Ch.41Corpse Collecting (8)

I’m sorry, Ash.

The truth is, I knew.

Long before I told you to search the carriage alone, I had already noticed.

My ears, trained from hunting, had already heard men approaching from far away.

At first, I was going to warn you, of course.

But when I saw your face calmly asking me “What’s wrong?”, I realized this was an opportunity.

I know, it’s terrible.

I know it well.

How could I not?

How could I not know what that curse can do?

But don’t misunderstand me, Ash.

I didn’t intend to put you in danger.

Really.

I was secretly watching over you.

I was ready to help immediately if Ash was in danger.

But there was no need.

Ash tearing innocent people to pieces.

Killing people by fearlessly using magic that you had only studied in theory because you couldn’t practice in public.

Your fox burning people to death.

I kept watching, and watching.

It was truly horrific.

It hurt my heart so much.

You know.

I am a hero,

I’ve dedicated my entire life to protecting people.

Don’t think I enjoyed watching innocent people die, caught up in the curse.

I still have nightmares about the screams of the Millwood villagers.

But, you know.

Ash.

I would never tell you this,

But honestly, it was a bit impressive.

I was ready to help if things got dangerous, but you fought brilliantly.

It was a hellish scene with blood spraying everywhere, staining the grass and leaves bright red, but I was so surprised to see you fighting in your element.

My heart raced a little seeing this rough side of you for the first time.

Perhaps you never lacked talent, but rather the resolve to hurt others.

Ah, of course, that gentleness is your charm.

I’m not suggesting you should walk a path filled with fighting and bloodshed like mine.

Just… it was impressive.

That’s all.

I’m sorry, Ash.

I know.

How you must be feeling right now.

All the way back to the cabin, I could tell how terrible emotions were gripping you as you trembled, clutching my arm tightly with one hand and your father’s keepsake with the other.

Confused, afraid, desperate, pained, hurt, wounded, terrified, tormented, disgusted, nauseated, sad, shocked, anxious, uncomfortable, resentful, uneasy, pitiful, depressed, miserable, gloomy, and feeling like you might go insane…

You must be suffering from such complex and heavy guilt.

I know.

Because I’ve been there.

But, Ash.

I would never tell you this, but if someday you discover what I’ve done, I hope you’ll understand me.

You said it yourself.

That sharing the same time, same space, and same experiences makes people “family.”

You’re so smart, Ash.

That explanation instantly resolved all my questions about the definition of family.

So I was going to wait.

We’re already sharing the same space.

I believed that as we accumulated time and experiences together, we would eventually become family.

Of course, as you know, there’s only one way for us to become family.

It’s embarrassing… so embarrassing that I could never say it out loud,

But I’m completely fine with you, Ash.

But.

You said you had a fiancée.

It was just a verbal promise, but you still had a fiancée.

So why did you treat me that way?

Why?

Did you think I would devour you if you didn’t stay on my good side?

Did you think I would chase you out into the forest?

That’s a huge insult to the character and achievements of Silvia the hero.

I’m not that kind of person.

I’m a hero.

Ash.

Even without you fawning over me like some male courtesan, I would have let you stay in my home.

No, I’m sorry.

That was harsh, even though you’re not hearing this directly.

Perhaps you’re just kind and gentle to everyone.

Yes, I know.

But then, fuck, why do you cook for me?

Why do you look so happy when I enjoy your food?

That’s fucking seduction, isn’t it?

Am I wrong?

Honestly, I’ve been tempted so many times to flip the table and rush at you to tear off your clothes,

Well,

Of course, clothes are precious in this forest where we can’t find any fabric, so I would never do that.

But, Ash.

You’re too defenseless.

Or perhaps you’re trying to seduce me.

You male courtesan.

No, that’s not it.

Ahem, anyway.

You can’t survive in this forest like that.

You need to keep your senses sharp in dangerous places.

Don’t blame me.

If you had noticed people coming from afar, this wouldn’t have happened.

No,

That’s not right.

I’m sorry.

It’s my fault. I know.

I never meant to blame you.

Ash.

But you know.

Now we “share an experience,” don’t we?

I’ve been thinking about it, and I realized that what keeps me from leaving this forest isn’t the curse.

It’s the experience of having to kill people driven mad by the curse with my own hands that binds me to this forest.

Because such a thing must never happen again.

And now, Ash, you’ve had that experience too.

Do you understand?

Can you now understand a little of the despair I felt?

I hope so.

We now live in the same space and have shared a very rare kind of experience.

Right?

Who else would have experienced slaughtering so many people outside of a battlefield?

Probably just the two of us, right?

Isn’t that hellish landscape something only we know?

