Ch.39What did you hope for and what did you dream of?

1.

You were the only light in my life that had never seen a single ray of brightness.

2.

Mother.

A child born on the streets, raised among criminals.

Even that was only to be raised and sold, but she was cast out as ominous because of her ash-gray eyes and hair, symbols of a witch.

Under a bridge in the underworld of Jedo.

There, where bloated corpses floated by, she contemplated for a long time.

If she was going to live like this forever, wouldn’t it be better to die now?

But even that failed.

“Since it’s a life you’re throwing away anyway, I’ll make some use of it.”

Just before death, she was kidnapped by an assassin organization and continued her wretched existence.

Training that amounted to abuse and neglect.

Fortunately or unfortunately, she had a talent for killing people, and after years of training, she succeeded in destroying the organization.

“Damn bitch… Live well. Though it’ll be hard, as it is for everyone.”

The leader’s words were true.

Since all she knew was death, she chose to be a mercenary. She trusted no one, so she was always alone, and because of that, she nearly died many times.

Then she met that person.

“…What are you looking at?”

“That’s my line.”

That person who, like her, came from the streets but was much weaker than her.

Through several coincidences, they worked on missions together and grew closer.

His rank remained at E+.

Mother’s rank had risen to S-.

Nevertheless, the two maintained their relationship, which eventually developed into romance.

And around that time.

“I’m pregnant.”

“…What?”

“I said I’m pregnant.”

A child was conceived.

The two, who had lived difficult lives, pondered for a long time.

“Will it be okay? For people like us to be parents.”

“…I wonder.”

But they say people are drawn to what resembles them and dream of what they cannot grasp.

“I’ve been thinking, and I think I love you a lot. I’ll take responsibility, so let’s have the baby.”

He dreamed,

“…You?”

“What? Looking down on me because I’m E-rank?”

“No, that’s not it…”

And I was drawn to what resembled me.

That’s how Selena was born.

“She’s beautiful. So beautiful.”

Not her cursed color, but light golden hair mixed half and half with her husband’s.

“Ah…”

When she grasped the moon-white arm, a thrill ran through her along with warmth.

She didn’t know because she had never experienced it before, but she came to understand with time.

“Selena!”

“Come to your strong mother, not your weak father.”

“Mommy!”

It was happiness.

The dream he had wished for, the happiness they were drawn to dream together.

“I want to be a mercenary like Mom!!”

“Ah, what about Dad…?”

“A mercenary like Mom!!”

“…Pfft.”

It had come to us.

But as with all stories, happiness did not last long.

“…A designated request?”

“Yes! The down payment is different! With this, we could retire and live comfortably!”

“Forget it. I’ll provide for us, so stay home and take care of Selena.”

“I appreciate the sentiment, but I’ve already accepted. It’s a safe job, so don’t worry and wait. I’ll get you something nice for your birthday.”

Her husband, who had received a designated request from an unidentified group, never returned.

And a few days later, along with the news of his death, Selena’s illness began.

Mother accepted a suspicious request to cover the enormous medical expenses.

“…Mom. Do you have to do that?”

Selena, who had woken up after a few days, tried to dissuade her with anxious eyes, but as mentioned earlier, people are drawn to what resembles them.

“It’s okay. Just rest well.”

Mother, making the same choice as her husband, drifted into the “Ashen Wasteland.”

Human trafficking targeting children.

Something difficult to accept even for someone born on the streets and raised in the underworld.

But,

“I think I love you a lot.”

“I’m going to be a mercenary like Mom!”

The happiness she had once tasted addicted her beyond abandonment, tempting her, and she died into ashen gray thinking only of the happiness she would reclaim.

“…Smile. That’s how you’ll survive.”

Dreaming and reminiscing about the one ray of light she had held in her hands, now faded.

Then she met you.

“…Mommy?”

You, dirty and skinny, calling me mommy and reaching out with your thin hand.

Normally, she would have dragged you away without a word, but she found herself speaking.

“I am not your parent. But… if you want, I can be.”

Why did I do that?

“Mommy!!”

“…Luna.”

You were not Selena, and

“You know, I love Mommy the most in the world.”

“…I.”

“Ugh, are you going to say you’re not my mom again? No way. Mommy is my mommy!!”

I was not your parent.

“Mommy likes moonlight, right? Want to touch my hair!? The color is pretty similar!!”

“…”

“Oh! You’re touching it! Here!! Here!!”

…Rustle.

Thanks to you who foolishly followed me, I once again held light in my hands.

That’s why.

Selena and Luna.

I spent so long agonizing over which of you to choose, but

“Run, Luna!!!”

When the situation actually arose, I found myself saving you, who was in immediate danger, first.

“Mommy!!”

“That’s my good girl.”

After barely conveying my true feelings, I faced the first auctioneer connected to “Solar Eclipse,” but the result of the hours-long duel was a crushing defeat.

With her jaw shattered, Mother asked about Selena’s fate, but

“Didn’t I tell you? I rather enjoy melodrama. Of course I killed her. No, she died. About a year after you came here.”

“…!!”

“Ah, I like that look in your eyes. I was right to hold back and save it for the auction.”

