Ch.437IF Side Story: Seems I’ve Arrived a Bit Early (134)

Still, my feelings about Mako were just relief.

In any case, I remember that in the original work, there was only that one description of a student from Hanakawa High School dying.

There are many students attending school. There are about thirty students in each class, and many classes per grade. Just counting the number of students at Hanakawa High School, it’s in the four digits.

But that doesn’t mean no one would notice if one student died.

While there are hundreds of students in each grade, each class has around thirty students. And each class has its own friend groups, and naturally, as those relationships intertwine, rumors spread quickly.

If someone died or went missing, even if other grades didn’t know, students in the same grade would definitely have known.

I’m not sure if Mako was involved in that way in the original work, but regardless of what actually happened, that cause has disappeared.

At least I could rest easy about that worry.

…However, that’s just my feelings about Mako, and by extension, my feelings about my friends.

Mako wasn’t the only one worried about me.

Kagami arrived a little later than Mako.

Did she stop to talk with someone on the way? Or was there another reason?

No, the news about me probably reached Kagami late in the first place. Sometimes communication gets complicated, and the information reaches the person who really needs to know last.

“…Mom.”

When I called out to Kagami, Mako quickly stood up from her seat. Yuka seemed to move a bit further away from us for some reason.

Only Koko remained, still sleeping beside me.

Fortunately, my body is fine now. Not a single wound. So what Kagami sees is just the usual me.

Dad followed behind her, taking a position near the door of the hospital room.

Kagami silently approached me and sat down in the chair.

Her hand rested on top of mine.

“Are you okay?”

“…Yeah.”

I answered that way because I really was fine, but—

“It hurt a lot, didn’t it?”

Kagami caught me off guard.

I couldn’t help but part my lips slightly at her words.

I couldn’t bring myself to lie. Even with this body, getting hit or cut still hurts. I’m not sure if it hurts as much as it does for others, but it hurt nonetheless.

I didn’t want to lie to Kagami about something like this.

Kagami reached out and embraced me.

“…”

No one spoke words of blame.

As if thinking everything was her fault and bearing it all, Kagami just silently held me.

The warmth of her embrace gave me much more relief than when I had thought “thank goodness” earlier.

That’s why I didn’t know how to react.

Kagami just stroked my head over and over, without making a sound, as if she didn’t want to let me go.

No one in the room could speak.

*

*

*

I want to believe it’s not my fault.

That it’s just our innate destiny, just bad luck.

For me, for Kotone, for Koko.

That we were just unlucky to be born into such a family—to be born as my daughters, experiencing such things.

But no matter how much I think about it, no matter how many times I reconsider, it’s ultimately my fault.

If I had taken in the child I first gave birth to, if I had just acknowledged that helpless little being as my child, Koko wouldn’t have had to endure all those years in nothingness.

If she had stayed in that house.

Would things have been better than they are now?

“…”

No.

Probably not.

Kotone wouldn’t have been Kotone.

The Kotone who was always so decisive even at a young age, who never caused trouble despite growing up under my inadequate care, who flourished on her own even though I couldn’t do anything for her—she wouldn’t have existed.

She would have lived merely as an offering with a body to be sacrificed to a god. Eventually, her body would have ceased to be her own, and she wouldn’t have been able to be held warmly in my arms like this.

Koko wouldn’t have been Koko.

She wouldn’t have been the adorable child who clings to me with such lovely expressions as she does now. If Kosuzu had raised her, she would surely have turned Koko into a tool for murder.

…Yes, it’s thanks to Kotone.

If it weren’t for Kotone, we three—mother and daughters—would never be as we are now.

What should I do?

Should I leave Kotone as she is? Should I just watch her as someone with such a profession?

Kotone always says she’s fine.

I wish she would cry in my arms, telling me that nothing is fine, that it’s been too hard.

With an expression that always seems to be hiding something, Kotone always just says she’s fine…

“…”

Turning my head slightly, I look at Kotone’s friend leaning against the window.

When our eyes meet, Yuka flinches and averts her gaze. She seems to be looking out the window, but she’s clearly conscious of my gaze.

I tried to live normally.

