Ch.3838. Longing.

# 38. Longing

“Ah. I never imagined I’d get to sleep under this kind of lighting… in a bed like this again in my life.”

Bright lights that drive away the darkness. Thick windows that block the cold wind. A soft bed that allows my tired body to rest.

Come to think of it, all of this used to be part of my life. It was just ordinary everyday life. Despite my frail body, I spent happy days sleeping, waking up, eating, and chatting with family in a comfortable home.

My life had been so abundant that I never even doubted this peaceful daily routine could be shattered.

“…Sigh.”

But when I woke up alone in a strange world, I lost all those things I took for granted. A comfortable home. A harmonious family. Days that were somewhat boring but peaceful and lacking nothing.

Longing flowed from my eyes as tears. What I once took for granted had become longing. This emotion—one I neither wanted to forget nor could forget—would suddenly appear at the slightest trigger and torment me. Just like now.

The sight of an ordinary home stimulated my equally ordinary longing, making my tears flow uncontrollably. It feels so good, but that goodness makes it even more painful.

“Whew…”

After lying in bed for a while, recalling the past I missed so much, I slowly got up. My eyes were already swollen.

Lying on this soft bed, crying my heart out with an already exhausted body—sleep was washing over me like a command, but I couldn’t fall asleep just yet.

“First I need to take off these dirty clothes. And wash up too…”

I looked down at myself. My clothes were filthy, and so was my body. *Sniff, sniff*. It wasn’t terrible, but there was definitely an odor. At this point, I might be dirtier than that Puppy.

It hurts to admit how dirty I am, but denying it won’t make the dirt disappear. After all, I’ve been in a place with nothing but snow for weeks—it would be stranger if I were clean.

I’d love nothing more than to just sleep like this, and the old me would have given in to that urge… but something about the cleanliness of the house, or maybe the presence of the being who maintained it, had reawakened my dormant sense of decency.

Sleeping in such a filthy state on a clean bed would be terribly disrespectful to both the owner and the Robot who maintained it!

…I know it’s hypocritical to say this after I already collapsed on the bed the moment I entered the house. But that was beyond my control.

“Hmm, I hope the water works. If not, I’ll have to scoop snow into that pot over there and boil it… what a hassle.”

I mutter quietly as I head to the bathroom. The Puppy and Robot watch me with strange expressions.

First I jumped into bed happily, then suddenly started crying, then looked like I was about to sleep but abruptly got up and started moving again.

I don’t know how closely this Robot resembles humans or how similar its circuits are to human thought processes—but this kind of erratic behavior must be impossible to understand through calculation alone.

These mood swings and emotional changes are something only living humans can display.

*Creak*. I open the firmly closed bathroom door. The Robot proudly mentioned earlier that it managed this entire place, and it seems it did a thorough job—the bathroom was clean too.

“A bathtub!”

And the bathroom had something quite rare in this world—a bathtub! A proper bathtub big enough for one person!

“Until now I’ve only seen these in hotels or motels, I never expected to find one in a regular home…!”

Now if only the water works, it would be perfect. No, the water MUST work.

It’s a fifty-fifty chance. I pray desperately as I lift the handle.

—Drip, drip.

“…Is it working or not?”

I’ve clearly lifted the handle as far as it will go, but only droplets are falling from the showerhead.

I guess it really is broken. Well… the building is old, and the Robot said there were limits to what it could maintain alone, so it wouldn’t be surprising if the plumbing was broken.

But still disappointed, I couldn’t let go of my hope and faced the end of the showerhead at that moment.

“Ah! Hot!”

—WHOOSH, water suddenly gushed out.

Startled by the unexpected water bomb, I yelped and stepped back. Who would have thought water would suddenly pour out like that!

I was only facing the showerhead for a few seconds, but in that brief moment, my hair and body got completely soaked. What a disaster.

“Sniff…”

Water had gotten into my nose and mouth, and above all, my face felt hot…?

…Hot?

“—Hooray!”

I never imagined hot water would come out right away! I cheered sincerely. I can wash my clothes and clean my body properly!

I ran out of the bathroom with a bright face. There was so much to do while the tub filled. I needed to organize my things and take off my clothes!

“Mori… you’re quite an interesting person. Almost to the point where I’d like to study you.”

The Robot wore an even more puzzled expression as it watched me.

What, why, what!

“Mmm-hmm—”

I hum a tune as the sound of warm water filling the bathtub provides the background music.

