Ch.3Chapter 3. First Meeting with That Woman (3)

Do you know the phrase “motherless situation”?

That’s exactly what this is.

My mother died when I was young, so technically every moment of my life is a motherless situation, but right now it’s especially true.

If I die, I’ll be processed as an unclaimed body and no one will be notified.

The only mother I know of is our warden’s mother, whose birthday is May 14th. It would be nice if at least she got the news about me.

Because seriously.

It would be fucking unfair if no one remembered my final moments – getting my throat slit by an alien monster that I headbutted.

I could at least win a Darwin Award and be widely remembered by future generations. That would be a worthwhile death.

But looking at recent Darwin Award winners, the bar is so high I probably wouldn’t make the cut.

Someone apparently died from excessive bleeding after getting their dick cut off while masturbating with an alien plant.

This is why I can’t admit to being stupid anywhere.

“Hey.”

“……”

The face of the creature covered in white fluid was disgustingly slick.

I must have put at least 10 bullets in it.

This is why I fucking hate pistol rounds.

“How about we call it a draw?”

“KEEEEEEEK!”

“You son of a bitch.”

The creature charged at me with its cheeks torn open.

Couldn’t it at least wipe off the semen before coming at me again…?

I don’t even kiss women who’ve given me blowjobs.

“UGEEEK!”

I grabbed a hammer and shoved it into the creature’s gaping mouth.

Apparently having some learning ability, it simultaneously bit down and snapped off the hammer’s head.

“Ptui.”

The hammer head flew out, covered in green saliva.

If I’d been a little slower, that could have been my head.

Makes my perineum tingle just thinking about it.

“Come on, you fucker.”

All I had left was a hand axe, and my dick which I’d slightly pulled out of my pants.

The creature hesitated, perhaps mistaking it for a gun.

It’s an understandable mistake.

Countless women have asked if it was a high-caliber sniper rifle.

Though that’s also why gay guys kept hitting on me all the time.

“KIEEEEEK!”

The creature aimed for my head.

It was too fast to react after seeing it, but its attack direction was predictable.

I stepped forward, preventing it from closing its mouth.

Then I shoved the hand axe into its maw.

“KEAK?!”

“Got you, fucker.”

Its jaw stopped mid-close.

The vertically positioned hand axe was stuck in its mouth.

Its teeth, gleaming like a black man’s front teeth smiling in pitch darkness, stopped just before my wrist.

“Ugh!”

A tentacle flew in with a whistling sound and wrapped around my neck.

I didn’t know there was still one left.

I’m going to have marks on my neck from this.

Damn, that’s kind of hot.

They say people’s sexual desire explodes when death is imminent – is this what that is?

Maybe, maybe not.

“Urgh… Let’s see if you can handle this…”

I shoved a machine gun into the creature’s gaping mouth.

A machine gun with its magazine detached and bolt cycled.

At times like this, I can’t help but be grateful for the long prison life that taught me important lessons.

Prison rule number one:

Always strike first and ask questions later.

The result was a 9mm brass metal in my hand.

I quickly inserted the bullet into the chamber and pulled the trigger.

Click!

The bolt moved forward, pushing the bullet into the chamber with a clear sound.

Let’s put a nice hole in this mouth, you fucker.

Bang!

“KIEEEEEK!!!”

“HAHAHA!”

As the gunshot rang out, blood splattered everywhere.

I couldn’t help but laugh as black blood bukkaked all over my face.

The creature spewed blood from its mouth like an old man with prostate problems, headbanging wildly, then…

“Kueeee……”

It went limp.

No response when I poked it.

No response when I stuck my arm all the way into its mouth and pulled it out.

Punching its balls… I’ll pass since I don’t know where they are.

Actually, is this thing even male?

Or maybe it’s hermaphroditic?

Anyway, it showed no response to anything I did.

I think it’s safe to say it’s dead.

Luckily, the bullet must have hit a vital organ.

