Ch.38Chapter 6. Solitude (2)

I feel good when I see a plump plastic bag.

Usually, such full plastic bags are filled with things I can eat.

This isn’t just because I don’t eat well these days.

It’s a feeling I haven’t experienced since becoming an adult, but when I was little, I used to feel this way when going to the supermarket with my mother.

Following my mother and shopping together, I could choose snacks or ice cream that I wanted. I could tell what we would eat that day by looking at the ingredients in the shopping basket, and seasonal fruits often went in too.

When one basket wasn’t enough and we had to use several, eventually using bags as well, I would carry one of them.

When I was young, I carried the light ones, but as I slowly grew older and became taller than my mother, I carried everything.

After becoming independent, I rarely did that, and eventually couldn’t do it at all.

Today, Yuka was the one walking with rustling bags. Somehow, Yuka, who was taller than me and treated me like a child for some reason, firmly refused when I offered to carry them.

Yamashita was also carrying something.

Yamashita, walking with the newly purchased portable burner and gas, was just looking ahead with no particular expression.

Ah, right. We also bought a blanket.

“Isn’t it nice to have more blankets?”

…At Yuka’s words, I could only nod in agreement.

What could I say when she was buying a blanket because she was going to sleep over?

Blankets are quite expensive when you think about it. Actually, considering the price of winter coats, blankets can’t be cheap. Especially winter blankets with cotton filling. Depending on the type, if it has natural cotton, it’s not something you just buy on a whim.

Most households take them for granted, so people don’t realize their value, but when you try to buy one for yourself when living alone, blankets seem strangely expensive.

That was partly why I lived without a blanket for a while after coming here.

…Well, actually, I didn’t have much motivation to live earnestly back then. I was just letting things flow, I guess.

As a result, Yuka was holding a bag with the blanket in one hand, and a heavy plastic bag full of tonight’s dinner ingredients and her own bag in the other.

Yamashita was holding a case with the portable burner in one hand, and her bag and fuel for the burner in the other.

I was the only one just carrying my own things.

It felt… extremely uncomfortable.

The age difference I felt was quite significant. It felt like I was making much younger girls carry my luggage.

But even when I offered to carry something, Yuka and Yamashita firmly refused.

…Do I look like I’ll collapse if I carry anything?

“By the way, Kurosawa.”

“Yes?”

While climbing the gentle hill of the alley toward home, Yuka spoke.

“Is there no bus from the station to near your house?”

“…”

I thought for a moment, then decided to tell the truth.

“…I was trying to save even a little money…”

“…I see.”

At Yuka’s words, Yamashita glanced at me, but unlike Yuka, she didn’t ask any questions.

After that, we walked silently back to my apartment.

The apartment, softly tinged with the sunset, looked quite atmospheric. Well, even though there are alleys around here, they don’t have the extremely high walls like downtown alleys. After all, it’s a neighborhood of not-so-tall houses.

Maybe this apartment is considered tall in comparison?

“Should I shower first?”

Yuka asked after we returned home.

Yamashita and I looked at each other briefly.

…Actually, I often didn’t shower after coming home.

Usually, I return late after work, already extremely tired. I go to the bathroom, wash my face and hands, maybe wash my feet, change clothes, roughly lay out the blanket, and sleep.

It wasn’t much different on days I didn’t work.

This was because my habits from living alone in my previous life remained. They didn’t easily change even after becoming a high school girl.

“Do you want to go first, Kurosawa? We’ll prepare things here.”

“…”

I looked back and forth between Yamashita and Yuka.

Both of them were staring at me.

I could feel the unspoken pressure of ‘go ahead.’

“…Alright.”

I nodded.

I might be the homeowner, but following the majority principle would be less tiring.

Feeling something strange, I took underwear and clothes from the drawer and went into the bathroom.

*

“Good.”

Yuka clapped her hands after seeing Kotone Kurosawa enter the bathroom.

“Then let’s prepare in advance.”

When Yuka said that, Yamashita reluctantly nodded.

“…Should I unfold the table?”

At Yamashita’s question, Yuka nodded and went to the kitchen where the food ingredients were placed.

The sound of the shower came from behind the wooden bathroom door.

While listening to that sound, Yuka placed a cutting board and began lightly preparing the vegetables they had bought. Shabu-shabu isn’t just about meat and broth, after all.

She filled a pot with water and turned on the heat.

There was a clattering sound from the room.

It seemed Yamashita had placed the burner on the table.

After that, there was silence for a while, then the careful sound of someone putting on shoes and coming toward the kitchen.

“…”

Yamashita lingered behind Yuka. She seemed to be looking for something to help with.

“You can just wait if you want.”

When Yuka said that, Yamashita was silent for a moment before speaking.

“Do you come here often?”

“Not often, just occasionally.”

“…Since when?”

“…”

Yuka paused for a moment.

“How long have you known Kurosawa?”

