Ch.35Wake Up (6)

As Caden left, it felt as though he had taken all the sounds of the world with him.

Asena and Kirsy’s room was silent.

Asena stared blankly at the door.

Kirsy knelt on the floor.

They remained still like that.

This silence seemed to represent their hearts.

Empty and cold.

Nothing remained in the place where the storm of emotions had passed.

“…..”

After remaining in a daze, Asena staggered into her room.

Recently, the days when they didn’t say goodnight to each other had increased.

It was because the conflict with Caden had worsened, and today was the worst of all.

-Thud.

After Asena closed the door, Kirsy began to feel just how lonely she truly was.

“……”

Kirsy’s frozen eyes looked ahead.

Naturally, no one was there.

A sharp pain momentarily swept through her chest.

“…Ugh…”

She could only clutch her chest and collapse forward. Caden’s words still caused her pain.

She couldn’t believe her words had brought all this about.

She never thought the words she had uttered, thinking he wouldn’t know, would come back like this.

She regretted it, regretted it again, but nothing changed.

After he left, she felt as if even her body had grown colder. Perhaps it was because his mere presence had warmed her heart. It was an unbearable chill.

Kirsy took the handkerchief Caden had left behind and headed to her room.

And as she closed the door, tears streamed down her face once more.

She collapsed onto the bed and burrowed under the blankets.

After removing every piece of clothing, she buried her face in the pillow.

Clutching Caden’s handkerchief tightly, she cried out loud.

She still couldn’t believe it. That he was leaving her. They had been together their whole lives. She thought they would be together forever. But the end of that time was approaching.

Suddenly, she imagined a life without him.

His room, which she would visit when bored, would only contain coldness.

There would be no shoulder to lean on when she was depressed and struggling.

There would be no one to share her happiness and joy with.

“…Brother… you can’t go! Hic…!”

Only after he said he was leaving did she realize how much she had depended on Caden, her brother.

Like air, he was supposed to be there naturally. The thought of him disappearing was agonizing.

She suffered on the bed for a long time. No matter how much she screamed, no matter how many tears she shed, the pain wouldn’t leave. Because the fundamental issue remained unchanged.

After crying like that, she eventually succumbed to exhaustion and fell asleep. His handkerchief was still clutched in her hand.

She dreamed.

It was a long time ago.

Even in her dream, Kirsy was crying. Her younger self was struggling with helplessness, loneliness, and fear.

Although she was gradually recovering with Caden’s appearance, Kirsy would burst into tears whenever she felt the absence of her parents.

Not wanting to worry Asena, she would squeeze into a place in the Praester mansion that only she knew about and cry.

“…Mom… sob… Dad…”

In the dream, she was weak. Not at all like a Praester. She felt foolish for not being able to maintain the dignity of a Praester like her father or grandmother.

“Oh my, here you are?”

She was startled by the voice that suddenly reached her.

It was Caden.

Although she had only recently accepted him as her brother, she didn’t want him to see her like this yet. Even at her young age, she knew how hard he was trying for them, so she felt guilty for struggling again, as if she was disregarding his efforts.

“…Hic..”

So Kirsy tightly closed her lips and held back her tears. She wiped her eyes and turned her back to him.

She didn’t want to show her face.

“…I want to be alone right now.”

She asked him with a trembling voice.

By the way, this was a place only she knew about, so she couldn’t understand how he had found her.

“How could I leave my crying sister alone?”

Caden approached her with warm words.

For some reason, Kirsy didn’t mind.

She clearly wanted to be alone, but deep in her heart, she might have wanted someone.

Caden came and sat beside her as she cried with her head buried in her knees.

Then he slowly embraced her head and held her in his arms.

“It’s still hard, isn’t it? It’s okay to cry. I told you I’d be your strength.”

“…..Sob..”

At those warm words, the tears Kirsy had been holding back burst forth again.

Receiving his comforting pats, Kirsy continued to cry in his arms.

And after crying for a long time and calming down, she even felt a sense of relief in her chest.

It was a feeling she hadn’t experienced when crying alone.

When she calmed down, Caden released her from his embrace.

Kirsy felt a strange sense of disappointment.

And at that moment,

-Smooch.

His lips touched her forehead.

“….Huh?”

Kirsy felt warmth spreading throughout her body from her forehead.

It was like magic. She couldn’t understand what he had done.

“Why are you surprised? From now on, I’ll give you kisses in place of our parents, so don’t be lonely.”

“….Kiss?”

“Hmm? Have you never been kissed?”

Kirsy shook her head. The mouth was always a place for speaking or eating food, not for using elsewhere.

Caden burst into laughter.

“…Wow… this is quite surprising.”

He paused for a while, as if contemplating.

But Kirsy’s eyes were fixed only on his lips, which had transferred that warmth.

“Um… this is something you only do for someone you like.”

“Someone you like…?”

“I already did it because you’re family and I like you.”

“…..”

Kirsy pondered those words for a long time. The words that he liked her.

