailored suit.”

“Correct. The difference between ordinary magical armor and ‘Barbara’ is, as you say, like the difference between a ready-made suit and a tailored one.”

While it performs its role as armor admirably, the true value of ‘Barbara’ is revealed in its aspect as a weapon.

“When the owner uses magic, ‘Barbara’ records it. As this process repeats, ‘Barbara’ can, like modern magical artifacts, manifest complete magic with just a small infusion of magical power.”

“This recording property is the essence and core of ‘Barbara.’ The reason the Papal States considered ‘Barbara,’ which recorded both defensive and offensive magic, not just as a convenient tool but as a weapon of war.”

If defensive magic is recorded, it becomes armor; if offensive magic is recorded, it becomes a weapon. A magician can record various types of magic in ‘Barbara’ according to their preferences.

It’s similar to saving frequently used skills in a game. I wonder if recorded magic can be deleted later.

As I compared the angels’ armor (I’ve decided to drop the name “Hosoin”) with ‘Barbara,’ I raised my eyebrows with interest.

“So it’s the original memory-type magical artifact. There are blank-state magical artifacts, right? Products that come without any magic inscribed so buyers can customize them as they like.”

“In a way, I suppose so. After all, ‘Barbara’ artifacts were handcrafted magical items.”

“Were there other items like this?”

The Grand Magician nodded readily and answered affirmatively.

“There were more. We collectively called them ‘Barbara,’ but ‘artifacts similar to Barbara’ were quite commonly used among colleagues during the war. Of course, the only one that exists today is the one you’re wearing.”

“I suppose the rest were destroyed.”

“We were at war, after all.”

And would the Papal States have left such things alone? They must have considered them hideous weapons of war.

So, they tried to destroy anything that looked like a magician wearing such items. The Grand Magician added stories from the war era.

“Now, before we get to the main point… there are a few things to go over briefly.”

Alexandra Petrova explained several precautions before getting into the detailed usage instructions.

Information I absolutely needed to know to use ‘Barbara.’

With a deliberately stern expression, she showed her index finger.

“First, remember that ‘Barbara’ has a usage time limit. This was created by magicians to protect themselves, not designed for someone who cannot use magic.”

Well, that makes sense…?

If I were a magician, this wouldn’t be much of an issue.

But since I’m not a magician, I would need to use some “tricks” to use ‘Barbara.’

“Moving around is something even you, without magical power, can do without difficulty. I’ve connected a magical power capacitor to allow you to use the magic recorded in ‘Barbara,’ so if you ever need to use magic, consider the remaining amount of power while fighting.”

“I’ll keep that in mind.”

“You absolutely must. As you know, resources deplete faster than expected during combat, whether it’s ammunition, stamina, or magical power.”

Next.

With a softer expression, the Grand Duke extended her middle finger and continued her explanation.

“Second, the difficulty of maintenance and adjustment. As you know, all weapons are consumables, and ‘Barbara’ is no exception. If it breaks or has problems, repairs will be needed. However, maintenance of ‘Barbara’ is impossible even for the most prominent magicians of the Magic Tower and Ivory Tower, so you’ll ultimately need my help.”

I tilted my head and slightly furrowed my brow.

“Do I have to ask for Your Highness’s help every time?”

“Why? Do you dislike me?”

“Uh, well…”

Rather than disliking her, it’s more that I feel uncomfortable entrusting work to a 100-year-old elderly person.

Asking a retired elderly person to perform difficult and precise work feels like elder abuse. No matter how shameless I might be, there are limits. Unless I had no conscience like Camilla… (???: Wait, what did I do?!)

I expressed considerable concern about this, but the Grand Duke herself didn’t seem to mind.

“Just think of it as a pastime. It’s not like I’m creating something new; managing something already made isn’t that difficult.”

Finally, the third point.

This was somewhat unexpected.

“Third, use it only for activities that benefit the public good.”

Extending her ring finger, the Grand Duke began to explain as if stating the obvious. It was more advice and request than explanation.

“I know you receive a salary from your country. I don’t care about your nationality or profession, but I would like ‘Barbara’ to be used for the public good.”

In other words, don’t use it for national interests—specifically, not for the Abas government. By extension, don’t use it for personal gain either.

Given my status as a soldier, I understand the Grand Duke’s concerns, but to be honest, I had no intention whatsoever of using ‘Barbara’ for my official duties.

I understand it’s a good item, but… it’s too conspicuous.

I nodded. I had no intention of using it for improper purposes anyway, so there was no need for concern.

“Yes, I understand. But what happens if I break the rule?”

“If you break your promise, I will reclaim ‘Barbara.'”

“You mean I would be deemed unworthy.”

“Trust is paramount, after all.”

Hmm. Worthiness, is it? I pondered this for a moment.

