Chapter 46

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Content Warning

Small content warning, slightly nsfw! The first of it’s kind— well, not really. Anyways, read the chapter at your own discretion!

Let’s go pay a visit to another patient.

Though I’m a patient myself.

If I stay alone, I feel like I might do something reckless.

I felt languid, maybe because of the drugs circulating freely throughout my body.

If it weren’t for the fact that I was in a hospital room, I might’ve cut my wrist open and savored the spurting blood.

My heart pounded.

My chest throbbed like that of a girl falling in love.

My face flushed, and I unconsciously rubbed my thighs together.

It was similar to the feeling of self-harm, but subtly different.

A strange laughter escaped me as I felt myself floating.

My body felt hot.

My clothes were drenched in cold sweat, but I didn’t find it unpleasant.

Lying on the bed, staring blankly at the ceiling, I’d occasionally feel a shiver run down my spine.

‘Self-harm… No, I want to… masturbate…’

It’s been a month since I became Lucia.

For the first time, I wanted to… masturbate.

To be precise, I wanted to self-harm and masturbate simultaneously.

I wanted to snap my fingers, one by one.

Like chopping up ingredients on a cutting board.

And then, with a severed finger, I’d touch myself… Ah, why am I having these thoughts?

“Haa…”

I pulled the blanket over my head, holding my breath underneath.

My chest hurts. Physically.

I lightly tapped my fingers against my swollen chest.

Regina’s drug… What an intense effect.

It was supposed to be something to accelerate regeneration, and yet here I am.

I wonder how much more stimulating the drug would be if used as intended.

Just imagining it made my hips twitch.

Now I understand why addicts can’t quit drugs.

“Ugh…”

Taking the antidote cleared my mind for a bit.

But it was only temporary. Soon, desire would surge up, driving me mad.

Lucia was already a girl filled with lustful thoughts, and with drugs in the mix, it was even harder to keep my mind straight.

If I used super regeneration to dilute the drugs in my system, I’d be able to escape these urges quickly… but I was reluctant because it felt oddly pleasant.

Right, well. It’s not like this will last forever—just a few days.

Considering I used to battle self-harm urges every night, it’s not all that different now.

It’s just that the urges are a little stronger.

‘Self-harm…masturbation…self-harm…masturbation…my lower body hurts…this is torture…’

What kind of drug did she give me?

Is this really supposed to accelerate my regeneration?

Or was it just an aphrodisiac?

I stayed awake, staring blankly, watching the sunlight rise through the window as I let out a labored breath.

I felt good. Dazed, as though I was walking through a dream. A bashful smile crept onto my face.

But at the same time, I was miserable.

I wanted to satisfy my desires, but I couldn’t.

The tension kept building, making it harder and harder to control myself.

But this wasn’t a dormitory; it was a hospital, bustling with nurses and other patients right on the other side of the wall.

If I stayed alone like this, I might really do something I’d regret.

Being alone was dangerous…

Overcome by impulse, I left my room in a hurry.

But once I was out, I realized I had nowhere to go.

I thought about taking a walk, but then an idea struck me.

A hospital visit.

Yes, a visit.

It would be better to talk to someone than just wandering around the hospital alone.

“There were two teachers and three students who were hospitalized, right?”

Angelica, Si-ul.

Eugene, Leo, and Lucia.

As I considered who to visit, the first person who came to mind was Eugene.

Meeting a girl right now wouldn’t be a good idea.

Even though I’m in Lucia’s body, my mind is still a man’s.

Meeting a mature beauty like Angelica in my current state… Heh, hehe~♡

And besides, Lucia is a heroine, right?

And a heroine should check on the protagonist first!

It wasn’t difficult to find Eugene’s hospital room.

I asked a passing nurse, and she told me Eugene’s room wasn’t far from mine.

What surprised me was Eugene was in a double room, unlike me who had a private room.

Peeking in, I saw that he was with Leo.

Hmm, maybe they put the two male students together?

If another female student had been hospitalized, I might’ve shared a double room as well.

“Excuse me.”

I lowered my voice and carefully opened the door to the hospital room.

It was a hospital room with a white ceiling, just like the single room I’d been in.

The difference was that there were two beds instead of one, and the room was a bit more spacious.

Maybe because it was still early, I could hear the steady sound of breathing.

But it wasn’t as if both of them were asleep.

A black-haired boy sat on the bed to the door’s right, eyes closed, and sitting upright.

He was repeatedly clenching and unclenching his hand.

“…Hmm.”

He was so immersed in himself, entirely focused inwardly, that he didn’t even notice I’d come in.

His eyelids trembled slightly. I could roughly guess what he was doing.

It was image training.

In the novel, Eugene would often revisit his past experiences in his mind.

He would reflect on his shortcomings and mentally replay his simulations over and over again.

By simulating scenarios countless times, he’d be able to respond more flexibly when facing similar scenarios.

That’s how he would mature and grow stronger.

It didn’t seem right to disturb him while he was concentrating.

Leo was asleep… and besides, I wasn’t particularly close to him.

Should I just leave?

…Hmm.

No.

As long as I didn’t disturb him, it should be fine, right?

I decided to wait quietly until he finished his image training.

Moving carefully to avoid making noise, I crept closer.

