Ch.481The Reason I Cannot Become a Saint

The first thing I needed to address was that I had no intention of announcing this stigmata.

Obviously, if people found out I had received the Stigmata of Astraea, they’d all demand I become a saint.

That might be fine for someone who dreamed of sainthood from the beginning, but for me, it was nothing short of being saddled with an unwanted burden.

“The Holy Solar Alliance would try to draw me in by any means necessary. Their only weakness was having no saint candidate, and here I am appearing out of nowhere. They’d put me at the forefront to seize control of the Holy State. …Not a pleasant thought.”

“Wouldn’t it be the greatest honor if you, Lady Median, were to assume the position of saint?”

Ceylon asked carefully, standing at attention before me.

Honor? That might be honorable for people of the Holy State.

“I’m an imperial noble, not a citizen of the Holy State. I have mountains of work to do and can’t afford to be held up in the Holy State. Neither Emperor Leopold nor Lord Ludwig von Landenburg would stand for it.”

Of course not. It would be like losing their most important military asset to another country—Leopold wouldn’t just sit back and allow it.

Even Lord Wien, who doesn’t get along with me, would oppose my being forced to naturalize to the Holy State.

“Besides, becoming a saint that way would just mean being manipulated by the cardinals. I have a decisive disqualification anyway.”

“A disqualification, my lady?”

I tapped the bandaged stigmata and explained to Ceylon the critical reason why I needed to hide it.

While I had received the stigmata, I couldn’t manifest holy light.

“No, that can’t be possible…?”

It must have been quite a shock, as Ceylon asked with a bewildered expression if he could examine the stigmata’s condition.

Thinking his reaction was reasonable given his position, I once again exposed my upper chest to show him the stigmata.

Ceylon looked down at the stigmata with a reverent expression completely different from before, and emitted a faint holy light from his fingertips, channeling it into the golden scale pattern.

– Whoosh!

At that moment, my stigmata also emitted an intense golden light in response to Ceylon’s holy light.

Fortunately, we were in a tent without windows—otherwise, the paladins would have come rushing in again.

“The amplification of holy light… the power of the stigmata seems normal. However, I don’t understand how you cannot manifest holy light despite this.”

“Well, maybe it’s because I’m not from a priestly background? Or perhaps because I’m not from the West. My faith is quite different from yours.”

A faith that acknowledges the existence of gods but refuses to submit or obey them.

To put it bluntly, a mindset that regards gods not as objects of worship but merely as incredibly powerful beings.

Unless I changed this mindset, there was no way for me to manifest holy light.

And without brainwashing, there was no way my deeply rooted core beliefs would change.

“Anyway, this is why I can’t step forward as a saint candidate. Whenever my opinions differ from the cardinals’, they’ll cling to this point and try to hold me back at every turn. At best, I’d end up as their puppet.”

Whether to maintain their own power… or out of religious duty to properly guide and nurture someone lacking in saintly education to become the ‘right’ kind of saint.

Either way, it wasn’t something I welcomed, and the latter motivation would be impossible to overcome.

Since their motivation stemmed from sincere religious devotion without malice, they wouldn’t give up until death.

“The Eastern faith… though I cannot comprehend such a concept, seeing that Astraea bestowed her stigmata upon you despite your beliefs, I must assume this too is part of her will.”

“If only everyone thought like you, things would be easier.”

But how could they?

A divine messenger unable to wield divine power—even to me, it seemed truly contradictory and anomalous.

—-

Ceylon didn’t seem completely convinced, but he promised to respect my wish to keep the stigmata hidden.

Though he said he would have to tell Cardinal Jaisus.

“His Eminence strictly follows Astraea’s will, so if you wish to keep this private, he will respect that.”

Well… would he really?

Honestly, I wasn’t so sure.

“Cardinal Jaisus is also a member of the Holy Solar Alliance. He’s the one who sent you to help Wilhelm. I find it hard to trust him.”

What if he announces it immediately upon hearing Ceylon’s report?

Making it impossible for me to back out?

“His Eminence joined the Holy Solar Alliance not out of self-interest, but to maintain order and balance in the Holy State. He believed that if the three most powerful churches cooperated, other churches would follow suit without rash actions. Looking at the current situation, that judgment was mistaken… but regardless, he’s not someone who would ignore or force your intentions.”

