Ch.39Chapter 39 – In the Low Places

“Ah.”

Before he knew it, Shin Jaehyuk’s consciousness was standing on a sandy beach. The sound of crashing waves greeted him.

Beyond the shoreline, the setting sun illuminated the white sand beach and the frozen sea before it.

Shin Jaehyuk recognized this place. It was his mental space. A world shaped by his unconscious. The frozen sea represented his divine power, and the setting sun was his life force.

His brain had naturally shifted into this mental world as it entered a state of suspended animation due to excessive blood loss. It was a kind of trance state. Some people called this phenomenon a “life flashing before your eyes.”

“Life flashing before my eyes… Different from what I expected.”

Shin Jaehyuk muttered nonchalantly.

This separate world, detached from the outside commotion, was incredibly peaceful. Without even a single squawking seagull, only the sound of breaking foam filled this space. That tranquility reassured him.

Here, I don’t need to think about anything.

He appreciated the peaceful and beautiful beach. His footprints remained in the sand, traces of his journey. Each footprint contained memories of his life.

Shin Jaehyuk trudged along the trail of his life’s footprints. Each time he placed his foot on the imprints carved in the sand, memories played back one by one.

Memories of being born in the Vatican, making his first friend, training under his master, being appointed as an official Holy Knight, fighting demons, learning the worthlessness of human life, watching a comrade he believed wouldn’t die perish, invading hell, being betrayed,

And finally, losing his life.

The vision replayed his pain and regret. It was a path marked by regret and sorrow. Scenes of despair he never wanted to walk through again. Days of tragedy.

“This path finally comes to an end…”

The footprints led from the sandy beach into the sea. Across the ocean, beyond the ice field, toward where the warm sunset shone.

“Ha, haha… Hahahahaha…”

He burst into hollow, cold laughter as he paced the white sand. It was laughter mixed with tears. Looking back on his life, he could only laugh.

How could such an absurd fate exist?

All his life, he had fought, lost, and been deprived. No matter how desperately he tried to hold onto what he cherished, it always slipped through his fingers.

Facing death, he felt relieved instead. Finally, he could let everything go and forget it all. The inevitable death was almost welcome. He no longer had to fight. He no longer had to watch anyone die. He no longer had to suffer. He forcibly suppressed the burden in a corner of his heart that he hadn’t yet been able to unload.

As he moved forward, crying and laughing without thought, he suddenly saw three silhouettes before him. Three figures standing in a row on the path of footprints.

What’s that?

Something existed in his mental world. Trudging toward it, Shin Jaehyuk could identify what they were.

They were three statues made of sand. Sand sculptures clearly carved in the likeness of their living forms.

Shin Jaehyuk recognized who the statues represented. All were connections from his past life.

Iscariot, his Master, and Orthesia.

These were the three people who had sustained Shin Jaehyuk’s life, who had made him who he was today. That’s why Shin Jaehyuk could instinctively sense what these statues symbolized.

The three driving forces behind his miserable life.

Revenge, duty, and happiness.

His last lingering attachments. The final mechanisms of survival.

“Are you trying to persuade me not to give up? …It’s already too late.”

Shin Jaehyuk dragged his body, heavy as waterlogged cotton, and stood before the first statue. It was an old man with wrinkled skin.

Iscariot.

The one who created and raised him.

One of the 12 heroes who entered hell with him.

But a black magician who betrayed his comrades at the final moment.

The statue’s mouth moved. The old man’s voice mocked him.

Longinus, are you giving up on revenge?

“You already died by my hand. By my hand directly, no one else’s.”

Oh, that’s right. But what about your other enemies? Beelzebub who killed you and your family? The Demon King?

The countless demons living beyond the Gate who trampled your homeland?

The words spat by the black magician pierced Shin Jaehyuk’s heart like daggers. Because the words of Iscariot, reconstructed from his memories, were all questions Shin Jaehyuk was asking himself.

“…All will be according to Eloah’s will.”

That’s why he could only utter these irresponsible words, shifting all responsibility to God. Even he couldn’t put conviction into those words he had just spoken.

The Holy Knight, weary from years of struggle, passed by the symbol of revenge. The statue lost its cohesive force and crumbled into grains of sand. Shin Jaehyuk didn’t look back.

After walking just a few steps, Shin Jaehyuk faced the next statue. The statue symbolizing duty. It was his Holy Knight Master.

Despite being a statue, he stood in a perfect and neat posture, befitting the ideal Holy Knight that Shin Jaehyuk aspired to be. The figure silently bearing the weight of the magnificent platinum armor was truly the embodiment of a Holy Knight from scripture.