I sat down on the chair next to his bed. There was a slight sound in the process, but Eugene didn’t flinch or lose focus.

Just how deeply absorbed was he that he didn’t even notice someone sitting nearby?

I rested my chin in my hands and gazed at Eugene.

Bandages peeked out from under his hospital gown, likely covering the injuries he’d sustained in his battle with the monster.

Medical tapes were plastered all over his face.

Looking at him like this, he seemed like an ordinary high school student—aside from being rather good-looking.

With his gentle, puppy-like expression, this guy would one day become the hero who saves the world…

Flinch.

‘…Huh?’

I felt something strange.

Was it just my imagination?

I shook my head and looked back at Eugene.

My gaze naturally fell on Eugene’s right hand, the one he was repeatedly clenching and unclenching.

It was rough, covered in calluses—a hand that couldn’t be called beautiful by any stretch.

Just seeing those hands gave me an idea of how much blood, sweat, and effort Eugene must have poured in.

Since his awakening five years ago, he hadn’t missed a single day of training, no matter how difficult it was.

Even now, while hospitalized and unable to physically train, he still practiced through image training.

I couldn’t say much about anything else, but that unyielding perseverance was something to be admired.

Flinch.

‘Again…’

I thought being around someone else might dull the ache, so I’d left my room, but it wasn’t helping much.

No, if anything, it felt even stronger…

‘Come to think of it, his fingers… they’re really hard and thick…’

I thought of this involuntarily.

The way he clenched and unclenched his fist… reminded me of that time.

I could still vividly feel the sensation in my mouth.

It was so hot, thick, and large… Ugh, why does it sound so weird when I put it like that?

I’m talking about his fingers.

Nothing else.

I mean, nothing else! Ugh, begone, wicked thoughts!

Flinch.

Sweat trickled down Eugene’s cheek, clinging to his jawline.

It dropped down with a tiny plop.

My eyes instinctively followed the falling droplets.

There was a faintly sharp smell.

Looking closely, I noticed Eugene was covered in sweat.

Occasionally, a spark would appear at his fingertips, only to vanish again. Just how intensely focused was he?

‘The smell…’

Without realizing it, I leaned forward.

His bare neck glistened with sweat.

Gulp.

I wanted to bite it. To savor the salty taste of sweat and the metallic tang of blood in my mouth.

And I wanted him to bite me back. Tear into my neck until the bone showed, letting warm blood gush out.

Flinch.

Something felt wrong.

My body was abnormally heated.

I’d always run at a higher temperature, but now it felt like I was burning with a fever.

Even the slightest relaxation made my waist tremble.

I pressed my arm against my chest, trying to pull myself back.

I felt a soft, yielding sensation. For some reason, the tips of my chest felt slightly firm.

I wiggled my toes and blinked.

My breathing became slightly rough.

The pounding of my heartbeat echoed right in my ears.

“Haa…”

I shouldn’t disrupt Eugene’s focus, but I let out a noise without meaning to.

Fortunately, this wasn’t enough to break Eugene’s concentration. I exhaled in relief, stealing glances at him from the side.

His eyes were tightly shut.

His nose stood sharp and defined.

His lips were firmly pressed together.

…To think I’d be saying this about a guy, but…

Isn’t he kind of… alluring?

‘Oh no.’

The heat that started in my chest surged up to my face.

Even without a mirror, I knew. My face must be burning red right now.

By this point, even someone dense would realize.

‘I’m… aroused…?’

By a guy?

This heat simmering inside me—I’ve been like this since yesterday.

It wasn’t surprising anymore. This will continue until Regina’s drug leaves my system.

I’d come out here because I thought I’d lose control if I stayed alone.

The reason I hadn’t sought out Angelica or Si-ul was because of this too.

In this state, seeing women as beautiful as them would only heighten my excitement.

But…

Here I was, eyeing a guy?

Watching a man sweat?

Really?

Even if Lucia’s body came with strange quirks, my fundamental identity was still that of a male.

Right? A month as a girl shouldn’t be enough to change my orientation.

But if I’m reacting to a guy… that just means Lucia’s body is extremely worked up.

‘Like that time I first snuck out at night as a bunny girl…’

Lucia’s mind, filled with lust and impulse, loses reason and self-control.

I almost lost it at that time too… Ugh, this isn’t good. I came out to avoid trouble, but this could lead to something even worse.

Thinking about it, I do like to be watched, don’t I?

And I came out without a second thought. I guess the drug’s got my brain all scrambled.

I need to get out of here.

I thought I’d be fine since it was a guy, but I underestimated Lucia’s… tendencies.

For now, I should go back to the room and try to calm down somehow.

And if nothing else works, maybe I’ll just use super regeneration to—

“Lucia…?”

I was halfway out of my seat when it happened.

Eugene looked at me with wide, startled eyes.

Slowly, I slumped back into the chair, unable to stop myself from sitting down with a heavy thud.

I waved awkwardly, forcing a smile.

“A-Ahaha… Hey?”

Oh no…

My underwear… it’s soaked…

What am I supposed to do…?

 

Author Note

I don’t think anything obscene is okay!

Don’t you all think so?

Translator Note

Scarily close to the r19 tag, author. Heh.