Chapter 49

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In the end, I had to wave the white flag.

If I let things continue as they were, I was sure I’d cause some serious trouble. Using my super regeneration, I detoxified the drug inside my body.

Regina’s drugs… they’re way too potent.

No wonder people who tried them once can’t be satisfied with anything else.

I considered just letting it all out and resolving things in one go, but I hesitated. Giving in to my desires would only lead to a complete breakdown.

I can’t let this spiral out of control… The Bunny Girl Incident Season 2 must be avoided at all costs!

I found myself reacting to Eugene.

Just making eye contact with him… well, let’s just say my underwear situation became complicated.

But that wasn’t because Eugene was special—it was simply because he was a man.

No, actually, even if Eugene was a woman, the result would’ve been the same.

In other words, my current state meant I’d react to anyone.

Lucia… you have no self-restraint.

That makes you unfit to be a heroine.

Or is it not? Is it just me who lacks restraint?

In the novel, Lucia is clearly in love with Eugene and doesn’t spare a glance at anyone else. But that’s not me.

To be honest, Eugene isn’t particularly special to me.

I pay attention to him because he’s the protagonist, but if he weren’t, he’d just be another classmate among many.

Sure, he’s a good person, and he probably would’ve ranked high on my list of potential masters… but he definitely wouldn’t be the undisputed number one like he is now.

Anyway, the point is this:

If I let myself lose control while under the influence of this drug, it would cause a massive scandal.

I might even reveal my masochistic tendencies to someone other than Eugene. That was an absolute disaster I needed to avoid.

I foolishly thought that I could endure it while dazed from the drug’s effects…

I must’ve misjudged the situation. The drug had clearly reached my brain, turning me into an idiot.

Lucia isn’t stupid.

Sure, I almost became a brainless fool the last time my head got riddled with holes.

But right now, my brain is intact, so I’m not stupid.

Doing my best to think rationally, I reluctantly used my super regeneration to neutralize most of the drugs in my system.

As the drug’s residue in my bloodstream decreased, the excitement and euphoria subsided.

The waves of satisfaction and relief that had swept over me gradually faded.

The flames that had been burning in my chest and hips died out as if they’d never been there in the first place.

I buried my face into the soft pillow and kicked my legs in frustration.

Ugh… this sucks.

Becoming Lucia and experiencing something like this was a first for me.

The lust-induced haze clouding my mind finally began to lift, and I slowly regained my composure.

I feel awful… absolutely awful…

It was like waking up with a brutal hangover after drinking too much the night before.

I stayed in bed until the afternoon.

A sharp, throbbing pain pulsed through my head.

It felt as though someone was bashing my skull with a blunt object.

And yet, there was no satisfaction in it.

Super regeneration isn’t omnipotent.

While it could neutralize the drug, it couldn’t do anything about the withdrawal symptoms.

Maybe when I eventually awaken and become one of the “Awakened”, I’ll be able to manage, but right now, Lucia is nowhere near that level.

Ughhh… this is so depressing.

It’s not like I have bipolar disorder or anything.

It felt a bit like post-lust clarity, but far more intense.

For a performance-enhancing drug, the aftereffects were unreal.

Sure, Regina had ramped up the potency to maximize the effects, but still, the strength of her drugs was terrifying.

No wonder they could enthrall even high-rank monsters with their overwhelming power.

Regina of Class D.

One of the infamous “Three Troublemakers”.

Compared to the Golden Generation, they might fall short but they were still among the academy’s elite regardless.

Why else would they be attending the academy instead of rotting in juvenile detention for their crimes?

The higher-ups decided it was more beneficial to reform them and put their abilities to use than to simply lock them away.

Their talents and potential were enough to outweigh their crimes.

In terms of pure talent, they were on par with the Golden Generation.

Sure, the Golden Generation—including the protagonist, Eugene—would eventually outstrip them, thanks to the trials and fortuitous encounters that drove their exceptional growth.

But that didn’t mean the Three Troublemakers lacked talent.

As one of them, Regina ranked among the academy’s top students.

I’d known this in theory, but experiencing it firsthand really drove it home.

Sometimes, you don’t truly understand something until you feel it for yourself.

“Ughhh…”

I feel depressed.

So overwhelmingly depressed.

If I could at least self-harm, I might be able to relieve this feeling right away.

But I can’t.

Not here.

I just want to go back to the dorms already…

My knife and hand axe are waiting for me there…

Just moments ago, I felt like I was floating on clouds, but now I’ve plummeted to rock bottom.