“…”

Yamashita was silent for a moment.

“…Since the beginning of the semester.”

“I see. Then I came after that. I’m a transfer student.”

“Transfer student?”

“I transferred in April. It’s a bit of an unusual time, isn’t it?”

Yamashita thought for a moment, then made a sound of clothes rustling. It seemed like she was nodding, Yuka thought.

“All that…”

“Yes, my grandfather and I brought it. They were just things in storage, so it’s good if someone who needs them uses them.”

“Why?”

Yuka fell into thought for a moment.

Watching the broth bubble, she spoke.

“Just because I didn’t want to leave her alone. It felt like she might… disappear at any moment.”

“…”

“Sometimes, there are people like that. They just endure and persevere alone, and eventually just disappear. And the world forgets them. Even the evidence that they were there disappears after about a month.”

“Kurosawa too?”

“No one knows what would have actually happened. But from what I saw… yes.”

Yuka gathered her thoughts for a moment before speaking.

“She was like that for a while even after I got to know her. Maybe I was just being a bit selfish. You know, that feeling of guilt. If you know but don’t help… that kind of thought.”

After saying that, Yuka turned around.

Yamashita was standing there, quietly looking at Yuka.

Her face still had no expression.

But Yuka didn’t think it was an inhuman look. Well, at least it was much more lively than a yokai awkwardly pretending to be human.

“…Is that why you came?”

“What do you mean?”

“Because I’m sticking around someone like that.”

“…”

Was that it?

Actually, she wasn’t sure.

Yuka’s decision to come here was largely emotional. If asked why, she wouldn’t be confident in her answer.

But… maybe that was it.

Yuka looked at Yamashita. She had also seen her father.

She had seen her friends too. That Fukuda kid seemed like someone who enjoyed having fun. His father, though claiming to be legal, didn’t give the impression of doing something entirely respectable.

And when you combine those kids with Kurosawa, the picture becomes a bit strange.

Moreover, that person who was Mako Miura’s father—

“Maybe that’s it.”

Yuka decided not to lie.

“…”

Yamashita looked at Yuka silently for a while.

There was no particular anger in her expression.

“…I’m receiving help.”

Yamashita said.

“I… somehow, I needed to be away for a while.”

“And Kurosawa happens to live alone?”

“Yes.”

Yamashita nodded.

“…Why do you think?”

The question that followed was one Yuka hadn’t expected.

“Why Kurosawa helped you?”

Yuka asked, a bit surprised.

Yamashita waited silently for an answer.

Yuka thought for a moment.

Why would she ask me something like that?

It didn’t take long to reach a conclusion.

There aren’t many people who know Kurosawa deeply. She wasn’t that sociable to begin with.

Of course, she wasn’t the type to drive people away either, but she wouldn’t approach unless the other person approached first.

Yamashita seemed to have somehow gotten very close to such a Kurosawa.

Yuka knew there were kids who hung out with her in the same class. That day, Yuka had followed Kurosawa and seen how the three of them played together.

And how she willingly jumped in to save Yamashita.

Maybe that’s why Yuka was confused.

Kids who seemed unapproachable according to prejudice were actually caring for each other like that. That Fukuda kid even got his face brutally hit. Though he didn’t seem seriously injured, it’s not easy to run in and help while getting hurt like that.

…I really am quite prejudiced, Yuka thought.

“Maybe she thought the same as me.”

“…”

“I don’t know why you had to leave home, but maybe Kurosawa thought similarly? That if she didn’t help, you might disappear somewhere and never be found again.”

“Me?”

Seeing Yamashita ask as if she really didn’t understand, Yuka smiled.

“It’s just a guess. I’m not Kurosawa. If you’re really curious… why don’t you ask Kurosawa when she comes out?”

“…”

Well, she probably asked because it was difficult to ask directly.

“I see. So you’ve been hanging out together since the beginning of the semester. I didn’t know. Well, it’s something you wouldn’t know unless someone told you directly.”

Yuka said to Yamashita.

Yamashita was silent for a moment, then nodded.

Actually, from Yuka’s perspective, Kurosawa was quite an unusual friend.

…Until now, she hadn’t had much time to make deep friendships because she moved frequently for work.

Of course, there were friends who exchanged contact information and said to keep in touch. She occasionally did. But in the end, distance makes the heart grow fonder is a lie.

Meeting in the same classroom every day, going home together, sometimes taking detours on the way home to do other things… Yuka had rarely experienced such common things.

Maybe that’s why she wanted Kurosawa not to fade away.

There was something she wanted to ask.

If they were such close friends, why was Kurosawa always alone during lunch time?

Why did she have to find a place where no one came and expressionlessly chew on empty bread by herself?

…Now that she had inserted herself, she could find out over time.

Conveniently, the water sound from the bathroom stopped.

“Do you want to shower next?”

When she asked Yamashita, she quietly nodded.

