Ch.37Struggle

# 1.

Time passed once again.

It had been a month since she had picked up the child named Luna.

Mother’s impression of Luna, after observing her like the other children, could be summed up in one word.

A foolish child.

“Mama!”

“…Luna.”

As if she had never been loved even once since birth, this child would come and nuzzle her cheek just for being given water, food, and a place to sleep.

“Didn’t I tell you not to wander around? You might not like it, but go back inside.”

“Ah! Right, right.”

“…?”

Creeeeak.

Click.

“Is that better now?”

“…Yes.”

An innocent child who absolutely followed her every word.

Unlike the other children who only cried endlessly, Luna was always bright and cheerful.

Perhaps that’s why?

“Mama! Do you want to eat this?”

“That’s a bug.”

“Yeah! It’s crunchy and delicious! Oh, this is a secret from the others…! I’m giving it to you because you’re my mama…!!”

“…I’ll pass.”

“Ah! Then I’ll eat it!”

When Mother was with Luna, she felt as if the single thread of goodness she had been clutching onto became a little clearer.

Perhaps it wasn’t just a feeling, as Mother’s actions actually began to change from before.

“Tell the children. They must not cry at tomorrow’s auction.”

“Okay!”

“…No. I’ll tell them myself.”

“Okay okay! But the kids say they’re scared to death when you tell them to smile!”

“…I’ll try changing my tone too.”

“Okay okay okay! Mama is the best!”

She changed her once cold words to gentle ones, whispering to the children.

“If you get sold at the auction, and the noble who buys you shows signs of doing something terrible, escape at the right moment and place a request with the mercenary union, The One.”

She gave them more detailed directions on how to escape the worst situations.

Mother knew.

That doing this wouldn’t erase the sins she had committed, or would commit.

Even with this, children would continue to die.

Only a tiny fraction would reach good nobles, while the rest would be horrifically sacrificed according to each buyer’s purpose.

Surely someday she would pay for her sins and suffer pain worse than death.

But still.

“Smile brightly, that’s how you survive.”

Living like this was better than not doing anything at all.

Mother’s predictions proved correct.

“100,000 gold.”

“…Number 1 sold. Purpose?”

“Same as before.”

The murders of Customer No. 1, who bid on and killed children who cried, grew worse with each passing day.

“Me!! 10,000 gold!!”

“11,000 gold!!”

“Damn, you’re paying 11,000 gold for merchandise with scars?”

“Who cares! As long as there are no scars on the face!! Hey, over here!! I bid 15,000 gold!!”

The corrupt nobles would buy orphans as long as they had no major defects, and the sold orphans would soon return to the wasteland as corpses.

Thanks to Luna, Mother was regaining her goodness, but that made it all the more painful.

How many children died today?

Five?

No, was it eight?

Their names?

I should remember them.

What were their names?

The scale that had tilted only toward Selena’s life was finally balancing evenly.

They were all as young as Selena, or perhaps much younger.

Each had dreams, and proudly talked about achieving them.

Even if she told them ways to survive, the chances of success were extremely slim.

…I knew all along.

As long as I remain here like this, children will continue to die.

“…Urgh!!”

Finally facing her sins squarely, Mother began to retch.

How many lives had she sold off to save Selena?

How many more lives would she have to sell off for Selena to open her eyes?

And even if you wake up,

-I want to be a strong mercenary like Mama!

Would I be able to treat you the same as before?

Crack.

Something that had barely held together shattered with a short bursting sound.

Yes.

This is who I really am.

Someone who would willingly walk any path as long as those I love could be safe,

“…Because I’m a mother.”

Click.

Mother, wearing her mask once again, cried for a long time.

Even so, she tried, and tried again.

So that someday, even if she hid behind her mask, she would no longer cry.

Because I don’t deserve to.

A few days later.

“Uh…? Mama?”

“Follow me, Luna.”

“W-what?! W-wait, why are you doing this to my face?!”

“It’s better than dying.”

Having returned to her former self, Mother created scars on Luna’s face.

This way, at least she wouldn’t be sold to trash and suffer terrible things.

She emphasized it every day.

“Smile brightly, that’s how you survive.”

“That’s right, smile a little more.”

“More brightly, smile until your mouth tears.”

“That’s how you survive.”