My hands itch.

I want to cut off my fingers immediately.

If not that, at least bend them…

“Huh?”

Wait a second.

Bend my fingers?

“Oh… that works, doesn’t it?”

Why was I only thinking about cutting them off?

Self-harm isn’t just about amputation, is it?

… Oh no.

I might really be an idiot.

I’m pretty sure I wasn’t like this before my brain got riddled with holes.

Maybe I was just too intoxicated from the drug.

I opened my hand.

I usually used it for cutting, but did I really need to always cut?

Bleeding was too noticeable, so I’d been holding back.

Sure, I could reattach severed fingers, but the spilled blood was impossible to erase completely.

If I avoided bleeding, wouldn’t that solve the issue?

I tucked my hand under the blanket.

With my face still buried in the pillow, I grabbed my left hand with my right.

My index finger.

Slim and soft.

Despite the consistent training, it had no calluses—just a tender smoothness.

It felt like it might snap with just a little pressure.

“Heehee~♡”

One.

Two.

Three.

Snap.

“Ugh…”

My back shuddered.

An electric current ran up my spine and pierced through the top of my head.

I rubbed my thighs together.

Curling my toes, I grabbed the next finger.

My breathing grew faintly rough.

This time, my middle finger. One. Two. Three.

Snap.

“Ah-heh?!”

It felt different from the usual cutting.

The sensation of bones breaking and muscles tearing.

Ahaha…

I was so foolish.

What have I been doing all month?

I’ve been cutting to my heart’s content, yet I didn’t bother with something so simple.

You can’t just have a one-sided diet, you know.

Well, I mean…

I did experiment with fractures and dislocations.

I just never thought to bend my fingers like this.

Fingers were for cutting.

At some point, that formula had embedded itself into my brain, and all I’d done was slash and slice.

My index and middle fingers bent in unnatural directions.

Tears welled up.

I grabbed both my ring finger and pinky together this time.

Then, with all my might, I bent them.

Snap.

“It hurts…”

All I’d done was bend four fingers, yet my whole body was trembling like a leaf.

Compared to my usual self-harm, this was nothing, and yet, maybe because there was still a trace of the drug lingering in my system, it felt incredible.

My shoulders shook uncontrollably.

The pillow grew damp, soaked with tears and drool.

Hunching my back, I curled my legs up to my chest.

I twisted my index finger as if I were wringing it out.

My breath hitched as white spots flickered in my vision.

The five pretty fingers on my hand had become grotesquely twisted and deformed.

I smiled faintly.

Activating my power, I heard a faint grinding as they returned to their original form.

But I wasn’t satisfied.

Not even close.

See?

As soon as the pain faded, a heavy wave of depression crashed over me again.

Wrapping myself in the blanket, I grabbed my fingers once more.

Snap.

◈

Angelica walked down the hallway.

Despite her shinbone being shattered not long ago, her stride showed no signs of discomfort.

Thanks to a skilled physician, a healer with extraordinary supernatural abilities, and Angelica’s own natural regenerative power as one of the “Awakened”, her recovery was remarkable.

For an ordinary person, such fatal injuries would have killed them before they even reached the hospital, yet Angelica had recovered to the point of being able to move freely in just two days.

However, her expression was as heavy as could be.

Even though her physical wounds were healing, the scars etched into her heart festered like pus.

Suddenly, Angelica ground her molars hard enough to feel the strain.

Her brow furrowed deeply.

The girl with the red fox mask.

Just the memory of her filled Angelica with a mix of anger and helplessness that made her body tremble.

It had been four years since Angelica became a teacher at the academy.

Before that, Angelica was rising through the ranks as a hero, carving a clear path to success.

A candidate for the position of captain.

At the time, she hadn’t even fully secured her position as vice-captain, but considering her natural talent, it was only a matter of time.

She was young, brimming with potential.

She had caught the eye of the Third Division Captain.

Assigned to the captain’s direct unit, she achieved great results.

Back then, Angelica had zero interest in becoming a teacher at the academy.

She didn’t want it, nor did she even consider it.

The incident that changed her destiny happened five years ago.

The Great Catastrophe.

The day monsters rained from the sky.

Spatial rifts opened simultaneously across the entire nation.

An unprecedented disaster. The Celestial Corps immediately mobilized to respond, but there weren’t enough supernaturals.

For every monster slain, two more appeared. Defeating two brought forth four.

They were severely undermanned.

There weren’t enough heroes who could fight.

