Ch.3Chapter 3: No Time to Be Flustered

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I lost consciousness after taking a direct hit to the head with the flat of a blade, and I have no idea how much time has passed.

I opened my eyes.

And seeing the scene that greeted me…

“What the…”

I couldn’t help but express my confusion.

It was shocking enough to see a much younger version of Shizu, who had just plunged a holy sword into my stomach, but the sight before my eyes now was equally jarring.

An unfamiliar ceiling.

…No, I should correct myself. It’s actually a ceiling I know all too well.

It only felt unfamiliar because I hadn’t seen it for so long, but in reality, it’s a ceiling so familiar that I couldn’t forget it even if I tried.

A ceiling covered with pristine white wallpaper.

Walls just as neatly arranged as the ceiling, and the clean energy permeating the room.

There’s no doubt.

This place is…

“The infirmary at the Cradle.”

It’s hard to believe, but this is “The Cradle.”

This is where the children of prestigious families transcending generations hone themselves against one another, cultivating the mindset and capacity to become heroes.

It’s where they nurture the seed of heroism within themselves, awakening to become the pillars that support the world.

A place filled with countless memories.

It was where a certain boy, born into a family of warriors and eager to become a star that would illuminate his era, spent most of his teenage years.

But it was also the beginning of an endless series of misalignments, as he realized he had failed to achieve the awakening necessary to become a hero—that he was worth less than even the fragments that fall from a shooting star, let alone a star itself.

I’ve finally figured out where I am.

For a moment, I wanted to indulge in the mixed emotions of these memories.

But this wasn’t the time.

“Ugh!”

I raised myself from the bed.

There was something I needed to check.

“Ah!!”

…I got up with vigor, but as soon as my feet touched the floor, the lingering pain in my head resonated strongly. Still, it was bearable.

“I need to check.”

When you don’t know what’s going on, you need to look at one of the most objective indicators of your situation.

Namely, what I look like right now.

With that thought in mind, I quickly walked from the bed to a full-length mirror not far away.

“…”

The reflection I saw confirmed my suspicions beyond doubt, leaving my mouth hanging open in shock.

Red hair, deeper than the faint bloodstains on the bandages wrapped around parts of my head.

A fierce—no, I should be honest—a filthy gaze that symbolized the time when I was falling apart.

A physique that could only be described as inadequate compared to the body I had honed through relentless training until the brink of death.

And smooth skin, free of the numerous scars that had decorated my face from countless brushes with death.

I had to accept it.

“…It’s ten years ago.”

I’ve returned.

I don’t know what magic made this happen.

But I’ve returned.

To the past, ten years ago, when I was 18 years old.

The boy who wanted to become a star, pushing through the crowd of stars that illuminated the world while shining themselves.

I’ve returned to that truly pathetic moment just before I withered like a dying flower, realizing I was worth less than even star fragments, let alone a star—the moment when my inferiority complex exploded as I looked at my fiancée who had stained my bandages with faint bloodstains.

I don’t know what trick of fate this is.

Born in a human body, when I died for the first time, I was resurrected as an agent of the Demon God to become a being that burned the world.

And as if that wasn’t enough, upon facing my second death, I’ve incredibly traveled back in time.

“Hahahahaha…”

I just laughed.

Because it was so absurd.

I laughed endlessly.

Fortunately,

Despite laughing like a madman, there was no one else in this room to point out my behavior.

And beyond the door, in the corridor, there seemed to be no one around to react to my hollow laughter.

My first impression upon opening my eyes after traveling back in time was this depressing,

And incomparably bitter feeling.

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After finally composing myself and stopping the laughter that had flowed from my gaping mouth,

“Hmm…”

I let out a brief groan and moved away from the mirror to sit on the bed.

I needed to make sense of the situation somehow.

“I can’t deny the fact that I’ve returned.”

The pain that still occasionally throbs in my head is too real to be a dream.

The vivid reflection of my ten-year-younger self in the mirror.

Even the image of Shizu that I saw before losing consciousness, exactly as she looked ten years ago.

Even if I wanted to deny it, it was impossible to refute what I was seeing.

So I could naturally figure out exactly when in the past I had returned to.

“This is the day when a boy who dreamed of becoming a star was declared a mere fragment of one.”

This day from ten years ago was quite cruel to me.

