Ch.38The Situation Is Strange. (4)

Beyond the clinking of silverware, Derin finally broke her heavy silence.

“I want to apologize first. That day… I’m sorry I couldn’t hold you back.”

“Are you being sincere?”

When I put down my spoon with a loud clack, Derin flinched.

Honestly, I’m not sure if her apology is genuine.

After all, in that situation, the one who appeared most composed was none other than Derin herself.

As if to deny my thoughts, Derin nodded and said:

“I am sincere. I’ve been looking for you ever since that day because I wanted to apologize…”

“Sorry to interrupt your apology, but…”

Feeling remorse is certainly important. However, something else matters more to me right now.

“Why couldn’t you hold me back that day?”

My relationship with Derin ended that day.

I had expected her to act that way, and I didn’t even feel betrayed.

To prove that my prejudice was wrong, she would need to bring a convincing reason.

If she couldn’t, then our relationship would truly be over.

“…Are you sure you won’t despise me after hearing my honest feelings?”

“That depends on you. You’re not in a position to demand I don’t despise you, are you?”

Derin anxiously fidgeted with her fingers.

What? Was she really planning to tell the truth?

Lying and acting are Derin’s specialties.

She’s used those skills to gather countless pieces of information until now, so I naturally assumed she would act and deceive me this time too.

Or is even this part of her act?

I really can’t tell how much of this is genuine.

“Derin.”

“Yes…”

She answered with a noticeably deflated voice.

“Just tell me. I might not despise you.”

“No… you’ll definitely despise me.”

I have no idea why she keeps acting like this.

But I’m dying of curiosity.

“Then make one promise with me.”

“What promise?”

“That you’ll only speak the truth. If there’s even one lie mixed in, you and I are done here.”

Derin nodded, and I continued.

“In exchange, I might despise you… but I won’t cut ties with you. How about that?”

Though I said this, I was secretly anxious.

Even if her reason was truly horrible, beyond contempt, something that made her seem inhuman, I couldn’t cut ties with her.

Of course, there’s nothing stopping me from breaking my promise, but I want to keep my word as much as possible once I’ve spoken it.

Derin seemed to make up her mind and placed both hands on her thighs.

“…I did it because I liked you.”

I doubted my ears.

Surely I misheard?

“Because I liked you so much. I was going crazy. I thought it was my chance.”

Judging by her trembling lips, she seems sincere, but her reason was so far from what I expected that my brain couldn’t keep up.

“W-wait, how did it suddenly become about that?”

Derin ignored my question and continued speaking.

“Honestly, I thought I had no chance when Lael and Elin were around. I spent the least time with you, and my figure is the worst. And I’m not bubbly like someone else.”

By bubbly, does she mean Lael?

“You know, I was happy watching you drift away from them? Finally, finally, I thought my chance was coming.”

Tears welled up in Derin’s eyes and one drop rolled down her cheek.

To me, she seemed like a completely different person today.

Not only was she dressed in distinctly feminine clothes, but the usually composed Derin was even showing tears.

“Is it despicable? I knew exactly how you would feel. You must be struggling. You must be on the verge of breaking down. At that moment, if I appeared and helped you…”

Her gaze, which had been fixed intently on me, finally dropped downward with guilt.

“I thought I might be able to claim a place by your side… That’s what I thought.”

“So you killed Franz…”

“Yes. I killed him because I was afraid you might be in danger. The poison was just an excuse to cover it up.”

Haah—

A sigh escaped my lips involuntarily.

Everything she said was certainly despicable.

It was essentially the same as deliberately leaving me in a difficult situation for her love, to eliminate her rivals.

But when I heard her confession of love directly, the clear feeling of contempt became blurry.

Did she deliberately say she liked me first, knowing this would happen?

“Crow, I’m sorry. I’m really sorry.”

“Let me ask one more thing.”

Derin carefully raised her head and met my eyes.

“Why did you decide to tell the truth today? Someone like you could have easily taken advantage of this situation.”