As she was lost in thought, Caden carefully asked.

“…Did you dislike it?”

Kirsy shook her head at the question. She didn’t dislike it. She just didn’t understand what it was yet.

“That’s a relief. Come on, Kirsy. Let’s get out of here now. Staying in such a dusty place will make your heart dark too.”

Caden took her hand and helped her up, but Kirsy couldn’t stand. She had been sitting in an incorrect posture for too long, and her legs were numb and weak.

“..Ah..”

As she staggered and sat back down on the floor, Caden thought for a moment and said.

“Kirsy, just a moment?”

Then he put his arms under her back and knees and lifted her up.

“Huh…huh?”

She had heard that there wasn’t much age difference between them, but she couldn’t understand how he was so strong.

Was it because he was a boy?

As he took steps to bring her out of the darkness, Kirsy’s eyes could only stare blankly at his face.

He was handsome. Like a hero who had come to find her. She was becoming increasingly happy that he had become her brother.

But she didn’t show it. She was still shy, and if she suddenly acted too familiar, he might dislike it.

Kirsy felt comfort in his arms.

And perhaps because she had shed so many tears, she even yawned.

Caden smiled gently at the sight and took her to her room.

Many servants smiled at the scene. Even this was embarrassing for her.

Upon reaching the room, Caden gently placed her on the bed.

And stroking her head, he said.

“…You seem sleepy, so take a little nap. Sleeping after crying is the best.”

“…..”

“I’ll come wake you up in the evening. Okay? Let’s eat dinner and then sleep again.”

After saying that, Caden was about to turn away. Kirsy unconsciously grabbed his wrist.

“….Hmm?”

She didn’t want him to leave. She couldn’t understand why.

So even after grabbing his wrist, she didn’t know what to say.

But it wasn’t necessary.

“…..”

Caden looked at her, gave a smile with his eyes, and then got into the bed with her.

Kirsy took a deep breath. She didn’t dislike it, but she was surprised.

Caden didn’t say anything else.

After holding her in his arms, he lay down on the bed. He stroked her back without saying a word.

Having him there was indeed reassuring. It was a feeling she had never experienced with anyone other than her parents.

…..If he hadn’t been there, she might have been broken. She might have wandered without anyone to lean on, living like a doll. The thought suddenly occurred to her.

Holding him, she could even smell his scent.

A sweet, addictive fragrance.

Kirsy closed her eyes.

A smile gradually formed.

And for the first time in months, she laughed out loud.

“….Hehe…”

His scent was so pleasant.

And then, her body gradually became heavier. The sensation on her skin became vivid, and her vision darkened.

“…He…he.”

Only his scent didn’t leave her.

“…..?”

She woke up from the dream, smiling.

Caden was nowhere to be found, and she was alone in the room.

As she opened her eyes, his handkerchief, emanating his scent, was in front of her face.

It seemed that this was why she had dreamed of being in his arms.

As her mind gradually cleared, the happy feeling from the dream plummeted to the ground, completely reversed.

The situation outside the dream was devastating, almost unbelievable that this moment was reality.

He was still in a state of wanting to leave her.

“…Ah..Aah…”

Tears threatened to flow again. No matter how much she bit her lips and gritted her teeth, reality didn’t change.

She wanted to go back into the dream.

She wanted to go back into the dream and be held in his arms. She wanted to be trapped there forever.

In her childhood, no, even until a few days ago, she hadn’t understood how precious those moments were.

Perhaps it was a future that could disappear. A future that might never come again, and she hadn’t properly appreciated those moments.

To enter the dream, Kirsy brought the handkerchief to her nose. If she fell asleep smelling his scent, she might dream that dream again.

Although the scent had somewhat faded due to her tears, she could still feel traces of Caden.

But her mind was too clear from the grief.

Due to the pain she felt in her chest every moment, she couldn’t fall asleep.

The more she tried, the more tightly Kirsy clutched his handkerchief.

It felt as if doing this would prevent him from leaving.

From leaving her and going to another family.

From leaving her and not going to another woman.

The moment she thought of the concept of another woman, her heart tightened once more.

It was now that she realized how much she loved him.

She couldn’t help but know, as it was so painful just from him turning away from her.

Caden had said that marriage to another woman was natural.

Kirsy couldn’t understand how that was natural.

Marriage is with the person you love the most. She couldn’t understand how it was natural for him to marry another woman, leaving her behind.

No matter how much he wanted to leave, she was confident that she was the woman he loved the most. Not Asena, but her. He would love her the most.

After all, they had spent the most time together.

Therefore, the fact that he naturally thought of marrying another woman felt like a betrayal.

“…..”

No, was she the strange one? Was this natural for siblings?

No matter how much they loved each other, was it not allowed because they were siblings?

She was fine with it. Was Caden not?

But no matter how much she thought about it, Kirsy knew.

That ordinary siblings don’t marry. It was just that she had thought their relationship wasn’t ordinary, so she had turned a blind eye until now.