It was the day my life plummeted to rock bottom as I confirmed once again that I could never awaken as a hero.

There’s one crucial element for a cadet who steps into the Cradle, the hero training institution, to become a proper hero who protects the world.

That element is called awakening.

Those born with the potential to become heroes awaken to their abilities, suited to their individual characteristics, becoming aware of their potential before their 18th birthday.

The conditions vary tremendously from person to person.

Some awaken while focusing on their studies at the Cradle as usual.

Others receive revelations through dreams while asleep and awaken.

Some even awaken with a sudden realization during life-or-death battles against monsters invading the Cradle.

Not only the conditions for awakening but also what one gains after awakening varies greatly.

Some receive divine weapons that appear, slicing through the air, to punish beings tainted by evil as a sign of their awakening.

Others gain divine power that shakes heaven and earth with each punch, immeasurably enhancing their already formidable physical abilities honed through training at the Cradle.

Some even have ancient magical techniques, lost a thousand years ago during the Demon God’s advent, etched into their minds.

For reference, Lillian Shizu, who hastened my second death, achieved an awakening that was untouchable even among these heroes.

While awakening once is enough to be recognized as a proper hero protecting humanity,

She gained three special gifts with a single awakening.

She obtained superhuman physical abilities beyond imagination from her beautiful body that captivated anyone who looked at her,

And simultaneously mastered the legendary sword technique “Radiance,” believed to have been lost even within the Ranos family, which the first great hero Lumen Ranos used against the Demon God’s army.

Even this would have been enough to make her an unparalleled hero.

But Shizu, truly a hero beloved by the gods, achieved yet another awakening.

The legendary holy sword Lumen, named after the hero, was forged by the finest blacksmiths of the era who poured their souls into creating it from the divine metal Divine Calibus—a blessing bestowed by divine beings who took pity on humanity united against the Demon God.

The appearance of Lumen, which sliced through the air to appear in her hand, was a symbol that announced to the world that she was the greatest hero of the era.

Her awakening occurred before her 18th birthday,

And all the hero awakening cases I mentioned earlier also happened before they turned 18.

By now, perceptive people would have realized, but I am an unqualified failure who couldn’t achieve awakening.

“Today until midnight is my birthday.”

Today is my birthday from ten years ago,

And also the day when a boy raised in a warrior family, who always dreamed of becoming a hero, completely broke down after facing an unbearable reality.

“…I didn’t just fall apart—I was utterly destroyed.”

I was just one step away from crossing the threshold, but I failed to cross it. Instead, I was knocked out by a blow from my fiancée who had already crossed that threshold and was walking the path of a proper hero. I gave up on myself, and all possibilities of becoming a hero were closed off.

This is one of my most painfully preserved memories.

Although the intensity of the bitterness remained the same, the emotional line that led me to that bitterness changed over time whenever I recalled this moment.

At first, I only remembered how my dreams were trampled, and I was filled with inferiority complex as I looked at her who had gone ahead of me.

Later, I was filled with regret as I recalled how I had stabbed each person who reached out to me during that difficult time with sharp verbal daggers, driven by malice.

“Haah…”

Another cold sigh escapes me.

My heart aches and burns every time I recall it, as if my blood runs cold.

If fate were to give me another chance by turning back time, there should be better moments than this. Why does fate play such a trick on me?

“Why don’t you explain if you know?”

In my hand is a pendant.

A pendant with a heart-shaped ruby that has lost much of its original red glow.

“I don’t remember wishing for time to be turned back.”

Before dying, I had made a desperate wish.

I wished that she, the hero who had illuminated my darkest period, would live the happiest life after everything was over.

The pendant hadn’t budged despite my desperate wishes born from inferiority and malice.

Ironically, as death approached, it seemed willing to grant the wish of a dying man. My mother’s keepsake, which had never stirred no matter how desperately I had wished before, began to shine so beautifully.

I knew immediately.

I remembered my mother’s words that the ruby would glow redder than its original color when granting a wish.

So I had hoped.

That I,

Who had only built up unwarranted inferiority while watching you shine brightly like a star illuminating the dark night sky,

Who had died once and been reborn as a being that burned the world against my will after falling and collapsing,

Who had even dared to point a sword at you when you tried to stop me,

Could at least feel a petty sense of satisfaction that I had done something for you at the cost of this worthless life as I turned to ash.