But I couldn’t. With nothing I could do, neither Kotone nor Koko has been able to live a normal life.

So I thought.

I too was once a person who could contain such a body.

So, if I could get someone’s help, somehow…

Would that be okay?

Knowing that the reason Kotone suffers so much is because she wants to protect our family, would it be okay for me to step forward?

I don’t know.

Just like when I held tiny Kotone and ran, when it was so cold that the warmth of the baby in my arms was the only warmth I had, even now I don’t know anything.

I just want to keep running away from something.

But Kotone has already grown too big for me to carry and run. Now we have Koko too.

How far can we run?

How far can we escape?

Can we live the life we’ve longed for by running away?

I don’t know.

But still.

I don’t intend to give up.

Because Kotone hasn’t given up until now.

*

*

*

I was planning to go back to school the next day, but under Kagami’s strong insistence, I ended up taking a day off.

I just told the school that I suddenly wasn’t feeling well. I couldn’t tell them I was fighting yokai.

Kagami also took a day off from work.

She took fruits from the basket Mako had brought, peeling them one by one slowly and carefully, placing them on the plate beside me.

I picked up the fruit with a fork and ate it slowly.

It was sweet and delicious. I don’t know much about food ingredients, but judging by the taste, this seemed like quite an expensive fruit basket.

I thought Kagami would say something, but she didn’t say anything.

She just smiled gently whenever our eyes met.

There was no trace of fatigue or sadness in that smile. It was just a calm face that told me I was Kagami’s daughter.

Koko insisted this morning but eventually headed to school with Yuka and Mako. It was almost heartbreaking to see her looking back at me several times as she left the hospital room.

“…Mom.”

“Kotone.”

Only after I called Kagami did she respond.

“I’m… sorry.”

“No, Kotone.”

Kagami gently shook her head.

“There’s no one who needs to apologize.”

Well, I guess that’s true.

The yokai that should be sorry is gone now.

“However, Kotone.”

Kagami spoke softly.

“Is there… anything you know?”

“Anything I know?”

“Yes, anything at all.”

Yesterday, Kagami had held me for a long time, and she stayed in the hospital room until this morning.

But during that time, she was lost in thought and didn’t say anything.

She would smile gently when our eyes met and stroked my head several times, but that was it.

“Anything at all?”

I felt a burning sensation inside at Kagami’s question.

“Hanakawa High School isn’t a school that comes to mind easily.”

Kagami said as she left a bit of apple peel to make a shape like a rabbit with its ears slightly folded.

“It was in the neighborhood where we lived, but Kotone never once said she wanted to go to Hanakawa High School. If you wanted to attend the same school as Mako or other friends, there would have been ways to arrange that.”

“…”

“So, I thought maybe… for whatever reason, Kotone might know something.”

She probably had been curious for a long time. The only reason Kagami hadn’t brought it up until now was because she was afraid I would be uncomfortable.

“Can you tell me?”

I kept my mouth shut for a while, then said,

“I do know a little something.”

I answered like that.

After all this, there was no way I could keep hiding it.

Kagami’s hand stopped.

“About the future, a little.”

“I see.”

Kagami wasn’t surprised. Though it could be an act.

“Yeah, it’s… not my future. I just know a certain story. So I thought if I stayed within that story, I might figure out a way to avoid it.”

That’s what I said.

In truth, I don’t know. How things will turn out.

But still.

I couldn’t make Kagami worry more.

Just knowing that I know how it ends might give her some peace of mind.

“Avoid it?”

“Yeah. Because there are people targeting us.”

“…”

Kagami started moving her hand again.

“Can we avoid it?”

“…Yeah. Probably.”

Because that’s what I intended to do.

If possible, I wanted to not just avoid them but overcome them.

“I see.”

Kagami nodded.

“You believe me?”

“Yes, I’ll believe you.”

“Just like that?”

“…I’m Kotone’s mother.”

Kagami looked up again.

This time too, Kagami was smiling.

But she couldn’t completely hide the sadness beneath.

I pretended not to notice that sadness and ate the fruit as nonchalantly as possible.

…I didn’t think it had gone well.