-Hey! Respond! What the fuck is happening there…

Only then did I hear a small voice from the receiver.

The fucker sprayed blood on the receiver too.

What is it, a dog marking its territory?

I carefully picked up the part that wasn’t covered in blood and positioned the receiver slightly away from my face.

“It’s me, you asshole.”

-What happened?! Report!

“You heard everything, didn’t you? I caught it.”

-Caught what? The monster?

“Yes, that’s what I’m saying. Have you been fooled all this time?”

-Then remove whatever’s covering the CCTV, you maggot!

They must have heard everything through the audio.

And they still doubt me?

This is fucking heartbreaking.

Reluctantly, I removed the underwear I had hung over the closed-circuit television.

“See? The monster is dead. And the hibernation device is still intact. Haven’t you attacked it yet?”

-Not yet? Not yeeeet?

“Damn it. Stop nitpicking my words. So you’re giving me parole, right?”

-Yes. This call is being recorded in the black box anyway. The Audit Office will review it, so there’s no backing out. Don’t worry.

Okay.

Then there’s no worry about them breaking their promise.

Earth-bound travel is no longer just a dream.

My colleagues can rest in peace knowing they died to send me back.

Did you think I’d say that, you fucking bastards?

You’re all just dying like dogs.

Say hi to the aliens in Andromeda for me, you idiots.

God, I’m sick of these gay guys hitting on me.

“Hurry up and retrieve this girl…”

The moment I put my hand on the hibernation device, the glass split in half and began to open with a hissing sound like steam escaping from a pressure cooker.

-What are you doing, you maggot!

“I’m innocent. I just touched it. You saw everything on CCTV.”

-Stay right where you are! We’re watching everything! If you touch even a hair on that girl, you can forget about parole!

“Fine, I get it.”

I have no choice.

I’ll just have to stay away from the hibernation device.

But what happens if the girl wakes up and comes to me on her own?

Attracted to my concentrated charm.

Or is it aged charm?

Anyway, I put the receiver back in the intercom and stepped back a few paces.

By now, the steam from the hibernation device had turned into fog, making the spaceship hazy.

Just then, I thought I saw something black escape from the monster’s mouth.

“Shit. Am I seeing things?”

The fog made it hard to see clearly, but I definitely saw it.

Something the size of bull testicles bouncing away.

I instinctively gripped the hand axe tightly, but it wasn’t heading toward me.

“Hey. That’s…”

And it slipped right into the hibernation device.

Into that box where the most beautiful girl in the province was sleeping…

Faced with this absurd situation, I froze with my mouth hanging open like an idiot.

If I approached to see what was happening, the warden would start yelling through the intercom again.

The CCTV quality was so poor that they might not have seen what just happened, as the intercom remained silent.

About 10 seconds passed.

The silver-haired girl slowly raised her upper body from the box.

Her pink nipples, no, her flowing silver hair was truly impressive.

Wait a minute. Why silver hair? Wasn’t it black hair before?

“Hey, girl.”

“…?”

She turned immediately when I called.

But it was suspicious that she didn’t seem embarrassed or try to cover herself after seeing me.

She couldn’t be trying to seduce a man with ink all over his face right after waking up.

I needed to consider the worst possibility.

The possibility that the creature that had crawled in had done something to the girl.

“Are you uncomfortable in any way?”

“……”

“Are you fully conscious? Can you think clearly?”

“……”

The girl nodded silently at each question.

But her movements were a bit awkward.

It was almost like… the movements of a chimpanzee that had just learned nodding means yes.

“Then answer this question. Which is more expensive, cocaine or fentanyl?”

“…Huh?”

“You don’t know such basic knowledge! You’re not human, are you?!”

How could outdated cocaine, which has been past its prime for over a century, be more expensive than the steady-seller fentanyl?

Even elementary school kids would know this.

It makes no sense that this girl, who looks almost like an adult, wouldn’t know this.