And gradually, as she realized that Caden and she were not much different from ordinary siblings, her heart wavered.

As she smelled his handkerchief, one hand naturally moved downward.

Carefully but without stopping, her hand went between her legs.

She didn’t understand why she was doing this.

Was it because of his scent filling her nose? Because she had just confirmed her love for him? Because she had dreamed of lying in bed with him? Because she was jealous of the fact that he was going to another woman? Or was it because she wanted to feel what sex would be like after marrying him?

Her body acted impulsively.

According to sex education, his penis would enter her private part.

Kirsy touched her pussy. Apart from the sensation that it was soft, she felt nothing.

“….Haa..haa..”

Kirsy took a deep breath of the handkerchief’s scent, then summoned Caden in her mind.

She imagined that the fingers touching her now were his.

“…Ungh…!”

And at that moment, as if an electric current had passed through her body, she trembled.

Her pussy, which had felt nothing, became sensitive as if it was her weakness.

The soft pussy gradually became wet, and she started to feel strange. But still, it didn’t feel wrong. Rather, she only wanted to recall him more vividly.

Unfortunately, she couldn’t imagine what he would say in such a situation.

So Kirsy just imagined Caden calling her name.

“…Brother…Brother…”

She responded to his words as she touched her pussy.

At first, she just clumsily placed her hand on her pussy and rubbed it, but she gradually began to learn the knack.

It felt best when she inserted her fingers between the tightly closed slit.

Especially when she thought of Caden’s penis entering her pussy, all the depression in her heart flew away, and only joy filled her. If she became his wife, it would feel like this. It was an insanely happy feeling.

She had been told that sexual intercourse was an act that could only be done with someone who had formed a marital bond. It was also a symbol of purity.

Kirsy thought that if it was Caden, it would be okay for him to take her purity.

For some reason, Kirsy felt a sense of transgression at that imagination.

Kirsy had never thought about a marriage partner, but when she tried to think about it, there was only Caden.

But she also knew that it wasn’t common for siblings to marry.

So, the fact that Caden, her brother, would take her virginity felt both wrong and so right.

Perhaps the reason she felt a sense of transgression was that she was defiling him in her mind.

-Squelch..squelch…squelch..

Every time her fingers entered and exited the entrance of her pussy, no, the more she thought about Caden touching her, the pleasure doubled and built up.

She recalled his smile. She thought about him stroking her head. She remembered the sensation of his lips kissing her cheeks and forehead, and the rough feeling of his hands.

“…More..more…”

Kirsy pleaded to the Caden in front of her. She imagined her brother’s naked body, and the sensation of being tightly embraced, their bodies pressed together.

Her body heated up and became drenched in sweat, and the area below her thighs was becoming wet.

-Squelch!Squelch!Squelch!

Even though she was only caressing the entrance, lewd fluid sounds filled the room. She was afraid the sounds might leak outside, but thinking that Caden was touching her, she couldn’t stop.

She wanted him to explore and touch her like this, without stopping.

“Brother…! Ah..! Ah…!”

She called out to Caden, thinking of him more and more.

Now, even without closing her eyes, she could see him.

Caden was smiling.

He said.

“I’m going to leave, Kirsy.”

At that moment, Caden’s image disappeared like a mirage. The dream of being with him shattered.

Only Kirsy remained in the room.

There was just one woman comforting herself in the late night, with no one else around.

The touch that had been caressing her was gone.

Kirsy’s hand didn’t move on its own.

Tears came out and flowed to the side.

She couldn’t bear how pathetic she felt being alone.

She put the handkerchief in her mouth and moved her fingers again.

She had to think of him. Like before, he had to come back for her to endure.

“Brother…! Brother…!”

But no matter how much she tried to think of him, Kirsy was alone.

He didn’t return.

Instead, the anxiety in her heart only unfolded strange delusions.

The image of him holding another woman’s hand, smiling and turning his back. The image of him leaving her.

“Sob..!”

Kirsy moved her hand faster.

-Squelch!!Squelch!!Squelch!Squelch!!

Her waist naturally curled, and her pussy contracted. Goosebumps rose all over her body, and she trembled.

-Splurt!Splurt!

Fluid from her private part soaked the blanket. Only an empty pleasure enveloped her.

All strength left her body.

Due to the exhaustion, her body relaxed, and her hand fell limply onto the bed.

Tears were still flowing.

Even like this, the emptiness in her heart wasn’t filled.

If he didn’t return, it was meaningless.

No matter how much she pretended to have sex with him in her imagination, it wasn’t reality.

She felt desolate. She looked so pathetic to herself.

She laughed bitterly as she recalled her own appearance.

To think that Kirsy Praester would be in such a state.

She just closed her eyes.

Caden’s words came to mind.

‘Sleeping after crying is the best.’

Just before falling asleep, she whispered quietly.

“……..Just try to run away.”

And that’s how her first masturbation ended.

This time, she didn’t dream at all.