Honestly, if she started acting sincerely, I wouldn’t be able to tell.

She could have told all sorts of lies to create a situation favorable to herself.

But she conveyed her true feelings despite knowing I would despise her.

“I didn’t want to lie to the person I like.”

“What guarantee do I have that’s the truth?”

“…None. But I’ve never lied to you before.”

I’m confused.

That’s the emotion I’m feeling right now.

Maybe because I didn’t feel betrayed to begin with, my dislike isn’t as strong as it was with Lael.

Of course, I don’t have particularly positive feelings either…

What’s certain is that from this moment, I’ve started to see her as a woman.

My relationship with Lael is already complicated, and now with Derin joining in, my head feels like it’s about to explode.

But do these two know that they both like me?

*Inhale*

Considering how they’ve both acted, it seems like a war might break out soon.

“Hey, Derin.”

“Y-yes.”

“Don’t you have anything else to say?”

I brought this up because the awkward atmosphere seemed like it would continue.

We still had food left to eat, and I was starting to feel sick.

“Is there anything you want me to do…? I’ll do anything.”

“Anything…?”

Whether she’s perceptive or just said it by chance, I don’t know.

But it was exactly what I wanted to hear.

“The Academy.”

“What about the Academy?”

I added an explanation for her, who was asking with confusion.

“I need a bodyguard adventurer for the Academy’s second semester evaluation, and it has to be a B-rank adventurer. Can you do it?”

“I can. I’ll definitely do it.”

“No backing out.”

“Of course not. But why are you asking me this…?”

I thought she would already know I was an Academy professor since she found where I was staying.

Was that not the case?

“I’m working as a professor at the Academy.”

“I see…”

Derin’s expression, which had brightened a little, darkened again.

I was curious about why she reacted that way, but I didn’t ask.

For me, I was satisfied as long as she accepted the escort request.

We finished our meal in awkward silence and left the restaurant.

“Crow… can I see you again?”

“I can’t say anytime… but we can meet.”

“That’s a relief.”

Derin forced a smile.

Her reddened eyes made her look pitiful, but it was still a hundred times better than her gloomy expression earlier.

“Then, Crow, see you next time.”

“Yeah, take care.”

With that brief farewell, Derin and I started walking in our separate directions.

* * * * *

Back at her lodging, Derin hung her uncomfortable clothes on a hanger and threw herself onto the bed. She buried her face in the pillow.

At first, she had only thought about turning the situation to her advantage.

She was sure Crow would be devastated, and she planned to comfort him and make him hers.

But when she actually arrived, everything was wrong.

‘Crow was fine.’

That was the biggest problem. After all, the foundation of her entire plan started with Crow being devastated.

And Lael was also a problem.

She thought she wouldn’t care, but when Lael was right in front of her, she started to feel anxious.

So in the end, she couldn’t give up the opportunity and…

She ruined everything.

In that situation, it would have been nothing for her to think quickly and lie.

But when she faced Crow, she didn’t want to.

She wanted to be completely honest with the person she loved.

…It was ridiculous to think that after what she had done, but that feeling at least was genuine.

‘How much did I cry? How embarrassing.’

She was scared.

She was terrified of having her sincere feelings coldly rejected, of being hated by him.

She had gripped her skirt tightly to hide her trembling hands.

Honestly, it was hard.

Just thinking about having her feelings rejected made it hard to breathe.

She wondered if Lael and Elin felt the same way that day.

That must be why they cried so much.

With a sigh, Derin turned over to lie on her back, staring at the ceiling.

The fortunate thing in this unfortunate situation was that she wasn’t rejected on the spot, and she didn’t receive a look of contempt.

She didn’t know what Crow was thinking, but it was as good as being given a chance.

Lael might have gotten ahead, but at least until Elin…

Yes, until Elin appeared, she needed to get as far ahead as possible.

Before that blonde elf with her outrageous chest showed up.

Derin widened her still-warm eyes and steeled her resolve.