By now it was clear.

The monster that had crawled in had definitely taken over her body.

“Ah… I’ve been found out.”

The girl confessed with a slight smile.

Fucking hell, I knew it.

There’s no way a person wouldn’t know such basic information.

“Did you crawl into her brain? Just admit it, you fucker. You didn’t die and came back again.”

“Would you really kill me?”

“……”

I raised the hand axe but couldn’t bring myself to swing it.

If I split her head open here, I’d be a murderer, and there would be no parole.

Look at this fucker, so relaxed.

Judging by how accurately it understands the situation and how fluently it speaks human language, it seems to be quite intelligent.

I wonder if sending something like this down to Earth might cause a disaster.

“I’d appreciate it if you pretended not to know. Then you can survive.”

“Why would I let you live when I know what you are? You could cause Earth’s extinction.”

“You don’t seem like the type to care about such things.”

“……”

This fucker.

Despite speaking awkwardly like someone who hasn’t fully learned the language, it hits the nail on the head.

If I reveal her identity, they might cancel my parole since the monster wasn’t completely “eliminated.”

No, those petty bastards would do that with 140% certainty.

So I just need to keep quiet.

If I keep quiet, both she and I can go down to Earth and regain our freedom.

But damn, why am I so annoyed?

Why the hell should I be manipulated by some talking alien monster?

“I have one condition.”

“…?”

“When you come down to Earth, find me first. Otherwise, I’ll immediately expose your identity.”

I need a restraint to keep this man-eating monster from running wild.

In this case, I can be that restraint.

It’s not that I love humanity, but I don’t want its extinction either.

I’m feeling at least some minimal responsibility for sending this fucker down to Earth.

“One X-ray machine and you’re caught. Understand? Your life hangs on my lips.”

“…How do I find you?”

Her expression suddenly turned fierce.

Finally showing your true colors, you fucker.

“I’ll tell you my name. There’s something called the internet, you know? I’ll set up my SNS so my address shows up when you search my name…”

“Too complicated. Too difficult. Come closer.”

“What? No. If I get close to you, I’ll get shot.”

“It’s fine, just come closer.”

I hope she’s not trying anything.

Slowly, with the hand axe gripped tightly, I approached her.

Still, I stopped one step away, thinking the warden who was watching would come running with a gun if I got too close.

Then this bitch suddenly grabbed my face and brought her face close to mine.

“Hey, don’t touch me…”

“Huff.”

“ARGH! YOU FUCKER!!!”

The wind she blew entered my eyes, causing extreme pain.

Fuck, I’ve been tricked.

Even though she’d taken a human body, she was still a monster inside.

I hadn’t considered she might have attack methods like poison gas.

“YOU FUCKER!!! WHAT DID YOU DO?!”

“I left my scent. Now I can find you wherever you are.”

“YOU DIDN’T HAVE TO BURN MY EYES! YOU’RE NOT GETTING OUT OF HERE, YOU FUCKER!”

“You’re overreacting.”

After rubbing my eyes for a while, my vision slowly returned.

But damn, everything looks blurry.

It seems like I’ve suffered permanent damage.

That fucking bitch.

As I kept blinking, I heard the hatch opening in the distance.

Looks like our brave astronauts have finally arrived.

“Hey. Just pretend you’ve lost your memory. Act like you don’t understand anything they ask. Don’t get caught blabbing. Got it?”

“I’ll do as you say.”

“You better not get caught, fucker.”

If she gets caught and dies, my parole is gone.

Conversely, if I get upset, she dies too.

In other words, she lives only if I go free.

We each hold the switch that can destroy the other.

It’s mutually assured destruction.

Whoosh…

Soon the hatch opened, and guys in full space suits with guns jumped out.

“Secure the survivor!”

“Get down! Get down, you maggot!”

“Hey, take it easy…”

I lost consciousness as the butt of a gun struck my head.