Ch.41Chapter 41. Irene Juliet

* * *

Currently, Irene was at the top of the fortress wall on the northern side, which could only be reached by climbing the stairs.

To treat the wounded, she needed to leave the conference room and go down the stairs—

But due to her turbulent emotions, she needed a moment to calm herself.

She was gazing at the vast plain.

And—she was sensing her fate.

‘I’m… being abandoned.’

She had anticipated this future might come.

No matter how much she tried to reach out, no matter how much she tried to prove her loyalty.

Despite all her efforts, her lord, who should have been her sun, was more eager to push her away than to shine warm sunlight upon her.

No matter what achievements she made, they weren’t acknowledged, and no matter what she said, no one listened.

Nevertheless, she kept her father’s words in her heart and worked diligently to ensure her pride wouldn’t break.

Striking training dummies with her sword was quite good for clearing her mind of distracting thoughts, and somehow she endured with strong mental fortitude.

She wanted to burn brightly for her lord.

The more her lord disliked her, the more she wanted to show and prove her burning loyalty.

But—she wasn’t superhuman.

Her burning passion and will had become just a tiny spark, now precarious and ready to be extinguished by the slightest breeze.

In this state, receiving what was essentially a “go out and die” order from the lord she believed in and wanted to believe in until the end—

Even someone as strong as her couldn’t help but crumble.

But she tried not to think that way. She kept steadying her wavering heart again and again.

She clung to the vain hope that Lynn Brans might have given her an opportunity to achieve merit.

‘…Father…’

The face of her father, her only blood relative, came to mind.

What should I do now?

If the sword I took up to protect someone can no longer protect anyone… No.

If I’m not even allowed to protect someone… how should I live from now on?

The House of Juliette exists for the House of Brans.

Even for someone like her, who had lived by this principle as her golden rule, the situation was exhausting.

‘…’

If I stay here until the end and fight to the last, will they recognize me?

Will Lynn eventually… understand that I worked hard for her?

If I’m captured but refuse to surrender… if I remain loyal until death, will my sincere heart finally reach her?

Thinking this way suddenly made her feel like crying, but she held back.

Even if abandoned, she wanted to keep her father’s dying wish until the end.

Even if she died fighting for her lord to the end.

If that was her fate, it would be right to accept it.

But why did her heart ache so much?

She thought to herself.

If only there was just one person.

Just one person who recognized how hard she was trying, how earnestly she worked for recognition…

And then.

“So this is where you were.”

“…!!!”

Lost in thought, Irene was startled and looked toward the voice.

There stood Swen, the handsome white-haired man she had spent quite some time with.

“I went to where the wounded were, but you weren’t there. It took me some time to find you.”

“S-Swen… why are you here…?”

“Hmm? Well, I came to see you, Irene.”

Ah.

Perhaps he came to say his final farewell.

Come to think of it, she had grown quite attached to Swen.

Though they ended up living together unintentionally at first, the memory wasn’t bad for Irene.

The human warmth she had always craved—just feeling that made living together quite enjoyable.

Besides, wasn’t he almost the only person in the Brans army who believed in her?

“…I see. Have you come to say your final farewell? I’ve always felt you had a kind side to you.”

She forced a smile.

A somewhat pitiful smile that seemed like it might crumble at any moment.

Still, she tried not to waver.

She didn’t want to burden him with the weight she carried.

She didn’t want to trouble him, who had stayed with her all this time, with emotions she should endure alone.

“Swen. The time I spent with you wasn’t bad at all. I will never forget it. Make sure you protect the fortress. …But, if by chance… I don’t return to Anel Castle…”

As she said “if I don’t return to Anel Castle,”

her body trembled ever so slightly.

“Feel free to use everything in my house. There should be some things that would fetch a good price if sold.”

From what she had observed over the weeks, Swen was an extremely kind and gentle man.

When she was training alone, he would subtly take care of various things for her and often keep her company.

It couldn’t have been comfortable living with a higher-ranking officer of the opposite sex, yet he never once mentioned any discomfort.

Because he was a kind person, she thought he might try to stop her, asking her to apologize to the lord and request another chance.

If he tried to dissuade her that way…

She would have to ask him to leave, regretfully.

She was determined to hide her crumbling emotions and properly say goodbye.

