Ch.379IF Side Story: Seems I’ve Arrived a Bit Early (76)

I’ve never lived with a goal in life.

I’ve thought about doing things I want to do, but such goals were usually short-term ones. Buying a newly released game, purchasing and reading a comic book, reserving tickets for an upcoming movie.

I suppose one could consider such things as life goals… but well, they seem somewhat distant from what people typically call “life goals.”

A goal in life where there’s just one thing that absolutely must be accomplished.

Well, it’s not like everyone needs to have something like that.

Actually, in a sense, I could say I’ve achieved such a goal once. I did fulfill a dream I had in my childhood. Unfortunately, it didn’t continue exactly as I had dreamed.

Even if you rationally understand that reality has its walls, until you actually hit those walls, you don’t really know how painful it is to crash into them.

That’s why, even after being reborn in this world, I couldn’t think about pursuing the same profession I had in my previous life.

“…Kotone.”

Kagami, lying beside me, called my name.

We were lying side by side.

I usually had a habit of snuggling into her embrace whenever I lay next to Kagami, but somehow today it wasn’t so easy.

Meeting Yuka was meaningful in its own way. It meant I was officially entering that story, and perhaps I had found my own way to break the pattern.

But at the same time, it also meant accepting my fate.

It meant steadily walking into something extraordinary, not an ordinary life—the kind of extraordinary that might put my life at risk.

I don’t know how it would have been if I were alone, but I’m not the only one living in this world.

“Kotone.”

When I didn’t respond immediately, lost in thought, Kagami called me again after a moment, in a small voice. A voice that was almost a whisper.

“Yes.”

A dark room with all the lights turned off.

We were lying side by side on the bed, looking up at the ceiling with the curtains left open.

Not closing the curtains was our habit.

For quite some time since I was young, we lived in a house without curtains. We could have hung them if we wanted, but we didn’t want to block even the faint light coming into that small one-room apartment.

I wanted to feel that I wasn’t alone in the room, and Kagami seemed to feel the same way.

Or maybe we were just concerned about situations where we’d need to wake up and flee immediately.

…Whatever the reason, we didn’t hang curtains in our room. So I could have seen Kagami’s face just by turning to my side.

But I couldn’t do that now.

I didn’t want to see Kagami sad because of my choice. Even though not seeing it wouldn’t make it go away.

“…Kotone, how do you feel about our current life?”

Kagami asked carefully.

I pondered her cautious tone, trying to understand what she was thinking.

“I’m fine.”

“Really?”

“Yes.”

“…Would it be okay if we don’t go somewhere else?”

“…”

Kagami was asking me again.

Asking if I would abandon even this life, leave behind everything around us, and go somewhere beyond help.

Was it a longing for an ordinary life? Or—

How should I answer?

After thinking silently for a moment, I carefully reached out my hand.

I gently took my mother’s hand resting on the bed.

Feeling my fingers searching, Kagami squeezed my hand, gripping my fingers.

Kagami wasn’t urging me to choose to give up. Rather, she was saying she wouldn’t give up.

If I said I hated everything about our current situation, Kagami would take me and run away without hesitation.

Even if we were caught again, if I said I still hated it, she would do it again. Over and over, sacrificing herself.

It’s hard to judge whether that’s ideal behavior or not. Kagami probably doesn’t know either. That’s why she’s asking once more.

“I,”

I slowly opened my mouth to speak.

“I’m happy anywhere as long as Mom is there.”

Sincerely.

“…Even in this situation?”

“Yes. In any situation.”

Kagami swallowed. Her voice was trembling slightly.

“Even if it’s painful and difficult?”

Kagami, who had never once gotten angry with me. Who had never shown irritation.

Kagami, who only wished for my happiness.

Who didn’t even allow herself to be comfortable— Mom.

“It’s never been painful.”

I said, holding Mom’s hand tightly.

“As long as we can be together like this, that’s enough.”

“…”

“What do you want to do, Mom?”

Kagami was lost in thought for a moment.

“…I want to be together too.”

“Yes.”

I nodded and said quietly.

“Then, let’s stay together.”

“…”

Kagami didn’t answer.

I heard rustling beside me. Kagami was turning toward me.

I turned to face Kagami too.

Kagami looked at me and smiled. It was a sad smile, but there was determination in it.

Kagami also knows that simply running away won’t improve the situation. Even if we try to distance ourselves from normalcy, danger continues to follow.

“Mom.”

I said, burrowing into Kagami’s embrace.

“It’s okay. I just need to be with you.”

“…”

Kagami hugged me tightly.

I felt her hand slowly stroking my head. Though I had been wide awake until just moments ago, with Kagami’s touch, my eyelids gradually grew heavy.

The familiar touch and warmth.

That was all I needed.

In this life, if I just don’t lose them.

I can’t lose them this time either.

I’ll do whatever it takes to prevent that.

That was my goal in this life.

*

Kagami Kurosawa.

Her position in the Kurosawa family could hardly be called low. At least nominally, her position was second only to her older sister Kosuzu.

But in terms of power, she was essentially a non-entity until Kotone was born.

All the beings she created were failures. Existences that were incomplete.

Only after giving birth to one that resembled a human did she finally receive proper treatment.

“…”

Perhaps Kosuzu could have continued to treat her humanely afterward. Perhaps her daughter could have lived simply as a daughter of a wealthy family—

Even knowing such possibilities were almost non-existent, she couldn’t shake the thought.

When she had to leave Kotone in the care of someone with no blood relation while she went to work.

When she had to leave Kotone at someone else’s house after kindergarten.

When they had to sleep side by side on a single blanket in a cramped one-room apartment. When they had to rely only on each other’s warmth to fall asleep in a cold room in the middle of winter.

At those times, Kagami lamented that she couldn’t provide better for Kotone.

But, in the end, there was a reason she ran away.

Because Kotone would certainly have ended up being treated the same way as Kagami.

When she thought about that young child—a child small enough to barely fit in her arms—going through the same things she had experienced, Kagami couldn’t bear it.

…

There was nothing she could do.

Rather, she had already done everything she could.

But still.

“I see.”

Masao Miura, sitting across from Kagami, responded with a composed expression.

“I think you understand, Mr. Miura.”

“…”

“Please, I hope Kotone can receive at least minimal protection from all of you. At least when nothing is happening, please help her live normally.”

“…”

“Please, monitor my family, the Kurosawa clan, thoroughly so they don’t approach Kotone. In this situation, that’s the only request I can make.”

Kagami quietly looked at Miura.

No emotion was visible in her eyes. She had become skilled at hiding her emotions from her experiences since childhood.

So, this much was nothing.

“If everything goes wrong, then I will take my own life.”

“…Ms. Kagami.”

“Some might ask what would change by doing that. If there are such people, I would like them to be told that Kotone is not simply a being that kills yokai, as you all suspect.”

Those two eyes, somewhat different from others, stared steadily at Miura.

“The meaning of ‘child of god’ is literal. Whatever you all are thinking, only the child’s own will can handle that power.”

That was all.

That was all Kagami could do.

Although it was to protect Kotone, having to persuade others using Kotone’s very existence felt like a knife twisting in Kagami’s heart.

But if she didn’t even do that.

“…”

Miura looked at Kagami silently for a while, then nodded.

“…I’ll keep that in mind.”

And answered calmly.

Kagami didn’t say anything more.

Because there was nothing more she could do.

In fact, even those words weren’t sincere from Kagami.

…Because she knew what her death would mean to Kotone.

She needed to stay together until the very end, as much as possible, as Kotone wished—