Isn’t that guilt something only we feel?

An experience shared by only us two, that no one else has ever had!

The three conditions for family.

Same time

Same space

Same experience

We’ve already fulfilled two of these three, so perhaps we can skip over time?

Can we say we’re family now?

Don’t you think so, Ash?

Knock knock.

Yes. I’ve been waiting.

Ash.

Just as you’ve figured out what kind of person I am, I’ve also figured out what kind of person you are.

Ash has strong mental fortitude yet a tender heart, and while you have backbone, you’re also quite the coward.

So I knew that after such a horrific experience, you would never be able to sleep alone,

I knew you would come to my room by now,

I knew aaaall of it.

Knock knock knock

Wait.

I’ll make you wait a little longer before opening.

So you’ll desire me more desperately.

Now.

Ash.

Go ahead and beg,

Won’t I open the door?

Quickly.

Knock knock knock knock.

“Si… Silvia. Are… are you already asleep?”

Cute thing.

“Si, Silvia, Miss Silvia! Please… please.”

Wait, I’m turning the doorknob.

Oh my, if you look so desperate, I’ll seem like such a cruel woman.

It’s okay, I’m here.

I’ll open it right now.

Creak.

“Ash? What’s wrong?”

“… Si, Silvia… miss…”

“Ash? What’s the matter?”

“…Si, Sil….”

“…Ash.”

Come here.

Look, I’m opening my arms.

Even a four-year-old would understand what that means.

Surely our clever Ash wouldn’t miss it?

Come on.

“Ugh, hnngh, ugh,”

“I know… it was really hard…”

That’s right, that’s right.

Yes, just fall into my arms like that.

Ah, this scent.

Your smell.

Ash’s body that drives me crazy.

Your tears sparkle like glass beads, so beautiful.

Look at you trembling like a baby goat.

So adorable.

“Ash.”

“Silvia… miss…”

Don’t look up at me like that.

Don’t look up at me with those tear-filled eyes.

If you look at me like that with those red eyes just like mine,

I,

I don’t think I can hold back anymore.

I want to lay you down on the bed and lick every inch of your soft skin.

You know, Ash.

You’d be shocked if you knew my feelings, wouldn’t you?

But, you know.

I’m shocked too,

I’ve never felt this way before.

Not when I showered with boys during my harsh training years,

Not when I was surrounded by handsome noble sons at the academy,

Not during the journey to defeat the Demon Lord with countless adventurers who had impressive skills and tales.

I’ve never felt this urge before,

I’ve never felt these emotions before.

Because no one has ever treated me the way you do.

So, this is your fault, Ash.

Ah,

No.

I can’t stand it.

I’ll just hold you for a bit.

Don’t misunderstand,

I’m not having impure thoughts.

If I look into your eyes any longer, I might just devour you.

“Sorry, I thought you needed time alone.”

That’s a lie.

I know being alone makes you want to die.

Because that’s how it was for me.

I desperately, desperately wanted someone to comfort me, or no, just to be there silently beside me.

I understand your feelings better than anyone right now, Ash.

So don’t shake your head like that.

So cute, really.

“… Okay, let’s sleep together.”

Come in quickly.

I’m going to close the door.

This door won’t open again until tomorrow morning.

Let’s become family like this.

Ash.

You know, this is my first time too.

I’m really embarrassed.

I can’t say it now, but.

I think I like you a lot.

No,

I do like you.

I like you, Ash.

*

As soon as the door closed, Ash clung tightly to Silvia’s arm.

Silvia looked down at Ash silently for a moment.

Her hand slowly stroked his head.

Even with Silvia’s hand gently pressing on his head, Ash’s body still wouldn’t stop trembling.

Silvia slowly embraced Ash.

Since Ash’s clothes were completely soaked in blood, he was now wearing only a thin tunic that Silvia had prepared, without pants.

Silvia lifted Ash up in her arms.

Through the thin tunic, the texture of Ash’s soft skin transmitted directly to Silvia’s fingertips.

Silvia held Ash tightly.

Ash also embraced Silvia with all his might.

“Ash. Are you cold?”

Ash didn’t answer.

He just held onto Silvia tightly.

She wondered if this was really all the strength he had, but seeing Ash embracing her so tightly that the veins in his neck stood out, it didn’t seem like an act.

The difference in strength, which she already knew about, felt even more vivid now.

Silvia found Ash even more adorable with his strength so insignificant compared to hers.

She smiled slightly and gently pushed Ash’s body away from her.

Ash’s eyes filled with distress and longing.

“No, it’s not like that. I don’t dislike it.”

Silvia reassured Ash in a gentle voice.

Then she slowly began to unbutton her nightgown.