“Hmm…”

I’m not sure if I can believe that.

Trusting Ceylon and trusting his assessment of someone are completely different matters.

“Besides, if I don’t tell His Eminence about you, he would never accept the Holy Army’s retreat.”

“Is that so? Then I suppose there’s no choice.”

I’ll have to trust him once.

It’s not like I have a better alternative.

I put out my finished cigarette in the ashtray and crossed my legs in the opposite direction.

I already had a new cigarette between my fingers.

“If he learns about my stigmata, how do you think Cardinal Jaisus will react?”

“Well… he won’t withdraw from the Holy Solar Alliance at this point. The balance of power would collapse immediately. Instead, he’ll cease hostilities toward you and likely transfer governance rights of Arad to you. There could be no more pious act than having a city blessed by Astraea governed by someone who bears her favor.”

…I was planning to leave after this matter is settled.

If he transfers governance to me, won’t it just become a city of the Church of Kranus with only my name attached?

I’ll have to discuss this with Lacy later.

“Other than that… he’ll probably send a priest to explain our church’s doctrines to you. So you can better understand Her will.”

So I can’t avoid studying doctrine after all.

At least I’ll have a private tutor instead of being dragged to a cathedral for education…

“Can’t you just do that yourself?”

I glanced up at Ceylon as I asked.

He seemed much better than some stuffy priest.

As a Judge, he must know their doctrine well, and we communicate well together.

“Me, my lady?”

Ceylon’s eye twitched.

His expression was half honored, half troubled—like he wanted to but couldn’t.

“Would that be difficult?”

“Well… as a High Judge, it would be difficult for me to remain by your side without special reason. Guarding the heir of the stigmata would be an unparalleled honor and clear justification, but since you’ve decided not to announce this… my accompanying you would raise many suspicions.”

Ceylon took a deep breath before continuing.

“Especially… there would be many impious people who would connect this to the unfortunate incident that occurred earlier.”

Earlier…?

Ah, he means when the paladins burst in.

Come to think of it, I could see how this might lead to misunderstandings.

An imperial noblewoman with no connection to Astraea always accompanied by her Judge, and rumors that the two were caught doing something in a secluded place with undergarments showing…

Damn it.

“Hah…”

I took a very deep drag of my cigarette.

The ember at the tip glowed brightly as it burned halfway down in an instant.

To be honest, such rumors wouldn’t die down even if Ceylon stopped accompanying me.

If we stay together, rumors of a deep relationship would spread; if we separate, rumors that I was just his plaything would circulate.

They might not talk about it openly, but still.

No, wait. I hadn’t even considered it, but if Ceylon withdraws his forces now, even worse rumors might spread.

Something like how I “negotiated” with the Judge in “that way” to make him retreat.

Rather than suffer such misunderstandings, I might as well…

—-

“Haaah…”

I exhaled the smoke in a long stream.

My head hurt and my stomach churned.

Discomfort and nausea flowed out with the smoke.

The best solution I could think of was to accept what I had been avoiding all along.

“Let’s just acknowledge it. After thinking it through, that seems like the best option.”

“Acknowledge what, my lady? Wait, surely not…!”

Seeing Ceylon’s startled reaction as he understood my meaning, I chewed on the end of my cigarette and answered.

“Let’s announce that we’re in a… romantic relationship. At least that way, I won’t be called promiscuous. And you can naturally stay by my side.”

Ceylon’s jaw dropped as he slumped down.

He looked half-dazed.

I looked down at him, mentally reviewing the benefits of such an announcement.

Trying to convince myself.

Ceylon would suddenly become the Judge who withdrew his army because of his lover and would be severely criticized, but that would still be better than being suspected of retreating due to “physical negotiations.”

As for me, I could keep Ceylon close as a confidant instead of whatever priest Cardinal Jaisus might send to torment me.

With an official… partner, rumors about being the “Emperor’s concubine” or talks of political marriage would disappear.

Lord Wien would reduce his vigilance against me, Millia would be relieved…

It would even provide minimal justification for me—who had abandoned the paladin position of Elpinel and had no connection to the Holy State—to remain involved with the Holy State.

It was extremely unpleasant… but many problems could be solved just by my enduring this.

Yes, think positively.

It’s just a fake relationship anyway, right?

Later… I can explain everything later.