*

Among my friends from my previous life, there was one who “didn’t eat meat that had fallen into water.”

He meant he wouldn’t eat meat in stews or soups. He claimed that the only “meat” in his mind was grilled meat, and the rest shouldn’t exist as meat, calling them heretics.

Yet he would pick out and eat only the meat from kimchi stew, but my friends and I didn’t say anything and just waited.

Then we all went to a shabu-shabu restaurant, waited until he ate a piece of meat, and then openly teased him.

After a few minutes of teasing, he blushed and admitted that “meat in water is still meat.”

Yes. Shabu-shabu was that delicious.

Thinly sliced beef is momentarily cooked in boiling broth, dipped in sauce, and lightly chewed.

The meat, soaked in broth, mixed with its own juices, spreading throughout the mouth.

The thin meat becomes wrinkled after being in the broth. Between those wrinkles, it holds plenty of broth, waiting to release its savory juices with each bite. It can’t help but be delicious.

Add a chopstick of rice, and the savory rice grains mix with the meat juices, creating a perfect balance of flavors.

It was indeed delicious. Ranking meat based on how it’s eaten is nonsense to begin with.

“…Huh?”

Suddenly feeling like I was the only one eating, I came to my senses and found Yuka and Yamashita looking at me a bit curiously.

“…What?”

“Ah, it’s nothing.”

“…”

Only after I asked did Yuka and Yamashita focus back on eating.

Mixing vegetables appropriately with the meat created an excellent balance.

…Above all, I was glad I wasn’t the only one moving chopsticks while eating this dish. When I sit alone in the room and eat by myself… I don’t even feel like eating properly.

Well, due to my and Yamashita’s personalities, we didn’t have the lively conversations typical of a normal family.

What did I talk about at times like this?

In high school…

I would laugh while watching TV variety shows, or talk about school.

But there wasn’t much pleasant to say about my school experiences over the past few days, so I hesitated to bring it up.

“It’s been a while since I ate like this.”

I spoke first.

In reality, I was the one receiving food in this situation. Though I provided the place, I didn’t even buy it.

“…”

And I regretted speaking.

Yuka’s expression showed a bit of guilt.

Yuka probably had quite lively meals at home. Though her mother wasn’t there, her grandfather and father were, and their relationship was good.

She was the only one among us with something close to a normal family.

…A yokai hunter’s family being the most normal family—I wonder how this group’s setting ended up like this.

“It’s been a while for me too.”

Fortunately, or perhaps not, Yamashita responded to my words.

But that response seemed to lower the brightness of this gathering slightly. If Yamashita and I exchanged a few more words, would our surroundings turn completely black and white?

“I usually ate alone.”

“Is that so?”

Yuka carefully agreed.

Yamashita nodded.

“Father was busy… and my sister, after becoming a high school student, was busy too.”

I tensed up when I heard the word “sister.”

Yuka doesn’t know yet, right? I thought I shouldn’t accidentally deny Yamashita’s personal circumstances by making a slip.

“The house… was a bit empty.”

It would feel quite empty if the house was extremely large but you rarely met your family.

“So, eating together like this is something I haven’t done in a while.”

“How is it?”

Yuka carefully asked again.

“…It’s nice. Delicious.”

Yamashita said quietly.

Seeing a smile spread on Yuka’s face, I felt relieved.

After that, we didn’t have many more conversations. The TV we had turned on probably made more noise.

But that was fine. The atmosphere had become much softer.

I was glad that dipping pieces of meat into the steaming broth had become a bit more enjoyable.

*

My house, which I didn’t notice when I was alone, felt bigger than I thought with three people.

Maybe it’s big enough for a newlywed couple with two children?

After clearing the table, we laid out three blankets side by side. Then we lay down in our respective places.

The lights were off, but since there were no curtains on the windows, light from outside came in, so it wasn’t that dark.

When first coming, I thought about playing games together until late at night, or watching TV, but this is how it turned out.

Though we had broken the ice, the three of us were still a bit awkward to mingle and have fun together.

…Actually, even if we weren’t awkward, Yamashita would probably just silently watch us having fun.

“Today was fun.”

Yuka said, looking at me.

“…Yeah.”

“…”

I answered, and Yamashita remained silent, but it didn’t feel like a negative response.

“Can I come like this again next time?”

I looked at Yamashita.

Yamashita was looking at me.

Her expression seemed to leave the decision to me.

At least that’s how I chose to interpret it.

“…Yeah.”

“Great.”

When I answered, Yuka smiled.

…Certainly.

It was much more reassuring to have someone else in the room than sleeping alone.

Rather than feeling safe, it was reassuring. The feeling of not being alone.

Each of us had our own reasons for gathering here, but I decided to think of it that way.

Well, there’s no crime in thinking to oneself.

I found myself thinking that while I didn’t expect this to continue forever, I hoped we could stay like this for a while.