After all, if Swen became deeply involved with her this way,

he would eventually fall out of Lynn Brans’s favor too… and face the same “inevitable fate” as herself.

That couldn’t happen. She couldn’t let Swen walk the same path as her.

But.

Swen uttered words that Irene hadn’t even anticipated.

“What? I don’t understand what you mean…”

“…Huh?”

“I’m not leaving. I’m staying here. Our lord told us to achieve merit, so shouldn’t we do as she says? Ah, Jack and Silin left first and asked me to convey their apologies and wish you good fortune.”

“What… are you saying?”

Irene asked Swen in shock, her face turning pale.

But he spoke in an extremely calm tone.

“I’m saying I’ll stay here with you to defend the fortress.”

“…What?”

Hearing those words, Irene’s voice began to tremble.

“Why? Why? Staying at this fortress means…”

Only then did she face the reality of her situation—

She stopped averting her eyes from the truth and spoke it aloud.

“…Staying here means… being abandoned by our lord.”

Yes.

She had known the truth.

The fact that her lord, Lynn Brans, whom she firmly believed in, had essentially ordered her to “die.”

And as soon as she acknowledged this fact—

Cracks began to form in her barely maintained composure.

“But why… Swen, why would you also stay here…”

“Abandoned? She told us to achieve merit, didn’t she? Shouldn’t we do as our lord commands?”

“No. I… Swen, if you’re doing this out of unnecessary sympathy, stop this foolishness right now—”

At that moment,

Swen placed his hand on Irene’s trembling arm.

She flinched slightly but didn’t reject his touch.

“Irene. I’m not staying here out of sympathy for you.”

“…!”

Irene looked into Swen’s eyes.

There was no trace of deception.

Far from it, she could even feel a kind of warmth.

The warm sunlight she had so desperately wanted from her lord but never received—

Ironically, she was feeling it from the subordinate officer standing before her.

If not out of sympathy, why stay?

Was Swen perhaps eager to achieve merit by any means necessary?

Ambitious subordinates often did whatever they could to impress their lords.

“But… if you want to achieve merit, there are safer and more certain paths. Trying to achieve merit where our lord doesn’t expect it will only—”

“Irene. Forgive me for interrupting.”

Swen looked directly into Irene’s eyes.

Unlike Irene’s wavering gaze, his eyes looking at her were remarkably clear.

“Though I serve in the Brans army… let me be honest. The reason I’m staying here to achieve merit is not for Lynn’s sake.”

“…W-what…?”

“It’s for you, Irene.”

“!!!”

Irene’s pupils dilated dramatically.

“I want to see the result where you defended the fortress, where you achieved merit that everyone would find hard to believe.”

“Me defending the fortress…? Why would you want such a result… what does it have to do with you…?”

Irene was flustered, her eyes trembling without direction.

Swen then told her words she would likely never forget for the rest of her life.

“Because you are the person I want to protect in this country.”

“!!!”

“I want to see you succeed spectacularly. I want to witness it firsthand and tell everyone: Everything Irene Juliette said, whom you all ignored, was right. She accomplished the impossible. Wouldn’t that change how they look at us?”

“…Swen.”

“So I absolutely cannot leave you behind. I apologize for saying so.”

Hearing those words, Irene’s body began to tremble violently.

Still, she somehow maintained her composure.

If Swen truly stayed for her sake rather than Lynn’s… she couldn’t let him follow her abandoned path.

“…Go back, Swen.”

Swen gave no answer.

Irene took several deep breaths slowly, then barely managed to speak.

Initially, she had intended to urge him to leave with refined language.

But Irene was now—

Revealing thoughts from deep within her heart that she had never shared with anyone.

Already half in tears, she barely managed to speak.

“Following me in the Brans army… you won’t be able to do anything. Even if you want to burn with passion and prove your loyalty, you can’t. No matter how hard you try, no matter how diligently you fan the dying embers in your heart… no one will acknowledge you. No one, including our lord. Even if I achieve merit, and even if you prove that I was right… no one will acknowledge it. Nothing.”

Yes.

She knew it too.

That no matter what she did, she would never be recognized.

But admitting that was too miserable.

A life trained only to serve the House of Brans seemed too worthless.