Her voice was a bit kinder than to the other children, but still cold.

“Don’t tremble, that’s how you survive.”

“When it’s too hard, wear a mask and cry.”

“Try and try again.”

“So that someday you can smile even while wearing a mask.”

She tried her best to save Luna, trying and trying again.

That was the only way.

The only compromise Mother could find to save both Selena and Luna.

Because of this, Mother worried.

…If the time comes when I have to choose between Selena and Luna.

What should I do?

As she spent each day trembling with such worries and anxieties…

“…That day, just like now, the Black Wolf came and destroyed this place.”

And I.

“Thanks to you, I protected them both.”

.

.

.

【<Mother(S-)>’s thought form materializes before you.】

【Mind World – Wandering Troupe Disappearance is recreated.】

# 2.

Wandering Troupe – Disappearance.

True to its name, all the characters that had filled the surroundings disappeared.

The world returned once more.

In that place of tattered tents and dust, only Mother and Nahan remained.

Step, step, step.

Mother, who had regained her form along with the mind world, approached with dry steps.

Nahan, who had been on guard, unconsciously moved his hand to his waist, but she raised both hands and shook her head.

“I’m not stupid enough to fight a monster like you. I’ll disappear in a few dozen seconds anyway, so don’t be so tense.”

An emotionless tone.

Her speech and actions were rough, as if her emotions had been suppressed to the point of disappearing, but that very quality made it clear she was telling the truth.

Finally removing his hand from the sword hilt, Nahan looked at her and asked.

“Why show me this?”

“Struggling.”

Mother, who answered briefly, waved her hand toward the empty space in front of her.

Swish.

As part of the space tore, the scene outside the mind world was revealed.

Mother grabbing my ankle,

Lactea in rage,

Luna still collapsed.

I didn’t know why, but I could clearly see that time had stopped.

Tap.

Mother placed her hand on Luna in the scene and muttered softly.

“Such a pitiful child. Abandoned here as soon as she was born, never having received proper love even once.”

The eyes behind the mask sparkled for a moment.

“She followed me around saying I saved her, but in truth, I was the one who was saved. Maybe that’s why I wanted to protect her more.”

Her hand placed on the screen fidgeted as if trying to feel warmth, but it only rippled like water. She couldn’t feel any warmth.

Looking at Mother, I bluntly asked.

“So what’s your point?”

“My point?”

“You said ‘struggling,’ didn’t you?”

“Ah. I apologize. When I look at Luna, I just get lost in happiness.”

Finally taking her eyes off Luna, Mother approached me and knelt down.

“I want you to save her.”

After pondering her emotionless tone for a moment, Nahan asked in a small voice.

“Didn’t you say you would disappear anyway?”

“…Hmm?”

“?”

“…Oh.”

Finally sensing something strange, Mother looked up at Nahan and smiled wryly.

“I meant Luna.”

“?”

Nahan answered immediately.

“I never intended to kill her from the start.”

The only one he had intended to deal with was Mother.

“I see. That’s how it looks.”

As if finally relaxed, Mother tilted slightly to the side and sat comfortably.

“You’re different from the <Black Wolf> I met before… but that’s even more reassuring.”

The moment Mother muttered softly.

【A fragment of the past is mentioned.】

【Recovering part of <Black Wolf’s Memory>.】

As a blue window appeared, part of the mind world crumbled.

The same was happening to Mother, as she looked down at her fading hands and sighed.

“Though it’s shameless of me to ask, please show her a normal life.”

“A normal life?”

“Yes. Not one where she trembles every day fearing death, forced to smile just to survive, but a truly normal life.”

It wasn’t difficult to understand that Mother was referring to Luna.

“Not doing dangerous things, making friends, finding a lover. Having children and raising them, living happily with everyone… Please let her know that’s what a normal life is. And…”

Squeeze.

Tightly clenching her fading hands, Mother hesitated for a long time before painfully uttering.

“I…”

That I did not love you, Luna.

“I’m just a heinous criminal, not someone you should like.”

As heavy silence fell beneath the mask where Mother was forcing a smile.

Nahan, slightly turning his head to look behind Mother, opened his mouth.

“What do you think about that, Luna?”

The next moment.

“…Mama.”

“…!”

Within Mother’s transparent hands, a thin beam of light sparkled.