Am I worthy or not? Such philosophical debates weren’t important at all. I’m not a philosophy major, and ownership is a matter of law, not philosophy.

The question is, “Does the Grand Duke herself have the right?”

“By the way, Your Highness.”

“Speak.”

“Is this truly Your Highness’s possession? I noticed another name written inside.”

Pointing to “Giovanni Ranieri” written near the collar, I asked. The Grand Duke blinked as if surprised I had noticed it.

“Ah. Did you see Ranieri’s name?”

When I confirmed, the Grand Duke let out a chuckle.

It was an expression of delight at hearing a name she hadn’t heard in a very long time.

After laughing for a while, the Grand Duke nodded and admitted it. She acknowledged it wasn’t something she had made. However, she firmly claimed ownership.

“Yes… ‘Barbara’ was made by Ranieri. He was the most skilled craftsman among our colleagues. He provided great help when other magicians created armor following ‘Barbara’… Though I own it now, of course.”

“Why do you possess such an item, Your Highness?”

If it was made by Giovanni Ranieri, it should rightfully belong to the Ranieri family. The example was right in front of us.

The “Rune Sword” that Francesca carries is Giovanni Ranieri’s work, isn’t it?

Although she stole the “Rune Sword” from her family’s vault (she claims she exercised her legitimate right as a descendant without seeking unnecessary permission), Francesca is still a successor who carries Giovanni Ranieri’s bloodline. By the unwritten rules of magical society, if not legally, there’s no issue.

‘A master’s legacy goes to the disciple, an ancestor’s legacy to the descendant.’

This had been an unbroken rule among magicians for the past 100 years.

If someone denied this and refused to return a Grand Magician’s relic, the Grand Magician’s descendants would take it back by force, even if it meant killing the person. (There have actually been such cases in the past.)

So why was Alexandra Petrova in possession of ‘Barbara’? Even for a Grand Magician, isn’t this going too far? Where’s the business ethics!

I pressed this issue, but surprisingly, the Grand Duke responded proudly that there was no problem at all.

The reason was simple.

She won it in gambling!

“Why would there be any question of ownership for an item obtained through a fair wager?”

“…?”

“If necessary, I can show you the handwritten agreement from that time.”

As the Grand Duke began looking for the agreement, I was so dumbfounded that I couldn’t say a word.

“No, what…”

What is a Grand Magician’s relic? It’s a cultural treasure of the magical society. It should be proudly displayed in a museum or preserved through family generations, not gambled away!

And it wasn’t just one or two items!

“Uh, Giovanni Ranieri only bet ‘Barbara,’ right?”

“Ha! Do you know what kind of man Ranieri was to say such a thing? He was addicted to alcohol and gambling. Of course he emptied everything in his pockets.”

“Where did he put his proper money to engage in such behavior?”

“What use is piling up heavy money? Selling just one magical artifact would give you enough money to buy a castle and have plenty left over.”

She was saying money is heavy, so they just used magical artifacts instead.

For reference, the gambling was done among several Grand Magicians, and the Grand Duke, being (relatively) less skilled at creating magical artifacts than her colleagues, just bet land deeds.

Crazy gambling addicts. Did they bet hundreds of billions on a single hand? Even setting aside the amount, why bet land? Isn’t that national territory…?

I couldn’t help but suspect Grand Duke Alexandra Petrova of gambling addiction. At this point, Veronica, who steals cathedral relics to gamble, looked like a saint (which is a fact).

“No…”

After staring blankly, unable to speak, I finally gathered my thoughts and began to speak haltingly.

“So now, are you giving me stolen goods…?”

“What did you say?”

The mysterious silver hair whipped around, and the Grand Duke’s head turned at a terrifying speed. It was so fast I worried her neck might snap.

Intense red light burst from her blue eyes. I couldn’t quite grasp why she was looking at me with such a menacing gaze, when suddenly:

“Take your stance.”

“Whether it’s magical combat or street brawling, I’ll take you on.”

“Take your stance now.”

The Grand Magician was suddenly challenging me to a duel!

Frederick lost his composure at this sudden challenge. He wondered why the old lady was acting this way.

“Um… Your Highness? You’ve only told me the precautions, not how to use it.”

“That’s not important. Words can make anything possible, achieve anything. Only experience and real practice train humans and lead to high achievement.”

Enlightenment from a master who has reached the highest realm! Although there was the minor issue that Frederick wasn’t actually her disciple, such details were of no importance to the Grand Duke now.

As she took her stance, suggesting he stop babbling and prepare to fight, Frederick jumped up and let out a death-cry!

“Come on, even household appliances come with instruction manuals that you read before using them!”

In a world where people read the manual before using a rice cooker, she expects him to learn by getting beaten up with a 100-year-old relic? Does she think he has nine lives?

