Ch.394IF Side Story: Seems I’ve Arrived a Bit Early (91)

Youth.

While there may be various opinions about the scope of that word, most would agree that it typically includes the “teenage years.”

In life, those ten years that pass by almost without notice have a profound impact on one’s future.

The things I did during that time, the things I liked, the things I saw—they continue to define and determine what I want to do even in my twenties and thirties.

No matter how much time passes, the things I enjoyed most back then keep coming to mind, making me want to do them again and again. Perhaps that’s why reboots and remakes of old movies and comics keep appearing. Because the people who spent their childhood during those times still want to watch them even after they’ve grown up.

Then, what about Kagami’s youth, which has that part missing?

In truth, it was difficult to imagine. Kagami from my childhood barely had anything that could be called a personal life.

Not even a dual-income parent but someone who had to earn money alone to support me, Kagami moved solely for my sake even on weekends. Going grocery shopping together near home, or playing with me at a nearby park.

When at home, she would rest lying down or sitting, always holding me tight. In some sense, that must have been emotional recharging for her. As a mother who genuinely loved me, having her well-behaved daughter in her arms probably gave her peace of mind.

The problem was that Kagami’s hobbies were limited to just that.

If Kagami had been an ordinary teenager back then, she would have chatted with friends about TV shows she’d watched at home. She might have talked about comics she was reading, or discussed a newly released movie she’d seen.

Kagami couldn’t do that. She didn’t even have friends to have such conversations with.

…What filled Kagami’s youth was my childhood.

Giving her back that time is probably impossible.

But still, as Kagami’s only friend, I wanted to play with her. I wanted to help her find even fragments of the youth she never got to enjoy.

“…”

“What do you think?”

Someone who comes on a school trip with their mother would probably be treated as having serious dependency issues—but well, who wouldn’t enjoy showing various things to a mother who has no memory of properly enjoying anything while following me around?

Thinking back to when Kagami accompanied me on my school trip, there’s a possibility she might have been to this place before.

“It’s beautiful.”

Kagami said softly, looking down at the red-tinged maple leaves. As I thought, she probably hadn’t properly seen it before.

I believe that visiting famous places that come to mind when thinking of Kyoto is the proper attitude for someone on a school trip. Yuka and Souta might have already been to these places, but fortunately, they quietly followed along with us.

Although it was allowance money I received from Kagami, I made sure to spend it diligently, putting various foods in Kagami’s hands. Kagami felt very apologetic and tried to use her own money, but somehow I didn’t want to be treated that way.

Taking Kagami around and eating various things made me feel like I was using her as a wallet.

Come to think of it, I’ve never seen Kagami looking chubby. Well, considering her age, maintaining such a figure might be normal, but at the same time, it gave me the feeling of looking at a child who hadn’t eaten properly.

I’m not sure if it’s appropriate for a daughter to have such feelings toward her mother.

“…”

As I put various things in Kagami’s hands and led her around different places, her expression gradually changed.

At first, she looked somewhat excited and happy, but now her face had somehow transformed into a calm smile. Even when I pointed here and there telling her to look, Kagami kept looking only at my face.

“Mom?”

I asked, feeling somewhat anxious.

Was I being too much?

Did I drag Kagami around too much without properly considering our age difference?

But while I was worrying about such things, Kagami was already hugging me tightly.

“Kotone.”

Kagami’s whisper-like voice came from above my head.

“Thank you, Kotone.”

“…”

At those words from Kagami, I felt like all the strength was draining from my body.

Perhaps I had been a bit tense all day. After all, until now, I had only been receiving from Kagami.

It seems I was a bit worried about me taking Kagami around instead of Kagami taking me around.

“I always thought of you as a little child, but you’ve already grown up to be so dependable.”

Kagami said, holding me tight in her arms.

“Thank you, truly.”

“…”

I wanted to say that wasn’t the case yet.

I do remember my past life. I worked for a salary for quite a long time, and during that time, I even lost colleagues I worked with.

Although I had memories of being a working adult for quite some time, I still thought of myself as childlike.

Perhaps all adults feel this way.

Even when I turned 20 and realized I could buy alcohol, cigarettes, and go anywhere alone, even after graduating from university, getting a job, and earning money, even while watching myself age in the mirror.

I always thought there was something childlike about me.

I kept the hobbies I liked during my youth, and with my own money, I delved even deeper into them.

The friends I met didn’t change much from those days, and seeing my mom or dad somehow put me at ease and made me speak to them like I did in my childhood.

Even after coming to this world—that’s what I thought.

It would be stranger not to think that way when my body had become that of a child.

I’m not fully grown yet. Even if someday I come to live apart from Kagami, I’ll feel the same way.

When that time comes, how will Kagami feel about life?

Will she regret the moments she spent raising me? Will she feel that time was wasted only after it’s all in the distant past?

I hope Kagami doesn’t think that way.

The two of us remained embracing for a while.

Passersby, as well as Yuka and Souta, were looking at me, but I didn’t feel embarrassed.

Because I knew that even this tight embrace would eventually come to an end someday.

*

Kagami often thought about her daughter, Kotone.

Actually, “often” might be too casual an expression. In reality, it would be more accurate to say she thought about Kotone almost constantly.

At first, she thought of Kotone as simply her reason for living.

Until then, her life had been merely existing, living without even being permitted to die.

When she impulsively ran away with young Kotone in her arms. When she fled frantically without even properly understanding why.

From that moment, slowly, Kotone became Kagami’s reason for living.

For the first time, she communicated with someone. For the first time, she met someone who wanted nothing from her except her presence.

Although she was a daughter born out of coercion and necessity, that daughter needed only her.

Kagami still couldn’t forget the moment when those tiny hands firmly grasped her finger.

And now that child had grown up and was tightly embracing Kagami with both arms.

If Kotone hadn’t existed, she might never have received such an embrace in her entire life.

“…”

Kagami released Kotone.

The embrace was nice, but they couldn’t stay that way forever. Kotone wasn’t Kagami’s possession.

At the very least, she wanted to ensure that Kotone wouldn’t be treated the way Kagami had been treated in that house.

“Kotone, this is enough for today.”

“When you say enough for today, does that mean we’ll meet again tomorrow?”

She did want that, but of course wouldn’t if Kotone didn’t want to.

Naturally, Kagami had no intention of leaving this area. She was still anxious. At least until the opponent completely disappeared.

Kotone was already fighting and bleeding. There was nothing Kagami could do about that. At the very least, she wouldn’t feel at ease if she didn’t do this much.

“I’m fine with it, Mom.”

Kotone said.

“Tomorrow, the day after tomorrow. I don’t mind even if you come home with me.”

Ah.

How did such a child come looking for me? Kagami wondered.

“…You should have fun with your friends.”

As Kagami gently stroked Kotone’s head, Kotone smiled brightly. That smile, unlike before, was natural.

Even though the situation was gradually becoming too deep to withdraw from, Kotone always smiled like this. Rather, as time passed, it seemed she had learned how to smile regardless of the situation.

It was both admirable and heartbreaking.

…If she had been someone else’s daughter, she surely would have lived an ordinary and happy life.

Though Kotone would probably get angry if she heard that thought.

“Still, I’d like to see your face.”

Kotone said with a smile.

Looking at that smile, Kagami couldn’t help but smile back.

Thinking that she was no match for Kotone anymore.