The platinum face mask concealed his expression. Shin Jaehyuk thought it was fortunate. He didn’t have the courage to face his master’s reproachful gaze right now.

The gaze from within the helmet silently asked.

Longinus, are you abandoning your duty?

At this silent rebuke, Shin Jaehyuk felt a surge of emotion.

“What do you expect me to do… The enemy is too strong, and I can no longer do anything.”

With his head bowed low, he passed by the knight’s sand statue. He deliberately ignored the gaze that pricked his conscience, even though he couldn’t see it.

Like Iscariot’s statue, the master’s statue also collapsed and scattered into sand, becoming part of the beach.

With a guilty conscience, his steps grew heavier. The sandy beach seemed to grip his ankles like a swamp.

The Holy Knight moved forward with difficulty and faced his final attachment. Ah, a beloved face was before his eyes.

Saint Orthesia.

The healer of the 12 heroes. The High Elf who guarded the World Tree.

His lover, whom he cherished and loved with all his being.

As he stepped on the sand footprint, memories from his past life played in his mind. Coincidentally, it was a footprint containing memories with Orthesia.

Memories of meeting in a beautiful garden, worshipping Eloah together, reading poetry together, sharing love…

These were the only moments in Longinus’s life that could truly be called happy.

My Longinus. Are you leaving happiness behind?

“………”

His feet wouldn’t move. He simply couldn’t pass by her too. The happiness, the fulfillment her memories gave him was too great. There was no way he could take a step and shake off this happiness.

He thought of Orthesia. She loved poetry as much as she loved flowers. It wasn’t simply because elven culture had a tradition of reciting poetry when proposing. She believed poetry could heal wounded souls. After difficult battles, she would read poetry to him, caressing him with angelic, benevolent hands…

“I was going to propose after the final expedition…”

His face, which had been maintaining composure, finally contorted miserably. The man, buried in memories, fell to his knees before the sand statue. The man whose heart broke along with his knees sobbed, shuddering at his own powerlessness.

Why must I, endure such a fate.

The priests told him he was beloved by God. His divine power alone was tens, hundreds of times greater than the combined divine power of the Pope and the Cardinals. People envied him for receiving God’s attention.

But Longinus never welcomed that attention. Compared to humans, God was so immense that even small acts of goodwill could become disasters for humans. Like the sun and fireflies…

As someone receiving God’s utmost attention, he was the eye of a storm that brought calamity. While he might survive disasters, those who stayed near him were swept into the rough whirlpool of fate and became victims of misfortune.

The whole world seemed determined to bring him down. Even when he tried to move forward, the sticky hands of fate grabbed his ankles, making him fall seven times. At his fallen ear, fate urged him to give up.

Those dear to him always left the world before him.

Even the shield he carried was useless. Cunning demons always struck from the rear. Everyone he tried to protect lost their lives without exception.

So at some point, he abandoned his shield and took up a mace. He gave up on protecting and instead tried to crush the source of evil. With a spear and mace in hand, his beast-like fighting style resembled a berserker more than a Holy Knight. In terms of madness, it wasn’t an incorrect description. He died in madness.

And he was reborn in madness.

Unforgettable memories tormented him. Why couldn’t he escape the past even after death? Why didn’t the blessing of oblivion exist for him? He cursed his past life.

Due to trauma, he kept his distance from people even after reincarnation. He wanted to keep those who could become precious to him away from his cursed fate. He vowed never to create precious bonds. Thus, he became a hikikomori.

But no matter how much he pushed people away, there were still those who reached out to him. The peace that lasted for over 20 years weakened his resolve. He ended up having people he cared about.

And as if fate was mocking his choice, the gates of hell opened. Peace crumbled all too easily.

He had barely formed relationships with people in the modern era, but now he was about to leave them first. And those swept up in his fate would likely meet the same end…

He had always harbored the anxiety that the opening of hell gates on Earth might be because he, originally from Eden, had reincarnated here.

People died, economies collapsed, societies fell apart. The world continued its downward spiral. He too rolled down to the bottom of fate along that slope.

Now he was at the lowest point in both of his lives.

In the deepest pit of despair.

The realization that even God had abandoned him was what finally drove him to despair. A dark flame was about to ignite in his heart.

What if he just gave in to corruption? If he rejected Eloah and accepted Rohim—

“Think of someone precious to you. Someone you need to protect. A reason why you must overcome this painful ordeal.”

“..!”

