Ch.38The Principled One (2)

Asena knew she was in the wrong, but she couldn’t suppress her anger when she saw Caden coming out of Daisy’s room.

She wanted to somehow make Caden submit, to ensure this would never happen again.

It wasn’t that she didn’t trust him. Surely he had just gone in to catch a wasp. But the first step is always the hardest; everything gets easier after that.

If they grew closer like this, step by step, what if something happened between him and Daisy?

There’s no point in responding after everything is too late. You have to cut the sprout the moment it appears.

If those two were to become involved, that would be truly unbearable. Asena herself didn’t know what she might do. Perhaps nothing short of destroying the Hexter family would satisfy her rage.

So, from Asena’s perspective, she was being quite lenient. Compared to her current emotions, she was taking it easy. She was willing to put everything behind her if Caden would just apologize once and return to her room after his daily duties were finished.

But Caden wouldn’t yield. He didn’t waver. Sometimes Asena both admired and felt frustrated by her brother’s unwavering principles.

Perhaps it was because he always wanted to stand as a guide in life. He was someone who called right what was right. Caden refused to apologize, insisting he had done nothing wrong.

But right and wrong are ultimately subjective differences. From Asena’s perspective, entering some woman’s room was an unbearable transgression on Caden’s part.

Only her room was acceptable. Only Kirsy’s room was acceptable. Everything else was off-limits.

Perhaps it was because Asena viewed bedrooms as particularly special places. For her, her bedroom was practically her only sanctuary besides Caden’s embrace, so the symbolism of that space was different.

A personal space. A comfortable space. An intimate space. A space for sharing deep love.

So, Caden entering Daisy’s room… even though there were roommates, it still made her this angry.

“……”

But everything had gone wrong.

Asena couldn’t concentrate on her classes. Though she maintained a stern expression, she was crumbling inside.

‘Lady Praester. It’s getting late. Let’s go to class.’

Caden’s stiff tone kept echoing in her ears. Every time his voice came to mind, it felt like needles were flying into her heart.

She found herself breathing shakily without realizing it. His words had never hurt this much before.

That attitude, as if addressing a stranger. It felt like all the memories and emotions built over more than ten years had vanished.

Of course, Asena knew.

She knew she had been foolish.

When it came to Caden, maintaining rationality was indeed difficult.

She had pressured a friend he might cherish and tried to suppress him with words. Even knowing he was angry, she didn’t take back her words but pushed forward.

This was the result.

“…..”

Asena’s feelings were truly complicated.

Knowing she was wrong, she wanted to apologize to Caden, to beg him to stop this…

Yet this was mixed with the lingering knot of anger toward him.

She felt, without needing to be told, that Caden wouldn’t act this way forever.

In the end, this was just his punishment. Or perhaps it could be said he was angry.

But Asena was angry too.

Even setting aside the Daisy issue, how could he do this?

How could he speak formally to her as if they were strangers?

She was his sister Asena, not just anyone else. How could he treat her this way?

He must know that he was her sanctuary. He must know how much she depended on him.

He must know how broken she would be without him.

“….Ha.”

Asena found her emotions difficult to understand. She couldn’t comprehend why these stimuli kept pushing her toward foolish choices.

She didn’t want to apologize first.

Even knowing it was an unreasonable stubbornness and selfishness, Asena wanted him to approach her first.

She still wanted proof that he cherished her. She wanted to know she hadn’t become irrelevant to him. She wanted to feel that they hadn’t grown distant, as his tone suggested.

She was trying to take advantage of his endless generosity toward them.

If he didn’t approach her, she would just fall apart. Then he would regret it. He would feel guilty.

Probably… Caden would know this. He wouldn’t just leave her alone.

As much as she was crumbling inside, Caden would feel sorry for her once he cooled down. He would approach her again, talk about what happened, and bring it to an end.

“….”

But she wasn’t without anxiety. The more she loved him, the more even small issues felt magnified.

What if this was the end? What if he didn’t care whether she fell apart or not? What if, as he said, this stiff relationship continued and he left far away in two years?

Asena wouldn’t stand by and let that happen, but even imagining it was painful.

In the end, Asena couldn’t reach a conclusion.

She couldn’t plan what stance she should take.

Just keeping her emotions from showing on her face was all she could manage.

Today was already too difficult for her.

****

I waited outside the Political Science department for class to end. Judy standing beside me was doing the same.

“….I’m so sorry about this.”

“…It’s not like you did anything wrong.”

I apologized to Judy, but she shrugged it off.

“They’re my siblings. It’s my responsibility.”

“Don’t worry. I expected that much from a Praester.”

“…..”

Though she spoke flatly, it wasn’t hard to find the hidden meaning. Just by the fact that she wasn’t looking at me, I could tell her feelings were somewhat hurt.

“…..I’ll buy you a meal later. To make up for it.”