“Even impatient old people these days at least listen to explanations before using magical artifacts!”

It was an unreasonable demand by any common sense standard. Therefore, Frederick had no choice but to rebel fiercely.

Unfortunately, there was something he didn’t know.

From the casual “stolen goods” quip to “appliance instruction manual” and “old people”—each of these, along with memories of the past, flashed like lightning and thoroughly grated on Grand Duke Alexandra Petrova’s temperament.

Especially the stolen goods comment. There was no particular reason. It just reminded her of a scolding she once received from her brother.

‘Sister, I don’t care what you do with your friends. But isn’t this a bit much? According to Imperial law, items obtained through gambling— A duel wager? No, are you saying you gave items forcibly taken from your friend as gifts to your nieces and nephews? …Wait, just a moment. Sasha! That’s not what I meant…!’

‘Your Majesty! The throne room is about to burn down completely! Please contain your magic…!’

‘Think positively. I’m helping you save on heating costs this winter.’

‘It’s summer right now!’

‘Then let’s consider it saved in advance.’

Though it happened over 70 years ago, the Grand Duke still felt wronged.

(Of course, we should hear her brother’s—the previous Emperor’s—side too. Having experienced an unusually hot summer thanks to his sister, he would never bring it up again. Probably.)

And now to hear “that statement” again from this young man.

“…This fellow.”

This was like putting a Holocaust survivor grandfather (96, born in Poland) in a shower room and locking him in. Worse, with gas instead of water coming out when the tap is turned!

In short, Frederick was enthusiastically tap dancing on a minefield without realizing it. Poor thing…

And so the situation was reversed.

Just as Frederick had prepared for a “national salvation decision” when triggered by the Grand Duke’s past statements, now it was the Grand Duke’s turn to punish with the “vengeful thunderbolt.”

“I thought you had a decent character and viewed you favorably, but looking closely, your way with words is as insolent as my disciple’s.”

If they had been a little closer, Camilla would have floated a “?” above her head upon hearing this.

Perhaps Francesca might have collapsed, clutching her neck, thinking, “My ancestor gambled away magical artifacts?”

Frederick, who was nearby, needn’t be mentioned.

“What did I do to deserve this…?”

“Your provocative misconduct is like a prelude to destruction.”

“…What?”

Provocative misconduct? Prelude to destruction? Why is the Grand Duke using wording that sounds like it came from North Korean propaganda?

As he was feeling dizzy and confused, the Grand Duke began to recite an activation word in a low voice.

“-Fulgor.”

-…Crackle.

Passing through silver hair, across the face, tearing into shreds.

Purple lightning bolts poured down toward ‘Barbara.’

*

And then nothing happened.

“Huh?”

“…?”

Both the Grand Magician who had fired ‘Fulgor’ and Frederick who had stood to block it wearing ‘Barbara’ were surprised.

Even if he was wearing ‘Barbara’ and she had lowered the output, he was standing far too unscathed after taking an ancient magic spell head-on. He should have at least been knocked down, if not hospitalized.

The Grand Duke blinked repeatedly and muttered.

“Has old age finally affected my eyesight…?”

Even the caster was surprised enough to doubt her vision, but not as much as the one who was hit.

Frederick was examining his arms with a dumbfounded expression. The two arms he had extended to block the purple lightning were completely unharmed.

Rather…

-Zap…!

-Crackle, zap…!

Purple lightning was flowing like an afterimage on ‘Barbara.’

“……”

Staring blankly at his arms front and back, he extended his arm toward the ground. With a crackle, a purple lightning bolt struck nearby like a harpoon.

He waved his arm a few times in the empty space. At this moment, no one spoke. Not even the Grand Duke who should have been thoroughly angry.

After firing lightning a few times, Frederick looked down at his arms with a mysterious expression. As if he still couldn’t quite believe it, his eyes seemed to wonder if this was a dream or reality.

At that moment, his eyes met Camilla’s, who was watching from a distance.

“……”

She silently raised both hands, and he nodded as if understanding.

Then.

As he took a deep breath and stretched both arms toward the sky, a pair of purple lightning bolts pierced through the barrier field and extended toward the clear desert.

As the spectators retreated and the Grand Duke raised her arm to block the rough wind,

Camilla, the only spectator who raised both arms high toward the sky, shouted at the top of her lungs:

“Squirrel Thunder!”

*

While Frederick and Camilla were excited about the miracle of Squirrel Thunder (half correct),

“…Oh my.”

The Grand Magician, watching all this, made a nasal sound of interest and clenched her fist.

“Without even being taught, you show me something fascinating.”

Alexandra Petrova nodded with a more satisfied expression than ever before.

“It seems I can train you like my disciple after all.”

Red Pig & Squirrel Thunder.

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