Suddenly, he remembered Yoo Sungha’s words. It was the answer to his question about how to overcome the most desperate moments. A comfort that reassured him when he was trembling with fear…

Why did these words suddenly come to mind?

With tears streaming down his face, he looked up at his former lover. The statue’s owner was watching him with a benevolent smile, as if respecting his choice regardless of the situation.

Love. Happiness.

Even in his miserable life, there was an attachment he couldn’t let go of.

There, calmly.

Shin Jaehyuk unconsciously placed his knee on the ground. A posture like a knight taking a vow, with one leg kneeling. His straightened leg touched a footprint.

Like a shooting star grazing a branch, happy memories flashed by. Old lover, new bonds.

Sister Grace’s welcoming smile when visiting the orphanage, Yoo Sungha’s heart-fluttering teasing, the pleasant conversation shared with Lee Yujin on Christmas Eve.

The grandeur of watching the first sunrise of the new year, the beauty of fully bloomed spring flowers, the freshness of waves tickling his feet, the gradient of the sky painted by the setting twilight, the distant feeling of looking up at unreachable stars, the emotion of poetry penetrating between breaths…

“If you show me these things,”

Longinus, like Orthesia, loved poetry. Reading poetry was the only hobby of the Holy Knight weary from worldly life. He started reading because of Orthesia, but later he would contemplate poems on his own, reflecting on the hidden meanings within the verses.

“How could I possibly give up…”

At the lowest point of his life, he recalled a poem. There was one poem that particularly stuck in his memory. A poem he had read in Korean class during middle or high school. A poem he had read when skepticism about the unkind God who never answered his calls dominated him.

Those lines always lingered in his heart.

“Eloah…”

He felt something boiling in his veins. The feeling of something sacred being completely absorbed and integrated into his soul. It felt like he could now do what had been impossible until now. It seemed to ask:

What do you desire?

As if answering the question, he recited the poem.

Like reciting an aria.

“…I wanted to be in a low place. Any place on earth would do, as long as it’s low. If only I could receive love that pools like water with my whole body, if only I could prevent even a single drop from leaking out…”

The frozen sea began to crack and break apart. With each syllable, waves surged.

The curse of divine power freezing that had tormented him for 26 years was finally breaking.

The ice blocking the waves melted away. Once the water started flowing, the ice field burst open and the waves rose high.

Shin Jaehyuk raised his hand. The divine power responded. Like an orchestra following a conductor, the seawater moved according to his gestures. Even the cold water from the deep sea stirred to answer his will. The sea was in his hands.

Like opening a tightly closed door, the Holy Knight slowly spread his arms. Like the Red Sea, the ocean parted left and right, revealing land. A single path where footprints continued. High walls of waves bubbled on both sides, but not a single drop of water could invade that path.

Shin Jaehyuk followed the footprints through the parted sea. The vision showed painful moments. As if asking if he would choose to walk this terrible path again. But unlike before, his steps were filled with determination.

“My being in a low place means I will empty myself completely for you. It means I want to give even my existence to you fully.”

The path of waves created in the middle of the sea extended beyond the horizon.

He gazed beyond. A warm sunset shone through.

He intuitively knew what awaited at the end of the footprints.

The eternal rest he had so longed for. Heaven surely had fruits and all kinds of supreme happiness waiting. He wanted to run to the Lord as quickly as possible and be embraced in His merciful and warm arms.

But,

Shin Jaehyuk stopped abruptly.

But now was not the time.

There was still work to be done.

He looked back. At the end of the single path he had walked, on the sandy beach, he could see the figure of a woman.

The distance was too great to see the form clearly. It looked like Orthesia, or Yoo Sungha, or Lee Yujin. But it didn’t matter who it was. Whoever it might be, protecting people was the role of a Holy Knight.

The Holy Knight who had risen eight times because he had fallen seven times silently made his resolution.

“I am willing to drown. Come to me like water.”

The parted waves momentarily lost control and raged. As the restraining force disappeared, the sea rushed into the single path, merging into one to return to its original form.

The surging current crashed over Shin Jaehyuk like a tsunami. The immense divine power that had not moved for a long time struck his body violently. Pain worse than having limbs cut off or tongue pulled out wrung his entire body. It hurt. The Holy Knight endured the painful love of God.

He surrendered his body to the rough current. The high-rising waves pushed his body upward. Along with the tidal wave engulfing his body, his consciousness was also swept upward, rising to reality. In his swaying vision, he seemed to vaguely see some text…

***

「===

Congratulations.

You have awakened.

All injuries and abnormal effects have been healed.

Infinite blessings upon your path ahead…

===」