So she averted her eyes. She worked even harder. She endured every humiliating treatment.

But.

Her true feelings, which she had suppressed for so long, could no longer be hidden in the face of this man’s unhidden sincerity.

She wanted to prevent him from suffering any harm because of her.

“So… Swen, I can’t let you become like me… Please, I’m already too exhausted to burn what little flame I have left for this country. I can’t help you if you want to help me… If you stay by my side… you’ll surely suffer too—”

“Irene.”

Swen interrupted her words again—

But Irene didn’t mind.

No, rather… she thought perhaps she had been waiting her whole life for someone to have this conversation with.

“As I said earlier, I don’t particularly want to burn myself for the Brans army. Why would I follow people who didn’t care until your heart’s flame was almost extinguished?”

“That’s…”

“Besides, that flame hasn’t completely gone out yet, has it? That’s why you’re still trying to overcome this alone, bravely, without causing me any trouble. That’s just fine with me. I won’t ask you to protect me. Instead.”

After saying this, Swen—

Smiled the same smile he often showed at home and said:

“With your remaining spark, brew tea for us to share. From now on, always.”

“…!!!”

And then.

The tears she had been holding back began to flow, marking the beginning of the collapse of everything she had built up inside.

“…Hic.”

Irene buried her face in Swen’s chest.

Swen silently patted her back.

“…I, I…”

All the “lies” that had composed her began to crumble one by one.

The lies that it was okay even if no one acknowledged her.

That her feelings would eventually reach her lord.

That she would continue her father’s legacy, become a daughter he would be proud of, and eventually gain recognition from the House of Brans.

None of it was okay.

She knew her feelings would never reach them.

She knew they would never acknowledge her.

Only after the armor of lies protecting Irene was stripped away did the truth emerge.

…She had been lonely.

She was desperately lonely.

The reality that no one acknowledged her made her incredibly lonely.

And.

Only after removing the lies that had been covering her did she realize.

That this man before her was the only one who acknowledged her for who she was.

“Uhhh… hic, hic…”

Irene cried in Swen’s arms for a long time.

Swen comforted her until the end.

After all, no one else would come looking for them.

They spent a moment simply confirming each other’s warmth.

* * *

Time passed.

Swen continued to pat the back of the woman who had stopped crying.

“Are you feeling better now?”

“…Yes.”

After shedding all the tears she had been holding back, she felt as if a heavy burden had been lifted from her heart.

Why had she endured and persevered for a goal she knew was impossible to achieve?

Only after crying her heart out beside this man could she finally make somewhat objective judgments.

Irene turned her head slightly to look at Swen, who was patting her back.

He was handsome. Although she didn’t particularly value a man’s appearance, he was attractive enough to catch her eye.

But what strongly moved her heart at this moment wasn’t his handsome appearance.

Kindness. Gentleness.

The strength not to abandon her when she was cornered.

The warmth of his hand patting her back was too comforting.

When she was abandoned by Lynn Brans, she wondered how she should live.

Perhaps the answer to how she should live wasn’t far away.

For the first time in her life, she could think beyond the constraints of Brans.

It was an audacious thought she could never have had if he didn’t exist.

“I’m glad you’ve calmed down.”

“Yes.”

It was good to unburden herself and make a fresh start.

But in reality, the situation hadn’t changed.

After all, an army of over 30,000 was still marching toward them at this very moment.

Having regained her senses and assessed the situation, Irene looked at Swen with concern.

“Swen… isn’t staying here too dangerous? It might be a bit risky, but shouldn’t we abandon the fortress and flee? If you would defect to Serpina’s army, I would follow you—”

“No.”

Swen spoke in a tone full of conviction.

Thinking about it, she realized he had always been that way.

During the debate with Farfalle, when he insisted “troops should be sent to the north.”

When he said “we should prepare the soldiers we brought for deployment in advance.”

When he boldly stated “Irene is right” in front of many people.

And just now… when he told her “you are the person I want to protect in this country.”

Remembering this, she blushed and lowered her head.

Thump, thump.

Through the sound of her rapidly beating heart, Swen’s voice reached her.

“Didn’t I just tell you, Irene?”

Swen said with a confident smile.

To her, that smile seemed more splendid than anyone else’s.

“From now on, it’s time to achieve merit.”