Seeing the glowing pendant, I could die without any regrets, but…

“This isn’t right…”

The wish pendant must have heard my wish through some sense other than hearing.

Otherwise, it wouldn’t have granted my wish in such a way.

“Nothing ever works out for me.”

Haah

Cold sighs flow ceaselessly.

“What am I supposed to do now?”

I’m at a loss.

Even if I accept that it misinterpreted my wish,

Why this period of all times?

“If I had to pick the ugliest period of my life, this would be at the top of my five fingers, and that wouldn’t even be enough.”

I vividly recall, word for word, what I’m about to do at this time.

What I did after being defeated by Shizu’s flat blade in the training ground.

Lying in the infirmary, realizing I would fail to awaken as a hero even after my 18th birthday, stewing in anger as I dwelled on my own powerlessness.

And what I said and did to you, who came running to the infirmary out of concern, forsaking the glory you should have had as the winner:

-So, my distinguished fiancée has come to witness the last moments of her pathetic fiancé at the Cradle?

-No, I… I…

-Do you really have to look at me with that condescending gaze to feel satisfied?!

-I’m sorry…

-If you’re sorry, then disappear from my sight!!

-….

“…”

I’m dizzy.

I clutched my head with my right hand as a pain different from when Shizu’s blade struck my head stabbed at it.

How could I have chosen such ugly words?

If it wasn’t me traveling back in time to my past self, but rather if my past self met me from that time, he would have beaten me while hurling all sorts of insults—a moment filled with nothing but regret.

Regret… regret…

Is it because the regret I felt just before dying still occupies a corner of my heart even after traveling back in time?

Drip, drip

“Tears again…”

Tears heavier than raindrops falling from any dark cloud fell from my eyes.

Hotter and more intense than the tears I shed just before dying.

The tears that started at the corners of my eyes and flowed down my cheeks eventually fell onto the heart-ruby decorated pendant on the bed.

“Why…?”

I directed a question at the pendant, more like a soliloquy that wouldn’t be answered.

“Why did you misinterpret my wish…”

It wasn’t a question I expected an answer to.

But I had to express it with passion, or I felt like I would face my third death due to the tightness in my chest.

No matter how hard I tried to think positively, I couldn’t help but be angry.

The pendant that had glowed in response to my desperate heart had not only failed to grant my wish but had also irresponsibly turned back my time that should have rightfully ended.

Haah, haah

My breathing became rough with passion.

“Ugh…!!”

The pain that rose to my head, created by the mixture of resentment and anger, showed no signs of subsiding.

“Ugh…”

It’s ringing.

The pain is unbearable, and my head feels like it’s being violently shaken to the point where my vision seems to sway.

“This is maddening.”

It’s not just ringing.

It was to the extent that my sense of balance was numbed.

I just want to lie down.

“There’s still… time, right?”

If nothing has been distorted, she, Lillian Shizu, will arrive here.

And for that, there’s still time left.

I looked at the clock.

2 PM.

It’s still the middle of the friendly martial arts tournament.

The protagonist of this tournament is Lillian Shizu.

Starting with me, whom she met in the first round, she’s crushing the challenges of flying students in under a minute, showcasing her overwhelming skills and officially establishing her presence. At the same time,

It’s also a monumental day when she, despite all that, came to see me only to be treated terribly and even made to cry.

“Not anymore, though…”

It goes without saying.

While I might regret returning to such a time,

I have no desire to spend this returned time without any reflection, repeating exactly what I did back then.

“For now… let me lie down.”

I laid my back against the bed mattress after sitting on the edge of the bed.

“Just one hour… let me sleep a little.”

The finals will take place two hours from now.

My head, dizzy with passion, resentment, and sadness, should clear up after about an hour of sleep.

I need to think about how to live from now on.

So I’ll rest just a little.

With that, I closed my eyes with the self-suggestion that I would wake up in an hour.

Despite the headache, my consciousness was able to fall into sleep right away.

But at the moment I tried to open my eyes an hour later according to my self-suggestion,

I felt a very soft touch on my forehead.

“Are you okay…?”

As I opened my eyes, I saw Lillian Shizu looking at me with a worried voice, her expression on the verge of tears, and I immediately sensed that something was wrong.

“…”

What is it? Did you not make it to the finals?