Thus, the higher-ups sent academy students to the battlefield.

It was a battleground where even seasoned heroes with ample combat experience died in droves.

The sixth demonic beast in recorded history appeared.

The Seventh Division Captain perished.

The students sent into such a horrific battlefield were, in truth, nothing more than cannon fodder to buy time.

The carnage of that day was seared into Angelica’s memory, a mark that could never be erased.

Budding flowers were crushed.

School uniforms stained with blood littered the ground like fallen leaves.

Children, not even old enough to be called adults, fought and died.

They died, and they died again…

Children, unable to grow into adults, withered away.

There was no other choice.

At that time, even students had to be mobilized in what was the worst conflict imaginable.

Angelica thought it was unfair.

Her mind could understand, but her heart couldn’t accept it.

They were still young students.

They were budding lives that needed protection.

Lives that shouldn’t have been extinguished like that.

And yet…

Why did they have to die in such a way?

A year after that incident, Angelica became a teacher at the academy.

To prevent students from dying unfairly ever again.

To guide them so they would have the strength to protect themselves if such a situation arose again.

And yet…

Angelica bit her lip.

She had become a teacher to protect her students, but she failed to protect them.

Instead, it was she who had been protected—by the students.

Angelica’s heavy footsteps came to a stop in front of Lucia’s hospital room.

She had already checked on Eugene and Leo earlier. Fortunately, neither of them was seriously injured. Eugene seemed oddly dazed, but it didn’t appear to be a significant issue. It was likely just the lingering impact of his first real battle.

Sigh…

Standing in front of the door, Angelica let out a deep sigh.

She felt unworthy of facing Lucia.

She had promised to protect her but ended up doing nothing.

All she had done was watch.

Watch as that girl trembled and bowed her head, pleading—pleading for them to spare her teacher.

That was all Angelica could do.

The weight of self-reproach bore down on her shoulders.

With a heavy heart, Angelica slowly raised her hand.

She clenched it into a fist and prepared to knock on the door.

“…Ugh…”

A faint sound came from beyond the door.

Angelica froze mid-motion.

She leaned in closer and quietly listened. A faint sound was coming from inside the hospital room.

A sudden chill swept over her, a dreadful unease that made her chest tighten.

Carefully, she opened the door just enough to peek inside without making a sound.

The white hospital room.

In the center, Lucia lay face down on the bed.

She had wrapped herself in the blanket, her face buried in the pillow.

“It hurts…”

Lucia’s body trembled.

Curled into herself, she muttered in a tearful voice.

The pillow was already damp. Lucia was groaning in pain.

“…”

Angelica couldn’t say a word.

Considering Lucia’s abilities, there likely wouldn’t be any wounds left on her body.

Even so, if she was still suffering pain, it could only be phantom pain—an illusion of a pain that no longer physically existed.

This was a phenomenon often experienced by regeneration-type supernaturals. Even when injuries healed rapidly, the sensation of pain lingered.

“I want to go home…”

Her voice, trembling as though forcing herself to endure the pain, reached Angelica’s ears.

Unable to do anything, Angelica could only pretend not to hear. She gently closed the door to the hospital room.

Leaning her back against the wall, she rubbed her face with both hands.

She suddenly craved a cigarette, desperately so. But this was a hospital, and she didn’t have any cigarettes with her anyway.

Angelica bit her lip hard.

Her chest felt heavy, weighed down with suffocating emotion. It was as if something boiling within her threatened to climb up her throat and spill out.

She couldn’t even begin to imagine what Lucia must have felt at that moment.

What kind of resolve it must have taken to step forward in such a dire situation, where even the teachers had fallen.

The courage it took—Angelica couldn’t fathom it.

And yet, because Lucia had appeared composed, Angelica had misunderstood.

Lucia wasn’t okay. She had merely been pretending to be okay. She had suppressed it all.

She had done so to avoid burdening others with her pain.

Angelica stood rooted to the spot for what felt like an eternity.

The muffled groans of anguish from beyond the wall didn’t stop, not even as time passed.

She stayed where she was until the sounds from inside finally fell silent.

For the first time in five years, Angelica felt the weight of utter helplessness.

Her chest felt as though it was burning, blackened by the searing heat of her own despair.

 

Author Note

A/N (Author’s note):
“It hurts (and feels good).”

“I want to go home (and do something worse in the dorm).”

Lucia say’s shes happy in her own way.

Translator Note

T/N (Translator’s note):
I’m—gonna die… aa