As expected, there was no hope for me.

But only for a moment.

I’m glad. That in the end, I didn’t make a foolish choice.

Mother smiled.

In truth, she had somewhat expected it.

The hand of “Solar Eclipse” was a rotten rope she had grasped because she had nothing else to hold onto, and she had continued to grasp it because she couldn’t let go.

Anyway, I’m really glad.

“S-Sir Proxy!! It’s that guy again!!”

“Sigh… Let’s go back.”

That I didn’t choose to kill my living daughter for the sake of my dead one.

“M-Mommy!!!”

“…Let go. Lactea.”

Mother looked at Luna, who had returned with Black Wolf, and smiled faintly.

3.

That was clearly how her life had ended, and yet.

“…Why are you trying to leave me behind this time too?”

Mother couldn’t properly understand the second chance she had been given.

‘…It’s not my ability.’

Then was it Luna’s ability?

“Crushing Charge.”

“Ball.”

Regardless, when she came to her senses, Luna was in a dangerous situation, and she had merely drawn out a little strength as she had done in life.

【O thou who was not saved.】

【What did you desire and what did you dream of?】

Her consciousness blurred as if devoured by something, and when she regained her senses, she had been tossed about until the current situation.

But one thing was certain,

【Time, as always.】

That the time given to her again would soon end.

That’s why Mother adjusted her mask and tried to distance herself from Luna.

‘I don’t want to do this either.’

She wanted nothing more than to embrace Luna immediately and whisper words of love during the time she had been given.

To feel her warmth, to stroke her moonlight-colored hair.

And,

“I love you, Mom.”

To say the words she couldn’t speak on the day she died.

‘But I’m dead.’

She didn’t want to cause that lovable child the pain of separation twice.

“I’ll say it again, I am not your mother but merely a recreated memory.”

It would be better to just disappear like this, as if she were not Mother but a twisted thought.

“I am merely the thought of someone called Mother who never loved you.”

That would surely be better for you, and for me who thinks of you.

“I am…”

But why do you.

“Mom, you’re really bad at pretending.”

“What…?”

Why do you embrace me without fear, even though facing me will only bring sadness, a fleeting happiness?

“I missed you. So much.”

“…I.”

A lump formed in her throat.

Mother’s mouth closed again before she could speak.

Squeeze.

A faint warmth transmitted from the small hand that burrowed into her robe.

“It’s okay. It’s okay, Mom.”

A smile that seemed to be holding back tears, just like her.

“It’s really okay… Everything is okay, so please don’t push me away. Okay?”

The corners of her mouth trembling with fear that she might be pushed away again.

【O thou who was not saved.】

【What did you desire and what did you dream of?】

Mother finally realized.

What I, abandoned in this hellish world, had wished for my entire tumultuous life,

What I, who had lost even the brief happiness I had grasped and given up everything, still dreamed of.

“…Luna.”

That you, whom I love, would not cry.

Whoosh!

Just before Luna burst into tears, Mother pulled her into her arms.

She had deceived herself with the excuse that she was afraid of hurting you.

When in fact, she was the one afraid of being hurt.

Afraid that if they faced each other, happiness would slip away, afraid that impending death would only leave regret.

Instead of comforting the child, she was being comforted by the child.

Finally coming to her senses, Mother stroked Luna and whispered,

“I’m sorry for being such a foolish mother.”

“…Mom.”

Luna’s shoulders began to shake.

“It’s alright. It’s okay, Luna.”

She faced the tear-stained face, no longer forcing a smile.

“I’m sorry, Mom. Because of me, you… I’m sorry. For making you hurt while protecting me, for letting you go alone and lonely, I’m sorry.”

Guilt.

The memory of dying horribly while protecting her, dying while wearing a robe and mask so that even that wouldn’t be seen by Luna.

But Luna.

“On that day, I wasn’t in pain at all, and I wasn’t lonely at all.”

Rather, I was happy.

“That with this worthless life, I could save you, the most precious thing in the world.”

Mother removed her glove and wiped Luna’s tears with her rough fingers.

“Luna. You were the only light in my life that had never seen a single ray of brightness.”

Just as he and Selena had saved me, you who came like moonlight.

“You are my most precious treasure.”

So Luna.

“Don’t be sad because of me anymore.”

Words she had kept inside poured out incoherently.

Despite saying them to stop the crying, Luna wept even more sorrowfully.

“Mom, Moooom…”

Gone was the mature facade she had put on for her inadequate self.

“Live with me again. Okay? I’ll find a way somehow. So, can’t you wait just a little longer? Please?”

Like an ordinary child throwing a tantrum to her parents, she clung to Mother and cried pitifully.

Of course, Mother wanted that too, but,

【Time, as always.】

Because miracles that occur through coincidence generally happen only once in a lifetime.

“…Luna.”

Instead of answering, Mother embraced her tightly.

At that moment, her eyes met Black Wolf’s.

Eyes with light in them, different from the Black Wolf she had faced when she died.

“Please take care of my daughter.”

“…You need not worry.”

With that answer, Mother’s manifested body began to dissolve.