From my humming to the smallest movements of my fingertips, everything expressed my joy as I neatly arranged my belongings in the empty space on the floor. Gun. Map. Cigarettes and food.

Then starting with my coat, I quickly shed the layers of thick clothing like molting skin.

“My goodness! Even though I’m a Robot, isn’t it too easy for you to undress in front of someone you’ve just met! Aren’t you embarrassed?!”

The Robot was shocked to see me suddenly naked. With its display face turning red, it scolded me for my lack of shame. At this moment, the Robot seemed more emotional and human than I was.

“I don’t feel particularly embarrassed…?”

Emotions like embarrassment and shame had become dulled after wandering through cities filled with all kinds of desires and seeing all sorts of things.

“Hey! You didn’t even turn off the Drone! You said it’s sending video in real-time!”

“Oh, that? Whenever I’m undressed, it turns away on its own. So it’s fine.”

“That’s not fine at all!”

Humans are always given hardships, including deprivation. Through the resolution of these hardships, through the fulfillment of desires, we feel emotions like happiness or sadness.

This is a fundamental emotion that comes from the human instinct to seek better situations, even without someone to share words and feelings with. So while it can be a personal emotion, shame is different.

Shame. Embarrassment. These ultimately derive from social emotions that come from imagining and comparing how others might see us.

Therefore, no matter how socially unacceptable or embarrassing your appearance might be, it’s natural not to feel embarrassed if there’s no one else around to see you.

Who would blush and feel awkward for being comfortably dressed in an empty house or acting cutesy in front of a doll?

The Robot before me was showing many human-like traits that were disrupting my definition of life. But still, it wasn’t a real human. Its appearance alone was clearly different.

And since I’d confirmed multiple times that the Drone turns its camera away when I’m like this, I had no reason to feel embarrassed.

After hearing my lengthy explanation, the Robot exclaimed loudly:

“What a strange person!”

…To think I’d be called strange by a strange Robot.

For someone like me who always thought of myself as ordinary except for special circumstances, it was quite a shocking statement.

“Ahh, so refreshing.”

There was something deeply moving about a bath where the warm temperature was maintained without me having to boil and transfer water.

I stayed in the water until my fingers were wrinkled, and only got out of the tub when both my body and mind were about to melt away.

“The same activity really does feel completely different depending on when and where you do it.”

Taking a bath in the vast snowfield with cold wind and a clear sky overhead was nice too.

But… I preferred bathing in this ordinary house, in an ordinary bathtub much more. Beyond nostalgia, there was a sense of security that came from being in a bright, warm space.

“If I could have my way, I’d like to live here forever.”

If the city had been functioning properly and there were even a few living people around, I might have stopped my journey here, paradise or not.

…Well, that’s all just meaningless speculation.

“I’m not sure if everything will dry by tomorrow morning. But it’s fine either way—if they don’t dry, I can rest longer.”

I lay out the clothes I washed clean during my bath on the warm floor, making sure they don’t overlap.

“Water is definitely leaking out quite a bit…”

I tried to wring out as much water as possible after washing the clothes, but it was impossible to squeeze all the water from thick winter clothes with just my strength.

The Robot’s expression as it looked at the puddles forming where I placed the clothes was quite a sight to behold. It clearly wasn’t happy about the floor it had worked so hard to clean getting dirty.

If I irritated it just a little more, would it start proclaiming the end of human era and try to eat me?

“…Don’t look at me like that. I’ll clean the floor before I leave.”

“Ah! That’s a relief! I almost thought Mori was a bad person who would use someone else’s house as they pleased and leave without cleaning up!”

I sigh at the Robot’s suddenly brightened face and jump back into bed.

Robots were surely created for human convenience, so why do I have to be mindful of a Robot’s feelings? Is it because this kind of artificial intelligence is still unfamiliar to me?

Not sure what to think, I wriggle around under the thick blanket, toss aside the towel I had wrapped around me, and put the Controller that the Robot had taken from me earlier back on my wrist.

“Hey everyone, I’m back for a short while. Actually, that scary Robot took my Controller away.”

Because I met the Robot and Puppy, I couldn’t chat with my friends as usual. I wanted to catch up on messages that had accumulated while I was in the warm bath.

But when I briefly set down the Controller, thinking it would be ethically wrong, the Robot stole it.

Apparently, bathing with a Drone that wouldn’t even look at me was absolutely forbidden.

But taking someone else’s precious belongings without permission was perfectly fine—what a very, very selfish Robot.