“…..”

Only then did Judy Ice look in my direction.

“…I told you I’m not angry at you. It’s the Praester lady I’m… you know. How have you managed to endure being around someone like her your whole life?”

Judy didn’t hesitate to criticize my sister Asena even in front of me.

“…..She’s not like that when we’re alone.”

“…..What is she like when you’re alone?”

“…She just listens well. And is kind.”

“…What?”

Judy stared at me for a while, then snorted.

“….That’s hard to believe.”

“It’s true. Why would I lie about this? It’s just that she keeps acting like this in front of others, which worries me.”

“Asena Praester listens to you?”

“That’s what I’m saying. I told you before. We’re close because I was there for them when they were having a hard time as children.”

“You can say you’re close after fighting like that today?”

“….You have a point there.”

Judy let out a long sigh. It was as if she was expelling a knot of emotions.

She spoke to me in a somewhat relieved voice.

“But really, you don’t need to apologize anymore. I actually felt somewhat satisfied seeing you put Asena in her place.”

“Huh?”

“When you started speaking formally to her, she couldn’t even move. That Asena Praester. What kind of attitude is that, feeling hurt when you speak formally after she tried to expel you?”

“I think she likes me, but dislikes that I’m from the Praester family.”

“It must be tough for you too. I guess it’s hard everywhere if you’re not of direct lineage. After taking care of those girls all this time, all you get in return is being told to leave the family. Sounds like they want to use you and throw you away.”

“……”

I couldn’t say anything. There was no reason to make excuses, and it wasn’t wrong either. That was exactly what made me feel hurt.

Judy glanced up at me subtly.

She scratched her head once, then carefully opened her mouth.

“…..I got a reply from my father.”

“About me becoming a retainer?”

“Yes. I asked if they could take you in.”

“What did he say?”

“….”

She spoke in a slightly lowered voice, as if sharing a secret.

“He said no.”

“….Hmm.”

I nodded. I wasn’t as disappointed as I expected. Perhaps because I had anticipated this to some extent.

“…Well. I’m not completely surprised. After all, the Praester family is an enemy house, so I might seem like a spy.”

“Caden, just listen first. He said it’s not possible right now, not that it’s absolutely impossible.”

“Huh?”

“Actually, I was only planning to ask my father… but it seems the matter grew bigger in the family. My older siblings also discussed this issue.”

“By older siblings, you mean…”

“That’s right. The direct lineage of the Ice family.”

Seeing the worry on Judy’s face as she said this, I expressed concern.

“…Are you okay?”

“…I don’t know. I just thought I’d casually ask my father… I think I was shortsighted. Anyway, that’s not important. There was a split opinion.”

“…..They actually debated it?”

“Yes. Several people, including my older sister, were against it, while my father and brother were in favor. Even with my brother and father supporting it….. you can imagine how strong the opposition was if you still can’t join as a retainer, right?”

From her words, I quickly got a sense of what the Ice family was like. As expected of a family portrayed as protagonists in the novel, Duke Ice, the head of the family, seemed to respect the opinions of family members.

“Father and brother seem to value what you said about being able to serve as a channel between the two families. Also, they understand that even if you tried to gather information as a retainer, it wouldn’t be as simple as it sounds.”

“But in the end, they rejected it.”

“Yes. But my sister’s side also said this. They would be willing to accept you if… you show excellent academic performance at the Academy. They want you to show your own efforts.”

“That… I was planning to do that anyway.”

“….The standards were quite strict. Graduating as valedictorian is absolutely necessary, they said.”

“I’m already at the top of the class as things stand.”

“…That’s true.”

“Then there shouldn’t be a problem, right?”

“Being valedictorian was just one of the requirements. There are many more, and the list is so long I couldn’t memorize it all…”

“…Hmm.”

I rubbed my chin, feeling complicated. While I was willing to leave my family, my question about joining the Ice family had been as casual as Judy’s, but through this incident, it was becoming more concrete.

While I was pondering this, Judy seemed to have more to say, fidgeting beside me. She sighed, opened and closed her mouth, bit her lower lip, and tapped her fingers on her thigh, restless like a puppy that needed to go out.

“….What’s wrong, Judy?”

“Ah… well… I’m not sure if I should mention this too…”

“What, just tell me everything. I need to know all the details now that things have escalated like this.”

Is it difficult to say? Because it’s the Ice family, I was somewhat prepared for harsh words directed at me.

It’s not like Judy is saying these things herself; they’re coming from her family, so I won’t be hurt.

After all, only the people I cherish can truly wound my heart.

“And one more thing. There’s a way to become a family member without all this…”

I mulled over her strange tone.

“….A family member? Not a retainer..?”

“…If… if you marry me… it would just happen…”

Judy turned her head away as she let the words slip out.

“….My sister… said that…”